The months flew by, and you were busier than ever. You wanted to make the most of the party that came along with the engagement, and asked Raja if he had wanted to dance. He said he would learn it, but his grad school schedule and work schedule made practices limited to the weekends. So you and Himchan spent even more time than before between dance practices, decorating, shopping, and everything. 

It was like you were going to be together...only to be handed off to another.

Age 23, a warm Summer day.

You were putting on the last of the jewelry, as you looked into the mirror. Your false lashes weren't as uncomfortable as you thought they'd be, and your makeup was set. You felt like a queen...yet a restlessness inside made you anxious... Here I am, meeting a king that I've known my whole life yet I feel that I can't rewrite our story.

You mustered a smile.

"That's our beautiful sis right there." Jiya beamed, excited to see you. "Do a 360 for us!"

You got up, slowly turning in a full circle in the lehenga. The skirt of the lehenga opened up and spun with you elegantly. There were so many shimmery details all over, you absolutely loved the dress. It was golden and red, the shimmer details reflecting the lights of the room. You felt excitement creep into your mind, finalyl easing some of the anxiety.

"Alright, I have to head out to the main venue now, so I'll be seeing you in like an hour okay? See you later gorgeous!" Jiya blew you a kiss. She really was the best sister you could have asked for. Never did you imagine her to be anything but family to you.

You glanced at the clock. You still had almost an hour and a half before you had to head into the main hall, and you weren't sure what to do, being alone. You got up, doing the steps of the dance you had practiced so many times, humming the song. You heard a knock at the door. 

"Come in!" You called out.

Himchan's friend, Yongguk was standing, admiring the view. 

"Wow, you look like royalty...I'm sorry if I came in too early, but I figured I'd ask you if you wanted anything to drink before everyone starts expecting you?"

You smiled. "Water would be nice. Maybe lemonade?"

"I'll be back, lemonade and water." 

You looked in the mirror again, imagining the looks of the faces in the crowd, imagining the night unfolding before your eyes. You sighed deeply, before being interrupted by Yongguk's return with the drinks.

"You have a visitor, by the way. So I'll check back in a few, alright?" 

You nodded. "See ya!"

You heard a soft knock. "Come in..." You called gently.

He came in, hesitating at first, but then stepping into the room as if he was in the presence of royalty. 

"Wow." 

That was the only sound that you heard, as he approached you. You smiled, though you felt a thousand feelings well up inside you as soon as he had walked in.

You did another full circle for him, smiling. "It's...it's good?"

He nodded. You noticed that there were tears forming in the corner of his eyes. "It's more than just good." 

You gulped, hearing the shakiness in his voice.

He stepped a little bit closer. "I..."

You saw a tear fall from his face, and you quickly reached to wipe it away, your smile suddenly disappearing with concern. 

"No, it's fine...I..."

Himchan paused, but the tears started to trickle as he looked into your eyes.

"I'm sorry." he spoke barely above a whisper.

You shook your head. "Don't...why are you sorry? Please don't be sorry..." You wiped his tears, but they grew heavier, the more he was trying to contain himself. He brought a hand to hold your face momentarily. His hand dropped, coming to rest on your shoulder.

"Himchan..." your voice drifted, as you became more worried, seeing him look like he wasn't going to be able to keep himself together. Your hands came up, holding his face this time.

He sobbed, his hands shaking as they held onto you, barely staying on the sides of your shoulders. “You look…so breathtaking…” He paused, catching his breath, as the tears kept streaming down his face. “Even though….my heart wants it, I don’t deserve you as my bride…”

This time, the tears flooded down your face. A final confession.

His head was bowed, his shoulders slumping as he cried without restraint, the burden on his heart lifted. The shakiness in his sobs and his deep voice tugged deeply at your heart, yet the words couldn’t find their way to your lips.

“Please…just…forget me, forget that I ever spoke…I don’t deserve your forgiveness…I should have spoken long ago, yet all I did was remain silent, remain the coward I am…” His right hand slipped from your shoulder, resigning with him as he gave his last words. “I...this is fitting, that I did nothing, because I don’t deserve to have something, when I didn’t do anything in return…”

You shook your head, he knelt in front of you, as if begging for your forgiveness yet you couldn’t accept his condition. “Himchan…please…don’t apologize…” you tried to speak without sobbing yourself, but your voice shook.

“I was going to leave without attending…honestly…” he inhaled deeply, before looking up into your eyes again. “But…I knew that my own selfishness, no matter what would hurt you...after everything, I…I thought staying would atone for my silence…for not saying anything sooner…”

“No, it’s not your fault…you knew as much as myself that this was something decided years ago…something I willingly agreed to before I knew what it meant…how is that your fault? And...I never said anything myself...I could have said something too...” The tears slipped down your cheeks, the restraint unable to contain it any longer.

