They found us out.

I don't know how exactly it happened, but they did.

The dean both called for us and I remember that we met each other halfway. We started walking beside each other by then and I think we both knew... just like everyone did.

They all looked at us as if we were fascinating animals from the zoo. Their stares were inquisitive, most were repulsed and scandalized while a few were gracious enough to look sympathetic.

We weren't directly called out but we could both hear their hushed whispers. You didn't care when you heard them calling you such hateful names but you completely lost it when you heard them say I was a or that I was easy.

I gripped on your sleeve to keep you in check but you went ahead and punched the guy in the jaw. I was shaking and keeping my tears at bay, completely frozen at my spot as I watched you hit, and get hit.

When I finally got the courage, I called your name once and you immediately stopped. It seemed like everyone stopped too because they suddenly grew quiet... unbearably quiet that I could feel my heart thumping and racing out of my chest. I felt suffocated under their states but I couldn't do anything about it. I was a sinner in their eyes... And I agreed with them.

When I started hyperventilating, you grabbed my hand and pulled me to walk so that we could get to the dean faster. You kept telling me that everything would be alright and that you'll always be there for me but they fell deaf in my ears. The only thing I could hear was my heart and the echoing fear that made me crumble. 

The prying eyes never ceased and it only got worse because you were holding my hand. I didn't take my hand away though. Your hand on mine was the only thing that kept me from entirely breaking down. 

I covered my face when I couldn't control my tears anymore but you took my hand and kissed my forehead. You did it in front of everyone and you didn't care what the people would think or say. You were looking at me with those eyes—the same ones that always worries about me and does anything to make me feel better. I don't know why it soothed me but it did. My smile was wavering but I still did it so that I could show you that I can be strong like he was at that time. 

We entered his office quietly and by the stern look on his face, we knew our fate. He told us to sit down and as we did, I heard him sigh out a pitiful breath. His expression showed anger and frustration but there was something more that hit me deeper than the rest. He looked at me with complete and utter disappointment. I should've been used to it since my parents would always give me the same look but he gave out a different effect. I was expected to just do my job and be professional but I failed him. 

He was straightforward into saying that I was fired and I accepted it silently. You, however, stood up and banged your hand on the table saying, "She didn't do anything wrong! We were married even before I changed into this university! Look at my records!"

But we both knew that it would be no use. It wasn't a matter of facts, it was a matter of the unspoken barrier that lied behind a teacher and a student. We may be innocent under the eyes of factual loopholes but we were guilty under the eyes of society. No matter how much evidence we give, we will never be blameless. 

Yet was it a sin to love? If one's intentions are good and pure then we shouldn't feel wrong. I love you because you're Kwon Jiyong. I didn't love you for the purpose of corrupting a student or for just wanting to get laid. I loved you for you and that, to me, is the purest thing that I could feel. My love for you is genuine... it's good. But society has fixed rules of morality, and because of that we were both tangled with the notion that we both got together with bad intentions. 

You kneeled to the ground and begged and begged until you started to cry. I was comforting you, telling you to stop but you said, "No! I p-promised that I'd give you everything! I-I... Dara." But we couldn't have everything. You may have promised that in the past but... I didn't really need everything. I only wanted you. 

Teaching has been my dream for years. Honestly, I didn't expect to teach in a university but here I was, your professor, and there you were, my student. It's my passion, yes, but you're much more than that. You're my life. I can live a world without having a passion but I can't live without a life. Wow, that was cheesy hahaha~ You like it though, so don't give me that look. 

I will always choose you in the end and that's a promise I can keep for eternity. 

Ultimately, I got fired and you decided to drop out of that school. Your parents were helping you pay for college and when they found out, they stormed into our house and your mother started pulling my hair and calling me a plague that had ruined your family. You stood up to your mother and told them, "You can disown me for all I care but you don't ever hurt my wife!" 

You sent them away and vowed that they'll never hurt me again because we were gonna cut off ties with them. I didn't tell you but I felt really guilty—almost to the point of nausea, even. I mean what kind of person would I be to rip you apart from you from your own family? But I didn't bring it up because whenever I do, you give me the silent treatment. 

