on the good days, nayeon would cook. she would clean the house, wash the dishes, do the laundry, and water the plants. she’d attend some of her classes, and even study a little at home. jeongyeon was not a freeloader, she does everything else that recommends going outside and interacting with humans, including grocery shopping. nayeon would go sometimes, when it’s late at night, empty, and the cashier is too tired to start a small conversation.

on the bad days, jeongyeon comes home to nayeon in bed. she doesn’t speak, doesn’t move, doesn’t react to anything. it’s not alarming as long as she’s not heaving. some nights, she would slip into jeongyeon’s bed, looking for warmth, and whatever would make the emptiness go away. and despite being a grumpy sleeper, jeongyeon would always welcome her with open arms.

on the worst days..they don’t talk about the worst days. they’ve happened a couple of times, and jeongyeon has got a grasp of what to do on those days. they are gloomy, exhausting, and morbid. overall, jeongyeon is just thankful nayeon is still alive.

jeongyeon has always had an idea regarding nayeon’s whole ordeal, but she only got answers when she asked the older girl to be her roommate. they’ve been friends since middle school, and she was going to the same university as her, so why wouldn’t she accept the offer?

only after a summer of trying to convince the older girl that it would be the better, if not the best, option for both of them, that nayeon told her everything.

“do you still want to live with me even after knowing all of this?” nayeon asks, barely looking her in the eyes.

“yes!” the girl sitting across from her answers determinedly, making her look up. she expects pity in the younger girl’s eyes, but her friendly smile blinds her.

jeongyeon still hates all the adjectives the older girl called herself back then: a burden, a liability, a self-destructive cynical mess.

living together has allowed them to grow closer, and mature up. for nayeon, it was a matter of learning how to co-exist, and how to let someone in. for jeongyeon, she discovered other dimensions of life and its responsibilities.

-

today is one of the bad days, jeongyeon burges into nayeon’s room to wake her up, only to find her fully dressed, still in her outfit from last night. she’s lying in bed, staring at the wall as if it held all the answers to every unanswered question out there.

nayeon hums as a response to anything the girl says, until she stops answering.

they would usually go to the library together on off days between exams, and jeongyeon is relieved that at least it’s not an exam day. she makes breakfast, brings nayeon’s share into her bedroom, along with an apple and a bottle of water. she’s well aware of the older girl’s tendency of forgetting to eat when she’s in such a state, and knows that she wouldn’t eat even if food is on her nightstand; she wouldn’t even breathe if she could.

“I’m a call away,” is the last thing she says before leaving. she realizes that there’s nothing more to say, that it’s just enough for nayon to understand what she really wants to say.

when jeongyeon comes back with lunch, she finds nayeon in her bed. she would believe that she hasn’t moved an inch, if not for the countless cigarette butts, and the half empty water bottle. at least she is staying hydrated.

“may i open the window for some fresh air?” she asks, her voice laced with tenderness.

“hm.”

“i’ll be in the kitchen, if you wanna join me for lunch.” jeongyeon adds, before leaving her room, closing the door behind her. nayeon knows she’ll wait for a couple of minutes in hopes of her showing up, but will eventually start eating, all alone.

when nayeon finally leaves bed, late in the evening, she spots the untouched plastic bags with the corner of her eyes. her younger friend didn’t even touch the food. she groans, continuing her way to the bathroom.

“what are you doing here?” jeongyeon asks with a hushed voice, inspecting the girl standing before her, with her bed hair sticking out of her hoodie, and her don’t-talk-to-me face mask.

“i didn’t know i’m not allowed in the library.”

“you’re obviously not here to study; unless you tucked an entire syllabus under your hoodie to save the trouble of cramming the thousand papers in a backpack.”

“i’m here to walk you back home.”

jeongyeon almost chuckles, has a million comebacks in her head, but the girl sounds genuine, and there’s a warm feeling in her chest. her -eating grin evoques nayeon to make a mental note to start walking her flatmate home.  

jeongyeon checks the time on her phone; “you even know the time i come home,” she remarks in fake surprise. nayeon just rolls her eyes.

on their way out, she meets mina’s gaze, and almost stops to talk to the girl, but she only manages a small smile. she snickers at the crack in jeongyeon’s voice when she wishes jihyo goodnight, and starts teasing her the moment they step out of the library.

“hm, goodnight jihyo, woman of my wet dreams, lady i touch my-" nayeon starts coughing as jeongyeon pulls her in a headlock.

“take it back!”

“ask her,” more coughing, “out!”

“i said,”

“nayeon!” a voice calls out, interrupting the two girls’ bickers, and probably saving nayeon’s life. they stop, pulling away immediately as the girl approaches them.

“hi, mina,” nayeon starts, her voice an octave lower.

“hi! hey again jeongyeonnie,” the girl greets, a bashful smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

“i didn’t see you in the library today. i asked jeongyeon earlier, and she said you were sick. uh, i just, i was wondering if you are feeling any better.” mina explains, shyly rubbing her nape.

nayeon throws a glance at jeongyeon, realizes from the shimmer in her eyes that it will be a long way back home, then she looks back at mina.

“i’m feeling much better,” she interrupts herself to fake cough, then adds, “thank you for asking, and i’m sorry if it got you worried.”

she could hear jeongyeon’s snorts at the back of her head.

“ah, no it’s okay. hm, goodnight then.”

“goodnight mina” nayeon replies, smiling at the girl, before she turns around, walking back into the library building.

jeongyeon didn’t even wait for the girl to get out of sight before, “goodnight mina, woman of my wet dreams, lady i- ”

“don’t have a crush on!” nayeon barks back.

“yes, says the blush on your bunny cheeks.”

“don’t call them that!” nayeon retorts.

“bunny cheeks!” jeongyeon says again, sticking her tongue out, earning a frustrated huff from nayeon.

“i’m only blushing ‘cause it’s cold!”

“i’m only blushing ‘cause it’s- oh! is this why you came over to walk me home? to see your lady love? not so smooth miss im.” jeongyeon teases, shaking her head from a side to another, the breeze playing with her short locks. nayeon doesn’t try to defend herself.

“so, myoui mina, huh?” jeongyeon wiggles her eyebrows in that way that makes nayeon want to slap her in the face. she manages not to, and answers dryly to her question.

“nah.”

“how do you guys even know each other?”

“you used to talk about her so much i almost thought you had the hots for her,” nayeon teases, trying to avert the conversation.

“what? no! whatever, nayeon, i meant how come you two talk to each other? the school’s sweetheart and the school’s, uh..”

“nobody?”

“i was going for .”

“she lent me her hoodie once ‘cause i was freezing to death, that’s all.”

jeongyeon knows that there’s more to it, and nayeon knows that jeongyeon knows. however, she is considering how comfortable would mina be with jeongyeon finding out that she smokes, thus keeping the details of their queer meeting to herself. they fall silent after that, stopping by a grocery shop for some snacks and coffee. jeongyeon does the ordering, knowing exactly what nayeon would like to get.

they are one block away from their apartment building, arms locked and hands busy with the grocery bags, when jeongyeon speaks up again.

“i know you’re here because you feel guilty, nabongs. please don’t.”

her statement is genuine, but she doesn’t get an answer, not like she was expecting one. however, she is wishing that nayeon would understand her heart, would see in herself even one ounce of what jeongyeon sees in her, a hardworking student, a very smart person, a strong survivor.

a/n: un-beta'd. another chapter coming yo way tonight.