“Truck. Cabin. Spoon.”

“Huh?” Seungri asked as he opened their small fridge and took out a popsicle.

“Ice cream for breakfast?” Sandara asked. It was a new day with the previous one ending with Jiyong walking Sandara back to the room she shared with Seungri a little before midnight. Seungri was still watching some TV then but thankfully didn’t comment. He probably noticed that Sandara was dead tired. He just gave a cheeky grin and asked Jiyong to say goodnight to him. Jiyong just shook his head and bid Sandara and his Master Seungri a good night.

“I like living on the wild side.” Seungri answered taking a bite of his ice cream. “But seriously what was that you said earlier?”

“Oh, Dr Kim - Heechul, he asked me to call him Heechul, is that okay?” At Seungri’s shrug, she continued. “Heechul asked me to remember those words in that order. So I’m remembering.”

“What happens if you forget?”

“Dunno.” Sandara shrugged as she considered getting a popsicle too. “Although he was giggling like a little girl when he asked to me remember, so it might be a joke. I figured, there’s no harm in indulging him then.”

Seeing this, Seungri got up and took another popsicle. He sat down on Sandara’s bed and held out the popsicle. “You get this if you tell me what happened last night.” Seungri wagged his brows up and down. “You know.. When you went for a walk and didn’t come back until midnight”

“I just went to see Jiyong.” Sandara reached out for the popsicle but Seungri pulled away.

“What did you do?”

Sandara smiled as she recalled how they spent hours on the rooftop, rarely talking but she felt closer to him then more than ever. “He showed me the stars.”

Seungri grinned before a thought popped in his head. “Literally, right?”

“He took me to the rooftop and we looked up at the sky. How else could he do it?” Sandara furrowed her brow in confusion.

“Nothing. Nothing. Forget I said anything. Here. Have an ice cream.” Seungri the popsicle at her. Deciding to quickly change the subject, he asked her about the ginormous elephant in the building: Choi Dongwook. “So.. You know Dongwook hyung?”

“You say that as if you didn’t ask them all about it after I left.” Sandara teased as she started on her ice cream.

“Guilty as charged.” Seungri admitted with a sheepish grin. “I’m curious. You’re my friend.. And it’s about time we actually do something to help you.”

“You have been helping.” She insisted. “All of you have been doing nothing but helping and I am so very grateful..”

“Now, now.. Don’t cry.” Seungri told her upon seeing the tears forming on her eyes. “Eat your ice cream.. Let’s just.. Not cry, okay?”

Sandara nodded then took a bite of her ice cream. She shifted so that she was leaning against the headboard with her legs stretched out in front of her.

Mimicking her pose, Seungri continued. “You’re our friend, of course we’ll do anything to help you.”

“Was it horrible?” Sandara asked. “Jiyong said it was.”

“It was.” Seungri confirmed. “I’m not sure if I would want to know if it was me, but it might.. I don’t know.. Unlock more memories or something. What did Heechul hyung say? Didja tell them about it?”

She nodded. “He and Hyesun recommend that I speak with him. They said something about facing my triggers, which he obviously is.”

“So will you?”

“Maybe.”

“When?”

“Dunno.”

“But -”

“Jiyong said I should do it when I’m ready and to not let anyone bully me into doing it.”

“Of course. If Jiyong hyung said it, it must be so.” Seungri nodded sagely. “And hey! I wasn’t bullying you. I was just being nosy!”

Sandara giggled. “I know.” She leaned her head on Seungri’s shoulder. “I’m scared.” She confessed in a soft voice. “You and Jiyong both said it was horrible. What if I do remember and all I remember are the horrible things?”

“Then at least you’ll know.” Seungri answered. “And we’ll remind you of all the happy memories you’ve had with us. Then we’ll create more. We still have to go to Lotte World. Do you like roller coasters? I hope you like roller coasters. That would be so awesome. We’d force the hyungs to come with us and they can’t decline because then you’ll be sad. It’ll be great! I’m so excited.”

“I love you, Seungri.” Seungri stiffened at her words. Mentally, he was panicking. Jiyong hyung is going to kill me! How do I let her down without hurting her feelings? What if I reject her and the she starts hating me? What if she cries? Jiyong hyung is going to kill me. He will kill me. Then revive me. Then kill me again. Nooooo! “You’re like the brother I’ve never had.” She continued, oblivious to Seungri’s internal turmoil. “Or the brother I could possibly have but don’t really remember.” She giggled at her own attempt at a joke as Seungri sighed in relief.

Only to panic again once he remembered that she does have a brother that she can’t remember. Possibly. He wonders if he should tell her but is worried because his hyungs specifically asked him not to tell. Normally, he would just tell her but she has so much on her plate right now and he’s worried that it might lead to a breakdown or something. He decided that he’ll speak with Hyesun about it to see what she suggests.

