The butterfly effect – the concept where small causes can have larger effects

It’s not a proven theory, but if it was true, then everything originated from one moment that led to the massive changes in the dynamic of the small group of friends.

The clang of metal chopsticks against the table premeditated everything that followed on that cold winter’s day.

***

“Yah!” exclaimed Byulyi, pulling back away from the table. “Can’t you use chopsticks properly?”

“It’s only some radish juice Byulyi. Calm down.” Yongsun replied, taking her chopsticks into her hand again. She picked up a piece of pickled radish and bit into it.

“It just bought this shirt.” Byulyi retorted. “I don’t want radish juice to stain it.”

Yongsun looked at Byulyi incredulously. “The juice is clear.”

“It can still stain.” Byulyi argued.

As the two women went back and forth, Wheein and Hyejin stared at them from across the table. They could already sense the conclusion of this fight. They’ve seen it all too much.

“Should we just leave?” Hyejin whispered to Wheein.

“Should we? I don’t think they would even notice.”

Suddenly, the voices across the table rose.

“How can you say such words? You know I am still you’re elder.”

“Then, why don’t you act like it?”

Finally, it seemed Byulyi’s words were the last straw. Yongsun slammed her chopsticks on the table.

“I’ve lost my appetite. I’m going home.”

The younger girls chorused their protest, trying to subdue the situation, but then Byulyi had to put the last nail in the coffin.

“You’re so melodramatic.”

Wheein and Hyejin stared at Byulyi. Then, they darted their eyes toward Yongsun. They could practically see the fire and sparks between them.

Without another word, Yongsun stood up and stormed out of the restaurant, after throwing some cash on the table. In her absence, there’s only awkwardness.

“Unnie, I think this time you went too far.” Hyejin said.

Byulyi didn’t respond because she already knew the truth. She stared at the small dish of cubed radish and suddenly stabbed one with the chopstick. The other two jumped, gulping simultaneously.

“Stupid white radish.” Byulyi muttered.  

Soon, the trio decided to call it quits. However, Hyejin and Wheein had already decided to go to a cocktail bar before they headed home, while Byulyi just wanted to rest. So, they parted ways, leaving Byulyi to contemplate how she was going to apologise to Yongsun once again.

At the bar, Wheein and Hyejin managed to find an empty table in the midst of a busy evening in Hapjeong. 

“So, do you think the two made up?” Wheein asked.

“Not yet. Knowing them it will probably take a couple of hours before Byulyi gives in and apologises, like always.”

The two could only shake their heads. Even though the other two women of the group were just as close friends as they were, they fought far more often.

“I’ll get the first round.” Hyejin announced, dashing to the counter. She was always excited to go drinking, especially with Wheein. Alcohol seemed to loosen their words, even though they were best friends.

This left Wheein to her own devices, mostly taking selfies with her phone and checking her messages. Even though they were best friends, she was never tired spending time with Hyejin. Sometimes, even though they lived in the same building, in the apartments just opposite each other, it felt like there wasn’t enough hours in the day.

All of a sudden, someone sat next to her.

“Hi.” greeted the stranger.

Wheein looked at the young man. Even she could appreciate that he looked rather handsome.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“Wheein.” However, even if he was cute, Wheein could sense he was a player. Or someone desperate for a date for Christmas. She wasn’t going to be that person.

“Can I have your number Wheein?”

Before Wheein could have a chance to reject him, there was a loud cough from above them. They looked up from the table and saw a rather annoyed looking Hyejin.

“Excuse me but you’re interrupting our girl’s night.” Hyejin coldly stated.

“Girls night? You sure you ladies don’t need some male company?”

Wheein couldn’t help but sneer. All of a sudden, Wheein whelped in surprise. The guy was suddenly drenched in alcohol. Wheein stared at Hyejin and she was tightly gripping the empty glass. She was fuming. It was the first time she had ever seen Hyejin this angry.

Before either of them could react, Hyejin grabbed Wheein’s wrist and pulled her up. They quickly escaped from the bar, leaving the distraught guy in their dust. Finally, when the coast was clear, Wheein regained the sense to stop.

“Hyejin, stop.” breathed Wheein. She was out of breath with all the fast walking.

They finally came to stop at the rail of the Han river.

“What was that?” Wheein asked.

