Byul closed her eyes as her stylist unnie commanded. She sighs as she gets her make up redone. They have to perform today in a university festival and the girl has been sighing for a hundred times now.

Byul used to like and hate getting her makeup done, but that doesn't make her feel anything now. She hates how sticky her lips get or how uncomfortable her face feels, but she likes the way she can steal a few minutes of sleep when her unnie puts color to her face. She feels calmest, just sitting there and closing her eyes.

Now, though. She is the opposite of calm. Her usual calm but playful demeanor as others often described her, was not in any way evident. 

And the subtle drumming of her fingers that has been going on for a while, did not go unnoticed by her members. She told her members about the program after her talk with the CEO. The two younger girls were excited but the older of the three became weary. When she and Yongsun, spent some time alone, she asked the older girl if she can do this program. The latter just replied with a simple 'Why not?'. Can't say if she liked Yong's answer or not. It would be just once in a lifetime  opportunity to be in a program with Soojung but she's so damn fine with throwing everything away for Yongsun, if her unnie just tells her to do so.

"Alright, you can open your eyes now. I'm done with you, Byul. You can maybe get some rest or something." Her stylist unnie said.

"Hmmm." Byul hummed and remained closing her eyes. She felt her unnie leave her side and she sighed.

Damn. I want to rest. She thought. Her heart's been beating so fast since the moment she woke up today, even in the night before, it still beat as hard, making her lack even more sleep than she already gets.

She's meeting Krystal today. They're going to have their first filming. And Byul has been restless and nervous as heck. She's going to be a wreck when she meets Kyrstal. She thinks.

"Byul-ah." A soft voice called her attention. A voice she knew so well.

She opened her eyes and looked up at her unnie. She had this sad, almost unreadable expression on her face. "Yes, unnie?"

She offered a small smile. "Are you okay?" In everyday of Byul's life, she tries to make this woman happy. Now, she is anything, but. She looked so sad and weary. She looks as tired as Byul is. Maybe even more.

She smiled, and held the older girl's waist as she helps herself up the counter full of cosmetics in front of Byul. "Of course, unnie. I'm tired is all."

When Yongsun is properly seated, she took Byul's hand on her waist to her hands and began playing with it. The girl looked so lost and Byul just didn't know what to say. "Nothing's going to happen you know." Byul said, hoarsely. She wanted to say it with more conviction, but it just didn't came out.

Yongsun's attention is fixed on her hand but Byul know she's listening. She gazed at the woman infront of her. The woman she loves. Pink locks cascading down her shoulders with black roots subtly showing. Head down as if she's afraid she might break down when she meets the younger girl's eyes.

Byul hates it. She hates not seeing her unnie smile. She hates making the girl afraid to look in her eyes. She hates making Yongsun sad. More than that, she hates herself.

She brought Yongsun with her in the freakin' bottomless pit. It was only her before. She was the only one who steals glances. Who steals touches. Steals kisses. Then she became braver.

She doesn't even want to be lovers with Yongsun. She just dreams of it, but she never actually tried to really act upon it. She knows, that if she told Yongsun she likes her, she will lose her.

If being friends with her will guarantee her more time with her unnie. If not confessing means she can stay close to her, then she'd rather they be friends for eternity than lose her.

But somehow, all her her stolen glances spoke volumes to the other girl. Somehow, all her subtle touches sent millions of spark in her unnie. Somehow, all her sneaky kisses made Yongsun lose her strength.

And before long, she felt her unnie's eyes on her, with the same loving emotion painted on it, she knows because that's how she looks at Yongsun all the damn time. She knows, the older girl has fallen for her.

Byul gets mad on herself, because she's very well aware that loving her means you'll have to cry a couple of hundred times. And that you'll be very hurt, a thousand times more.

Loving Byul is forbidden. It is against society's views. It is against nature's law. Yong will be judged harshly and stepped upon. And Byul cries at night thinking how she dragged a soft, beautiful girl in this huge of a mess. She doesn't deserve Yongsun. All she does is hurt the girl.

And yet, even if she knows all of these, she still longs of the glances, the touches and the kisses. She still loves Yongsun. And she probably will never stop loving her.

"Nothing's going to happen." She repeated with absolute certainty, like a law never to be broken. She's fallen so hard for Yongsun she can't even pick herself up. Yongsun continued playing with her hands.

"Unnie, I told y--" Byul paused and the older girl looked at her. With eyes, loving yet so sad. And tired. "I asked you if I can do this." Byul raised her free hand when her unnie tried to interfere.

"I'm going to ask you again, but with a different question. Do you want me to do this?" Yongsun opened but closed it after a second. She opened it again but closed it. She stared at Byul and sighed, she's trying to speak through her eyes. No. But you need to. Is what she tries to say. And Byul gets it.

"Tell me, unnie. Tell me and I'll drop this whole thing." Byul said, almost pleading. One word, one freaking word. She prays.

Yongsun took a deep breath. "Byul, I---" Their attention was stolen when the door opened loudly and there stood their manager catching her breath.

"Mamamoo, you'll be up in 5. We need to go. Now."

Byul sighed and looked at Yongsun. The older girl looks like she's not up for any confessing now that the momentum was shattered. She smiled at her unnie and stood up to help her down the counter.

"Let's go." She said as they head out with the two younger girls to follow their manager. 

Of course, Byul. Thing like these always seem to happen. She thought and silently chucked.

Ah. She still have to film with Soojung later. It's going to be long day. She thinks to herself.