RED

I don’t know what set it off but I think it was because of me. I shouldn’t have suggested to go to the cinema. I heard that you could get cinemas with assisted headphones, that dictated the film, allowing those hard of seeing to be able to hear what was happening, like an audiobook. I thought Byulyi would like it. I should have known better.

“Where are we?” asks Byulyi, after I had kept the date as a secret.

“We’re at the cinema!” I say excitedly.

She looks at me incredulously. Then she laughs.

“I know I don’t look blind but I think my sight stick might have been obvious.”

“It’s not a normal show.” I exclaim, wrapping my arm around hers. “It’s a special showing where you can wear headphones. It’s like you’ll be living an audiobook.”

“What is that?”

Her tone changed. It’s cold. I should have known then.

Byulyi pulls away from me. “Did you think I would like this? Being reminded that I can’t see?”

I don't know what to say. I didn't expect this reaction. 

“I thought-”

“You thought you could give this blind woman a gift, which would remind her that she can’t even experience the cinema like a normal person.”

I didn’t know what to say. The fact that Byulyi thinks I could be such a thoughtless, insensitive person, hurt me.

“I know you think I’m being ignorant, but I just wanted to spend time with you Byulyi. And yes, maybe I wanted to go to the cinema, like a normal couple, but it beats being at home all day. Don’t you get bored just being at home?”

“I don’t. Because I’m with you.”

Byulyi knows how to make someone feel like .

“I’m going home.” she says.

“Don’t.” I surrender. However, she continues to walk away from me. “At least let me drive you home.”

Byulyi stops. “Fine. But only because I don’t know how to get to the station from here.”

The drive home is awkward as we sit in silence. When I get to her apartment, she quickly opens the door. I don’t even know how she knows when I stop the car that we are here, but somehow, she always knows when to open the door, and when I’m not just at a traffic light.

“Byulyi.” I finally say. “Am I still taking you to your appointment tomorrow?”

She doesn’t face me. Well, she doesn’t need to since she can’t see me anyway.

“Do what you want.”

And with that, she slams my car door. I observe her hastily go to her apartment lift. She easily enters and the doors close behind her. Her fingers always easily find her floor number. Her hands have that skill of effortlessly exploring until she found her goal. I remember when her palms scaled my body, and her lips explored me, discovering all the right spots. I need to keep reminding myself that Byulyi isn’t any more different than any other person. Actually, she’s more astounding than a ‘normal’ person. I wish she could realise that too.

=============================================================================================================================

BLUE

When I hear the similar engine of Yongsun’s car, I can’t help but be surprised. With the way I acted yesterday, she shouldn’t have to be here. I was a total jerk. However, when that rush of anger gets to me, my mouth has no barrier for the spiteful words that come out. Maybe it’s a protective mechanism. Before I get hurt, I hurt the other person first.

“Morning.” I quietly greet when I go on to my side.

“Morning.”

Again, in that stifling silence, we drive to Hyejin’s office. At some point, it gets too suffocating.

“I’m sorry.” I break. “I shouldn’t have jumped down your throat like that, when you were only doing something nice. It’s just…”

“It reminds you that you’re not like me.”

My silence is agreement.

“I get so tired of not being able to see. So tired of not being able to see you.”

The hand that clasps mine is warm. I hope tears won’t affect the result of my tests today.

When I go into Hyejin’s office, she’s efficient as always. Before I know it, she’s done.

“There seems to be no difference, which is a good sign.” Hyejin concludes. “Although they seemed to be a bit red today. Maybe I should prescribe some eye drops.”

“There’s no need.”

I feel her look at me. But she decides not to address it.

“So Yongsun is outside again?” she asks. Instead she decides to take another path which I don’t know if it makes me more or less uncomfortable.  

I nod.

“And how are you?”

I can’t help but sigh. “I just…” Sometimes, emotions are too difficult to put into words. “I’m tired.”

"I just don't understand why you don't complete this cornea transplant." Hyejin states nonchalantly. She’s offered the surgery so many times now she just says it without much conviction.

“I told you. I don’t want someone else’s eyes. They don’t belong to me.”

“At the beginning they don’t. But think about it. A pair of perfectly good corneas, going to waste.”

“It’s not going to waste. They’re going to someone who really deserves them.”

“Don’t you think you deserve sight too Byulyi?”

“I am perfectly content right now.”

Without needing a mirror, I know my smile looks fake.