Hyejin dropped her hand and she spun round. “I should ask the same.” Hyejin returned.

When she saw Hyejin’s eyes, Wheein knew she would get the wrong idea.

“He was just some guy.”

“Some guy that wanted your number.”

In those moments, Wheein really found Hyejin adorable. Even if, she was being jealous for no reason. She edged closer to Hyejin, who now leant against the cold rail.

“I wasn’t going to give him my number.” Wheein reassured.

However, Hyejin didn’t answer. Wheein stepped closer, lying her cheek on Hyejin’s arm.

“Hyejin.” Wheein breathed into her ear.

Her ticklish breath caused Hyejin to giggle. Wheein grinned. She always knew what to do to make Hyejin feel better.

Hyejin sighed, defeated by Wheein’s cuteness.

“I just don’t like it when people flirt with you.”

“I’m the same.” Wheein replied. She remembered every face which approached Hyejin, asking for her contact details, flirting or not. However, with Hyejin’s natural flirtatious manner, Wheein never knew whether she was interested in them or not. However, there would be one day that Hyejin would reciprocate someone’s advances. In that moment, would Wheein have the courage to grab her wrist, or let her go.

“But one day we’re going to have to let each other go. We can’t possibly really be each other’s wife.”

Wheein forced her laugh but Hyejin stopped her with her question.

“Why not?” Hyejin demanded.

Wheein gazed at her best friend. She stared back earnestly. Every time Hyejin imagined Wheein with someone other than herself, she couldn’t stand it. She wanted to break that person. It made her furious because she knew the only person that could make Wheein happy was herself. However, she could also the person to break her. And Wheein knew that.

“What are you talking about Hyejin?” Wheein scoffed, trying her best to play it off as a joke.

However, Hyejin wasn’t going to allow her to play it off as a joke. That was always Wheein’s tactic when Wheein felt uncomfortable. It hurt that she was making Wheein uncomfortable. However, she was going to be selfish. One of them had to be brave.

The kiss was quick and sudden that Wheein wouldn’t have realised it happened if she hadn’t felt breathless. It wasn’t until she had to take a sharp breath in that Wheein acknowledged what happened.

“That’s what I’m talking about.” Hyejin quietly said.

They both don’t say anything. They listen to the soft river currents and the distant sounds of cars – evidence that there was a life beyond them. However, all they could see was the other woman in front of them.

“I’ve stopped seeing you as my best friend.” Hyejin admitted, breaking the silence. “I want something more.”

When Wheein didn’t answer, Hyejin felt fear slip inside her, making her shiver. It felt colder than the winter night.

“You don’t have answer now but-”

Air was forced from her chest when she felt Wheein slam into her body. Her embrace was tight, almost desperate. Even through their coats, Hyejin felt Wheein’s heart pummel on her chest, as if asking for her to open the door. However, Wheein had already entered her heart a long time ago.

“Hyejin.”

Wheein didn’t look at her, but nestled deeper into Hyejin’s neck. Hyejin pressed her ear into Wheein’s hair, listening.

“I love you.”

She said it without any fear. Wheein had often said those words to Hyejin, and to those she adored, but it never felt like this. Before she didn’t know what true love was, until she said it. And Hyejin didn’t realise she needed to hear it until she did. This time the words held so much more weight than ever before. It was the gateway to having more moments together, but more risk of becoming hurt. However, as long as they were together, she was sure they would overcome anything.

In that moment, snowflakes started to drift down from the dark sky. The two were so enveloped with one another that they didn’t even know it was the first snow. In the cold, Wheein and Hyejin sought warmth and found it in each other.

While one couple came to existence, Yongsun was in her home thinking about the argument she just had with Byulyi. She was still angry at Byulyi for her words, and over-reacting, but at the same time she felt guilty. Yongsun knew she shouldn’t have retorted and acted the way she did. She shouldn’t have pulled the age card. They were friends first, and Yongsun knew Byulyi would never disrespect her. However, the question was if she could bring herself to actually admit it to the other person. Yongsun wasn’t sure.

As she was contemplating this, her phone suddenly rang. Byulyi’s face and name flashed on her screen. Immediately, she answered in a heartbeat, momentarily forgetting she was meant to be annoyed.

“Open the door.” Byulyi’s voice said as soon as she answered.

