"The End of Another Year"

Sometimes Hakyeon just can't believe it.  

How six people would come together, all different from each other and all having almost nothing in common.  

It's so weird... He thought as he watched the other five members play some video games in the living room. Is this really real?  

He stared at the clock that was nearing midnight. The year was about to end and soon, they'll start all over again. Every year that goes by changes them. 

Just looking at how playful Taekwoon is with the younger members, is a clear sign of change. 

It felt like just not too long ago when Hyuk was so small and easily intimidated by Taekwoon. It was Hakyeon who stepped in between to hope that they would get along. Now, Hyuk was like the man of the house where no one can really argue with him.  

Then there was Hongbin sitting next to the two. Hakyeon sometimes pull out their old selfies together since they first met just to reminisce the past. The younger used have so little confidence in himself and always hid his insecurities with those dimple smiles. Most would get fooled by Hongbin but Hakyeon knew very well when the younger was truly happy or not. 

Hakyeon doesn't know whether or not Wonshik's change is good though. He still questions it to be honest. Wonshik is seldom in their dorms and in fact, lives in his studio more so. The younger is very passionate about music and composing but Hakyeon doesn't know if he should actually be happy for Wonshik. After all, the times Hakyeon could actually see the younger is when they have activities to do. 

Then, there was Jaehwan. Everyone's vitamin and energizer. Similar to Hongbin, Jaehwan hides his anger and frustration with a smile. He tries so hard not to lash out at people and it's not because he's angry at others, it's because he's angry at himself. Hakyeon used to be very demanding when it comes to Jaehwan's dance and the two of them used to argue a lot about that matter. Eventually, Hakyeon realized that not everyone is the same. He knew that if there was one thing Jaehwan is good at compared to him or anyone else, it'd be singing. So, Hakyeon coped with it and offered Jaehwan assistance whenever the younger wanted it. 

As Hakyeon watched s play around like a bunch of kids, he couldn't help but be thankful for having to have met them. Just as how Hakyeon has seen them changed, they changed Hakyeon a lot too. 

Hakyeon was always worried about being the oldest of the group. He's the youngest in his family and his parents doted on him a lot. He knew he wanted to be a role model and an older brother for the longest time since growing up but he never thought he'd be the oldest of five strangers. 

It didn't look like it to others but it took Hakyeon a lot of courage just to speak with the other trainees in Jellyfish. The first step was always the hardest. Eventually after he took the first step, it got a bit easier over time. But because he was the oldest, he had a lot of responsibilities too. It was the hardest for him when the members couldn't come to an agreement with things and would argue about it in front of him. Hakyeon knew it would be risky to take sides because no matter which side he took, he would end up hurting someone else in the process. 

That was when Hakyeon felt as if he had no control and he felt so useless not being able to help s make amends. 

Why's it so hard? Why do I have to be the leader?  Can I just give up now? Are the things that he constantly had in mind whenever the group gets into an argument. 

Whenever VIXX has a fight, it is only verbal. No fists are thrown and only a quiet battle would commence at home. They mentioned that their arguments would be talked over together and eventually they would clear up misunderstandings but the process usually takes longer than expected. Sometimes, it even feels like there are no solutions. 

When the dorm breaks out into a silent battle, Hakyeon finds the place so awkward and suffocating. He could not stand it and was screaming inside of his head to get out. But once more, he was the oldest. If he leaves, what would happen to the others? 

No matter how difficult things where, no matter how much Hakyeon wants to run away, he can never actually do it. Because deep down inside, he can't leave his five beloved members alone. There's just no way. He loves them all so much that there's no way he could leave them. 

They've changed Cha Hakyeon.

The reason why Hakyeon is the person he is today is because of s. They changed him in ways he didn't think he would change and he has no regrets. s are like a part of him now and Hakyeon would not be here if it wasn't for them. 

Sure they're a bit of a handful sometimes, maybe more times than necessary, but Hakyeon wants to cherish those times no matter what. That's just a part of growing up and helping him mature. 

Hakyeon realized what it meant to be the oldest, what it meant to be relied on and how it feels to be looked up to.  

Although Hakyeon wants the members to be a bit more truthful with their feelings, which would most likely never happen, he's always touched by the members' words to him. 

"Even if you're wrong, I'll always follow you," Hongbin said to him once.

"When times get rough, just know that when you turn around, we'll be there for you," Hyuk said.

"I know you work the hardest amongst all the members and we're all grateful for that. Just know that when you need someone, you can always lean on me," Taekwoon's words were meaningful and comforting.

"You've never given up on me no matter how hard things got. You always know what to say to cheer me up despite my attempts to hide my insecurities. I love you, hyung," even the playful Jaehwan would say to him before.

"Though I don't know what it's like to be a leader, I know you've had the hardest times compared to us all. You fought for us and took all the burdens on yourself because you don't want to see us get hurt. But just know that when times get tough, the five of us will be there for you to help you lessen the burdens," Wonshik told him.

The members are irreplaceable to Hakyeon and Hakyeon would never trade him members for anything else. As he reflected on those words, he couldn't help but let the tears fall. It wasn't tears of sadness but rather, relief and happiness. He's truly happy that he's met the five of them and were able to debut in the same group as them. He would never be able to imagine VIXX with anyone else. 

VIXX is irreplaceable, it's his pride and happiness.

"Hakyeon-hyung?" Hongbin turned around coincidentally to see Hakyeon wiping away his tears in secret. "W-what's wrong?"

The other four also looked over and dropped everything they were doing to see what happened.

"Are you feeling sick, Hakyeon-ah?" Taekwoon caressed Hakyeon's hands to see what's wrong.

"Do you need to lie down?" Wonshik asked in worry.

"I'll get you water," Jaehwan jumped up and dashed into the kitchen.

"Hyung, you're scaring us. What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Hyuk asked.

Hakyeon shook his head.

"It's nothing," he told them.

"You sure?" Hongbin couldn't settle down just looking at Hakyeon's tears.

"Yeah," the older answered.

"Here, hyung. Drink some water," Jaehwan came back with a glass full of water.

"Thank you," Hakyeon smiled.

"You sure you're alright? You're not hurt anywhere are you?" Taekwoon asked.

"I'm fine, Taekwoon-ah. I'm really fine. You guys worry too much," Hakyeon giggled a bit.

"Of course we're worried!" Wonshik said without any hesitation. "We'd hate it if something bad happens to you or if you're not feeling well."

"Yeah, you sure you're alright?" Hyuk asked again.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I just... I just thought about how much I really love you guys," Hakyeon confessed.

A/N: Happy New Years everyone! I love you all and see you next year!