=============================================================================================================================

RED

I can’t believe I’m sitting in a café, waiting to meet someone who isn’t Byulyi. It doesn’t help that I’ve had to keep it from her. When I received the call, I didn’t recognise the number, but I instantly knew who it was once I heard her voice. She had asked me to meet her. I was astounded, but my curiosity overweighed the surprise. Eventually I agreed to meeting her. It’s harmless I reasoned. However, why then, do I feel so guilty?

“Hi.”

Looking up, actually seeing her outside of her work, shocks me. Outside of her lab coat, I appreciate just how stylish the young woman is.

“Hi Hyejin.”

“So, you’re probably wondering why I asked you to meet me.” she says as she sits opposite me. 

“You could say that.”

“Then, I’ll get straight to the point. Do you love Byulyi?”

Her straightforwardness, as well as the question, makes me stutter.

“What?”

“Do you love her?”

How can I answer that question when ‘love’ is such an understatement for what I feel towards Byulyi? After less than a year of knowing her, I feel like she’s part of me. When she’s not with me, something feels missing. I’ve become so attached to Byulyi, she’s like a limb, and it would be like tearing off a limb if she went away. Just thinking of the excruciating pain is enough to make me want Byulyi to stay next to me every day.

“I do.” I simply answer, a complete understatement. “But I don’t know what that has to do with anything.”

“I know I’m practically a stranger, and Byulyi might not think of me as much more than her optometrist, but I think she’s an important friend.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I want her to apply for the cornea transplant.”

I stare at Hyejin. This is the first I’ve heard of this.

“What’s that?”

Hyejin looks at me, her expression not hiding her surprise that I had no knowledge of it. For some reason, my cheeks prickle with embarrassment. Was this something that big in Byulyi’s life? And if so, why didn’t she discuss it with me?

“It’s an operation that removes the corneas from a donor and transplants it to the patient.” Hyejin must have seen my uncomfortable expression, so she continues, “But if it’s successful, it could grant Byulyi sight again.”

“So, she would have someone else’s eyes?”

I can’t even imagine that. I’m accustomed to seeing those misty grey eyes, even though each time I find myself looking at them, I become breathless. I can’t imagine seeing a new colour, eyes of a stranger.

“I’m hoping you can convince her to at least go on the waiting list.”

“I don’t know.”

“I know it’s a selfish request, and rather manipulative, but I know Byulyi wants this. She would be able to see the changing seasons, the food in front of her, cars passing by her. You.”

My heart skips a beat. Byulyi would be able to see me? Would she look at me the same way? What if she doesn't like what she sees? It makes me nervous.  

“She just can’t overcome her sense of justice, however misplaced it is. She just needs to be selfish for a moment.”

Am I being selfish for wanting this? To be able to watch as Byulyi finally saw me, be able to see what I saw. We could finally appreciate the same sights together, and I wouldn’t have to stifle my excitement when I saw something new and fascinating because Byulyi couldn’t experience the same. I would no longer have to censor myself in case I hurt her feelings. I wouldn’t have to be so guarded. I could just be me.

“Please, at least try.”

I would try. Not for Hyejin I know for sure.

However, I don’t if it’s for Byulyi, or for me.

=============================================================================================================================

BLUE

I hear Yongsun washing the dishes and I lay against my sofa, full and content. I loved these moments where it was just me and her, alone, just us, enjoying each other’s company. It's like we're the only peole in the entire world. 

“You know, I read an article today.” Yongsun begins, as she heads towards me.

I naturally am drawn to her warmth like a snake, and I slither closer to her. Her arms circle around me and I now lie against her. Her chin rests on top of my head. This is home. 

“So, what did it say?” I ask, curious.

Even if I wasn’t curious, I would still ask to hear more. I just want to hear more of her melodic voice.

“It was saying that there’s scientific advancement in corneal transplants.”

I feel my breath catch in my throat. I wonder if Yongsun heard it. However, she doesn’t have my sense of hearing so I’m sure it’s fine. That’s what I tell myself anyway. I wonder if Hyejin said something to her. Surely not.

“Okay.” I answer, trying to keep my emotions balanced.

“And it was saying that it could grant even those who were born blind, sight again.”

“Interesting.”

“And apparently they’ve even brought this procedure to Korea.”

“Right.”

I do not like where this is going.

“Have you thought of getting it done?”

I knew it.

I carefully raise myself from Yongsun, distancing myself. I immediately feel cooler. I recognise this coldness and let it embrace me, even if it freezes my heart.

“Did Hyejin talk to you?” my voice sounds harsher than I thought it would. That’s how accustomed I’ve become to hardening myself – it’s second nature.

