Subject: Lee Sungyeol

Code: 2237645

Age: 25

Illness: Schizophrenia w. delusions and hallucinations

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I keep trying to tell them that there is nothing wrong with me, but they never listen.  I am totally fine, it’s everyone else that has a problem.  These people.  These supposed doctors.  They aren’t here to help me, they are out to kill me.  They’ve gotten to my family too.  They keep trying to feed me pills.  They want to CONTROL my mind.  They are LIARS.  They always LIE TO ME!  They say that I’m going crazy, that there is something wrong with me, but I know there isn’t.  I am going to save the world and they keep trying to stop me.  They are trying to KILL me.  The world is dying and I could save them.  I could be a saviour, but they keep trying to stop me.  I am a SAVIOUR!.  They want the world to die.  They want us to be slaves.  They are DEMONS and they want everyone one to die.  NO ONE sees what is happening, but I do.  He told me.  He showed me what they are doing to us.  He is the reason that I understand what others don’t.  All of those attacks and ‘natural’ disasters.  They were the beginnings of WAR.  I am the only one that can see this.  That is why I have to save us all.  I can send these demons back to hell.  I have to.  I can’t let them hurt everyone like that.  I can’t let them get to my Daeyeol.  Our parents have already been brainwashed, so it’s my responsibility to save my brother.  My little Daeyeol.  He’s five and the sweetest little thing you’ve ever seen.  Our parents ignore him.  They pretend that he’s not there.  They keep telling me that he’s dead.  Has been for years.  How can he be when I see him right in front of me?  My little angel.  He is so precious.  I don’t deserve him.  He is a divine being, sent down from God and I am his lowly protector.  He has opened my eyes.  He has shown me these demons.  I’ll save him from these fiends.  I’ll save him like I’ll save everyone else.  I will be a saviour.  It is my duty.

…..oooOooo…..

How dare they.  These vile, monstrous DEMONS have locked me away.  They are keeping me hostage in this damned dungeon.  I’ve scraped my fingers and knees raw from the rough, stone cell.  They wear all white as a DISGUISE.  Making everyone think that are good, but they are trying to end us.  They are trying to DESTROY everything we have.  They want to ruin us from the inside out.  No one else notices that they are demons.  NO ONE!  They are forcing me to become one of them.  I JUST KNOW IT!  They took him away from me.  They took away my Daeyeol.  He was my light.  He’s what makes me pure.  They are making him leave me.  I don’t want to be alone.  I can’t lose him.  My angel.  My Daeyeol.  They are forcing me to take these disgusting, repugnant pills.  Trying to turn me into one of them.  I DON’T WANT THIS!  I WANT TO BE FREE!  They are trying to brainwash me like they did to my parents.  They have completely corrupted my mother and father.  They told them that Daeyeol was dead.  They told them to do this to me.  I need to be free.  I need to save the world.  I need my Daeyeol.  THEY CAN’T DO THIS TO ME!

…..oooOooo…..

These same four walls.  Over and over again.  I’m never getting out of here.  I need to get out.  I NEED to find Daeyeol.  I have to save everyone, but they are never letting me out.  I am the only one that can stop them so they will NEVER leave me be.  I tried banging on the doors.  I tried to play dead.  I even tried to snap some of the humans out of their trances, but they are too far gone.  They aren’t just becoming controlled.  Their thoughts aren’t their own anymore.  Those aren’t even my parents anymore.  They AREN’T EVEN HUMAN!  That’s why they ignore Daeyeol.  That’s why they brought me here.  I WANT my angel back.  I WANT OUT OF HERE!  I NEED TO SAVE THE WORLD.  I have to, right?  No one else will so it’s up to me.  I HAVE to do it.  For him.  Sometimes, I think that they might be winning.  That they are finally breaking me.  There are moments where everything is different, even my thoughts.  No one is out to get me.  They aren’t demons, but doctors.  They are trying to help me, my parents too. Daeyeol died from cancer years ago.  It feels so real.  I almost want it to be real, but I know the truth when I snap back out of it.  These are just part of an elaborate scheme.  A part of their plan to corrupt my mind.  They are trying to destroy my mind.  THEY CAN’T BEAT ME!  I KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING TO US!  I KNOW THE TRUTH!  HE WOULD NEVER LIE TO ME!  I know the truth...don’t I?

…..oooOooo…..

I don’t know what to believe anymore.  Everything is back and forth.  One day they have me locked up in a cold, moldy dungeon that reeks of mildew where sunlight never reaches, the next I’m wearing cotton pajamas  in a bright, white room that smells of antiseptic.  I feel like my brain is being torn apart.  What’s real?  What isn’t?  Why are they doing this to me?  My parents came yesterday, or was it today, or last week?  Time has no meaning here.  I don’t know if anything has meaning here.  I think I’ve gone insane.  I don’t even make sense to myself anymore.  I miss my Daeyeol.  He always made me feel better.  He would tell me the truth.  He would understand.  My angel is gone.  I’m a useless lump without him.  How can I save the world if I can’t save him, or even myself for that matter.  Does the world even need saving?  I don’t know what to believe now.  These people are demons.  Aren’t they?  They say that they are trying to help me but they also took Daeyeol away.  They TOOK my angel from me.  They STOLE him.  They are feeding me lies.  I think?

I just want my Daeyeol back.

…..oooOooo…..

I’m lost.  Drifting away at sea.  No one will ever find me.  Was I ever even found in the first place?  I think I’ve lost my mind.  If I have, I don’t know if I want to find it again.  There are two worlds around me.  The dark place where the demons want to control us all.  I don’t like it there.  I don’t want to go back there.  But that is where my Daeyeol is.  My angel.  I have to save him.  I have to be with him.  The other world is bright with helpful people.  My parents care there.  They want me to be healthy.  I’m not cold there.  My angel is dead there.  It hurts.  The more those people try to help me, the farther I get away from my Angel.  My Daeyeol.  I can’t lose him.  I don’t want to lose him.

I think I might have already

…..oooOooo…..

I got out of my room today.  My parents and I had a session with Dr. Song.  He says that he is a psychologist.  He seems nice.  I want to trust that he is trying to help me.  I don’t.  I can’t make myself trust anyone.  I can’t even trust myself.  I don’t think that I’m meant to save the world.  I wish someone would save me.  I’m drowing in my own mind.  Everything has gone fuzzy.  There is no such thing as reality in my mind.  Dr. Song says that this is normal for me to be confused.  He also said that my restlessness was is normal reaction of my meds and that they are treating it.  This doesn’t feel normal.  I can’t sit still.  I keep blinking constantly.  I have a nervous scratch.  I’m so tired though.  I want to sleep.  I haven’t been sleeping.  Dr. Song says that I have schizophrenia.  That it causes me to be paranoid.  That it is why I see demons.  That it is why I see Daeyeol.  I miss him.  He used to make me feel better when I would break from reality.  I still lose touch with reality every once-in-awhile.  He doesn’t come anymore.  He left me.  He left me before when he died in that hospital and now he’s left me again.  Am I not worthy of him anymore?  I miss my Daeyeol.  My angel.  It hurts.  It hurts worse than anything else.  I want my Daeyeol back.  My angel.  My baby brother.  I’m lost without him.