I bore my eyes on the wall which is staring back at me. 
I did not know I had hurted him. 
The cold enveloped my body. 
I fixated my gaze at the window with my curtain hanging open. 
I got back to my senses when a familiar voice played.

"Ughh. Hello? It has been a week. I have almost forgetten about you. I've been very busy---no cut it! Why am I lying? Who am I kinding? You're talking to yourself Jihoonie so there's really no point taradiddling. ." 
I can imagine him rolling his eyes heavenward. 
I harked to his talking; this time, softly. 
His mood is very different from the last recording he had but it did not lighten my feelings at all. I remained in the dark. 
"I was really hurt the last time I recorded. Very. I don't like to sound like a ing bitter and all but that's it. Things changed no matter how you never liked it. No matter how you never wished for it. It will pass like any other things. That's life. Nothing's constant. Im really not bitter here. Im not. Really." 
He defensively recited before learning to pause for a bit. 
"Oh fine. Maybe I am. But that's not important. Anyway, we are already in the sixth song. I never thought I'd really continue this fatuity of mine. Recording things? Really? It's the 21st century. What the hell? But who cares? News flash! No one's. So let's continue this. I still got a story to tell. I'd do whatever I wanted to. The next song is a very good one--oh wait! All of the songs are good. It's me who chose it. Thank you. I have a really good taste. Witticisms haha. This songs have many versions but my favorite one is Tanner Patrick's. This song is called When We Were Young."
I changed my lying position. 
I faced the player as if I'm facing Jihoon. 
The song started playing. So does the agony.

Everybody loves the things you do
From the way you talk to the way you move
Everybody here is watching you
'Cause you feel like home
You're like a dream come true

"I feel a lot better now after that radio broadcast. It was really depressing. It drained me. It hurts like hell that I don't even want to think. I'd tried so hard to feel okay. To accept that, that's how you feel. I should respect it even it means stabbing myself. Things change. Look, Everybody adores you. Everybody likes you so it should not be that surprising that you'll be close to someone,someone else. like we used to. " 
I tasted his bitter words. 
I tasted all of it.
It's no good. Not a bit.

But if by chance you're here alone
Can I have a moment before I go?
'Cause I've been by myself all night long
Hoping you're someone I used to know

"Today, you spent your time with me. Wow! Sounds new! You sat beside me. You even huggged me and laughed with me even your joke is kinda lame. Like before. Even then."
"Cheol, you're my home. I told you that before. Didn't I? You feel like home. I scolded myself. Once again, here I am. Hoping. Not just for you to notice me. I was really hoping if we could be just like before. F-friends.b-bes-best f-friends. Laughing at our gags. Having our own world. Can you still be that someone I used to know?"

I felt a pang on my chest.

You look like a movie
You sound like a song
My God, this reminds me
Of when we were young

"Maybe it's still there. Maybe I just can't see. Maybe it's somewhere out there. Maybe we are still not broken. Like before, just like we were young, maybe it was here, maybe it still here. We just couldn't see." 
I catched his voice tattered.

Let me photograph you in this light
In case it is the last time
That we might be exactly like we were
Before we realized
We were sad of getting old
It made us restless
It was just like a movie
It was just like a song

"When you sat by my side earlier, i was searching. I keep on searching. The word 'before', Cheol it haunts me. I savored the moment. I savored every part of today. From the moment we laughed together like you never said we're awkward. Like there's no invisible borders you drew. As if I didn't cry. As if you didn't hurt me. Like everything's just the same. We're laughing hard our stomach hurts. But I was so scared. It was scary. I'm scared to death that this will be the last time we could laugh like that, that we could be just like from back then. Can't we just be like this? Can't we not involve the word now from the word before? Can we walk at the same path again? Can't we?" 
We can still be Jihoon-ah, I'm sorry. 
We can still work things out. 
I feel so dumb saying those words that cut everything off. Im sorry for being a .

I was so scared to face my fears
Nobody told me that you'd be here
And I swear you moved overseas
That's what you said, when you left me

"It was petrifying. To see you get too close to others. Especially to Jeonghan hyung. It should be me. It should be me you are laughing with. It was so frightening to see you drift away. To be left all alone with just our memories to hold. I should be happy. We talked and giggled like way back before. But it's alarming to think we've changed. That i could only have this stolen moments with you. It hurts to see you comfortable with others when it should be me you are running to when everything's not perfect. Like you used to. I feel betrayed. Call me selfish but i know It should have been me.All the things that Jeonghan's should be me. Jihoon's." 
Jihoon sniffed. So does I. 
Did I really acted that way towards him? 
I never intended to cut him off of my life. 
You are always a best friend to me after everything. You are part of me that I actually thought you have partially invented me. We have partially invented each other. That's how we are. 
That's why it hurts me when I see you walking away and keeping your problems just to yourself. I'm here y'know.

