Kang Yebin POV

Setting: Yebin’s room
Time: Midnight

We used to talk all night. Now we don’t anymore. You are not here, sleeping by my side. You are not here to tell me your endless thoughts before bed. You are not here to pick my nose and pull me into countless kiss. You are not here to annoy me with your snoring and bad sleeping manner. You are not here to tell me you love me. I miss you, Siyeon.

I hold the bolster you used to love so much, close to my chest. I close my eyes and I imagine it is you. I let the memory of you putting your head on my chest like it is your pillow run wild in my head. You said my heartbeat was your lullaby. You always such a romantic, Siyeon. Then, you will start kissing me until I had to make you stop with the sacred three words. I love you.

I can feel my cheeks are wet as the tears falling down because of the pain of the memory. I cannot stop because that is the only thing I could do. I can’t hold you, because you are not here my love. I pick your photo I keep under the cover of my pillow secretly. Why? My sister took away all of your photos from me. Kyungwon unnie is always such a dramatic. But I know she means well.

I open my eyes and I see your face in the photo. You wore a black dress with a lot of stars printed on it. You were holding a red purse that I gave to you for your birthday but you do not know that right. You hair was as dark as I can remember. The most important thing is that…you were smiling. You look so beautiful, charming and elegant. Just like a chaebol daughter. Oh, wait! You are a chaebol daughter and you are engaged to another chaebol daughter whose face I cut from that photo I downloaded from internet article. The only way I can get a piece of you. The only way I can find information about you. How pathetic can I be? I ask myself this question so many times but I still do not care.

Months have passed, I’m still hurting. I have no news about you at all after you left me at the airport. You were going to another country in excuse of furthering your study. You said you will call me every day but you haven’t contact me at all after all this time. The next time I heard about you was when the articles about your engagement to the daughter of one textile conglomerate owner were everywhere. The news were a huge deal, the cable news stations were playing it none stop.

You know how much that hurts me? No, you don’t. You probably don’t care. I was ing worried about your well-being, praying for your health and waiting for you to come back into my arms in one piece but there you were, engaged to another girl. After all of the promises you made to me. I must be a fool to believe them. I still do. My head is plotting that you may have been involve in an accident and you don’t remember me. Or that girl force you to be in relationship with for some secrets she’s holding. Or maybe your parents, who I know do not like me very much made you do that.

I still want to believe that you have no choice in this. That you have nothing to do with it. I don’t listen to other people when they said it’s over. What do they know about us? About what we have? The connection in between us is not just a lust or romantic. It is way more than that. They don’t understand it. Nobody does. I keep the memory of you close to me. Everything that reminds me of you. And it destroys me but I don’t give a about that. You are what matters. I lost myself in order to continue holding on to you. That’s when Kyungwon unnie had enough. She dragged me out of the apartment we shared before and she destroyed almost everything about you. She does not want me to be hurting again because of you but I am.

Setting: Rose Garden
Time: Noon

I am both happy and sad. I sit at the back as close to the exit as possible. Alone in a crowded place. I look at all happy faces around me. They are laughing and mingling with each other. Everyone is ecstatic for this wedding ceremony. Of course they are. Kyla and Eunwoo were the most unlikely couple to stay together after college as Kyla the maknae who is too mature for her own good and Eunwoo is the dorkiest woman alive. Kyla always nagged at Eunwoo and the older woman would sulk all day. Everyone was betting for how long until they finally break up. Here they are exchanging the vows and the rings.

I am happy for them. They deserve this much after all that fiasco back in the day. But I am sad. You and I were supposed to be there, on the altar, saying the vows we both had prepared for so long. If I remember correctly as I always do with everything about you, we prepared the vow since my sister, Kyungwon and Minkyung’s marriage. I still have the ring I bought for you but never had the chance to give it in the original box, as good as new.

“Yebin, are you okay?”

I have to look up to see who is the person that disturb my miserable thoughts was. It’s Nayoung unnie. I stare at her for a few seconds or minutes, I don’t even know actually. A tall beautiful woman I never saw stand right beside her with her right hand on Nayoung unnie’s waist. They look good together, just like how we would look if we were together.

“Yebin?”

I snap out of my thoughts again when she called me.

“Yeah, I’m fine unnie. Don’t worry about me. Did you talk to the happy couple yet? Have you eat yet? I can show you to the foods.”

I try very hard to steer her away from the topic. I don’t want anyone to know what I am thinking but I’m pretty sure everyone does.

“Yeah, we did talked to Kyla and Eunwoo. They look so enticing today.”