“Still…at the least, you deserve my honesty…all this time, I couldn’t think of a single reason to not tell you, yet every time, I chose silence. I chose to hide from my feelings, I chose to keep everything from you, yet you never hesitated to open your heart to me…and even now, I wanted to be cowardly and leave without telling you. But…here I am, now foolishly doing what? Telling you something that should have been said…but what difference does it make, when confessing will still mean we’ll remain separate anyways…” His face fell, the weight of a thousand earths upon his shoulders, trying to justify a fitting punishment in his own mind.

You crumpled to the floor. Was it anger? Was it sadness? Was it heartbreak?

It was helplessness…

What kind of ill fate befell you, as at the door stood none other than him.

Himchan turned immediately as he saw the light disappear from your eyes when you looked to the door.

“So, you lied to me after all,” was all he said, removing the pagdi from his head. You remained still on the floor, your eyes glazing over with the moment of the confession still saturating your thoughts. How were you about to face the entire crowd with your fiancée-to-be walking in to your best friend confessing his love to you moments before you were to be betrothed to another?

Something came back to you, awakening you enough to reply. “I never lied.” You tried to muster your voice without any signs of distress. You pressed the backsides of your hands to your cheeks, brushing away the tears that were still wet on your face.

“Then what the hell did I just hear? Don’t try to tell me you never knew, and don’t you pretend that she didn’t know anything about your feelings either. I know you two are best friends. Hell, everyone knows.”

Himchan stood up straight, assessing how he should speak. Calmly, he replied. “She didn’t know. Because I didn’t tell her. Because I cared about her and knew I was too much of a coward…and that even if I told her, I was never to be the person she would end up with. You always held that right Raja, and my words make no difference. No matter what, she wouldn’t break her promise to you.”

Raja paused, flexing his jaw. “I see exactly what is going on. Basically, because at this point, I look like a fool, and that’s where I stand in your eyes, that’s what I’ll have to deal with after too, isn’t it? Forget the promises. That’s all bull now. If I mattered here, you wouldn’t have chosen minutes before to confess.” He grew angrier.

“Raja, I’m not breaking the promise I made to you. I gave you my word and my honesty. And that’s what we both agreed to.” Your voice slightly shook, anger starting to creep in.

“Shut up. No matter what, you don’t think it will bother me to know this happened and I walked in? You don’t think this, no matter if nothing comes of it ever again won’t still remain an ugly memory in my head? Forget this.” He turned to walk out.

“You don’t think it bothers me? You assume as if I’m going to forget everything myself and pretend this didn’t happen either…and even with your words I’m still giving us a chance to say what you truly think before you just walk away.” Your voice grew more firm.

“I know it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have stopped in nor should I have said anything. I was never a part of this equation and Raja didn’t deserve that, and neither did you.” Himchan interrupted the tension.

“Hell, what difference does it make? The only reason I was in this equation to begin with was to hold your spot, wasn’t it? So you know what? Take your spot. It would only be right, wouldn’t it?” Raja grabbed the pagdi, shoving it towards Himchan’s chest. “This relationship doesn’t need a third wheel.” He walked out, shaking his head. A yelp was heard from the hallway followed shortly by the sound of a car speeding out.

Himchan stood still, staring at the pagdi in his hands. The bright red suddenly seemed inappropriate to the conversation that unfolded. You walked over to him, gently placing a hand on his forearm. He looked up, his gaze broken.

“It’s over. There’s no engagement happening today.” You spoke calmly.

His lower lip quivered. He shook his head slowly, unable to accept the words that you spoke.

You sighed gently. “It’s okay. But we have to tell everyone. They’re waiting for me to show up any minute now.”

His eyes grew wide. “But-“

You gently pressed your finger to his lips. “Leave it to me, okay?” You mustered a smile.

Turning to walk through the door, his hand was still holding onto you, gently pulling. You turned, and he walked a bit closer.

“I don’t deserve your forgiveness just yet, but I’ll come with you, I’ll help you tell everyone.”

You smiled a little bit more confidently. He gently raised your hand, leaving a soft kiss on your hand. Goosebumps shot through you. “Let’s go.” Is all he said, following you out.

You stepped into the reception lobby. The loudness of the music was vibrating from the walls and people’s voices could be heard inside. The reality of the announcement you were about to make was happening and the dread started to creep in.

You breathed deeply, wondering how you were going to approach everyone and announce this. As you placed a hand on the door leading to the hall, a hand came over yours. You turned, looking into an unexpected face.

“I heard everything,” his deep voice stated. “I’ll help too.”

You smiled, feeling some relief wash away the tension in your mind and heart. “Thank you, Yongguk.”

He returned the smile. “I’ll go in after you, so just make your way in like you would have if he was still here, okay?”

You nodded. “See you inside?”

