Tired ~

that was what he was feeling as he came upon reality. his eyes were blinking, taking in the light coming in from the window from his left side. He was trying to figure out where he was, 

ahh, I'm in the infirmary .. but how ? 

he tries to recall what happened after seungcheol tackled him down, after the memories he thought to have erase resurfaced. he remembered not being able to breath properly, he recalled having a panic attack and mingyu yelling. he remembers jeonghans hand holding his hand and wonwoo ... he doesn't remember anything after that. 

his body was in pain and he knew his back was worst, he can the skin throbbing, almost as it hates touch the surface of the bed. he wrist are also hurting. he slowly caress the wrist that he remembered seungcheol grip hard on. the pain was a painful reminder that jisoo doesn't fully know seungcheol and just the though alone made him think if the situation was the same as the others, if there was a side that he doesn't of.

  it makes sense after all,  he thinks to himself, finally recalling those pity looks his peers would give him and the questions if he was okay. really, it sort of made sense to him. 

his heart was throbbing in pain, the tears slowly falling at the same of his eyes. the guilt and the regret of not telling his boyfriends of what happened during their absence. how they find out, jisoo doesn't want to find out. no not after seeing what seungcheol was capable of or even think if he was capable of doing what he said. 

If someone were to ask jisoo how he was feeling, he would’ve smiled with his infamous smile and give a short reply of tiredness. But the only thing stopping jisoo from actually saying that was because he was afraid. If they knew how tired he was from receiving their lies, jisoo was afraid they would leave him.

In truth, he was really tired and drain. Tired of everything being thrown at him. all at once without even letting him breathe.

He was getting frustrated with how he is handling everything and how tired he easily get. Jisoo was getting frustrated with himself. He feels as if the world is against him, not wanting him to be happy without anything going wrong after.
 

“Almost too good to be true,” he thinks to himself

He was tired of opening his mouth to talk, wanting to be mute till nobody asks him anything even in no regard. He was tired of talking but seeing how a muscle man enters his room with no words of saying means he was to talk at some point.

having such negative thoughts of wanting to just die so it would be easier for both him, his brother and his boyfriends and friends, if they would still consider jisoo as part of their group after what happened. brushing it aside like always, he pushes himself up into a siting position.

his back pain intensified even more, he pauses for a moment letting the pain subdue, before moving into a comfortable sitting position, the strain of moving his spine doesn't go unnotice as he tries to stretched but stops as it hurt just even by sitting. he's not alone though, as he noticed when he moved to sit up.

He stares at the muscle man standing right in front of him, who was still standing right beside the door obviously blocking it on jisoo's right.

“ Jisoo” he nodded at the man in front of him, confirming his name. He knows the man.

“How are you feeling?”

Jisoo doesn’t say a word but looks at the man that was assigned to him as his bodyguard, Jaejin. his bodyguard before he came here.

“Jisoo, are you alright?” the bodyguard, Jaejin asked him again but in a gentle way.

He doesn’t know. Is he alright? seeing how one of his boyfriends become someone he doesn’t recognize and how he had triggered jisoo’s bad memories was so much for jisoo to say he was alright. He must look pathetic right now.

“Im fine,” he offered jaejin a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Are you ?”

There was a pause after the question his bodyguard jaejin ask him. A question with the hidden intention of wanting jisoo to tell him how he really feels instead of the im fine answer. Jisoo looks at him in the eye, jaejin saw the pain in them.

“Im okay” was all he can mumble out. He was telling him half the truth but partly lying too.

“We both know your not,” jaejin’s voice was soft when he told jisoo that.

Jisoo dropped his gaze to where his hands were, not wanting to look at jaejin any longer. “We both know that you are not okay, emotion and mentally jisoo”  jisoo had to close his eyes, taking in a deep breath which he found difficult to do so. He dare didn’t lift his head.

“It wouldn’t make a difference of whether I'm okay or not”

Jaejin didn’t know jisoo personally, but he knew his master well. Hearing him say such a thing breaks his heart because of how right he is. Whether jisoo was okay or not, it didn’t matter because it was like a routine for him to get hurt in the process. Almost as if the script was written.

“Your brother is going to find out why you were sent to the infirmary,”

At the mention of his brother, jisoo flinch. Damn, he just had to mention his brother

“ it's your job to make sure he doesn’t jaejin,” jisoo told him, his voice becoming solid cold.