I can only nodded as a response to Nayoung unnie’s answer.

“You said something about foods. Can you lead the way? I’m famish.”

The woman beside Nayoung unnie talked. I gladly show them the way before going away to be alone again. Now I know that the tall woman is Sowon, a school teacher a.k.a Im Nayoung’s future bride. Hell, even the Stone Nayoung has a fiancée now.

I would stay in my own bubble of miserable thoughts but the whispers that fly around me are disturbing my mind. I am intrigued and I don’t know why. Trust me, after you gone, it is hard to attract my attention to anything. I look to my surrounding and focus on what the people are saying. My eyes follow to the target of their attention and it is not to the brides. Shock is an understatement. I can feel the blood being away from my face and I could not breathe. At this moment, I don’t think I want to breathe.

You. You look so beautiful just like the way I remember. You are generous with your smile which make your eyes to smile too. That is your special trait along with countless special traits I remember about you. You are flaunting that red lips. Oh, I know just how much you love red lipstick. You never get enough of it. You tied your hair in braids. It’s weird. You don’t like braids. You are wearing a navy blue sleeveless dress which I have to admit, it compliment your body nicely by showing all the right curves. My eyes keep trailing each part of your body until they reach your arm. Another hand is clinging to yours and I have to fight all of the urge in me to pull that hand away.

I look up to the face of the girl I want to rip apart. Her. You came with her. That chaebol girl. Wow. No wonder you forget all about me, right. Her beauty is enchanting. To even compare her with me is like to compare a goddess with a monster. I am captivated and how could you not when you are always with her. But that thoughts could not take my love away from you. You are always the one for me. Always.

My eyes keep following each step you take, my brain is trying very hard to take in everyone you talk to. Even your plus one is friendly enough to engage in conversation with everyone that supposed to be our friends. Everyone seems to love both of you. That hurts me in ways you can’t me imagine. I can see some of them are stealing glances at me with what look like worries but that worries wash away when that girl starts talking. I can see that she can charm people easily. If the looks won’t work, she just have to use her sweet words, right? Well, I know I’m right.

“Yebin unnie.”

I turn around to face the owner of the sweet melodic voice.

“Yewon.”

The cheerful smile on her face create one on my own. She touches my forehead and makes a face.

“Why are you doing that?”

I am truly puzzle by her action.

“That lines on your forehead. It doesn’t suit you unnie. You have to smile like this. Like the Yebin unnie I know.”

She widen her smile to show it to me and as if it does not enough, she do multiple aegyo that help me forget you for a moment. Then, you come and make me think all about you again.

“Yewon unnie!”

Yewon open her arms, welcoming you into her friendly hugs. Both of you are jumping while hugging like little kids. It is a beautiful sight. You look happy at that moment and I could not ask for more. That smile is enough. If only I do not remember that you are not mine anymore. The smile slowly fade away from my lips.

“Honey, come here. I want to introduce you to my friend.”

My heart drops when you pull away from the long hugs with Yewon and call your fiancée. Wow! You completely ignore my existence. I am no longer in your life huh? Tears are forming in my eyes and my sight is getting blur by the second. It threaten to fall any second now. I am trying my best to move away from the scene that I know will make me suffer more than I already do but I cannot. My feet are glued to the ground so I stand there like a statue, watching you holding her hand in yours. I can’t help but gritted my teeth to contain my frustration or maybe anger. I don’t know.

“Honey, this is my friend from college, Yewon. Unnie, this beautiful girl is my fiancée, Jieqiong.”

You introduce them without even stealing a glance at me. Oh my god. Someone please bury me right now!

“Nice to meet you.”

Yewon give her one of her famous smile and she pull her into a hug. Wow! Your fiancée is quick.

“Nice to meet you too. But unnie? Isn’t that for older woman?” 

“Ah, Yewon unnie here is my senior. We had a class together. What was it again?”

Why are you looking like you were puzzled? Come on. Siyeon, please look at me. Just look at me.

“Psychology.”

“Ah, yes! Sorry I can’t really remember anymore. A lot of thing slip through my mind.”

What was that? You forgot? That must be a lie. Stop pretending, Siyeon. Then, what? You gonna say you don’t remember me too? Bull. I can’t stop those angry words in my mind.

“And who is this beautiful lady here?”

Jieqiong turn to me. She reach out her hand to me. I look at it for a while before hesitantly shake it. I give her the most fake smile I ever give to someone. God, I hate her. I can’t open my mouth to say anything. If I do, the tears will fall and the words that will come out won’t be nice to hear.

