In a carcass of depreviation is the foolish arrogance of a man who is ignorant of himself

Forgotten in tears is he who has no eyes, no face ; make an appearance with no appearance

A voice not needed to sing the tales of misery, ears not needed to hear the orchestra of regret

─────────────── ✝ ───────────────

“Are you ready to head out?” Soonyoung asked from the entrance of the apartment. It was early morning and Seungcheol had already gathered his things to leave for the mansion. He was woken up by a phone call and the person on the other line had introduced himself as the attorney’s son. He didn’t know why the son was calling instead of the man himself but he decided to save the questions for later. A few days after the attorney had told him of the contents of his uncle’s will, Seungcheol informed him of his plans to take up residence there. The man had assured him that he would take care of all the arrangements necessary for the shift. On the phone, the brown haired boy informed the son that he planned on moving that day, to which he got a reply that fixed their meeting there. Soonyoung was already awake at the time since he planned on going to the complex, which would be his studio in a few days, to start setting things up. He was more than happy to give Seungcheol a ride to his new home before going his own way. So they were on the road in the dullness of the winter morning.

Back at the apartment, Jihoon was still fast asleep. “He’s still not a morning person, huh?” Seungcheol said while they were having breakfast on the go. “Will he ever be? He’ll probably go over to check on you at the mansion later so don’t worry,” the raven haired boy replied. “You two don’t have to trouble yourselves like that. But come over if you feel like it,” the last thing Seungcheol wanted to be was a burden. His friend chuckled and glanced at him. “Yah you really did turn sappy, just like Jihoon said!” he chuckled. The boy just rolled his eyes. Now that he was alone with Soonyoung in the comfortable silence of the car, he could finally notice the differences in his friend’s appearance. There were bags under his eyes and his eyes still twinkled, but not as brightly as they once did. His hair looked a bit worn out and when he wasn’t smiling, he seemed extremely tired. Seungcheol thought back to his own appearance in the mirror last night. Life was really beating down on him and his friends. He remembered when they would go out for hours to play futsal or go to the cinemas late at night or play pranks on the librarian who would yell at them in her funny accent. Things were simpler back then. They didn’t have to worry about how to survive in the world. Seungcheol still had someone to call him his own, Jihoon’s parents hadn’t divorced and Soonyoung’s father hadn’t disowned him. That last bit really made his chest feel tight.

“No, I haven’t heard from him since then,” Soonyoung said in a small voice. It was like he had read his mind, but after all the things they had been through together, he wouldn’t have to in order to know what he was thinking. “Heh life’s pretty ty,” his friend added with a humorless smile. “I wonder which is worse… Not having anyone or having someone who doesn’t accept you for who you are,” Seungcheol said while leaning his head against the glass window. “They’re both pretty awful circumstances. But honestly, if someone abandons you when you need them the most, then there’s no need to cry about losing them. You’re probably better off that way,” there was slight bitterness in his words. “Don’t say that,” the brown haired boy added weakly. He knew just how much Soonyoung loved and admired his father. Heck, he must still do. But the pain of being thrown out of his life just for falling in love with someone from your own gender must have hurt the boy deeply, as it should. “But Cheol… I’m happy with Jihoon. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me; even more than dance. And if, even after all these years, he cares more about societal norms than his own son’s happiness then there’s no saving that man,” there wasn’t anger in his voice anymore. Just exhaustion. His friend was tired, not only from being overworked but also from the stress of life. As Seungcheol quietly watched the scenery outside of the window, he hoped that this town would heal whatever scars life had left on them.

After driving for a little while more, they parked in front of a black iron gate. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stick around while you talk to that guy?” Soonyoung asked. “No. I’ll be fine. You have stuff to do. Besides, an attorney’s son should know better than to do something illegal,” Seungcheol made a joke to lighten the mood. They both fist bumped before Seungcheol got off with his luggage and his friend drove off. “So… Finally here huh?” he looked at the mansion from behind the gates. It wasn’t that large but it was definitely the largest and oldest structure in the area. The boy opened the gate with a creak and slowly walked in the direction of the front door. The surrounding fence of the mansion had creepers and bushes growing in it. There was an old and weathered statue in the middle of the walkway. It was the shape of a woman, holding an hourglass in one hand and a weighing scale in the other. Her eyes were covered with a cloth but, for some reason Seungcheol felt that the woman that the statue was modeled after must have been beautiful. The area was mostly clean except for some leaves that had fallen from the overhanging trees. He and his friends had seen the entrance of the mansion many times from behind the gates. But this is his first time entering it. It’s not that his uncle had forbidden him to enter, and he was very well aware that the house belonged to his family, but he just never felt compelled to go past the gates.

Seungcheol stood in front of the dark mahogany door and just stared at the handle. This place had been one of the biggest mysteries of his life and now he was about to waltz through the front door. Steeling his heart, he clicked open the handle and placed a foot inside.

has quondam iterum circulus inceperat

“Seungcheol!”

A gentle voice like the spring breeze.

“Are you tired already?”

A smile that can bring angels to their knees.

“The game has only started!”

Hands, softer than celestial silk.

“Come and find me…”

Consumed by unfathomable guilt.

One step. Two step. This table. That painting. The stairs. Running and laughing. Children playing.

A sunny morning. Smell of lemons. Sweetest humming. Chop chop chop chop…

Chop.

“Mr. Choi?” a hand was placed on Seungcheol’s shoulder and he immediately snapped back to reality. His face was pale, head was spinning, he was breathing heavily and a cold sweat formed on his forehead. “Are… you alright?” the man’s deep voice echoed through his ears. Seungcheol had no idea what had just happened or what he had just seen. He found himself standing a few feet away from the staircase but he didn’t even remember walking to that point. There was someone in front of him at the moment so he had to act normal. “Uh… Yeah?” Seungcheol’s vision finally steadied as he looked at the man. He had black hair that was slicked black, wore a dark suit and thin framed glasses. His eyes seemed like they could cut through