Hush now, don’t explain

There ain’t nothing to gain

Well, I’m glad you’re back

But don’t explain

 

Daniel lets his arm skim the cold marble floor, fingers tracing out a pair of deep-set eyes using the water vapor from his now emptied, cold bottle of soju. His long length takes up the plump couch as he lay in wait for the owner of the sketched eyes to come home.

Waiting. That was all he seemed to know how to do nowadays.

The irony was that he never had such patience in the past. He was always being productive by dancing and getting angry when someone was slow. He appreciated punctuality and was happy to be a workaholic. 

Until he met him.

Since meeting him, Daniel mellowed out to the point of laying on the couch for hours, sketching out his beautiful eyes and waiting past two am to count the seconds ‘till he returns. He curls into himself, disguising his self-warmth for someone else’s.

Patience was no longer a foreign concept to him. And neither was lying to himself.

One thousand and eight hundred seconds of the ticking clock later, the clatter of keys could be heard. He still lay unmoving on the couch, listless. 

“Daniel?”

The soft call of his name had him looking up and smiling at the original pair of deep-set eyes.

“Welcome home, Seongwu hyung.”

 

Quiet baby, don’t explain

You know there ain’t nothing to gain

Skip that lipstick

Don’t explain

 

Seongwu was noticeably uncomfortable with Daniel’s presence. He lingered by the dining table, ing his coat slowly before making his way towards him.

“You’re still up.”

“Because you weren’t home yet,” he replies, taking in the familiar ebony hair and pale face. The lanky build clad in all black now hovered before him, tidying the bottle off the floor and wiping the sketch away with paper towels without giving any indication of noticing what it was.

Seongwu turned to him with a disapproving frown. “I told you to head to bed first.”

Daniel smiled back at him, “And I told you that I’d wait up for you.”

Seongwu fusses over Daniel, seemingly at a loss of reply. He tidies the wayward ash blonde hair and settles next to Daniel, holding the boy’s head to his chest and caressing the back of it. The warmth Daniel felt earlier by himself felt like it was freezing in comparison to being in Seongwu’s arms.

Daniel leaned into the touch, the pleasant sensation clashed with the invasion of cologne. One that he noticed was not his and too painfully familiar. He noticed that Seongwu’s black hair was disheveled, not styled like how he had left home this morning but more like someone had tugged on it. He noticed the red bruises at the crevice of his pale neck, not rashes from the summer heat but like someone had playfully nipped on it too hard.

Daniel notices everything but he ignores them.

As well as the crippling pain in his heart.

"I'm just glad you're home." 

 

You know that I love you

And what love endures

All my thoughts are of you

I am so completely yours

 

Seongwu smiled at that but the flash of discontent in his eyes did not escape Daniel. His hyung remained silent but Daniel knows that he was about to say something from the way he played with Daniel’s strands of hair on his nape. 

He abruptly got up and straddled Daniel, cupping his cherubic face between cold hands.

Hesitation.

“Hyung –,”

“Daniel why do you do this?”

“Hyung -,”

“Daniel, listen to me.”

Seongwu meets sad brown eyes and his heart dropped to the bottom of his stomach, like an anchor had latched itself onto it.

“I was with Minhyun earlier.”

Daniel remained silent and although he was not meeting his eyes, Seongwu took that as his cue to continue.

“He’s angry at me, Niel. He’s asking why am I still living with someone I had broken up with months ago. I told him that you’re just my roommate but he can tell that this whole thing,” he waves a hand between their bodies, “is wrong.”

Daniel did not realize that he had started trembling until Seongwu pulled him into his arms, tucking him under his chin. Daniel hid his face between the crevice of his hyung’s neck but his heart clenched even more at the marks, so he pulled away.

“But I have nowhere else to go and no one else to go to.”

Seongwu almost missed the whispered statement. He hugged the younger boy’s big stature tighter.

“I’ll leave. You have to let me leave.”

Daniel shoves at Seongwu’s chest, tears running freely down his cheeks.

“You still love me.”

Seongwu, confronted by Daniel’s tears for the first time since knowing him 5 years ago, panicked at the crumpled face and he rubs his hand over his own in frustration.

“Of course, and I always will but I love Minhyun more. We were never good for each other, Niel. We were supposed to be roommates, for god’s sake. This mess of a relationship in a limbo was my fault and I’m sorry. However, I can’t take the accusations anymore. Jisung hyung calls me a heartless bastard and Jaehwan wishes me death every time I come across him when I keep telling them that we’re not even together anymore.”

“It doesn’t matter what they think,” Daniel sniffles. “You think they don’t say the same to me? Jihoon thinks I’m masochistic and Sungwoon hyung has a helpline number he sends to me every morning but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.”

 

Don’t wanna hear nobody chatter

‘Cause I know you cheat

Right or wrong don’t matter

When you’re with me sweet

 

“You don’t want to leave me either,” Daniel continues, “You can’t go two days before coming back here.”

“Because I get phone calls, Daniel!” Seongwu raises his voice, “I get calls from our friends telling me you locked yourself in the house, refusing to eat, to drink, to do anything. How am I supposed to not come back?”

Daniel falls forward and turns his face into Seongwu’s neck again. Hiding.

Seongwu’s temper flared at the responding silence and he unceremoniously gets off Daniel’s lap. He stood up and paced before the younger boy’s languid body.

“I’m hurting you every single time I’m with Minhyun.”

“It’s okay.”

“You go into a breakdown when I don’t come home.”

“That’s okay too.”

“Screw you, Daniel!” Seongwu spat, “I cheated on you and we established the end of our relationship months ago so why won’t you let me leave without making me feel like an axe murderer when I try to do so? I cheated on you so do the same, and just get us out of this because I am sick of being the bad guy.”

Seongwu’s anger barely penetrated through Daniel’s emotionless façade. When he grabbed his ex-lover’s face to turn his eyes to meet his, the shining vulnerability in the depths of his brown irises made his heart constrict.

“I’ll never be able to do that, not to you, hyung. I’ve always loved you more than you loved me.”  

 

Hush now, don’t explain

You are my joy

And you are my pain

So, don’t explain

 

--------------------------------------

This is the birth of my leftover angst from finals week.

Also, Daniel I am so sorry.

P.S this will be on AO3 as well.