After a while, I couldn't take it anymore since the guilt was eating me up. I went to their house while you were at work and tried to explain myself. I can't say they didn't do or say anything to me but I assure you, it's not as bad as it sounds... okay, they didn't leave any marks or bruises so that's pretty good, right?

Anyway, I went there and begged for forgiveness, saying that you were letting your emotions control you and that you didn't mean it when you said you didn't want to see them anymore. I told them how much I loved you, how much you mean to me, and that I would do anything to give you a better life. They told me that I should leave you if I wanted a better life for you but that was the only thing I couldn't do. I'm sorry for being selfish but the only thing I want was you. I don't even care if we had a nice house or a lot of money. I just need you with me. So how did I answer your parents? I kneeled on the ground and said that I can do anything other than that.

They promptly sent me away and I went home that day... and I couldn't take my hands off you because I was afraid that if I let go, they'll take you away from me. It seemed like everyone wanted us separated... your parents, the school, society... they all believe that we aren't meant to be and that were a relationship made of taboos. I wouldn't say that we're normal but we are one of a kind. And that to me is the most special kind of relationships that I once dreamed of having. You made my dreams come true and you made me feel more special than I really am. 

A year later, we decided to move to a smaller town away from Seoul since we couldn't afford it anymore. You were working three jobs back then while you only allowed me to have one since you're such a worrywart. As soon as we stepped foot in our new home, you carried me like a bride in our doorstep and kissed me stupid. I was stunned for lack of a better word while you just smiled the same smile that you always gave me since we were young. 

You were trying to be cute, saying, "Welcome to our new castle, Sandara Kwon." and I couldn't help but giggle as you set me down to take a look at our little house. 

It was barely a castle but as long as we're together, everything turns into a new light. The house was smaller than our old flat but it's fine since I didn't like big houses anyway. The house was barely furnished, let alone for a stove and a refrigerator. It was a good thing we brought a lot from home. I never thought that we could fit everything in that small car of ours but we did. You said it was because of magic. I called bull and told you that everything wouldn't have fit if it weren't for my organizational skills. You just pouted like the baby that you are. 

We didn't have a bed at the start so you would put out a blanket on the living room floor so we can sleep. There was a moderate-sized hole on the roof atop our living room so you gave the excuse that we can look at the stars while we sleep there. Your mind was really something else and I looked at you incredulously for such a statement. You just laughed and kissed my hair before petting me to sleep in your arms.

I couldn't sleep though since the floor was too hard and the blanket was too thin for it to cushion us. So what did you do? You took out our puffy winter jackets and made me lie on them. I was surprised to see how well it worked and you called me stupid for having the audacity to doubt you. I should've been happy after that but you were left to sleep on the hard floor without anything to cushion your back. I knew that your back hurt pretty easily and I offered to give you one of the jackets but you just shook your head and smiled, assuring me that you were fine. We were about to argue about it when you suddenly kissed me good night before quickly falling asleep.

I yelled out a loud "YAH!" but you were already sleeping like a baby. Defeated, I just snuggled up net to you, making sure you were resting against me so that you could at least have some cushion. And I know that you know how soft this wife of yours is *wiggles brows* hehehe~

Starting our new lives, you quickly got a job at the local bakery down the street while I got sporadic babysitting gigs from time to time. You told me to try to apply for the elementary school down by the block but I was too afraid that word has gotten out about my name. You said, "You're a great teacher, Dara. Don't ever let anything get in your way, especially fear. You have a passion for teaching and I know that you'll give them a huge favor once your there. Don't let your talent go to waste." And when I wasn't convinced, you added, "This is a small town. We went here because no one knows us and we don't know them. This is where we'll start everything and I'm hoping you'll start with the job that you love. Whatever happens, I'll be there for you... you know that. Do you want me to come with you?"

And you did. You came with me to that elementary while you held my hand. The kids who saw us squealed and pointed at our clasped hands. You humored them by kissing my cheek and they all erupted in a groaning batch of "Ewwww"s. When we reached the office, you told me that you would wait for me outside while I did my interview. The principal said that she couldn't really hire me on the spot since it was the school district who hires teachers. I could feel my whole world fall apart right then since I knew that they would probably have files about me if that was the case. The principal seemed to have noticed and I don't know what happened but I... I told her everything—about me being a former university professor, about us, and about how I was fired because of us. 

