“Tiffany... She’s my life.” Her voice breaks as she thinks of the right words to answer the question. Truth is, there was no right answer to the question; what is Tiffany to you? Even Taeyeon isn’t sure.  She too, does not know the answer. Her eyes begin to wander as she avoids the eyes that were waiting for her answer.

 Tiffany was everything to her, and for the younger to decide to let go, Taeyeon wasn’t sure what happiness was anymore.

She chuckles bitterly as she returns her attention to the camera,

“A world without Tiffany is a world without a purpose.”

Taeyeon didn’t approve of the large diamond ring on Tiffany’s finger. For five years, she believed, and she held on to whatever hope she could hold on to, that one day, Tiffany would return, and when she does, Taeyeon wanted to make sure that the girl wasn’t going to leave her again. She was ready to give her everything, again, for the second time, in fact, she was willing to give the girl unlimited chances, she wanted to, but Tiffany didn’t seem to want those chances.

She’s moved on. That, Taeyeon was sure.

Tiffany no longer needed her in her life. She was there, following her dreams, planning for the future. She was ready to embark on a new journey; a journey Taeyeon isn’t a part of.

Taeyeon notices how the girl who used to give her so much happiness became somebody who brings her nothing but pain. She was happy, Taeyeon should be happy too. However, knowing that Tiffany was happy because of a different reason, she suddenly forgot what happy felt like. Sh sighs, and she bites her lip as tears threaten to fall from her onyx orbs.

She loved Tiffany. She still does.

“So Tae, how are you doing?”

Ah, that familiar husky voice. It was music to Taeyeon’s ears and no matter how hard she tries to deny it, it still has the same effect on her, just as how the owner of the voice still had the same effect on her. She inhales a huge amount of air before she turns to the girl,

“I’m doing fine.” She answers simply, quickly reaching for her coffee so she could divert her attention. She didn’t have to meet Tiffany’s orbs. She was afraid that she’d fall deeper than she already was.

A simple hum was all that she heard from the other girl before she went back to talking to the other friends on the table. She wasn’t sure if she was to be thankful or was she to be offended, or worst, she could feel hurt. Tiffany didn’t seem to care. The girl probably won’t even notice her walk away from the table. She slides off of the table and she sighs in relief when nobody seems to notice. She felt proud. She makes her way towards the restroom thinking that nobody has followed her but unbeknowst to her, somebody who knew her too well, did.

“Taeyeon.”

Taeyeon is startled by the voice and she frowns when she sees Sunny follow her inside the restroom. She hated Sunny’s guts. She hated that Sunny was even there. The girl knew her too well to let this thing slide off. She just stares at the girl who crossed her arms in front of her and she shrugs,

“What?” she asks, trying to sound like nothing is bothering her, but this was Sunny, of course she’d know.

“What is wrong with you?”

“Nothing.” Taeyeon answers simply, pretending to wash her hands thoroughly. Of course something was up! She just didn’t want to talk about it because she was afraid she’d break down. Not here! Not when the person who’s bringing her so much pain was outside, happily talking to their friends while she was there feeling that her life had no purpose.

Sunny sighs as she uncrosses her arms. She walks towards the older and she engulfs her into a hug. Something she was sure that she needed especially at this time. She has witnessed how much Taeyeon cared and loved Tiffany. She gave her everything, she became everything that she thought Tiffany would need. Her whole life basically revolved on Tiffany.

She understood how hard it was for the girl when Tiffany decided to let go.

And so Taeyeon finally breaking down in front of her isn’t as shocking as other people would see it. Taeyeon clutches onto Sunny shirt as she tries to swallow her soft sobs. It hurt. Tiffany was hurting her and what’s worst is that she doesn’t seem to care.  Taeyeon knew that she deserved better but nothing going to change especially if she’s engrained in her mind that she didn’t want better; she wanted Tiffany.

Tiffany was all that mattered to her.

“Everything’s going to be okay.”

Taeyeon sobbed harder,

“It won’t. She’ll end up with somebody else. Not me. Somebody’s going to be lucky enough to wake up next to her every morning. Somebody’s going to be lucky enough to spend the rest of their life with her but that somebody isn’t me.” She closes her eyes tight, hoping that when she opens her eyes, Tiffany would be there, comforting her, telling her that she still loves her and that she’ll never go. She was going to wait for the girl to appear in front of her and tell her that it’s her who she really wants, but Taeyeon knew, deep inside, that it wasn’t going to happen.

Tiffany was not meant for her.

“It hurts, Sunny-ah.” She trails off. She knew from the beginning that loving Tiffany was going to hurt and yet, she still loved her. There isn’t an ounce of regret from Taeyeon. Tiffany was worth everything.

“It hurts so much.”

Sunny sighs as she witnesses how Taeyeon breaks down in front of her. Taeyeon had always been strong, so for her to actually cry and weep, she must be in so much pain right now. She’s mad at herself because she can’t even do anything for her friend. There’s only so little that she can do, and Tiffany’s heart isn’t something that she can affect.

“I know it hurts, but you’re not going to be hurt forever.” She smiles bitterly as Taeyeon clutches onto her hand and she sighs, “you’re going to move on Tae, and when you do... you’re going to look back at this scene and be disgusted.”

“W-what?”

“The Taeyeon I know does not cry. You’re a trong independent woman!” Sunny smiles, “you’re better than this, and I believe that you can get through this. You will get through this.”

