There she goes again.

I gave her my awkward smile as she said her good bye. Her eyes had gleamed with excitement. I stared at her retreating figure as she walked out of the studio.

Her sweet smell had lingered behind—eliciting my senses, urging my body to run to her, to grab her hand, to utter her name, to plead her to stay.

Don’t go, please.

I took off my hat and raked my fingers through my hair. I blankly stared at the buzzing monitor in front of me, the lyrics turning blurry as I drifted off. My mind hazy and my stomach queazy.

I heaved out a sigh.

Without her even telling me, I know where she’s heading.

I always do.

At times, I wonder how she does it with that petite and fragile looking body of hers. Where does she get all that vim and vigour? I think she might be just made of bouncy, happy energetic genes.

A ball of sunshine she is; no, more than that she’s possibly made of everything that’s nice in this world- kindness, beauty, brains, perseverance, wit, humility, dorkiness….. I smiled as I listed all these things in my head, remembering her heart throbbing smile in the process.

Oh, what I would give to have her all to myself.

Glances at corporate events, performances, concerts, photo shoots are sufficiently not enough. I’m constantly itching to have her in my arms, to snuggle with her, to smell and touch her lovely soft hair, to touch her snow-white skin, kiss her luscious pink lips and whisper sweet nothings and corny jokes in her ear. I always want to hear that melodious laugh that always leaves me smiling from cheek to cheek every day.

But God forbid, I know I can’t do all these things to her in public because of the so called ‘no boyfriend’ for three years contract, and considering the boss has a set of piercing eagle eyes. I have no say either way to what she does, why?  well, I have no right to do so in the first place.

 I’m just me.

Not her boyfriend. But just a close friend who happens to be a boy. Oh the irony.

I have impending and constant worries at hand but this seems to always stand out: this tugging feeling I have thinking that he’s on the lead, running at an impeccable speed towards the prize, leaving me panting at the sidelines with a longing look at the finish line.

Sure, the waiting part saddens me but the horrible revelation is:

What I can’t do, he can conveniently do.

What I can’t have, he can get.

He probably takes 60-70% of her attention, if not 80%. Heck there’s not an hour where she doesn’t look at his picture on her phone and shows that fluttering expression.

After every concert, photo shoot, a hectic schedule, or let it be going back and forth from Korea to wherever, to holidays, she, without fail, makes time for him.

Always.

Whenever she goes somewhere new, she never forgets to buy him presents and souvenirs. Couple hats, couple clothes, accessories, you name it.

Wherever she is, she always thinks of him, constantly talks about him and talks to him every chance she gets.

It irks the hell out of me how she also makes sure its all out in the open. Pictures, pictures, pictures and even more pictures! Plus the netizens’ comments are not helping at all!

‘They look so adorable together!’

‘Awww…so lovely’

‘To be with Dara noona like that, I would kill to be him’

‘Noona, take me instead!’

So I checked her me2day for the 2^nd time today, hoping for some nice shots of her I could set as my new wallpaper.

Click Click

I frowned the moment I saw her recent photo with none other than, guess who? Him.

My stare unconsciously turned into a glare, wanting to wipe out his figure near hers. I held my breath as my grip on the mouse tightened till I heard it crack under my palm. It took my entire will not to punch the monitor, seeing him engulfed in her embrace. Her face serene and contented, his body warmed and loved, mine cold and hurting.

I heaved out a heavy sigh as I looked away, trying to regain my breathing. I quickly closed the tab and shut off the computer. The screen went black and was replaced by an image of a pitiful looking guy, his eyes glazed with sadness, the corner of his lips tugged tightly downwards.

I closed my eyes and furrowed my eyebrows. I massaged my temples with my forefingers, trying to avert my mind unto something else.

But it was futile. I think I just felt my heart sinking down ever so slowly towards my stomach.

Why is the world so unfair? Was it all shaken up and whipped numerous times that it carelessly brought me into this situation? Did I do something bad in the past life? Are the gods punishing me? Is it because I’m skinny? I’m rebellious looking? That I wear woman size clothes sometimes? Am I mocking women?

Envy, bitterness and resentment fusing, mixing, tangling within; this green-eyed monster inside is consuming me from the inside out, killing me softly and I can’t tame it anymore.

I sluggishly stood up from my desk and slowly trudged towards the veranda.

As the cool night breeze poorly attempted to calm my raging heart,
I found myself wishing yet again. I looked up to the heavens, to the bright stars and towards the crescent moon.

How..

How I wish I was him just for a day…

I know its stupid and you might think I’m crazy….

But I just can’t help it.

Yes, I, Kwon Jiyong am jealous of…

A cat named Dadoong.

Lucky little bastard.

FIN

Author's note:

How was it? Did I fool you or was I too obvious? :/

Poor Jiyongie. 

Don’t worry Ji, its your turn soon! ;D

Happy Dragon year everyone!

Thoughts and comments please!~^^