Yongsun practically ran to door and saw Byulyi standing there. They hang up at the same time.

“Can I come in?” Byulyi tentatively asked. She might as have been shyly kicking and scuffing her shoe.

Yongsun smiled. Sometimes Byulyi acted more tentatively than she appeared.

“Do you even have to ask?” Yongsun replied.

Byulyi took Yongsun’s reply as a sign that she was no longer in a bad mood.

“Do you want some tea?” Yongsun asked, as she already had boiled the kettle.

Byulyi accepted the offer, and then she went to the balcony door, opening the curtains that shielded the city lights. In this night sky that was speckled with lights of others’ lives, she found it beautiful and lonely all at once. It made her realise that in the scheme of things, she was just one star in a galaxy of millions.

“Here.”

She turned around and found Yongsun, who was the sun that shone brightly, a star in her own right. However, she wasn’t unreachable, she was right in front of Byulyi, within grasp. Byulyi just had to reach out and catch her.

Byulyi sipped at the tea, and let it warmed her body. Yongsun stood silently next to her, also revelling at the winter view.

“I’m sorry. For earlier.”

Like always, the fight didn’t last long. They always reconciled.

“I’m sorry too.” Yongsun replied.

“I shouldn’t have jumped down your throat. It was only radish juice.”

They laughed. They always did this after a fight. They would heal but admitting how silly the things they argued over were.

“I also shouldn’t have fought back.” Yongsun added. “Sometimes I just can’t handle it when you say hurtful things. It just sounds worse when it’s coming from someone who I care dearly for.”

Byulyi placed her cup down to prevent herself from dropping it. Her hands trembled like her heart did.

“You shouldn’t say those things to me.” Byulyi said.

“Why?” Yongsun questioned, wondering what Byulyi meant. There hasn’t been a moment when they couldn’t tell each other anything.

“You’re my best friend.” Yongsun continued.

“But I’ve never seen you as just my friend.”

There was a pause. It allowed Byulyi’s words to sink into Yongsun, but the more she thought about them, the more confusing it became. Byulyi sighed, emptying out all her anxiety. Ultimately, she admitted what she had held deeply inside her heart. She just couldn’t take it anymore because it was eating Byulyi inside. To lose it and gain it all, Byulyi had to find out.

“I’ve always wanted more than that.” Byulyi said. “I want to be more than just friends.”

Yongsun stepped back and put her mug on the table. Her brain just wasn’t able to comprehend Byulyi’s words. She could just about hear over her pounding heart.

“But we’re both girls.” Yongsun voiced, more than to herself than Byulyi.

Those words made Byulyi’s chest ache. It was leading to a rejection that Byulyi didn’t want to receive.

“I know.” Byulyi forced, biting her bottom to prevent herself from crying.  “One of the reasons why I could never tell you.”

Byulyi stared out, catching a glimpse of white.

“It’s the first snow.”

Byulyi was diverting the subject. Yongsun’s reaction made her terrified, and she regretted her moment of braveness and weakness. She shouldn’t have confessed. If she didn’t say anything, Byulyi wouldn’t be losing her best friend.

However, Yongsun didn’t notice the snow, or anything else other than her chest and Byulyi’s small back. Yongsun had never felt her heart thump so loudly and quickly. Her cheeks felt like they were on fire, and she hadn’t even turned the heating on in the house yet. And never had she felt the urge to embrace Byulyi more than that moment, so much so that it made her fingers twitch.

“When did you start feeling that way?”

“Since I can remember.”

Again, Yongsun felt her heart jump at Byulyi’s answer. Finally, she stepped towards her, and observed Byulyi’s profile. She could see her pupils quiver and her lips pressed tightly together. Yongsun glanced down as saw Byulyi’s hands curled into tight fists. These were all tell-tale signs that Byulyi was nervous. She was making Byulyi anxious.

Byulyi is startled when she felt Yongsun touch her hand. Automatically she released her hands, allowing them to breath. She didn’t even realise her nails were digging into her skin.

“Thank you for telling me Byulyi.”

She watched Yongsun deliberate what she was thinking. Sometimes her thoughts were so obvious from her expressions, but this time, Byulyi couldn’t read her. She was waiting for the ‘but’.

