I hope this letter finds you well. It has been 10 days since I left and I finally have the courage to write you a letter. I fully understood your reasons for not sending me off but that doesn't mean that it didn't hurt. I guess, it was your way of telling me to find the answers you want before coming back to you. You, who prefers to stay rooted to the ground as compared to me, the one who prefers to fly. If this letter finds you well, know that you're still always on my mind and that I love you.

:::

Hey there,

Today I'm lazing in Central Park, taking in the sights laid in front of me. Families having a picnic, couples whispering sweet nothings to each other, artists painting or drawing caricatures of their customers. Laughter fills the air and the gentle breeze blows through airily. A lazy afternoon coupled with good weather indeed. I'm sitting down on a purple mat - your favorite color, notebook laying on my lap, my hands spinning a tale with all the sights I'm drinking in. It reminded me of the first picnic we ever had with each other at the Han River. Slowly slurping down our ramyun, shoulders slightly touching. Blush on my cheek slowly evident as I turn to look at the most beautiful sight I've ever laid my eyes on. You. As you turn to me, your brown orbs shone through the depths of my soul, burning through me. It was then I knew, that if loving you meant burning, I wouldn't mind it at all. I wish for time to turn back, to tell you all those 'I love you's that I should have said, instead of shouting angry words. To listen to the quiet beats of your hearts, instead of missing your intentions completely. If this letter finds you well, know that you're still always on my mind and that I love you.

:::

Today I'm in Budapest!

I know, a huge jump from America, but Seungwan was telling that she would be in Budapest for a conference and then, would be free for 3 days. Couldn't pass up an opportunity to meet my best friend that I haven't seen for a year right? So I hopped onto the next flight to Budapest and before I knew it, I'm in the arms of our ever motherly Seungwan. Seungwan who still frets at me for picking on my food, scolding me for drinking a bit too quickly, pulling me away from arcades so that precious money would not be wasted. Feels like university all over again as Seungwan and I caught each other up to speed. Seungwan has become a really successful businesswoman, soon inheriting her father's empire and I guess soon, we both will know someone that's a big shot in the business world. As I sit in my room, jotting down all the adventures I had with Seungwan for the past three days, my mind goes back to you. How Seungwan played cupid when I was too shy to make a move on you. Remember how Seungwan locked us in our apartment and forced us to have a proper talk after our accidental kiss? When she opened the door, she told me she was horrified to see us all over each other. Beautiful memories indeed. In every waking moment, I would always replay the memory of our accidental first kiss, remembering the taste of your lips, the warmth against my cool lips. Oh how my heart threatened to burst out of my ribs to join with yours. I still get butterflies whenever I think of you. Everything about you. Trust me when I say this. I still love you. More than ever. If this letter finds you well, know that you're still always on my mind and that I love you.

"Will you ever go back?"

"Yes I will... But I don't know when."

"... You think she's still angry at you for the same reasons?"

"... Yeah."

"Sigh, I know that she means the world to you and she trusts you on that. But, if you don’t show it physically, she will get insecure. How many times have we told you this hmmm?”

“I know but… I can’t give this up. You know that Seungwan.”

“What if your trip never ends? And if it ends, you find that she’s not there for you anymore?”

"If it's meant to be, it's meant to be."

"Still sticking by to that phrase?? That phrase only works if you're trying you know, not being stagnant and waiting for things to drop from the sky."

"I know Seungwan, I know. Here I am, trying to figure things out myself and before I find my answers, I cannot go back to her."

"Yeah hurry find them then. I’m sure the answer is already right in your face but you can’t see it. Being the dumb block of wood you are."

"Are you in contact with her?"

"No. She cut all contact with us." I am, but she doesn't want you to know.

"I see."

"I hope both your legs find your way back into each other's arms. I match made you both. Don't fail me now."

"Thanks Seungwan."

:::

Greenland... Is white on the map. But Iceland… Isn’t. Oh my gosh my childhood has been ruined!! The person naming these two countries must have been drunk!! But never mind that small trivia. I saw polar bears!! Polar bears!! Majestically... lazy. Sure, they moved around searching for food, but most of the time they are just lying against the ice cold ground, basking in sunlight (Yes it was REALLY cold. I wore at least 5 layers to keep myself warm). I took lots of photos and I even managed to capture a self cam with one of the bears as the safari managers signalled for one of them to come over. It showed us various tricks such as throwing high-fives to us, playing ball and was neatly rewarded with raw meat. The landscape was really breath-taking. The pristine white snow, the bare trees and the bears laying down, taking a sweet nap. It was as though Mother Nature stood still during that period of time for us to enjoy its gentle beauty. I wish that you could have enjoyed this with me. Never once, you have ever left my mind. My first and last thought is always of you. When I close my eyes, I imagine the touches that you give me. The small circles you repeatedly draw on my arms whenever you can't sleep at night. I remember how your head fits nicely on the crook of my neck, as though the gods have moulded us in a way that we were meant for each other. I'm slowly finding the answers I need and I can only hope that during the time that we take to find our own selves, we take a step closer to each other. If this letter finds you well, know that you're still always on my mind and that I love you.

