Once again I found myself sitting across from the CEO.

"So Jung-ah, you have been chosen as the leader of this group. Mostly everyone from the staff, myself and the other members."

What??? Me???

The wheels in my head immediately began turning. To say I was surprised would be such an understatement for this.

Do I even deserve such important position?

I nodded but stayed silent knowing he had more to say.

"As the leader, you are expected to be selfless. Even if it's at your own expense, you MUST always put the group and the members first before yourself. The girls already look up to you but now you have to be an even greater example and maintain discipline within the group. You're the most responsible for this group from now on So Jung-ah. It'll be hard but as always, you can do it."

"Most importantly, you can't show any favouritism towards any of the girls at all. On or off camera. You just can't."

"In fact, you shouldn't even be too close with anyone. As the leader you are on your own So Jung. You can't let anyone read your emotions and thoughts, especially when you're having a bad day. It'll affect the image of you and the group, but mostly, the girls too. No weaknesses anywhere for others to see So Jung."

I'm on my own again?

"That doesn't mean you can't be yourself nor do you have to be so uptight all the time though."

I wanted to refuse. 

But refusing meant going against the wishes of nearly everyone in this small company. I couldn't do that.

Others would have been happy. I should be happy. Not hesitant.

Inhaling a deep breath, I finally answered "I understand Ceo-nim. Th-thank you for choosing me.".

Once again, I chose.

Perhaps the life of a very lonely idol.

--

The members noticed the distance I placed in between myself and them. They thought it was because of the burdens I placed on myself upon becoming a leader.

Eventually they found out and were furious. Perhaps so furious that they nearly refused to talk to the CEO.

"Unnie! You may be the leader but that doesn't mean you can't have anyone close to you, especially us! It doesn't mean you're alone and a damn robot to be bottling your negative emotions up either!"

"Unnie... Eunha is right. You can't be strong all the time. You can't always listen to us yet you won't even let out your thoughts and emotions. That's unfair. Not just for you but also for us. Can't you see that?" Yerin said, looking concerned and upset at the same time.

The two maknaes could only nod their heads.

"Promise us. Promise us that you won't suffer with your emotions and thoughts alone. That everyone here, including you, will talk to one of us whenever we have a problem or heck, share good news. Whatever it is, promise us that it won't only be us unloading whatever onto others. It has to be you too." Yuju said while motioning everyone to come closer and put out her pinky finger.

I was so convinced. How could I not be, when they all looked at me with such hopeful and cute eyes? And with them surrounding if, as if ready to tackle me to the ground if I disagreed.

"Ok ok. I'm sorry I kept it from you guys. I promise to open up to yous once again. I promise." I said as I made a pinky promise with Yuju and then hugged everyone in a circle.

"We're a team. Everyone takes care of each other."

--

Since then, there wasn't a time I felt suffocated by my thoughts and feelings. Everything was back to normal.

I became more open and talked freely about myself, even on camera. 

The members and I became even closer than I could ever imagine. However, I became especially closer to Eunha. All of us were close, extremely close but everyone was also closer to one specific member. 

I couldn't help but be thankful for the girls. They were so supportive and still are.

Thanks to them, I was enjoying this idol life of mine and was happy. 

I wasn't alone. 

But that's the thing I guess? 

Even if I wasn't, I was meant to be. I had to be.

I merely forgot my position and the responsibilities that came with it.

And it was only a matter of time before I woke up to reality.

-----

a/n : so 3 chapters it is! thank you for reading