Anxiety
DifferentI was so incredibly nervous as I walked back to the school that had once brought me comfort, but now brings me intense anxiety. As I was nearing the building it was getting harder to resist the urge to run away. I took a deep breath, and finally stepped on the premises. I went to the office with my mom in front of me. She checked me in while we waited for the person that was going to show me the room that I would be in. About five minutes later until she arrived. She had such a big smile that was very unnerving. With a push from my mom we followed the woman to the classroom. As soon as we arrived, she opened the door to reveal that it was filled with students. I stood frozen at the doorstep as my anxiety kicked in.
“I thought we agreed that I would be given a private room where I could work in peace.” I whispered to my mom. The woman seeming confused as to why I was clearly uncomfortable asked what was wrong.
“You see it was promised at the meeting that my son would be alone in a room.” The woman raised her eyebrows, and went on to say they never informed her of that. Of course they wouldn't have told her that. They probably told me that so I would show up. I tried my very best to not break down in that moment as I felt myself slipping. I was snapped back into reality as my mom was calling my name.
“Hakyeon ah” I shook my head as I stared at my mom who was gesturing at the woman.
“As we can't prepare a room for you the best we can do is put you in the corridor so you will be alone.” How humiliating. Nonetheless I agreed as I knew I couldn't go home anyways. I said goodbye to my mom as I was escorted back into the classroom. I was fully aware of the stares that I was getting, but did my best to ignore them. Most of them probably don't even know who I am.
“Alright now I'll help you setup your account” The teacher said as she the computer, and showed me a paper. I didn't even need to look at it to know as I had typed the same username for ten years. The teacher was surprised at how I was able to do it by myself. Was she expecting so less of me? Seeing as how I was able to do it myself she let me be, and told me if I needed anything to go ask her. I nodded and with that I was alone.
“Alright Hakyeon you can do this just pretend to be back in your room.” I told myself with a shaky voice. I closed my eyes to help clear my mind before opening them back up to get back to the task I was given. Two hours passed until the teacher came back to inform me that it was break.
“You can take a break to get some fresh air if you'd like.”
“It's okay I'd rather finish this.” She nodded and went to presumably get something to eat. I went back to my work. Another hour passed until I managed to finish the work I was given just in time for lunch.
“Okay so it seems you finished your assignment for today. You can go home now.” I nodded, but as I was turning to the door the teacher stopped me.
“Oh and starting from tomorrow you'll be put in the classroom with the other students.” I in a breath at that statement, but nodded. I quickly got out of the stuffy room trying to calm myself. I looked up to see so many people. Too many. With my head down I walked as fast as I could passed everyone until I was finally at the perimeter of the school. Quickly I crossed the street separating myself from the school. With one last glance I continued on power walking. I was practically running trying to get home as fast as possible. It felt like I was being chased. Within five minutes I was back. I ignored everyone as I hurried into my room. I sat on my bed and finally let the tears roll down my face.
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