You still look like a movie
You still sound like a song
My God, this reminds me
Of when we were young

Let me photograph you in this light
In case it is the last time
That we might be exactly like we were
Before we realized
We were sad of getting old
It made us restless
It was just like a movie
It was just like a song

"After everything. Despite the changes, you still feels like home to me. You sound so familiar i could barely remember these ing changes. You are so familiar to me. When we're together, it feels like we are young again. It feels very Jihoon and Seungcheol. Just the old Ji and Cheol. Some days i wished we never grew up. Like peter pan, i wish we have here a fountain of youth. So we can never grow old. So things wouldn't change. So that it will never hurt. " 
Jihoon let out a melancholic plea. 
You're a home to me too Jihoon-ah. 
Sorry if I ed everything up. 
Mingyu's pillow was so damp because of my tears that I didn't even know streamed down.

When we were young
When we were young
When we were young
When we were young

It's hard to admit that
Everything just takes me back
To when you were there
To when you were there
And a part of me keeps holding on
Just in case it hasn't gone
I guess I still care
Do you still care?

"I sound pathetic that I'm living in the past. But Cheol, how can't I? It's the only thing i can grip onto. It's the only thing that reminds me how we used to be. That's what keeping me going. How I was so important to you. That for once, you have love me even just as best friend. Is it my fault that everything takes me back to what we used to? Am I that desperate if i hope that we never gone. That the the word we is still living in us. Do you still care? No not as a leader. But as Seungcheol. 'My seungcheol'. Because I still do. I hate to admit it but you are a part of me. I still love you. I still want you. "

It was just like a movie
It was just like a song
My God, this reminds me
Of when we were young

When we were young

"Can't we still be even just friends? Can you learn to be comfortable with me again? Just in case, you need me I am just here. Just like before, when we were young. When it's just the two of us.can't we try it again?" 
He is weeping. Pleading. 
I sat down. It's suddenly hard to breathe.

Let me photograph you in this light
In case it is the last time
That we might be exactly like we were
Before we realized
We were sad of getting old
It made us restless
Oh I'm so mad I'm getting old
It makes me reckless
It was just like a movie
It was just like a song
When we were young

"Im hoping that this won't be the last time. I'm still hoping we can restore everything back and be just like when we were younger. Me. You. The two of us. Don't get me wrong. I love the members. I do. I am thankful to all of them. But Cheol, if it's you drifting away, growing a distance, away from me, i can never watch it. What we had, i can never have it with anyone else. Now, i am left here wondering. Do you still want me? Are you just that someone I used to know? Am I the only one who don't want to grow old and be with the memories instead? Cheol, can we stop growing? If growing hurts this much, I'd rather not grow up. If growing up doesn't involve you in my life, i dont want it. If it means losing you, cant I be young forever? C-c-cant we.......You involved yourself too much in my life that I forgot how to live without you. So tell me, how can I familiarize myself to the thought of losing you? H-how? H-h-how? "
His voice trembled. He cried hard. 
The painful cries of Jihoon are harmonizing the instrumental part of the song. 
I let out a sorrowful cries. 
I can't do this. I cant.

A hand caged me. It feels warm. Warm enough but the coldness I'm feeling didn't even falter. 
"Hyung" he called. 
I snapped out from my emotions. 
I shouldn't look all weak. 
"Mingyu-ah you're finally here. Don't worry I'm not crying. My head hurts. " i equivocated. I faked a smile. 
He tighten the hug. 
"It's okay hyung. I heard everything. " he ruffled my locks. 
It feels like he is the older one just now. 
"Y-you h-heard? " i sniffed, looked at him, breaking the embrace. 
"Im sorry hyung. I didn't mean to. I was here when it played. Only a half of it. You probably didn't noticed me but I called you. I'm sorry. Don't worry, I won't tell. Promise." he assured me. 
I just think 
He stopped the player. 
"Hyung are you not going home? I think it would be better. To think that Ji---- never mind. You rest first. . " Mingyu suggested. 
This is what he likes about Mingyu. 
"Im planning to go home later. Thank you Gyu-ah." 
He nodded and stared at me. 
He come closer and comforted me with a hug but this time, I didn't cry. I should be tough. Not again.

Notes:

WHEN WE WERE YOUNG covered by Tanner Patrick is one of my favorite songs.

It is, really good it's making me cry.