Park Siyeon POV

Setting: Rose Garden, Kyla & Eunwoo’s Wedding

Time: Noon

I would not go to the wedding if it is not for Jieqiong. I know my heart would tear to million pieces. I know you will be here. After all, Kyla and Eunwoo were our partners in crime back then. I tried to convince her that we do not have to go but she insisted on it and I cannot break her heart. She told me that she wants to know all of my friend even if I do not remember them. She said it will be a good opportunity for my memory to fully heal. Yeah, right! I remember everything. It just that she does not know the truth. She cannot know. Nobody can. So, here I am, pretending to be amnesiac. Or at least an amnesiac when it comes to you. I haven’t mention your name even once and I have to keep it together till the end. I pretend that I don’t see you standing alone back there, looking at me with somber look. Good! You still love me.

But, my heart breaks when I see you with Yewon. When she touch you, I feel so mad. YOU ARE MINE. What right does she have to cling onto you like that? And you. You are smiling and happy with her while I am here trying to hold myself from going over to you. It had been years since I last saw you, since I last hold you in my arms, since I made you smile with my stupid antic. I want to snatch you away and plant a million kisses on face and lips but I know I could not do that. I am supposed to not remember you. For your sake. I have to be firm but I lost to my jealousy. I run towards Yewon and shout her name.

 “Yewon unnie!”

Yewon open her arms, welcoming me into her friendly embraces. We are hopping around while squeezing each other like little kids. She seems genuinely happy to see me. I could not say I am feeling the same thing. My brain is plotting countless different way to destroy her. I have the means to do that. One phone call and her life would end in a jiff. No one can touch what is mine. NO ONE! Then, I steal a glance at you without you knowing it. I see your smile and your gaze on me. Whatever evil thoughts that occupied my mind go away at this exact moment. That smile is enough for me to ignore everything else. If only I don’t remember that you are not mine anymore. The smile fade away from my lips as I see your gaze change to Yewon. Damn it! What is that? Don’t tell me you already move on from me. Don’t tell me you are with the girl in my arms. ! Look at me!

“Honey, come here. I want to introduce you to my friend.”

I don’t believe that you would forget me just like that. No, I refuse to believe it. Jealousy. That’s the answer. I know we both have enormous amount of possessiveness when other girls try to cling onto us. I also know that we both get way overtly jealous when one of us flirt with other girls. So, I am using that fact against you. I keep my eyes on Jieqiong and Yewon while completely ignoring you. I hold Jieqiong’s hand in mine just to add more fuel to the burning flame.

“Honey, this is my friend from college, Yewon. Unnie, this beautiful girl is my fiancée, Jieqiong.”

I introduce them without looking at you. I pretend like you are invisible but I manage to catch the mixture of envy and sadness in your eyes. It pains me but I can’t stop my own spite.

“Nice to meet you.”

Yewon give my fiancée a warm greeting and Jieqiong pull her into a friendly hug. That tint of jealousy in your eyes makes me feel glad.

“Nice to meet you too. But unnie? Isn’t that for older woman?”

The question is harmless. Almost too innocent.

“Ah, Yewon unnie here is my senior. We had a class together. What was it again?”

I pretend to think in an attempt to avoid suspicion from the girl beside me and to avoid looking at you.

“Psychology.”

Yewon say the fact that I remember all too well. How can I not when it was the class that starts all the thing between us.

“Ah, yes! Sorry I can’t really remember anymore. A lot of thing slip through my mind.”

After pretending to think, I continue acting like I cannot remember.

“And who is this beautiful lady here?”

All of my effort to avoid directly looking at you destroyed when Jieqiong turn to you. But, I kinda glad she do that since I don’t have to steal a glimpse anymore. I can look at you freely albeit with a fake confusion face. I study your reaction when she reach out her hand to you. I notice the hesitation before you shake her hand. That smile on your face, it is not genuine but I can’t detect what emotion hidden behind it.

