I woke up and noticed I got a text from Taekwoon. I raised my eyebrow in confusion as I opened the chat.

“Hakyeon did you get your schedule already?”

“No we don’t get it until tomorrow.”

“What are you talking about we got our schedules today.” I stared at the phone confused as I checked my calendar. It read that we pick up our schedules tomorrow.

“I have on my calendar that it is tomorrow.”

“Hakyeon tomorrow is for freshman, today was for us.” What? I checked the paper and it did in fact say today was the day for seniors. Then why did I mark tomorrow. It took me some time to realize that I marked that day because that was the day Hyuk was going. I groaned as I laid back down on my bed hugging my pillow. I looked at the time and it was 12 pm meaning there was still time to go. On the other hand that strange feeling came back to me. I shook it off and went to tell my mom what happened.

“So are you going to go?”

“Maybe tomorrow in the morning.”  I said as I finished talking with my mom. I went back to my room to lay down and my laptop. I then searched for online schools. There seem to be many of them, but some were very expensive. I kept looking until I found one that was free. I started thinking about how better it would be for me to do this since I didn’t want to go to school physically. Especially with my recurring back pain that would come back in the most random times. Sometimes I would go for a week with no pain, and other times I would just be simply standing when the pain would come in intense waves. I decided I want to do online school because it was best for me. I waited until night to tell my mom about my decision.

“Mom can I talk to you for a bit?”

“Sure Hakyeon just let me finish washing the dishes.” I nodded and waited in my room for her to come. Five minutes later and she came walking in.

“What is it that you want to talk about?”

“Well I have been thinking about doing online school.”

“Why would you want to do that?”

“Because whenever I am at school I feel restrained like I can’t be myself there. It is very suffocating especially for me since all I want to do is socialize and have fun. I feel like I need to be someone I am not and it is so uncomfortable. When I am at home, I can be myself without having to worry about being punished or judged.” At this point I started to have tears in my eyes as I finished my speech. I couldn’t bear to let my mom see that ,so I looked down.

“So you're not going tomorrow then?” I shook my head as a response. I heard my mom sigh as she walked to the door.

“I am going to have to talk about this with your father okay.” And with that being said she walked out. The moment she did I started bawling. I don’t know what came over me. All I knew was that I felt like I let my whole family down. I knew the moment my mom walked out of my room that she was disappointed in me. I am never going to be the son she wanted. I then heard my mom and dad arguing and cried even more knowing they were arguing about me. I can’t seem to do anything right. My whole life I have tried to please everyone, and pay attention to their needs more than my own. While I suffered quietly, everyone else was happy. That is how it will always be. I sighed when I felt that I could cry no more. I grabbed my phone, and told Hongbin everything that happened. Once I finished I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

Sorry for the unexpected angst >.< But we starlight know Hakyeon always sufferes the most, but no matter what he always continues smiling to reassure us starlights. :(