Love of my life!

MARKHYUCK/ANGST

"We need to talk," I throwed into the silence. The uncomfortable silence that has spread over the whole weekend. I resist the urge to drive through my hair, a tick that I have had a hard time getting rid of. "What is it Donghyuck I'm asked by the other end of the room. I look at him as he sits infront of his phone and does not even take a look. Probably I am overdramatic, but this ignorance stings my heart like an dagger with barb. He closes his phone and looks at me smiling.I do not know what I wanted to say. My head is like a desert. The thoughts blown away by the smile he gave me. I have not talked to mark since we came back from a concert on friday, its sad when you consider that this is perhaps the last possibility to tell him everything. The last chance. He would go, the decision has been made a long time ago. For me, however, it was sudden. He will go back to canada, I will stay in korea. Why do I try it at all? It does not matter what I do, I can not hold him. It's pointless."Why didnt you tell me earlier that you were going?" I can not suppress the accusation that lies in my voice. 
I know it since Friday. No, actually sooner. Everyone knew it. But that he would go next Wednesday, I wouldnt have guessed. "You knew I was going to go ..." - "Yes, but not that you're going to go on WEDNESDAY!"
I jump up and look at him. He looks at me skeptically. "Come down why are you so mad ?" - "You're so ... ARGH!" I turn away and walk out of the living room into the little guest room, which I claimed for myself. I dont know why I am like this. I do not want our friendship to end like THIS. But I do not want mark to go either.Could I have acted differently? Could i tell him how much I want him to stay?
No. I do not want to destroy his dreams. It would be selfish.

I let myself fall back onto the mattress and sink into the soft pillow. Mark is one of my best friends. Of course I do not want him to be so far away from me.
I am not a person who can make good friendships when I do not see the possibility of visiting someone.
His desire to go back to canada,to quit his career,leave nct ... is like a death sentence for our friendship.I turn on my stomach and press my face into the pillow.
If only he could understand my position. I often make myself dependent on other people. Of those who mean something to me. And basically, I just want to be needed. I remain in this position for a long time, waiting for something to happen, but nothing happens. I stay alone in the small room and am relieved when I hear that doyoung is back.
I venture out of my room and join the others. mark talks with doyoung and johnny. Just to look at him and feel the certainty that he will soon no longer be present. A broken arm is nothing against the pain someone feels in his heart.
But still I mean to see something in his eyes. I can not make out what it is, but i tell myself that there are doubts.

Sometimes my brain sets out and my tongue takes over the guidance of my thoughts, she speaks out without me wanting it. "Is there no way that you can stay here?" I ask softly without looking at him.There was silence for a long time "No, I do not think so"
His words hit me hard. I hold back tears with difficulty. So the matter is eaten. He will not stay here, it is impossible that I can keep him somehow here. It hurts when a friendship, almost a brotherly relationship, tears and memories go to waist.
"It's okay ... I'll take you to the airport on Wednesday," I whisper, saying good-bye.
I can not imagine Mark disappearing from my life. Just to take a piece of my heart with him and he will not return it.
I make a decision. I know I'll regret it, but some day I'll be able to forgive myself and live on. Without Mark. Without longing for this friendship.

Wednesday comes faster than I would have liked. It's early in the morning when we arrive at the airport and have some time left before Mark has to go to his Fly. We sit on the chairs near the security control. Doyoung and johnny are talking to each other, but I do not care what they have to say.
johnny will also go to America, but only for a few weeks because of family problems. Marks eyes are closed and his face is deeply relaxed. "We're going to look for food," Doyoung says, pulling away with johnny
I just want to say something when Mark raises his voice. "Now is the time to say goodbye ..." I just nod. My throat it feels dry and scratchy. "I'm glad you found your own way ..." He looks at me, seems sad. Sure, we're friends, after all. 

"Minhyung, I do not want to have any contact with you after you leave"
I try not to break my voice in the middle of the sentence. It's hard, but I've made it. I've finally broken the link between us. It's better so, I guess. I see him nodding. "Yes, I understand that ..." I can tell by his voice that he can hardly keep calm. I look further in his direction. I feel sick and dizzy. Idiot! I scream at myself in toughts. Idiot, idiot, idiot! the voice screams."Donghyuck ... I ... I'll miss you, "he says, and I just nod before I hug him, one last time I bite my lip so hard to stop myself from crying, when I let him go and watch him go through the security check something went clear.
I realize that I have just lost my best friend. That I just let him go. Forever.
IDIOT! A voice in me screams. It is my heart.
I see his back until he disapears.

i Stayed with doyoung and johnny as we took the next subway to our dorms. i sat alone in the back with my hyungs on the seats in front of me. I watched to my left,to the empty space and i wished that mark would sit there resting his head on my shoulder while whining about his busy schedules. Tears,my eyes went teary and i started to feel the hot liquit running down my cheeks. i couldn´t control myself anymore,i was shaking and sobbing like a mess. People where watching me but i didnt care,i couldnt! I just lost my best friend,my brother..The love of my life. And nothing,nothing could bring him back to me.

OH MY GOSH

i was actually crying so hard while writing this,i hope you liked the OS just as much as me!!

I am really a for angst LMAO

If anybody has a wish for a oneshot just tell me! Write me a message or a comment about a pairing and a genre!

i hope yall have a good day ahead!