he’s so exhausted that he falls to the floor once they’re off the stage.it’s weird how tired and lifeless he is nowadays ; do people see it too? do people sense that he’s actually slowly dying? please help me, he tries to yell but there’s no answer. yes, the members of his group are there, they help, but he still hides some things. it’s almost like he wants this slow suicide. it’s strange, you shouldn’t want it, right? slowly taeyong dies but he doesn’t care anymore.

sometimes there are days when a smile creeps to his face, even after all the bad things ; it’s a bad habit, reading what people have to say, and of course he always wanders to the negative section. just this time, he says but there he always finds himself, reading every negative comment about himself and then he just emotionally abuses himself. you , you could’ve done better. look, even they think you are disgusting. shouldn’t you be dead already, sweetheart? taeyong doesn’t quite know why he does it to himself. he could go and talk but he doesn’t. he stays silent, thoughts in his mind, slowly wandering away from reality.

overdosing, bleeding, hanging, drowning. there are many ways to kill yourself, and taeyong wishes he could combine them all to be sure he really dies. please, let it be painful, i deserve pain. it’s weird how nobody really notices when he starts to not take painkillers ; he hides them so that they’re there for him later when he feels lost. overdosing and alcohol seems like a good idea, so that’s what taeyong has decided to do ; the best painkillers and a bottle of whiskey must do the job, at least he hopes that it will.

choosing when to die is hard, so he decides to do it whenever he feels like it. when he feels like this is it, this is the final point, i’m ready to die. is that how they do it? don’t they usually choose a specific day? has he already failed even as someone who commits suicide too?

saying goodbye is hard, especially when you try not to be suspicious. you do know that i love you all so much, right? you’re all amazing and talented, and i really hope life treats you well. you’re the best! that’s what he says, a smile plastered on his face. taeyong tries to fake it the best he can, and he just doesn’t know if it convinces them or not. johnny looks at him with a weird look on his face, but taeyong shrugs it off. it doesn’t mean anything, right?

one pill, two pills, three pills…. twenty pills, twenty-one pills…. whiskey to swallow them all. then again. when taeyong feels his vision starting to fade away, he feels good. good that he knows he’s going away. good that he knows he won’t be a burden anymore. he drinks the whiskey and looks at the almost empty pill bottle. he’s light-headed, everything feels shaky, he falls to the ground and laughs. i’m dying, i really am!

“taey- what the hell? guys, call the ambulance!”

but he has already reached unconsciousness

12:32am, that’s when lee taeyong dies.