No Regret
Deceptive Beauty
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The greed for victory made people lose a part of themselves, and in my case, I lost my morals. I have done nothing but criticize the society, pointing out whatever was wrong with these trashy people, and yet, I have become one with them. I was the biggest hypocrite of all.
After all, when pointing a finger at another person, I was pointing three fingers at myself. Who was I to judge?
Realization came too late after the damage had been done. However, I didn’t feel apologetic. I did not regret what I had done. I simply knew where to draw a line before completely losing myself.
When I went to school that day, something strange happened. I had gotten used to their condemning stares and murderous whispers to the point this peculiar neglection felt out of place. They paid no attention to me as I headed to class. Instead, I was greeted by an odd sight.
“You two should be ashamed!” Jinri was leading an angry mob. She started throwing eggs to not just Suzy, but also to Jongin who stood in front to shield the girl. The entire class was attacking them, throwing eggs at them and the board behind the two victims.
I was devastated, my eyes big with confusion. For once, I had no clue about the situation. My mind went blank, unable to come up with possibilities. What happened?
In that short moment, Jongin met my eyes in the coldest glare I had ever seen. The guy who tearfully shared his past with me the night before was gone. He stared at me with a bruise around his eye, looking at a monster. Whatever happened, I knew he blamed it on me.
“You should leave our school! You ruined our good reputation!” Jinri continued yelling, and other classmates echoed similar insults, all swaying their arms in the air with more eggs to throw.
Jongin grabbed Suzy’s hand in his as he led the way out of the crowd circling around them. He limped a little, faltering his steps as others laughed at the way he walked. He did not forget to pass me, halting his tracks to further emphasize his infuriated glare.
“What happened?” I asked, my voice a low whisper, fragile and raw.
He scoffed. “As if you don’t know.”
The frown sunk on my forehead, having no idea how to assess the situation. He let go of Suzy and left the classroom first. As I watched him leave, I felt a warm pair of hands suddenly grab unto mine. My head jolted sideways, surprised to see it was Suzy. She was flashing me a small smile, one filled with hope when all hope seemed to be lost.
“Everything will be alright, Soojung,” she told me softly, patting my hand affectionately before letting go.
I opened my mouth to say something, but couldn’t find the words to express my emotions. Her face was still swollen, painted with purplish marks from the assault she faced, filled with bandages all over her wounds. Yet, here she was, smiling and telling me everything would be alright. Did she not know her position? Did she not know whom she was talking to?
She talked to the one who brought her pain. The last thing I needed or deserved was her mercy. Because the kinder she was, the more annoyed I became at the existence of such a person. The world was a dark and corrupted place. It had no place for people like Bae Suzy.
I sat down at my desk, still trying to make sense of everything that happened. Myungsoo clearly said he and Suzy had gotten back together, but why was Jongin the one protecting her just now? Was Myungsoo lying?
My head turned to his desk close by the door, noticing it was empty. His bag wasn’t even there. He wasn’t the type who would be late to class. Was his absence stirred by whatever caused people to hate on Jongin and Suzy?
“Serves them well. They were obviously cheating. I can’t believe Sunyoung actually saw them exiting the motel together in the morning,” a fellow classmate said in front of me.
“Luckily Sunyoung took a pic and sent it to everyone, including Myungsoo,” The other girl gossiped.
My eyes widened. My heartbeat deafened my ears. I may be seen as the antagonist, but deep inside, didn’t we all have a demon lurking within us? The world was filled with demons waiting for the right time to show themselves. And if it wasn’t me, there would always be other parasites taking on the job.
I was about to get up from my desk; to find any of them and explain that it wasn’t my fault this time. That the enemy they dealt with was much bigger than me. But the teacher came in right on time, stopping me in my track.
“Today is a special day! The athletic scholarship trials are today. So we wish the best of luck to our participating students from our class, Kim Myungsoo and Kim Jongin,” the teacher said, in complete oblivion to the ongoing drama. “Where are they?”
“Kim Jongin is probably getting expelled,” another student barked, and the entire class laughed. Another person’s misfortune was their amusement.
I nearly scoffed, knowing I had at some point become one of them. But not anymore. I was still better than them all. I couldn’t stoop as low as them.
My eyes trailed off to Jongin’s empty seat beside me, and then to Myungsoo’s by the door. They would join the scholarship trials, right?
***
Because of the big event, teachers dis
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