“This is Yebin unnie. One of our senior and the most badass woman I ever met.”

I can kiss Yewon for helping me out, right here, right now.

“Our senior?”

You finally look at me but the expression on your face, it is one that look confuse.

“Yeah, you were really close to Yebin unnie back then, Siyeon.”

“I… I… I’m sorry. I don’t remember.”

I almost push Jieqiong away when she hold you right when you almost fall. You hold your head like it’s hurt.Your face show the pain. 

“Are you okay, love?”

Jieqiong's voice filled with concern.

“Yeah, I am.”

“We should go home. I’m sorry but since the accident, Siyeon have been like this. She can’t really remember much.”

I stand there watching her taking you away from me again. I am trying to digest the information that your fiancée dropped on me. So, I’m that memory you don’t remember. It is not your fault. It is not her fault. It is not my fault.

Setting: Penguin Cafe
Time: Evening

You are my weakness. Every time. Just like now. I don’t know why fate let us meet again. I am clearly have been erased from your mind completely but you are engraved in mine. I was minding my own business and then you came through that ing door. Here you are sitting right in front of me. You don’t know just how much strength I have to gather to stop myself from jumping across the table and pull you into my arms and not letting you go again. You don’t know that.

I play with the straw of my chocolate frappe not willing to open my mouth because I’m afraid that I will say the wrong thing that can hurt you. Let me be the only one hurting in our story. Let me be the only who is angry at the world for tearing our relationship. Let me be the one who suffer. You don’t need to go through what I do.

So, I keep my composure and flaunt a smile for you. I study everything about you. Looking if anything has change through the years. Your hair is longer than I remember and you let it down this time. I like it. I notice that you have added three more piercing. Your mom must be horrified to see that. I would pay to see her face. There are big baby fat under your eyes and you look like a panda. A cute panda. You must be not getting enough sleep, preparing for the wedding.

“I am not getting enough sleep.”

“What?” Did I just say that out loud?

“You said that.” Oh, boy! Stupid me.

“What do you want, Siyeon?”

My voice almost won’t get out.

“I just saw you and I thought I say hi.”

My eyes could be deceiving me but I think I see guilt in your eyes. What can you possibly be guilty of, my love?

“Okay, hi. Done. Anything else?”

I really have to go before I do something I will regret.

“Come on, unnie. Why are you like this? Do you hate me or something?”

I can’t read your emotion. I don’t know what you are thinking right now.

“I don’t hate you, Siyeon. I can’t never hate you. But you don’t even remember me. So what is the point?”

I am upset with myself when I hear the defeated tone in my voice.

“We can start over.”

I am beyond shock when you said that. Are you crazy? Start over? Not as long as Jieqiong in our way.

“There is nothing to start over.”

“But…”

“Yebin unnie!!!”

I never feel so glad when someone disturb our conversation. Yewon come and hugs me. I see an unsatisfied look on your face.

“Yewon, baby, you are late.”

I intentionally pull a sulky face to which Yewon pinch my cheeks playfully. We laugh heartily as if we are forgetting your existence. I’m sorry Siyeon but I need to make you go away right here right now. Before I do something I cannot retract.

“I’m sorry. I think I may have disturb both of you.”

I watch as you get up from the chair and pull an envelope from your bag.

“I want to invite both you to my wedding. Since, you guys a couple just one card is enough right?”

My heartbeat literally stop right there. I force a smile, albeit a bitter one. Yewon take the envelope and mutter a thank you. My heart is getting heavier as you walk out the café.

“I’m sorry for not denying her assumption, unnie. I thought you might want me to do that.”

“It’s okay Yewon. I do need that.”

Setting: Incheon Airport
Time: Midnight

I step into the boarding gate. I decided to stay away from Korea as you decided to stay in this country. I can’t bear the thought of staying in the same place where I might bump into you anytime when you are no longer mine. I didn’t tell Kyungwon unnie or Minkyung unnie about my decision. I didn’t tell anyone except Yewon. I do it on impulse. I need to do this.

I take deep breath and walk into the airplane, taking my seat. I breathe as much as Korea’s air before I leave this great land for good. A small hand touch my own. I turn my face to the right side, Yewon is smiling at me. She told me, she will be by my side, waiting until my heart can heal. She doesn’t care if I take forever. She will be there. So, I let her. I will learn to forget you but you will always have a special place in my heart.

Sometimes it’s easier without saying goodbye.

A/n: Thank you for reading the story and I hope you guys enjoy it. Please drop your comment and let me know what you think of the story or anything. It means a lot to me. It fuel my desire to write and to be a better writer.