“ We both know I can't do that, sir,” jaejin said, adding the word sir to emphasize that he means it's his job to report what goes on in jisoo’s life to his brother.

Jisoo lifts his head and glares at jaejin. His face forms a look of disdain towards the bodyguard that stands in front of him. A face jaejin is all too aware of.

“ and I'm fully aware of where your loyalties lay”

“Then you have understood that I have to report this to your brother, sir,”

Jisoo tilts his head to the side, the glare intensified. No more evidence of the pain, hurt look on his face but was replace with a scowl. its bad enough he had one of his boyfriend come after him for keeping secrets, the last things he needs is his brother on his case and that's something he does not want and he is going to make sure that it stays out of his brothers business.

“ then, I'm sure hongki won’t mind traveling back here, especially in his state, yeah ?”  the question appears almost too sudden. Jaejin gave him a hard look, the same look jisoo gave him when he mentions his brother in front of him. Fully aware of the game being thrown at him, how the latter in front of him plays with his wild cards,

“Your pick Jae, the love of your life or my brother; your boss ?”

"leave hongki out of this, he isn't involved in this" jaejin mutters out, loudly enough for jisoo to hear him.
 

jisoo lets out a scoff, "thats hardly not true Jae, you know that, why else would you have bothered to agree to be my bodyguard in the first place"

"I needed the job"

" if I was the same person back then, god how I would've believed you right on the spot, Jae" but jisoo turns his attention back down to his hands. " it would've been much easier if it was someone else who found out about your background instead of me,"

"you are mistaken,"

" am I?"

no one spoke for a few minutes until jisoo sighs and slumps back, wincing in pain as his back made contact with the headboard of the bed, a reminder of what happened not too long ago. He can feel himself shake as images of seungcheol starts appearing in his head. closing his eyes as he lets out a shaky breath.

" im not emotionally okay nor mentally, you know that. but it doesn't mean im not physically aware of what's happening around me. im aware."

" no one said you weren't "

" yet, you all act like it to me."

" they - ... they are just trying to protect you," jaejin told him, fully aware of how bad the situation can turn if he says the wrong thing to jisoo.

"granted, you may not like it or wants nothing to do with it, everyone knows how hard you are taking this and they understand. really they do"

" no one has to, anyone at home acts like im doing my hardest to ignore the situation, and yet, it pisses me off to the core and up to the point where I can't say anything about it."

"but your friends are different jisoo, they don't act like that towards you," jaejin told him softly, slowly diverting the topic to jisoo now.

jisoo doesn't say anything regarding that, he knows where jaejin was going with this conversation, but he doesn't want to take that part yet, not now. not right now, I don't want to think about them right now

"they don't count Jae,"

"yes, they do count"

knowing jisoo is not going to say anything to argue back, he decides to continue on since jisoo seems to be on the verge of quitting and that's something jaejin will not let him down that path.

"jisoo, in many ways, they count as possible and you can't deny that. you can't deny the big impact they have given to you and the bliss of moment for once you are having in life away from home, the mansion. away from your brother." jaejin tells him, " you and I both know that we have something, someone outside our circle that can be used against us and give them more harm than it can to us, you know that"

jisoo knew jaejin was right, he was always right. thats mainly why jisoo was against changing his bodyguard every month. he trusts jaejin with his secret and vice versa with jaejin. though they aren't head to head sometimes, he knew the both would die before ever letting out a secret of theirs. it was solely engraved into their hearts.

jisoo cringed at how cringy that was

" How did you know I was here ?" curiously, jisoo asked his bodyguard how he knew where to find him. his bodyguard once again went stiff at the question which earned him a look from jisoo daring him to try to lie, 

jaejin stumbled on his thoughts, he tells jisoo how he knew or he lies to him right on the spot, he bits his lower lip in figuring out which decision is best to take. though he wants to let jisoo know he can't, how do you break it to your charge that he's being watched. It's bad enough the younger master knows about hongki but how is he going to tell him about his other connections.

 god, this was so much easier when you were oblivious to everything  jaejin thought to himself. not please with the situation right now

" Jae," jisoo softly calls to his attention, the younger master gives a soft smile, " it's okay, I think its best if you don't tell me since it's taking you this long to answer,"

jaejin sighs, " I want to tell you, Ji, really, I do. much you knowing already too much about me is something that's against my agenda." 

at that jisoo nodded, understanding what the guard was trying to tell him. something he's grateful someone around him telling something that's no a lie but somewhat a truth regarding some unanswered question. 