“Byulyi.” Yongsun says, her voice bending with her plea. “Understand, she just wants you to go on the list.”

“What is this? Are you two are friends now?”

To my own ears, I can hear my voice inching louder as the anger unwinds.

“Are you plotting with her?”

“Don’t make it sound so devious.”

“But it is. A medical professional that I thought I could trust has broken patient confidentiality by telling someone she knew could potentially influence my decision on a medical procedure which I clearly stated I did not want to do. On top of that, you blatantly lied to my face, without even an ounce of hesistation.”

“Byulyi, I didn’t want to lie to you. But I just didn’t know how to bring it up without getting Hyejin into trouble.”

“Do you really think I’m that clueless?”

I feel her hand grasp mine and I pull it back, as if I had been burnt. I don't want her to melt me.

“Don’t.” I exclaim.

My raised voice takes me by surprise, and by Yongsun’s silence, it must have stunned her too.

“I told Hyejin, and now I have to tell you. I don’t want to get this procedure.”

“Why? Why are you so against it?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“No I wouldn’t because you haven't told me anything about it. I had to hear about such a procedure, secretly, from your doctor after months of going to appointments with you is unacceptable.”

“What is unacceptable is you trying to impose this decision on me.”

“Okay, maybe I am imposing it, but it’s only because I want you to see.”

“I’m completely content being this way.”

“Oh come on Byulyi!”

I’ve never heard the way Yongsun exasperated.

“Can you really say your happy being the way you are now? Can you truly tell me that you don’t miss seeing?”

“There’s no way I can not say I miss it.”

“Then-”

“But, I still won’t get the operation.”

“Not even if I ask you?”

There’s a moment where we let Yongsun’s sink in.

“Not even if I want you to see me?”

Yongsun’s quiet voice makes me weak, and her question makes me powerless. Of course, I want to see her. To be able to see her face, her smile, her frown, everything. That yearning burns inside me. However, that desire, would it melt my fear? I want the person who is currently important to me to understand me.

“The reason why I don’t to get the operation might not make sense to you.”

She doesn’t say anything. It’s like she’s gone. However, I know she’s there because I still feel her weight next to me, indenting the sofa. Yongsun just listens.

“I told you about my parents. However, I didn’t tell you what happened during my father’s funeral.”

Even though I can’t see, the image is clearly plastered on my mind. Every time I remember it, the memory so vivid, it sends chills through my entire body.

I was only eight when I attended my father’s funeral. From what I could understand, my father’s family wanted an open casket for everyone to say goodbye, despite my mother’s disagreement. However, what they did not know was that my father was an organ donor. This included his heart, lungs, kidneys, liver, and even his corneas. At his final moments, when he was still breathing, the doctors stole everything they could that they deemed still useful. Then, as if nothing happened, we had to pretend like nothing was wrong.

Yet, at that age, I knew nothing about it. I was still blissfully unaware of this concept of death, until they told me my father would not come back. However, I thought, if he truly wasn’t there, why was he lying in front of me. Why were people around me, my mother especially, sobbing so hard for someone who was clearly lying there. I was sure he was just in a deep sleep. I just had to wake him up and my mother would stop crying. So, when it was me and my mother’s turn to say our last words, I reached into the casket. Before my mother could stop me, I pushed open his eyelids.

The black holes stared back at me.

The way I screamed was like I had seen a monster. This person wasn’t my father. If he was, where was his clear hazel eyes, that were always kind even when I did something bad. This person was a stranger. That’s when I understood that my father was no longer there. Then, from my eyes, I wept with my mother as we mourned for the person we could never bring back to us.

That haunting, hollow emptiness.

“Just imagining leaving someone like that, I just can’t.” I finish.

I wait for Yongsun’s sympathetic response. I’m sure she’ll realise my side and agree with my decision. Then, we can forgive each other and return to the way it was.

“You’re right Byulyi.” Yongsun finally says. “I don’t understand.”

My brows automatically knit together with confusion.

“I’m an organ donor. I made a fully informed decision, knowing what happens if I were to ever become brain-dead. Your father made that decision to give his organs to someone else, hoping to give someone else a fighting chance, or another chance, to live. He blessed his sight to someone else, the last act of goodness before they fully leave this earth. We know that they would not take them to where they’re going, beyond the living. Donors understand that once they die, they’re gone. It’s not like they can use it. You’re the one giving life to someone that’s passed.”

“So, you’re saying my fear is groundless? That I should forget about my family who died?”

“That’s not what I’m saying and you know it Byulyi.”

I know Yongsun is being logically, but I feel illogical. I just feel angry. 