Thinking that I would see the same distaste and disappointment from the dean, I was surprised to see sympathy in her eyes. She said she understood and felt sorry about our situation. My honesty somehow got to her and she told me that her best friend works in the school district and told me that she'll put a good word in for me. I was so happy that I cried and she hugged me and assured my of my position. I swear I almost kissed her right then but I knew that you would get jealous and sulky so I held myself back. 

When I came out, I saw you comforting a sobbing boy that seemed to have scraped his knee pretty badly. The boy was sitting on the bench in the front office, just waiting for his mother to pick him up, but you were there, trying to make him feel better before his own mother would even have a chance. You were kneeling in front of him, blowing on his bruise and soothing his arm to ease him out of his tears. You told little stories about the times you'd often get hurt when you were a kid and noted that the hurt will make him stronger. 

"It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel hurt." you said, brushing the child's hair back. "The pain will go away soon enough and when it does, you're gonna grow even tougher because you'll know to take care yourself better and prevent it from happening again. This hyung also had many scrapes and bruises when he was young but look at me now. I'm a manly man." You flexed your muscles obnoxiously and the kid finally smiled. "Don't be afraid of getting yourself hurt though because you won't have anymore fun." You stopped, backtracking, "Wait, I don't mean that getting hurt is fun. I mean, most of the things that we enjoy eventually hurt us... like playing! Sometimes we fall down but we can easily pick ourselves up." 

"Don't be scared of anything but always remember, with every action comes a price and it's up to you to act on it. I'm not telling you that you're never gonna get hurt again. All I'm saying is that after the pain, remember to pick yourself up and move forward. Play and have fun. I can already tell that you're gonna be a macho man like hyung." You grinned and so did he. "Be careful though, alright? You can get hurt but try not to get too hurt. I hereby decree that you're only allowed to have scrapes from playing!" 

"W-What does 'decree' mean?" he asked. 

You froze and scratched your head, not knowing how to explain, and that's when I finally made my cue. I hugged you from behind and you patted my hands softly as you glanced back at me. You slightly shifted us so that I could face the boy and I gave a shy wave behind you. "If you're lucky, you'd get a beautiful noona like her when you grow up too." you said. 

The boy grimaced. "Ewwww, girls are icky." 

"Oh boy, wait until you reach puberty—"

I quickly clamped your mouth while you blinked innocently. Before we could say goodbye to the little boy, you patted his head and told him that everything will be okay. You say that a lot, don't you? It's okay though because every time you say it, everything does get better. It's like you're a charm that always brings people luck and I'm glad that you're mine. 

I told you what happened in my interview and you were so happy that you carried and spun me around happily as if we'd just won the lottery. You kissed me all over the face and said, "I knew you could do it. I always believed in you." And then you kissed me on the lips, "I'm so proud of you, Dara." You made me cry right then and you got so worried that you started apologizing. It wasn't your fault though... I just couldn't handle my emotions back then. I could already feel the change but I haven't told you yet... we were gonna have a baby, Jiyong-ah. 

I wasn't sure of it at first but I knew that something was wrong when I was two weeks late for my period. I thought that it was normal since I used to be irregular when I was young, but then I took a chance and bought a pregnancy test and... I didn't know what to feel when it told me that I was positive. I mean, I'm at the right age for a baby—actually, I think I'm a little late to be having a baby at this age—but you, you were only 24. I didn't know if you wanted a baby at such an age... so I kept it from you because I was scared. 

After I got back from a babysitting gig one night, you surprised me when you suddenly met me by the door and hugged me so tight that I was almost at a loss for air. I asked you what was wrong and then you said—mumbled—that you found a pregnancy test in the bathroom bin. I didn't know what came over me but I just found myself crying. You hold me tighter and kissed my hair. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" you asked so softly that it broke my heart. I knew I shouldn't have kept it from you but I let my fears control me again. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hide it from you. 