“This is Yebin unnie. One of our senior and the most badass woman I ever met.”

The sense of pride is clear in her tone when she mention that you are the most badass woman. It is the same pride that I always have when it comes to you. What I do not understand is why Yewon has to introduce you? I want to her your voice. Damn it! I almost let my secret out. I almost show that I know you. Thank god I manage to pull back my tongue before I say something that can hurt you.

“Our senior?” I finally look at you in the eyes with the confuse look. I’m sorry, my love. This is for you. No matter how angry, how jealous and how much I miss you, I can’t let you know that I remember you. It is because I love you so much.

“Yeah, you were really close to Yebin unnie back then, Siyeon.”

The fact is accurate. I was really close to you. I know I have to act better to avoid another question from Jieqiong.

“I… I… I’m sorry. I don’t remember.”

I force a painful expression on my face and hold my head as if I am hurting too much. To make it more convincing, I pretend to fall and she catch me. You look at me with concern and that hurts me. I am lying to you and you are worrying about me. How ironic is that?

“Are you okay, love?”

Jieqiong voice filled with worry. She hold me tight and support my body with hers. I feel guilty. For all of us. I’m sorry.

“Yeah, I am.”

The act has to go on.

“We should go home. I’m sorry but since the accident, Siyeon have been like this. She can’t really remember much.”

There you go. She lay out the ‘fact’. The fact she believes to be true. The blank look on your face makes my heart aches. You don’t care. You don’t care that I was hurt. You don’t care that I am hurting. Jieqiong carries me away from the scene that breaks my heart. Maybe, just maybe we really aren’t meant to be together.

Setting: Siyeon’s Parent’s Mansion

Time: Night, 2 years after the accident

I stare into her eyes, trying to find that look from your eyes. But I cannot. They are not the same. Her eyes are staring back at me with love but that love is not the same as yours. The love in her eyes is the innocent one. Also the one that was built because of a mistake of a situation that no one can reverse. The love in your eyes was one a mischievous one. There was thrill in it. I cannot find that thrill in hers.

It’s not easy to pretend to be happy when my heart is not there. Her beauty can be blinding. Her humor can make my heavy heart feel at ease. Her smile will make my anxiousness to calm down. Her kindness can make me question how anyone deserve this angel. She has everything that would make anyone fall at her feet and begging for her love. Despite all of the things she makes me feel, I will never love her like how I love you. If I am not so much in love with you, I will be like everyone else. I will be captivated by her charm. I have to admit that I do love her but it just not the same love I have for you.

“Don’t look at me like that. You gonna make me feel sad to leave you.”

She cupped my cheeks with her hands. Her smile radiates my world but you visit my mind and erase her light with yours.

“Don’t leave then. Stay the night.”

I want her to stay to keep my mind busy. To keep my mind away from you. It is not always work but at least I can keep the thought about you at minimum.

“You know I can’t. Plus, you gotta rest. If I stay, you won’t be resting.”

She peck my lips.

“I don’t need the rest. Being alone makes my mind busy. I don’t like it.”

It is true. Being alone makes me think of you and it hurts. But being with her also hurts. Because it feels wrong.

"You know what the doctor said. Your memory is coming back. I will disturb that process. You need more rest.”

“I don’t care. It’s better if I don’t remember.”

It is better if I don’t remember. It’s not like I can go back to you even if I remember everything.

“Baby, please. I will see you tomorrow. Okay?”

She takes my hands and kiss both of them while her eyes still staring right into mine. I see that innocent love again. I feel pity for her because I don’t feel the same thing but I need to keep the lies. So, I kiss her forehead and nodded as response her.

When she leave the house, I go straight my dad’s study. I know he’s in there. I have to tell him I can’t continue this. I’m tired. Tired of lying, tired of pretending. Maybe he will understand. Maybe he can make mom changes her mind.

“Dad.”