“But what if I don’t?”

Sunny sighs. It’s going to take a long time before Taeyeon moves on, that, she is sure, but she wasn’t going to let the girl coop herself up inside a room and shut herself off from the world. Taeyeon doesn’t deserve the pain, nobody does but, that’s love.

Love is pain, in its most beautiful form.

The shorter is determined to make sure that Taeyeon gets up on her feet again and able to go on with life.

“You will. I know you will.”

Taeyeon closes her eyes as she lets the wind brush through her skin. Today was a good day. She was in her happy place; in the middle of a grassy land, with nobody and nothing else but herself and her car. She smiles as she inhales the fresh air; something the city couldn’t give. This was life. She loved the tranquility that was surrounding her. She felt free, finally free from all the heartbreak and the pain that she’s been through for years.

For the first time in a few years, she was happy, and silence wasn’t as frightening as it was before.

She feared silence because in silence her thoughts were loud. That drove her crazy. Having so much thoughts with no one to talk to and with nothing to vent into. She felt like drowning. No wait, she did drown, the difference is that she managed to stay back up.

“Hey.”

She slowly opens her eyes as she squints at the girl who just arrived. It’s been months since they last saw each other. Taeyeon loved Tiffany so much that she forgot to leave some for herself. However this time, she’s learning to love herself too.

Because how can you love someone else if you don’t even love yourself?

“Hey.” She answers simply.

“May I?” Tiffany gestures points to the space beside Taeyeon, asking if she could take that space. She smiles when the older gives her a small nod. She sat there, beside Taeyeon, just like how it was a few years ago, when she promised the girl that they’d go on forever.

They sat in silence, and yet nobody was complaining. They both knew that knowing they’re both there, in each other’s presence was enough.

“So... how are you, Tae?”

“I’m doing fine.” Taeyeon answers simply, not in the mood to chat, really. She came there to reflect and to enjoy the silence, and yet Tiffany was there, stirring a lot of feelings inside her again.

“You didn’t atten my w—“

“I got busy.”

Truth is, Taeyeon didn’t want to come. Why would she? She wasn’t looking forward to the pain. She couldn’t bring herself to watch Tiffany walk down that aisle. She couldn’t, until now, no matter how much she tells herself that she’s moved on, her heart doesn’t agree. Tiffany was her first love, and Taeyeon hated how she was the first. She opens her eyes and she turns to look at Tiffany who was sitting there in silence, deep in thought. She looked happy, at least to Taeyeon she did. The older wished for herself to look happy too, even just today. She wanted to show Tiffany that she can be happy without her but she can’t.

Because in the first place, she wasn’t.

“You’re really hurting me, you know.” She says, her heart sinking deeper when Tiffany looks at her with her wide innocent eyes. Taeyeon loved how gorgeous Tiffany’s eyes were. She’d exchange her whole life just so she could look at the girl’s eyes forever.

“You left and when you come back you have a stupid ring on your finger. You said you just wanted to reach for yor dreams. Apparently I wasn’t part of those dreams.”

Tiffany swallowed every word that Taeyeon threw at her and she knew that she had no right to answer back. The woman was right. She left and when she came back, she brought nothing but pain to her. She didn’t deserve Taeyeon, yet she wants her, still.

“I-I... Tae...”

“Save it. I don’t want to hear anything.”

“I love you.”

Taeyeon wanted so bad to hit Tiffany in the face. She can’t just come in there, disturb her daydream, and then tell her that she loved her. Taeyeon wasn’t going to fall for that trap again. She won’t let herself fall for that.

“But I did not love you enough at that time to include you in my dreams.”

Taeyeon wanted so badly to cry and just beg for Tiffany to come back but she knew better.

“You should’ve told me sooner.” She simply answers back. She couldn’t work out some words anymore, it was hard, “I waited, Tiffany. I always thought you were worth the wait.” She adds, biting her lips as her tears threaten to fall. She can’t break down in front of the girl, she doesn’t want to. She clenches her fist and she sighs,

“I still think you are.”

“I’m sorry Tae.”

Taeyeon chuckles bitterly. She wonders why the girl even came there in the first place. Sure, that was their place, but shouldn’t Tiffany know better? She left every memory to Taeyeon, she shouldn’t be there.

“Please forgive me.” Tiffany mutters, reaching for Taeyeon’s hand which the owner quickly reclines away from her. She almost gasps, but she knew that she deserved it. Taeyeon stares at her again and says,

“I need you... to get out of my life, Tiffany.”

It was a plead.

“If it’s a world without a purpose, then so be it.”

“Tae...”

“Please. I need to move on, and I can’t do that if I see you in every people that I see and in every place that I go to.”

Tiffany looks down on her head as she ponders. She broke Taeyeon and now she doesn’t want to be fixed. Did she make a mistake? Taeyeon was right. She needed to get out of her life, if that’s the only way she can help the girl, she’d do it. She gives the woman a small nod of the head as she stands up,

“Okay.” She dusts her little dress as she stares at Taeyeon one more time, “I wish you well in life, Tae.”

“I wish you well too.”

“I love you.”

Taeyeon, for the first time, smiles at her, and Tiffany knew just how genuine that was.

“I love you too.”

“Maybe in another life.”

“Maybe in another life, Fany.”