:::

Sorry that I haven’t been writing letters, my things were stolen and I had to rush to the nearest embassy in London to settle everything. Thank the heavens that my passport and credit cards were still safe with me. I just lost all my clothing, some spare cash, and my laptop. So these few days I have been busy busking on the streets, working on the night shift as a bartender, sleeping in my manager's house that is just above the pub. My manager, Taeyeon was really nice to me after knowing my plight. Seeing that I previously had experience in making cocktails, she immediately hired me and I got to work the very next instance. I guess, all those years learning how to make cocktails to impress you somehow became a blessing in disguise yeah? You can't blame me for getting bad grades now love, seeing that this hobby of mine has somehow became a temporary livelihood. The stories of those who enter the pub are really interesting. Each filled with so much love, heartbreak, worry, excitement which makes me feel so small. Everyone is being chased or chasing demons in their own lives and it makes me feel better that we aren't the only ones trying to win in this game called life. Oh my love, I've learned so much in this trip alone. Taeyeon's own stories about her love life has opened my eyes so much. Makes me feel like a child remembering all the arguments we used to have. My eyes must have been blinded by the 'present' and have lost sight of 'forever', which is my love for you. Taeyeon and her girlfriend, Tiffany, have fought countless of times due to their differing occupations - Taeyeon a bartender, Tiffany, a freelance singer. Tiffany, being a beauty (but not as beautiful as you, love) has many suitors of her own and of course, it makes Taeyeon very uneasy. But Taeyeon eventually told me 'Trust. It's the only thing I ever had for the love of my life.' Now both of them are happily married and expecting a child. Will we be like this when I find you once more? These days, it takes a lot more effort to imagine the warmth you used to bring me. My body's turning cold, missing your warmth and touches. My lips crave for your taste, the flavour that contains the secret of the universe. I miss looking into your eyes, those brown orbs that I willingly drown myself into every time I look upon your ethereal face. I love you. So much. My heart calls out to you and my legs are in desperation to walk back to you. But I know, I have to be patient. A small piece of the full answer is still missing and I have to travel more to find it, as do you, I believe. If this letter finds you well, know that you're still always on my mind and that I love you.

:::

"Please go out with me."

"I'm afraid I can't. Although I'm flattered that you think of me as an ideal partner."

"Are you still thinking of her?"

"I..."

"It's been 6 months. 6 months since she left. If she still loved you, she would have had came back long ago."

"No."

"No?"

"We both need to find the answers we are looking for. Until then, I will not find her, and she will not find me."

"You both are not even in contact!! How on earth will she ever find you, vice versa, if you both somehow find the 'answers' you speak of."

"If it's meant to be, it's meant to be."

"I'm sorry?"

"If it's meant to be, my legs will find her, and her legs will find me."

:::

I'm in the land of Kangaroos!! Oh beautiful Australia, Gold Coast!! It has been 3 days since I left Taeyeon's pub in London, with the promise that I will keep her updated in everything I do. Oh, she also told me that she's excited for the book that I am currently writing. She's not the only one as I can slowly see the story linking up by itself, chapter after chapter. I also named the protagonist after you, as you're the only person that matters in my life, just like this book that I poured every ounce of my strength for. You know I loved roller coasters so the first thing I did after putting down my bags was to rush to Disneyland!! It was MAGICAL!! Why can't Seoul have a Disneyland?? I know we have Lotte and Everland but we need to pay tribute to the Disney characters that fill our lives when we were younger, am I not right?? Something hilarious happened while I was enjoying myself in Disneyland. A young korean couple was epically failing at communicating with the staff. Trying to hold back my laughter after seeing the both of them making huge, exaggerated hand movement and body language, I strode towards them and help them translate whatever they needed from the staff. They were so thankful that they insisted I accompany them for the rest of my trip in Australia after learning that we were staying in the same hotel and that I had no plans for myself. Sooyoung and Yeri were their names and they are much younger than me. Both of them are... Satan's advocate if I may add. Constantly teasing me every steps of the way as I told them my adventures for the past 7 months. Never failing to sarcastically add comments where they see fit, but they are good-natured at heart. Seeing them reminds me of us, where we used to tease each other and play pranks on one another. These days, with loneliness as my only companion, I find myself craving the warmth that you give. Why was I so stupid to have not seen the warmth that fills me whenever I'm beside you. You're the sun and I, the helpless planet, drawn into your orbit. With your warmth, you give me life - life that I never knew before I met you. When I get back, and I see you, I will not fail to tell you how I've missed you:

