“Channel 4 breaking news, Japan’s IT girl has done it again and gained the role in the new production of Stars Night. The Drama is set to premiere next month, “the television news anchor exclaimed. I clearly knew who it was before looking up.

I opened my eyes, and there she was. The girl who broke my heart about a year ago. I wondered when I started singing about heartbreak so well, the emotions kept flowing after my one and only encounter with love. “Hey! Turn that off, it’ll only feel worse if you continue to let her infiltrate your thoughts”, said Rap Mon. I knew he was right, but looking at her again after so long made me feel as though I would never be able to love someone that way again. “ I’m fine, she’s not important anymore. It shouldn’t matter.”

I could feel the dishonest tone seep through every word that came spilling out, and I knew Rap mon could tell as well. “I’m not one to tell you how to live, but if you continue to lie to yourself you’re letting her win”, he whispered with a cold tone. NANA KOMATSU, the name rung in my ears as I tried looking for the remote control.

I looked around my room and saw all these gifts given to us by fans. I wondered how I, being a part of BTS, loving my job, members, and fans could be sitting in a pile of my own self-pity due to one girl. The rest of the members enter the room, and as soon as they spot the face on the T.V. they get awkward.

“Hey, jungkook. Don’t you think its time you meet someone new?” yelled yoongi as the rest of us turned to him with shock.

“I think he’s right you know. You usually get over someone by meeting someone else.” Jimin said shyly before leaving the room.

“Guys! I’ve told you so many times that I’m fine. Even if I wasn’t, I doubt bringing another person’s feelings into my mess of a love life would be the best option” I proclaimed hoping they would drop the subject.

The room stayed silent for bit, so I decide to get up and leave our living room and head for my room. My bed has never looked better, I guess even just seeing her on television could impact me so much. Nana, who left me for another man. Nana, who lied to me for months and never once apologized for hurting me. That nana who I met while on promotions in japan, and who I spent a year and a half with. I heard smoking cigarettes relieves anxiety, although I’m not a smoker the idea pops through my mind.

“Meeting someone knew huh? I think I prefer being alone”

I look around at the cream-colored walls, and the black and white art that hang on them. I contemplate why seeing nana makes me feel so uneasy. I know I don’t love her anymore. Is it that she tainted my ideals of love? Or that she lied to me all that time? I wonder if one day I’ll be able to see her and not feel anything. Maybe if I sleep, I’ll forget. I feel my drowsiness kick in and feel tender happiness knowing that in just a matter of minutes I can pretend seeing her again was just a dream.