“Yongsun, I’ve had enough of you disrespecting me. Just get out.”

“Fine. Do what you want. If it’s your life you want to waste, then go ahead. Just don’t force me to endure it too.”

The sofa shifts as Yongsun stands. She quickly heads to the door and I hear her quickly stamping into her shoes.

“I don’t ever want to see you again.” I call out.

My mouth clamps down as soon as the words leave my mouth, too late to stop me from saying a statement I don’t mean.

Yongsun closes the door without a word, having the grace to ignore the irony.

If I can see how I looked right at this moment, would I look as disgusting as I feel.

=============================================================================================================================

RED

It’s been a week since I’ve seen Byulyi.

At least, that’s what it appears.

In actuality, I’ve been watching Byulyi. Every time I walk through the park, my usual path to work, I see Byulyi, sitting at the usual bench. Even though it’s nearly spring, she still looks so cold. Her pale skin, her sharp nose, her frosty eyes. I just want to embrace her. However, each day, I walk past and just go to work. It’s like we’ve gone back to the time when she wasn’t in my life. However, it’s more torturous because now I know what type of person Byulyi is. She’s brash and a little careless, quick to anger but quick to cry. Yet, she’s so caring and tentative, remembering the smallest detail which could make me happy. Even though she appears cold, she’s the warmest person I know. And even though she’s so intelligent, she can be so dumb.

Wheein bounds to me as a stare mindlessly at my computer screen.

“Guess what!” she excitedly says. “My friend who works for Korea Airlines just told me they’re accepting new trainees.”

My heart jumps in excitement, my mind taken off from Byulyi for a brief moment. However, I remember the past two times I attempted the interview and test, and I remembered how badly I failed them. I quickly deflated. Wheein must have noticed.

“Forget about the last time.” Wheein encourages. “Why don’t you give it one more chance?”

“What if I fail again?”

“And what if you don’t?” Wheein swiftly responds. “There are only two options, success or failure. But if you don’t try, you’re always going to be here, wondering and maybe regretting.”

I could take the chance, and I could succeed. However, it would mean I would be going on to something completely new, foreign, something I didn’t know. This job, my friends, my family, I would have to move on from it. I would be leaving this life. And Byulyi is part of this life.

=============================================================================================================================

BLUE

She sits next to me. I know it’s her. Her perfume and her breathing pattern, it’s still the same. If I didn’t miss her, I do now. Even though she is sitting right next to me, the anguish of missing her is deeper than ever before. Maybe it’s because even though she’s just a reach away, I can’t touch her. Even though I could say sorry now, it would be too late. If I tell her I regret everything, all she would do is acknowledge it. Having her here now, just makes me want her and not want her more than ever before.

“I’m going away.” Yongsun whispers.

Even though it’s dawn, the spring air is warm. However, my blood runs so cold I might as well be ice.

“When?” I hear myself ask.

“I’m leaving tomorrow.”

I breath in deeply, trying to comprehend this wave of information. I exhale shakily, my desire to cry making me tremble. This is it. I’m truly going to be alone.

“If I ask, would you stay?”

I hate the way the question bubbles out of me. However, Yongsun doesn’t even hesitate.

“I would.”

My chest jumps as my heart tries to escape my diaphragm. I had to clench my fists, dig my nails into my palm, to resist the plea escaping my lips. I could never ask Yongsun to surrender anything for me. She’s already pitied me enough.

“I won’t ask you. I would never ask for you to do such a thing. Not for someone like me.”

Yongsun suddenly touches my hand. It makes me jump and unclasp my fist.

“Byulyi, I want to give you something.”

Something is gently placed in my open hand.

“What is it?” I ask.

“A letter.”

I can help but laugh. “Is this a joke?”

“It isn’t.” I can hear her smile. “If you want to read it, then there is a way.”

I withdraw my hand and it’s awkward again around us.

“You know I can’t.” I quietly answer.

“I know.” Yongsun says.

Then, after a moment as we finally come to terms with us ending, Yongsun stands.  

“Yongsun.”

Her name finally triggers the tears that I’ve desperately tried to hide. I hate it appearing weak, but Yongsun has done that. She’s made me into a weaker, yet stronger person.

“I love you.” I say, my voice cracking.

However, she doesn’t hear the break in my voice as rain suddenly dribbles on us. The droplets disguise my tears, but doesn’t retract from the warmth that suddenly surrounds my cheeks as hands warm clasp them.