I take a deep breath before I call him right after I enter the study. He drop the paper he’s reading on the table. The smile on his face ease my worry.

“Yes, honey. Anything you want?”

“I want to stop.”

“Stop? Stop what?”

The look on his face seems genuine.

“All of these. I don’t love her. I love Yebin. Let me go back.”

I drop on my knees at his feet. I don’t care about my pride anymore. I just want to go back to you. My cheeks are wet as tears flow like rainfall.

“Honey, you know that…”

He doesn’t finish his sentence as mom interrupt. Her voice can be heard from every part of the mansion.

“YOU CAN’T!”

I look up and look at my mom and dad alternately.

“Mom, please! It hurts me so much. I know don’t love Jieqiong. I remember everything now. Please!”

“You are weak that’s why it hurts you. Stop being immature. There is no such thing as love. There’s only business and your relationship is one. If I say you have to marry Jieqiong, then you have marry her.”

“Marry? What are you talking about?”

I wipe the tears away when she drop the news. What the hell is this? I look at my dad and I cannot forget the sorry look on his face. Why? Why are you so afraid of mom dad? Why can’t you help your only daughter?

“You heard me. You will be engage to her next week in a big ceremony. I will announce that to the whole world.”

To say that I am shock is an understatement. I lose all the words I want to say. Announce it to the whole world? Then, you will find out. You will be heartbroken. No, no, no! This cannot happen. I cannot let you to get hurt.

“No! You can’t make me! I’m leaving. I’m going back to Korea! To my girl.”

I get up from the floor and storms towards the door but my steps stop when I hear what she has to say next.

“If you take even one step out of the house, that girl will be dead. I have place a hitman in Korea. He just waiting for my order.”

Her voice filled with malicious intention and the content of my stomach threaten to come out right at this second.

“You… you didn’t. You are lying right? Tell me you are lying.”

I feel like my world is spinning around and my knees become weak. I have to support myself by holding the sofa in front of me to keep standing.

“I don’t. This is the proof.”

My throw her phone the sofa. With the shaking hand, I take it and the screen clearly show you. Right in front of your house. No! I have to protect you. I know how ruthless my mom can be.

“Don’t hurt her. Please! I will do anything. Just don’t hurt her.”

I run to her and drop on my knees for the second time tonight. I hold her legs and crying and begging for your life.

“I won’t as long as you do what I want.”

The satisfaction is evident in her tone. Defeated, I can only nod.

“You will marry Jieqiong. You will show that girl that you love her so much that you can’t live without her. You will devote yourself to her. And you have to pretend that you don’t remember that Yebin. Forget her entirely if you can. Never mention her name even once. Not even in your dream. I don’t care if you remember anyone else in your life. Just act like you don’t remember her. If I find out that you have even a tiny connection to her, she will be dead in a flash.”

I agree to all term mom lay out. You have to live. Even when I am hurting so much. As long as you live, I will endure all the pain inflicted on me.

Setting: Penguin Cafe

Time: Evening

You don’t look at me like the way you used to. I yearn to see that look again but it is nowhere to be find on your face. I cannot sleep thinking about you. About us. About her. About everything that happened to us. Heaven really gate us. It decide to break us apart but it continue to make us meet. I was not expecting to see you again when I walked through that door even though my heart really miss you. I know I am supposed to avoid you but my feet won’t listen to me. So, here I am sitting right in front of you. I have the control over my body before I lose my will to it again. I muster all the strength in me to keep me grounded to the chair, to stop myself from taking you away and run to safety. But I know better than that. Nowhere is safe. We cannot hide from parents. Not on this earth.

I see you play with the straw of your chocolate frappe. I want to enjoy this moment as I don’t know when I will see you again. I really miss you, unnie. Too much that it hurts. I don’t know what you feel right know but honestly I don’t really care. I have to be selfish. Our moment is not long. We will be apart again and who knows for how long. It could be forever. So, please let me look at you for however long I have. Let me savor this moment in my heart. Let me love you in this way because that’s the only thing I can do.