“But I don’t know what I feel.” Yongsun finally answered.

Byulyi could have run away then, but Yongsun held her tighter, as if she knew she would try to escape. Occasionally, Yongsun knew Byulyi more than herself.

“But, I also know I don’t want to lose you.”

Slowly, Yongsun stepped closer. She stared at Byulyi’s eyes, eyes which always glistened. A fact she didn’t realise until then.

“Is that okay?”

“Do you even have to ask?”

Yongsun grinned and Byulyi cheekily smiled. Still holding hands, they faced the outside again. They let each other’s presence envelop their hearts.

However, Byulyi wasn’t focussing on the scenery in front of them. Instead, she was staring at Yongsun’s reflection. She just couldn’t take her attention away from her. She was this close, she just needed to have one moment to satisfy her need.

“Yongsun.”

“Hmm?”

Byulyi grabbed Yongsun’s other hand and again they were staring at each other. Yongsun noticed Byulyi’s gaze dart from her eyes, then down to her lips. She had received that gaze before, but she always assumed it was Byulyi just teasing. However, from her intense stare, it definitely wasn’t a joke this time.

“Will you let me have this one night?” Byulyi softly asked.

Her face gradually drew closer to Yongsun, but she couldn’t move.

“Don’t.” Yongsun whispered. However, she didn’t step back.

“Tell me to stop and I will.” Byulyi muttered, staring at Yongsun’s eyes.

When she didn’t see fear in her eyes, Byulyi moved her gaze to Yongsun’s lips. Then, they both closed their eyes as they had their first kiss.

It was the year’s first snow, but Byulyi and Yongsun only saw fireworks.

***

EPILOGUE

“Merry Christmas!”

The four girls, dressed in their couple pyjamas, exchanged presents. They exclaimed in delight and surprise at each other’s gifts.

It was another year, another time to share happiness and be grateful for each other’s presence. They were loved and lucky to love as well.

“What is this Moon Byulyi?”

That is, unless you give your significant other a pretty poor gift.

“What are these?” Yongsun asked again, waving flimsy pieces of paper in front of Byulyi’s face.

“They are MoonStar coupons.” Byulyi responded, rather proudly.

“A ‘free hug’. ‘Free massage’. ‘Shared bath’. This is what you call a gift?” Yongsun demanded.

“I think it is. I did my best to pick a great gift. And what better gift than me?”

Byulyi turned when she heard the sound of disbelief. Hyejin and Wheein were snickering to themselves, watching the exchange.

“Wow.” Yongsun sounded. “Sometimes I can’t believe how much up your own you are.”

“So, you don’t like the gift? That’s a bit mean.” Byulyi replied, feigning being hurt. In reality, she had Yongsun’s true present at home, which there was no way she would reveal in front of her younger friends. It was far too risqué.

“Of course I don’t! I can’t believe I bought you new trainers.”

“Come on. You love it really.”

However, Yongsun stood up to go to the kitchen. Byulyi quickly followed suit.

Hyejin and Wheein shook their heads as they heard Byulyi’s pleas.

There are some things that cause events which lead to bigger and better things. However, there were some things that never change.

Merry Christmas MooMoos! I wanted to give a small present to all those that love MAMAMOO, my stories and just Christmas in general. Thank you for taking the time to read, subscribe, and/or comment on all, if any, of my stories. It really does mean a lot and hope this new year brings about creativity and more chances to keep writing. Hope you all have a great holiday, as well as a wonderful new year! 

P.S. 

I took the time to come to terms with a loss. He wasn't someone I particurlarly knew personally, and he wasn't someone I had ever met. Even so, he managed to touch my life in multiple ways. Jonghyun, as a member of SHINee, was part of the first boy KPOP group that I loved and followed. Their music influenced me so much that I still have a poster of them on my wall to this day. Although I have to admit, I did stop religiously listening to their music, they are still great. Jonghyun was great. His music is great. My hearts go out to all those that also felt this loss from the Korean music industry. I hope everyone can have the courage to overcome their struggles, and if they can't alone, to seek support. It's a hard enough life to live alone, especially when you bring yourself down. Let's learn to live among each other and try to learn to take the opportunity to ask for help and attempt to understand each other's individual struggles.

Thank you Jonghyun in all that you gave to this world. Rest in peace.