The spring shower makes the air smell damp. It mixes with Yongsun’s sweet perfume as it surrounds me. She kisses my unexpecting lips and before I can grasp on, she’s gone. Like the shower that quickly stopped, Yongsun disappears without a word. The only thing that remains is the letter which I can’t see.

There’s only one person I can ask to read the contents of the letter.

=============================================================================================================================

RED

Byulyi, I don’t know if you’ll ever read this, or get someone else to read this letter, but I hope you’re doing well.

I don’t know where I am right now, but I just wanted to write all that I’ve since knowing you.

You know, I used to be a total stalker. Every time I would walk to work, I would see you, sitting alone at your bench. Every day, no matter how cold it was, you would be there. Without realising it, I drew more and more attracted to you. I wanted to know who you were.

Finally, I gained the courage to approach you. And that day, I’ve never been so shocked.

It’s strange. Although I know blind people exist, I’ve never met anyone with the disability. However, it’s not really a disability because you’re amazing. I’ve never known someone to be able to recognise someone so easily without seeing them. I was ignorant before I met you. I had assumed many things before talking to you, and that included who you were as a person.

At first, I thought you would be someone cold, distant. However, you are the complete opposite. You’re warm, funny and someone that loves to tease people. I realise you are more considerate, and yet self-doubting than I thought. The more I found out more about you, the more I wanted to know. Even if it wasn’t possible, I wanted to know so much about you, I could clone you. However, as I got to know you, I found something that I didn’t know about myself.

I discovered I was someone falling in love with you.

I still remember the day we kissed. It was the happiest moment of my life. It’s that simple.

And I’m a pretty simple person because there’s only few things I want.

1. To be an air hostess for Korea Air.
2. To be someone that can help people
3. To be able to support the ones I love

I think one and two I’ve done a pretty good job. But I wasn’t able to do number three because I hurt you, the person who I love the most.

The day you told me about your fear, I acted like I didn’t understand. But I do understand. I understand that fear.

Byulyi, even though you’re so bright, sometimes I don’t think you realise how sad you look. It’s rare but at those times, your frown is so deep I thought it was permanent. At those times I don’t know what to do because I’m scared if I touch you, you would break. You’re so fragile. I got so frightened that I would lose you.

I never want to force you to do something that you don't want to do. However, I see that you want it done, you just can't admit it. However, you’re also so strong. You’re the main reason why I decided to give a final chance at becoming an air stewardess. And now I’m a trainee. You showed me that whatever life throws at you, there’s a way to carry on. I hope you can realise that too.

I don’t really know the purpose of this letter, if it’s meant to be inspiring or touching. To be honest, I just wanted to write to you everything I want you to know because I’m not articulate enough to say it because every time I would look at you, you would take my breath away.

Honestly, I wish you to have the same experience. To be able to able to have that ability again, to have that same reaction at when you first see something so breath-taking you can’t help but stop and stare. Like the first moment I saw you.

You said you wanted to travel the world. You can with or without the operation. Even without the operation, I would want the best for you because you’re the person I love. I want to get your wish. I want you to experience the world in which you can only imagine. However, the world is far more beautiful than what you imagine. And it breaks me that you can’t free yourself from your fear to obtain something that could be so easily yours.

I love you a lot Moon Byulyi. I just wish you loved yourself as much as I love you.

I hope you gain the courage to reach for something that is within your grasp.

Always yours, 

Kim Yongsun.

=============================================================================================================================

BLUE

Hyejin sniffs next to me as she finishes the letter. I must look the same because the tears are dripping off my face.

“Hyejin. Put me on the list.”

=============================================================================================================================

PURPLE

18 months later.

“Welcome all passengers, this is the Captain speaking. We are set to arrive in Honolulu, Hawaii, in 12 hours.”

His voice fades out as the passenger’s eyes browse over the flight magazine. The air crew start to distribute refreshment.

“Madam, what would you like to drink.”

The passenger stops, feeling her heart jump. She looks up and stares at the air hostess. The staff member’s eyes widen. They recognise each other. The passenger stares at her face, the left eye in her socket. She never realised how grey her eyes are. Even in the mirror, her right eye wasn’t as mysterious as hers. It was like the skies before a storm.

The stewardess stares at the passenger, her brown eye in her left socket. She didn’t realise how much like chocolate they were. And she didn’t realise how much she missed the sweetness of her smile.

This is going to be an interesting trip.

=============================================================================================================================

A/N: 

And that's the end! Finally this two-shot is complete. I don't really have that much knowledge of blindness and everyone's view point on it, but just wanted to try a different type of story. Hope you guys enjoyed this angsty story. As usual, please comment :D