It had become a year. A year after he found out Soonyoung was no longer part of his life there, being alive under the same sky, on the same earth. A year had been passed yet. He kept on wailing. Because he was not able to set his mind to believe what the reality brought him into. Because everything that finally got unfolded. It was just…unbelievable to him even believe it. It was unexplainable to understand that the life seemed unfair to him. Just by reason of he wanted Soonyoung back. He wanted to beg for a forgiveness from him, because of his stupidity. 

Because he hurt Soonyoung unconsciously. 

He never intended to hurt him like this. He was dense to notice a spot where Soonyoung always had a soft spot for Seokmin. 

Owing to Soonyoung was always gentle to anyone surrounding him. And he could not differentiate what made Soonyoung be gentler to him. Among the friends they had mutually or not. Also, besides it all, he missed one thing crucial. His pure smile towards the sunflower of his life, Seokmin did not pinpoint on it before while the focal point was precisely there, awaited being noticed. 

So he failed. He was not in a position to protect the smile of his best friend. 

Seokmin sobbed hard, hugging the picture of Soonyoung tight as he came back home from the hard day he had passed. He still bore in mind that day. He was unable to notice how the smile had slightly changed. 

A little step he took, then he ran getting to the class. He panted as he arrived there yet, he still wore his smile all over his face though sweat rolling down on his temple and soaked his shirt. He came to a calm manner while he approached Seokmin who speaking to someone else. 

“Seokmin?” He was calling, cheerfully as he always was like. The latter stopped and looked to the side, pulling a beam on his face. 

Soonyoung noticed something weird between two of them. Seokmin intertwined his finger around someone else’s hand as if it had naturally happened every day. His smile was transformed into the fake one. 

“Hyung…you're late, I should have introduced my boyfriend to you first, instead of the partial student on our campus.” he blabbered excitedly, disregarding the sad glimpse through Soonyoung’s eyes. The spark inside him was gone nowhere while the younger excitedly spoke to him. 

Soonyoung nodded awkwardly, rubbing his nape which not itchy at all. 

“So what brings you here, hyung?” 

Soonyoung shook his head. “Nothing, I’ve forgotten it, I’ll tell you when I remember it again,” he lied. Then he smiled before he took a leave, abandoning the lovers behind with their romance while he went along the woe. 

Seokmin watched him, simply laid an eye upon the older until he disappeared from his sight. Joshua patted him gently, “who?” 

“Best friend,” he said quietly, “just like you and Jeonghan.” The latter merely hummed, not wanting to drag the topic furthermore. 

Seokmin still remembered it clearly. How many nights he passed with the sorrow abiding inside him. Even more, the sorrow was owned by this time growing so much, saddening him without a pause. However, he knew. It was a thing that he unable to heal by the times. 

The latter even now could not abolish how the pain from that day he discovered the truth beneath many lies was. That time — after Jeonghan left him baffled and shocked. That time — after he got a packet of the CD and played it alone in his apartment. He fell into a profound despair. 

He stared blankly at the screen who showing Soonyoung’s face. It’d been like a century to not the latter to smile like the old happy days, so sincere, so pure, so warm, like the smile was only showed especially for Seokmin. A minute… Soonyoung smiled without any words for a minute. Nevertheless, it was not yet enough for the younger who watched the video. 

“Lee Seokmin…my sunflower,” the older was calling for his name and the pet name he gave since the first day they’d met. Seokmin unconsciously smiled for the voice whose calling his name as if the holy grail. 

“If you— if you are watching this video, I’ll be far away from you and we’ll be unable to meet each other. I hope that your happiness. I pray for the best thing Heaven will grace upon you. I pray for it every day. Although one prayer I asked once to Heaven, it’ll never be granted. I will always be for every good thing be given to your life.” 

Seokmin frowned. 

“You know I always love you, right? But you should not be jealous of the one I’ve talked about before. That man. That person I’ve loved so much. Because he is a good person, the best one I ever find in this lifetime. I’ve fallen hard for him, despite that, I guess he never feels the same way as I do…” 

Soonyoung ha