I kept apologizing repeatedly—sorry for the way I always let my insecurities get the best of me, sorry for the way that I tied you down like this, and sorry for making you grow up so fast. I always thought that you had the older mind between us and I felt incapable of thinking and deciding like you did. As I said all of this, you listened quietly while you soothed my back. We were sitting on the couch that time and I remembered how you made me lean on your chest and sit in between your legs as you quietly comforted me. 

At the end of it all, you cupped my face and kissed me so passionately that it made me forget what I was even afraid of. You were crying when I opened my eyes and it just made me cry too. We were both a mess but then you started laughing lightly in my ear while your arms tightened around my waist. 

"We're having a baby." you squealed shakily. I could see the happiness in your eyes despite the tears that overflowed. You told me that it was alright to feel this way. "I'll always be here to make you see what you can't." You smiled. "I'll always tell you that you're beautiful, smart, strong, and important. I don't care if you don't believe me. I'll keep saying them because I promised you that I'll never lie to you. Dara... you're the greatest woman I could ever ask for. I should be the one that's afraid that I'm not good enough for you."

"But do you know why I'm not scared? It's because I already have you and I'll never let you go no matter how much I feel like I don't deserve you."

"You're the queen... I'm just a commoner."* 

We laughed. We cried. We made love. We gazed at the stars together from the hole on the roof that you have yet to fix. Your hand would absent drift to my still-flat stomach and you would caress it so faintly like it was very fragile glass. I was about to fall asleep but then I heard you say that you were excited to be a father. "Thank you. Thank you for giving me everything I ever wanted... for making me realize the things I actually wanted." You kissed me on the lips. "I'm the luckiest man alive." 

I started work at the school and you found another job as a janitor in my school. The bakery was doing well and they would pay you a good amount but with the baby on the way, you said that we needed to save up. It seemed like a convenient coincidence that the school would be in need of a janitor. You took the job before I could get a say in it and now, I would see you cleaning sometimes from my classroom windows. You'd always send me a flying kiss whenever you caught me staring and I would just roll my eyes and laugh mutely to myself. 

Over time, my stomach started to grow and your hand was slowly gluing itself to that little bump. It's like every time we're at home, your hand would instantly settle at my stomach! I wouldn't even be surprised if you followed me to the bathroom while still caressing my belly! ... And that almost happened but I swear to god, Jiyong, if you ever do that again I'm gonna punch you in the nutsack. It's one thing that you always shower with me now but it was another when you're in the same room with me while I do my... 'business'. 

At 16 weeks you woke me up one night, eyes wide and crazed, and told me that you felt the baby kick. It was 3am at that time and I don't know why in the world you were awake so early but the genuine excitement and awe on your face made me think less of it. I started laughing when you wouldn't stop squealing about the tiny kick. At that point, your hand was now permanently attached to my stomach, eager to get a feel of another kick. 

You went with me to all of my check-ups and looked at me endearingly every time the doctor would tell us about the baby. We found out that we were getting a girl and you were so over the moon that you couldn't help but stop everyone on the street and told them that you were gonna have a daughter. I should've stopped your crazy antics but I was too happy and content to do anything. A daughter. I really didn't mind what gender it'll end up being but the way you got so excited over it made me excited for it too. 

At 7 months, we had a big fight about me and my maternity leave. I was still working at the school but you wanted me to take my leave already since we're just about two months away. I told you that I was perfectly fine and that the teaching job wasn't stressing me out but you had none of it. I argued that I already gotten past the morning sickness months ago but you still didn't think that was good enough. I couldn't believe you. I knew my body more than you ever will so you didn't have the right to order me such things.

Unlike most, I didn't live the horror story pains that other mothers go through in pregnancy. Of course, my feet and back would ache sometimes but I never over exert myself like you think I am, pabo-yah! And yeah, I guess I can't control my feelings well at that time but HEOL I can manage myself well, thank you very much!

You wouldn't let it go so I started crying, hopefully to guilt-trip you but mostly because... I couldn't control my hormones. You just shook your head, giving me the ultimatum that I had a week until he'll pull me out himself. Then you went to the bedroom, leaving me alone in the living room to cry by myself. 