Giving soft, gentle kisses

imprinting my words on you

caress every inch

of your skin

Making sure to let you know

how much

I love you

how much

You mean to me

how much

I can't live without you.

If this letter finds you well, know that you're still always on my mind and that I love you.

"Unnie, do you have someone in your life?"

"Hmm? Of course I do!"

"Where is he... or she then?"

"Waiting."

The youngest cut in this time, clearly confused by my answer.

"Waiting for?"

"Waiting for me to come back with the answers to the universe." I looked at them and they burst out laughing.

"Trust unnie to say these kind of things!!" The second youngest choked out between laughs. "Now tell us really, where is this person?"

Incredulous that they didn't believe me, I simply repeated the same thing. When both their eyes met mine with new found confusion after realizing I was serious, I continued.

"We took a break. She said I couldn't understand her anymore and was not making any effort in our relationship. I told her I was making every effort I could and juggling with my work at the same time. As you know, these arguments never go well. So, when my editor suggested I take a trip to write my stories because they weren't going anywhere either, I took up the suggestion and left."

"You mean, you didn't tell her you were going to leave?" Sooyoung asked, with Yeri's attention so focused on the conversation.

"I did, and she told me that maybe it's a good thing and that we should not talk to each other until I'm back to see if this relationship is worth saving." I replied, staring down at my cup of coffee, fingers fiddling with its handle.

I could feel there gazes on me as they both gave a reassuring pat on my shoulder. Tears threatened to spill but I swallowed them down, not wanting to give the other two a shock. I can't appear weak to them as well, for I'm their unnie. Moreover, I am holding on to the belief that I will eventually be with you once more, with you, my beacon of light, guiding me home. So, I won't cry. With that hope guiding me, I will smile and continue to smile, until my feet finds you once more.

For better or for worse.

:::

Rejoice! For my book is nearing the end of its journey. Likewise, my own journey has been reaching its own end. I am currently in Osaka, your favorite city. Stepping into this city immediately brings me back our first holiday in this country together. Your childlike enthusiasm for everything Osaka has to offer you - The food, scenery, festivals, anime even. I miss those times. Unknowingly, during my time in Osaka, I traced back to every single spot we went to: Osaka Castle, Visiting the Owl Café, Soaking in numerous Onsens, Shopping malls after shopping malls. Remember the ramen shop that we went with the huge bowl challenge? Guess what, I went there for dinner (no, not to eat that huge bowl once more) and the owner of the shop instantly recognized me! Saying that I am STILL the only female that could finish the challenge. He asked me about you too, and I told him that we were taking a break from each other as I journey through different countries, to finish writing my book. He was shocked for a few seconds but gave me a gentle look and a reassuring pat on the shoulder, telling me that all would be fine. Funny how a stranger could just reassure me like this but I guess, the warmth of the human heart is still present in all of us, as compared to the cold, cold world we live in. Ramen was on the house as I took the time to chat with the owner, him telling me interesting stories of his customers and me, telling him my adventures. Recounting his stories as I alter them to fit my story, I abruptly remember what you told me the very first time we met. At my book signing event. "Your book touched every fiber of my being. I'm glad my friend bought your book as a present to me." Those were the very first words you said to me. Your eyes avoided my gaze as you shyly dipped your head down, right hand pulled out, asking for a handshake. It was only when I took your hand in mine where you finally looked at me, wide eyes from initial shock slowly transformed into crescents and your lips slowly turned upward into a gentle smile. By the love of the gods, I was awed by your beauty and just looked at you dumbly for a few seconds, still holding your hand. Things must have felt uncomfortable for you as I could feel you gently tug your hand back and my manager asking me to hurry along. I wanted to talk to you but with my manager quietly, I didn't have the chance so I did the only thing I could at that time. I wrote a small message and left my number in your book, hoping that you would give me a call. Thankfully you did love, because I couldn't get your face out of my mind the whole day. Oh gosh, this letter has been a bit too long hasn't it? I will finish writing here now, because I'd rather tell you everything when I'm beside you, instead of writing you a letter. I will be home soon, and as always, if this letter finds you well, know that you're still always on my mind and that I love you.