Your smile. I miss that smile. I can see that is not a genuine loving smile you used to give me but at least you are willing to smile for me. I stare at you as much as I can, trying to remember everything about you. I have a feeling that this will be the last I see you. You dyed your hair gray and tied it in a ponytail. I can’t tell if it is longer than before but I can say it’s a nice look on you. Honestly, everything will look nice on a beautiful woman like you.

Your ears. That cute ears that I always tickled in the morning to wake you up or in the night when we were playing. That ears that listen to every story I had to tell no matter how ridiculous it was. That ears that had to withstand my loud snoring at night.

Your eyes. I have to admit that I fall in love with you because of your eyes. They are beautiful and charming beyond everything. Even Jieqiong admits it. Your eyes have the power to make people lose their mind and keep thinking about you all day, all night.

Your nose. That nose that always snuggle in my neck even at my worse condition after exercising. That nose that does not care how bad I smelled. That nose that always collide with mine when we kiss.

Your lips. Your beautiful sweet lips. I still remember how soft they were. I want to taste it again but I know that would not be wise for our situation. I see your lips are moving. The voice that escape it almost cannot be heard by normal ears but I manage to pick up what you say.

“You must be not getting enough sleep, preparing for the wedding.”

“I am not getting enough sleep.”

I state the fact but I did not say the real reason behind my sleepless night. I don’t really need to prepare for anything since I have people to do that for me.

“What?” Your overtly shocked face is cute.

“You said that.”

“What do you want, Siyeon?”

Your tone is even lower than before but I still hear what you want to say.

“I just saw you and I thought I say hi.”

Guilt overwhelm me right now. I fidget on my sit as I’m feeling uncomfortable.

“Okay, hi. Done. Anything else?” The annoyed tone in your voice breaks my heart again.

“Come on, unnie. Why are you like this? Do you hate me or something?”

I can’t read your emotion. I don’t know what you are thinking right now. I am partly grateful for that because I’m afraid if you are angry at me. Or worse than that, hate. I could not handle that.

“I don’t hate you, Siyeon. I can’t never hate you. But you don’t even remember me. So what is the point?”

Oh my god you are upset with me.

“We can start over.”

You are clearly surprise with what I said. I am shock too when I hear it. What the hell is wrong with me? Am I crazy? Start over? Don’t joke with yourself, Park Siyeon.

“There is nothing to start over.”

That is true. Even if there is something, we cannot.

“But…”

I refuse to believe that.

“Yebin unnie!!!”

I never feel so much hate on someone as much as I hate Yewon right now. Why she has to come at this time. She’s ruining everything. Hello! STOP HUGGING MY GIRL! GO AWAY SHORTIE!

“Yewon, baby, you are late.”

Baby? I have to find something so I puke the content of my stomach. You guys are laughing like it was so funny. HELLO! I’M STILL HERE! What is this act? You want to hint that you are a couple? That I am bothering you? I am convinced. I want to break whatever happen in front of my eyes apart but I can’t. I am not happy for you but if you guys are legit I cannot destroy that. You deserve it after everything you have been through.

“I’m sorry. I think I may have disturb both of you.”

I get up from the chair and pull an envelope from my bag.

“I want to invite both you to my wedding. Since, you guys a couple just one card is enough right?”

My heartbeat literally stop right there when I see a smile on your face which confirms my theory about both of you. I walk away immediately after Yewon take the envelope from me. I could not bear the thought of you not being mine anymore. I cannot see you with another girl and I cannot be seen with you any longer. So, with heavy heart, I leave.

I pull the man who is trying to get inside the café after I come out. I take his phone and call my mom. I know he is the hitman my mom hired to follow you.

“This is the last time. I have break her heart. Stop whatever you are doing.”

I cut the call without waiting for her answer and throw the phone onto the wall. It breaks into pieces just like my heart.