(🎶Tove Styrke - Say My Name🎶)

Jeonghan’s POV

I feel sick. Sick of everything that’s been going on around me. These feelings are draining the energy out of me.

Whenever Joshua’s with other girls, when I see him chatting them apart from me and even just a simple skinship with them makes me rage quietly. After doing those things then he approaches me, I push him away, acting cold. Obvious that I’m jealous. Being the witty person Joshua is, he can easily pick up my act. Not just acts but whatever I’m thinking of or what my opinion is about a certain thing.

I use this app to send messages to Joshua as an anonymous person. I’m able to say awkward things with this. I feel uncomfortable though. I’m disgusted by myself. I can’t be contented.... but whenever my name leaves his lips, I just melt.... oh no. No no no.

I’ve let go of Joshua already. I should’ve sealed these feelings long ago. I know “we” no longer exist whatever “we” were, but I just can’t help feel guilty whenever I see Joshua frown. It reminds me of the hurt I made him feel, seeing that frown pains my heart and I just want to grab him then hug him tight.

I’d still want Joshua. If me and Seungchol get together for real then break up and Joshua would come around, I’d accept him. I know it’s wrong and all, but... ugh. I guess you could say I loved Joshua. A lot. His unserious words are filled with pain and possibly hatred, I want to turn it all upside down. Make it all positive and it’s about me. I’ll just leave everything to fate.

I made Joshua wear my sweater. It looked nice on him, like damn, he’s really attractive.... ‘no Jeonghan’ I shook my head sideways as I try to remind myself. Though his presence makes me happy. I’m excited whenever he sits near me. Makes me think that nothing bad happened to us. Too bad, reality . The thought that Seungchol might see Joshua wearing my sweater made me panic. It would make Seungchol jealous. I’m sure of it.

“give me back my sweater.” I said

“no. It’s mine now.” Joshua argued

“no, give me back my sweater.” I glared at him

With one look he immediately found out why I was being persistent. “Seungchol’s gonna get jealous right?” he threw the sweater over my head after taking it off. ‘he’s mad.’ I thought.

I looked at him while pouting. Joshua pouted too but with furrowed brows. That seriously says a lot. Clearly, no one’s fully moved on. I don’t blame anybody though. The chemistry was too good.

A little while later, me and Joshua were catching attention by most of the people in the room, I chased him while attempting to slap his thighs. I wanted to avenge my friends that got their thighs slapped by Joshua for no good reason. The touch of our hands recalled the cold innocent past.I ended up getting hurt though. At the end of the day, Joshua and I with some good friends went out to buy snacks before proceeding to our homes. He swung an arm over my shoulders and the words he said didn’t process in my mind at all. I was too busy thinking about what do I really want.

The gleaming bright full moon told me to choose the right one but the stars told me to keep the one that I don’t want to lose. I sighed as I walked the road to my house. Let me just put everything on hold. I want to sleep.