:::

"Byulyi unnie!" I frantically waved to the older girl as soon as I spotted her. Man, it feels good seeing her after a full year of traveling.

"Hey there my dear bear, how's life going!" Byulyi engulfed me into her signature bone-crushing hug.

"Good, good, good..." I pulled away from her before continuing. "How about you? How's my favorite couple going?"

"Pretty okay I guess, we started living together a few months back and everything's smooth." Byulyi chirped, while bringing the cup full of latte to her lips. "I saw your books on the stands today. Nervous?"

I hummed absentmindedly as I dug a package out of my bag, handing it over to Byulyi.

"Could you... send this to her for me? I know she hasn't bought my book yet because..."

"Because she just doesn't have the heart to?"

"I guess..."

"Doesn't seem like it's just books alone though?" Byulyi shook the package up and down, trying to guess what were the other contents.

"A bunch of letters that I couldn't send to her. She wouldn't read them during the first few months anyway. And I didn't want her to burn the letters upon receiving them."

"You know she was only angry at you for the first few months right? Heck, she wasn't even angry at you in the first place. She was just..."

"Tired of me."

"... I didn't say that."

"But you meant it."

"Why not you give this to her yourself, Seulgi."

"I have something else to prepare."

"Come again?" The confusion on Byulyi's face was obvious but I didn't bother elaborating and rose from my seat, grabbing my things.

"Today is the day where I make up everything to her. Make sure she receives this today unnie! If not, you're the one to blame if something bad happens to us." I gave a cheeky wink to Byulyi and left the place, with her dumbfounded in her seat.

That's right. I'm finally back from my adventures, my book published. It's time to answer the question she left me.

"When it comes a time where you'd have to choose, will you ever choose me?"

I stood in position, waiting to see you come into the park. It's been hours past the meeting time that I wrote in the book and I was gradually getting disheartened as negative thoughts seeped through.

Did Byulyi unnie not give her the package?

Did she burn the package even without seeing its contents?

Did she really move on?

Was my gamble too big this time round?

Just then, I heard rushed footsteps into the park and my head shot up. There you were, clad in a black shirt and ripped jeans. Hair in a frenzy as you shook your head left and right, trying to find something. I felt a lump at the back of my throat as I finally saw you, after one full year. You, who had captured my heart at the very first sight and held it captive. You, who never fail to make anything bad, good. You, the light of my life. How stupid I must be to realize this after my trip. Swallowing that lump at the back of my throat, I walked out of my hiding spot. You must have heard the cackle of dried leaves underneath my foot as I walked and spun your entire body around to face me. Your eyes wide with shock as you took a small step back, unable to believe that I was walking towards you.

"The answer to your question." I began, "I'm sorry that I took so long to reply you when the answer should have been clear all along." By now, I was standing only two steps away from you. Gently taking your hands in mine (Gosh I missed your warmth) I bought it up to my lips and kissed them tenderly. Tears fell from your face but you made no attempt to wipe them away from your beautiful face.

“That’s the last book I’ll ever write alone. From now on, you and I, we will write a book together. In our hearts. A book that no one else will ever know, our own little secret book. Of course, to write that book, I’ll be by your side always. I’ll stay rooted for you, choose you over and over again. All those times where I took flight even without considering your feelings, you stood rooted, shining a path back home for me, like a lighthouse. It’s time for me to do the same. I’ll shine a path for the both of us, I’ll find you when you’re lost. Wherever you may be.”

"You're an idiot." You finally spoke up, sobs threatening to break forth from you.

"Only an idiot for you, Joohyun-ah. I love you." Your lips pulled out a smile so wide, that my own lips mirrored yours. I pulled you into an embrace and that's when you finally broke down into your sobs. Drawing repeated circles against your back to calm you down, I vowed to myself that this is the last time that you'll ever cry because of me.

From now onwards, my only mission is to make you smile, no matter how hard that may be. For I was once lost, and left your side. You never wavered, waiting for me patiently to come back to you. You're a gem that I finally learned how to cherish and I am not intending to let go. Not now, not forever.

As the author who managed to touch every fiber of your being through my stories, may I have the honor of being the person to touch your heart?