I remember the day CEO-nim called me and told me that I'll be the first member for the debut group.

Excitement and happiness filled me, for I had been training for years but couldn't debut. All hope I was losing came back all of a sudden.

"So Jung-shi, if you sign this now you know what it means right? You'll be my first trainee and member for the group I will create but that also means you'll be alone for a while."

Sitting across from him at the corner of the basement room, I could see the seriousness in his eyes. 

For a moment, I reconsidered.

Was I really prepared to be alone everyday in this basement for a while? After all the years I had trained it was already hard enough even when I was with other trainees.

In the end, I signed the contract. I decided that I was willing to be alone for a while, knowing how hard it would be.

Afterall, why would I throw away the chance of debuting after all these years?

Looking back at him, I gave him the most determined look I could and said "Ne Ceo-nim. Arrayeo"

With a determined attitude I signed the contract. 

So then began my never-ending journey as the lonely Kim So Jung and Sowon.

----

Day and night I practiced in the basement with no one but the occasional visits from my lessons from the staff.

Whenever I looked at myself in the mirror, all I could see was a girl that was just trying to make it through each day to follow her dreams. 

With no one to talk to, no one to share the pain or happiness with, I felt like I was going crazy. Nothing filled the basement but my endless panting.

I would wake up alone in the dorm. Eat alone. Go to the company basement with my manager. But at the end of each day, it would always just be me and no one else.

It would be a the biggest lie ever if I said I didn't struggle or not regret signing the contract.

​​​​​​But eventually, I got used to it.

I had to.

--

Maybe it was because I had gotten so used to doing everything on my own and being on my own that I was cold to the new members.

One by one, they walked in to my life. 

First it was Ye Rin who was also quiet at first but eventually began to bug me.

"So Jung unnie let's go to the practice room together."

"So Jung unnie let's go home together."

"So Jung unnie let's eat here."

"I won't stop until you let me be a friend to you. You're all I've got here."

Each time, with those half moonlit shaped eyes, she would link her arms around mine and pull me with her.

Perhaps I became so used to it that I eventually started talking more to her and even invite her first to do things/go to places together.

Then came the other members. By the time they came, it was easier for me to talk to them and for them to talk to me too.

I no longer woke up to the eerie silence in the dorm, shed tears and sweat alone with one to talk to.

-

But whether their entry into my life is one of the best or worst things that's ever happened to me, I cannot decide.