a soft knock was heard outside, jaejin stands straighter than he was before and an uneasy feeling started to appearing within jisoo. the door that separates outside and jisoo. he sees the doorknob twisting, letting jisoo know the door is about to be open. the uneasy feeling within jisoo starts growing as the door opens and it was correct for jisoo to feel uneasy as the person who knocked, the person who opens the door to jisoo's infirmary room was someone jisoo didn't want to come anywhere near him. though jaejin's rigid posture somehow agrees with jisoo as they finally see the person coming into the room with an ease and light steps. 

finally, given the person, the male, jisoo recognize was his brothers' fiance. the man who jisoo knows would die for his brother. who would protect jisoo despite not being close to him. jisoo clenches his bedsheets as the male was fully inside his room. not forgetting to close the door and slowly turns to where jisoo was at. 

coming face to face, the male was around jaejin's height but a bit taller, which was obvious if you made the two stand together. he had sharp features and hair pitch black which brought out the paleness of his skin. seeing the male, his brother's fiance in front of him, subconsciously made him picture seungcheol standing next to each other. the seungcheol was the reason why he was in the infirmary. as he pictures that seungcheol, he couldn't help but shiver in fear at the similarities between the two. the image of seungcheol disapparates as the male made his way towards him, taking in long strides and finally coming to a stop next to him. straining his neck a bit to look up fully at the male, he made no move to greet him as he was shocked in fear of trying to figure out how and why the male was here. 

the uneasy feeling almost growing into panic was well hidden from his face as jisoo made sure not to show anything. but it didn't seem to deter the latter who's smiling down at him, eyes closed. his right hand was in his pants, and jisoo finally took in his clothes the male was wearing and look towards jaejin who wore the same thing as he did. 

they were uniforms, but not the uniforms jisoo recognize. His fist was starting to hurt from how hard he was clenching his fist. his eyes widen with fear appearing and jaejin who stood still had to keep himself still seeing the fear appearing on his charges face. but he knows the male in front of him wouldn't hurt the young master since he was engaged to jisoo's brother. jaejin tensely nodded to jisoo who was examining the uniform as he finally caught his eyes. 

the male made a move towards jisoo who flinched hard, which made the male pause his movements. he tilted his head in confusion. 

since when did you ever flinch upon seeing me? 

jisoo can hear the male thinking out loud and he wants to answer him, but jisoo can't seem to speak up or move a muscle. the uneasy feeling he was feeling wasn't a feeling he was to use to. no, he knew the male, his brother's fiance. but he doesn't understand why he was feeling uneasy with him in the first place, though he usually feel uneasy with him. but this was different. different from the type of uneasy feeling he was used to. 

was it because of seungcheol ? 

jisoo was trying to comprehend what he was feeling. he notice himself trembling, but he couldn't do anything about that. not when he was trying to figure out why all of a sudden he was afraid. was it the memories or was it because they were both so scarly similar that jisoo was beginning to feel traumatized by what happened. did picturing seungcheol to the male in front of him cause the fear growing. 

jisoo was scared, the situation was not helping him at all and it was taking a toll on him. 

the male lifts both of his hands in the air and making jisoo see them, jisoo doesn't do anything though. the fear he was feeling was growing. but the male doesn't need to know that. 

jaejin watches in guilt as he sees his young master flinching, it's too early for this, he just woke up he thought to himself, his eyes not leaving the male who moved his right hand towards him and toward the chair that just happened to be there. 

the male slowly takes a seat and looks at his fiance's younger brother in confusion. though the flinches were new to him, he can see that the young latter's fists were turning red from how hard he was clenching them. though he wants to ask him what got him so scared of him all of a sudden, he knows he has to make a friendly approach first. though he only wishes the fear in jisoo's eyes leave because he is not liking how the fear was an indication of letting him know that jisoo was afraid of him. thinking on letting the fear leave first he takes a few quick looks over jisoo's limb seeing a few bruises there, mostly likely indication the reason why he was inside the infirmary in the first place, 

he lets out a quiet tsk and looks at jisoo fully in the face, his eyes closing giving him a big smile, and lift his right hand, 

" yo " 











 

so its been a long time since I have updated this story and I finally did after some eon time. but I'm back, the updates will take some time but I will be update them every now and then. there are no scheduled days on the updates but I will update them when the other chapters are fully finished, so please enjoy this welcome back chapter of mine and leave comments below on what you think.