He winked back. “See you soon.”

A new fluttering nervousness welled up inside you. You walked into the hall, aware of the lights starting to flicker around and gather. To your right, Jiya, Raja’s sister, was still here, looking at you in awe. Your heart dropped again, your closest confidante, who knew how you’d felt about Himchan and still chosen to go along with this engagement to her brother, and now, well, at the very least, she would understand.

“I thought you weren’t going to show!” She whispered.

“Sorry, I got a little nervous, it’s still hitting me that this is all so real.” You whispered back.

She giggled. “Don’t worry, you look amazing!” she whispered back before signaling the lighting person. The lights all dimmed down, and a little bit of fog rolled out into the aisle, as it had cued before. It wasn’t an official wedding but you’d been looking forward to this event for such a long time, it felt eerie, realizing that everything was a set up…but for disappointing news.

You inhaled deeply, and started making your way up the aisle, gliding like a fairy on the clouds. Each step you took a little more confidently, a little more reassured. As you started to approach the stage where the setup of the big sofa was with the beautiful curtains arranged behind it, the dread crept back inside. But you trusted Yongguk’s words, he wouldn’t let you down. You slowly turned towards the crowd again, keeping your eyes down for a moment, waiting for the house lights to come back on.

But, they didn’t.

Instead, the sound of a soft acoustic guitar rose up, and a light singing could be heard. “You were so pretty, and would always pass me by…but now in this moment…”

You inhaled sharply. What was happening?

Another light came on, but it wasn’t the house lights. The spot light shone down on you, and whispers and murmurs broke out among the crowd. Another switch was flipped and you saw another spotlight follow a figure from the opposite side of the stage. The figure started walking towards you, and your jaw dropped.

He came up, the music pausing, and knelt before you on one knee.

“I know, the last question I should get to ask you is to spend the rest of my life with you. But I can’t think of anyone else I would trust, nor would I be able to give back to, the way you give always to me. My best friend, my protector, my guide, my companion, will you marry me?”

A tear slipped from the corner of your eye. You were speechless, and at that moment you realized you hadn’t spoken, and you caught Yongguk in the corner of your eye waving to you.

Kariye na...kariye na kisi se vaada kariye na...phir vaada toriye na…toh vaada phir toriye na...

Don’t do it, don’t make a promise to anyone….(but if you do) don’t break it after…then don’t break the promise after...

The song you had hummed many a time, resounding in your heart, your mind, releasing what it had bound you down with before, with his proposal in front of you.

“Yes.”

Some gasps and a lot of cheering broke out as Himchan looked into your eyes. There were tears creeping into his eyes now too, and he slipped the beautiful silver band, the small twinkling heart cradled in its center, onto your ring finger. He stood up slowly, before he leaned in and gently kissed your forehead.

The tears slid down your cheeks, unable to stay back. His fingers lightly brushed them away, as he looked into your eyes, unable to hold his own tears back, his smile taking your mind away from everything that had happened in an instant.

Your lips met his, a tenderness in the kiss that joined this union that neither of you could have imagined would come to.

You weren’t sure how much time had passed since the kiss, you were barely able to focus on the pounding of your own heart among everything else that was happening at the same time. Someone’s voice shouted “dance! Where’s the dance?!” and brought you back to your senses. You’d been so lost, literally in standing in his arms that you didn’t fully come to until you felt Himchan’s hand gently lift your chin.

“Shall we dance?” He asked, the smile returning to his eyes, and he stepped back, offering his hand for this dance. You beamed brightly, taking his hand, as he turned you once, before letting go of your hand, and you walked to where you had practiced so many times before.

The lights dimmed once more, before the music poured in. The slow steady beat arose, and with it, you stirred, like a fairy stepping lightly among the stars. Stepping steadily, you made your way over, where Himchan stood still, but his expression of awe, mixed with his pride in seeing you in your element, were the only sign he wasn’t a statue. On beat, your hand came to rest on his shoulder, as if bringing him to life, as he joined with you, in sync, and then sweeping you into the second song of the choreography.

...Main agar kahoon, tumsa haseen, apsara ho tum, ya koi pari?

...If I may say, you are beautiful, are you an angel, or a fairy?

The waltz took you out of the present once again, back to a happy place, to where the crossroads became one. You couldn’t help but smile.

The eyes of the people at the tables shone mixed emotions- some cheerful, some surprised, some in awe. You both knew the questions that would emerge, the flood of curious faces and names, yet, among everything happening, there still wasn’t anyone interrupting what was happening in the present. Many of the faces knew you and your closeness with Himchan, as they likewise knew of Raja’s part in your life and the interests of his past. Perhaps this was their way of reconciling, no, welcoming that what the past forged was to bring with open arms what unity came forth in the present.

Alas, these questions were for another day. Tomorrow.

~The end