That didn't take long thought because a minute later, you came back out and started cooing and soothing my back, gently asking me to stop crying. At that, I cried even harder and I swear I felt you wince. You didn't apologize and told me that you believe that it was the right thing for me to take my leave but you still continued to comfort me. You even had the audacity to carry me to our room but I hit you on the head and stopped you before you commented on my weight or grunted in pain because of how heavy I am. Instead, we waddled to the bed with you back-hugging me and telling me the same familiar words "Everything's gonna be alright." And as I closed my eyes to sleep, I believed you.

It was time.

My water broke and I was at home alone while you were at work. Breathing heavily, I dialed you first and from the sound of my panting, you already knew. "C-Call an ambulance. I'll be t-there in a second, babe." And then you ended the call. My hands shook as I called the ambulance. My knees weakened against the strain that I was feeling in my stomach. It hurt so much. And you weren't there to save me. I cried your name because I couldn't take it anymore but I was alone. 

Sweat poured all over me and my skirt was left drenched and sticky. I wanted you with me. Where were you? I'm scared, Jiyong. I don't know how long it took but when I opened my eyes, you were already in front of me, looking panicked and just as scared like I was. As soon as you heard the sirens, you carried me up and ran for the door, not even bothering to close or lock it. The adrenaline made you care less about the fact that your knees were probably gonna give out because I was too heavy but you did it anyway with no complaints. 

You and the other paramedics helped me up on the gurney and it was then that I noticed that you were still in your bakery uniform. Your arms and a part of your cheek was covered in flour and I let out a laugh before groaning because of the pain. You took my hand, kissed it, and whispered in my ear that you loved me, that you'll always love me, and that you'll love our daughter more than anything in the world. I smiled but I could feel my body weakening. It was giving out from fatigue and I wanted to sleep but you kept shouting in my ear so I couldn't. I pinched you in the arm to shut you up but then you started crying again and , I did too. That was all your fault! 

The pain made me so exhausted that my sobs turned into frustration. They settled me on the bed and the nurse started attaching a wire on me so that they could monitor my heart and make sure I was stable. As did they did so, I kept giving you death glares and muttering your name like a curse.

"You're gonna ing pay for this, Kwon Jiyong!" I screamed. Even I was surprised by that hehehe ^^; I was just too... emotional and angry. I mean, it is all your goddamn fault that I was feeling every stage of hell in my body. God, I swear I was so close to finishing your stupid face when you kept hovering worriedly over the nurse.

I asked—ordered—you to leave the room because I was seriously gonna punch you in the throat if I see any more of you but you and your stupid, stubborn wanted to stay. 

Again, we argued like rabid animals but that all stopped when I got my first real contraction. I grew instantly quiet, the cramping in my stomach overweighing the needing urge to crush your balls. You screamed for them to do something and I was too mentally and physically exhausted to ask you to shut up.

I don't remember how long it took but I could remember the pain like it was yesterday. Excuse my language, but it was like taking a large that won't get off your ... and it was happening on my . I could feel the ache and the tearing but as soon as she came out, I couldn't feel anything anymore. My entire focus was on the sobbing baby that the nurse was holding. You kissed me tenderly in the head and thanked me repeatedly. We made her, that beautiful and healthy baby was ours.

I was still left in a complete daze but I remember seeing you hold her before I did. I've just woken up at that time since I immediately passed out as soon as everything was done. You sat on the chair next to me and you were looking at our baby with a small smile on your face. Our little girl was awake at that time and he was looking at you too as she held on your huge finger. 

Memories from when you came with me for my school interview resurfaced. And I recalled the time you comforted the precious little boy about his bruise. From then, I knew that you were going to be great father and I knew that I shouldn't have ever kept my pregnancy from you. 

Jiyong, you're the most thoughtful, kind-hearted, loving husband, dare I say, in the whole world. I know you will be one and the same if it concerns your daughter. I'm getting a sneaking suspicion that you'll love her more than me now just by the way you look at her. It's alright. I've had my fair share of love and now it's our time to put all of our affection for our daughter. 

If I can, I would say it a thousand times... I'm lucky to have you in my life. 

And this, I'll say until I die. 

I love you so much, my Kwon Jiyong. 

*Phrase is taken from J.M. Darhower's "Ghosted". Please check it out, you won't regret it! It's an awesome ing story like... wow.