“I love you too, Sandara.” Seungri answered instead, simply because it was the truth. “You just might be my best friend; just don’t tell the hyungs. They’re jealous babies. Now eat your ice cream before it melts.”

________________________________________

“I have a secret.” A gloating Seungri sing-songed once he was close enough to Jiyong. After their morning eating ice cream and just talking, Seungri left Sandara with the intention of speaking with Hyesun about possibly telling Sandara about her brother but he got waylaid by his own devious brain. So, he decided to pay Jiyong a visit instead. This plan is very high risk. There’s no telling how his hyung would react at the knowledge that Seungri will be imparting. But! This is just too good not to be shared and he never could resist any opportunity to tease his hyungs..

“You found out you’re becoming a father because you forgot to wrap it up during a date with one of your lady friends..” Jiyong deadpanned as he continued typing on his laptop. “Congratulations, Master.”

“What?! That’ll never happen! I take care of my business.” Seungri insisted.

Jiyong looked at him with a mocking smile. “Sure, Master. If you say so, Master.”

“Aaaah. That never grows old.” Seungri exclaimed as he sat down on Jiyong’s table. “I wish Sandara negotiated for a longer validity period though.”

“Go away.” Jiyong ordered. “I’m working. Don’t you have work to do?”

“I’m not scheduled on any security job or military mission. I also finished up all my paperwork like a good boy. So, no. I’m free.” Seungri answered with a smug smile.

“Pity.”

“If I tell you my secret, will you call me Master for one year?” He leaned on the table, putting his face next to Jiyong’s laptop.

Jiyong pushed his face away and continued typing. “No secret is worth that.”

“Six months?” Seungri bargained. Jiyong just grunted. “Three?”

“Only if it’s the secret to the Fountain of Youth, Yamaa’s treasure, Atlantis, the mystery of the Romanovs or definite proof that there is life in outer space.”

“Eh?” Seungri frowned at his still typing hyung. “For the answer to those secrets, you should call me Master forever. Heck, all your kids and grandkids and great grandkids and so on and so forth should call me Master until the end of time and hold festivals in my honor!”

“Take it or leave it.” Jiyong shrugged.

“Two weeks?” Seungri asked again.

“Seungri.” The irritation was no clear on Jiyong’s face, so Seungri backtracked.

“Fine. Fine. I’ll tell you for free because you are my favorite hyung and you calling me Master is giving me so much happiness.” He leaned forward so that his mouth was right next to Jiyong’s. Whispering slowly, “Sandara told me she loves me.” He slowly leaned away from Jiyong, watching as Jiyong’s face transform from irritation to shock to.. He can’t even say for sure.

Jiyong’s eyes narrowed. “You lie.”

“It’s true.” Seungri grinned, stood up and started backing away. “It happened this morning. We were on her bed, eating ice cream.. It was a beautiful moment. I think I cried a little -”

He was almost out of the room when he collided with none other than Choi Dongwook.

“I want to see her.” Dongwook announced.

“Not until she’s ready.” Jiyong answered.

“I don’t need your permission.”

“And yet here you are asking for it.”

Seungri was watching the back and forth between his two hyungs. “Err.. Why don’t we ask her if she’s up to it?”

After what seemed like an eternity of the two older guys staring at each other, Jiyong finally nodded.

________________________________________

Kim Heechul, doctor extraordinaire, sighed as he looked at the notes and the scans in front of him. He was in the office that was provided for his use in Big Bang’s building while he is treating Sandara.

Things aren’t looking so good for his new friend and he’s not sure how he’s going to help her. The amount of the information that they have is both daunting and disappointing as it only highlights how mysterious Sandara’s case really is.

Closing the folders on his desk, he stood up and walked towards Hyesun’s office. Knocking on her door, he was pleasantly surprised to find Sandara there. The two seem to be spending some girl time and drinking tea. “Am I interrupting?”

“Little bit.” Sandara teased, showing her cheeky humor that Bom has told him about.

“Great.” He smiled as he made his way inside and sat down beside Sandara. “I love disrupting people’s schedules and forcing them to make time for me.”

Sandara nodded seriously. “As can be expected from a top ranked neurospecialist.”

“Exactly.” Heechul agreed and he caught Sandara’s gaze and they stared at each other for a beat before dissolving into laughter. “But seriously, is this a private party or can I crash it?”

“You’re welcome to join us, Heechul.” Hyesun assured him. “Sandara and I were just hanging out. Apparently Seungri ran off somewhere and left our poor girl bored and all alone.”

Heechul raised his eyebrows. “What trouble is the infamous Lee Seungri causing now? Nothing explosive, I hope?”

Sandara giggled. “He says he’s going to check on something but I think he wants to bug Jiyong and make him call him Master over and over again. He said he wants to record it so that even after the week is over, he can play it over and over again.”

“How did that happen, by the way?” Hyesun asked, intrigued at the possible reason that Jiyong would agree to something like that.

As Sandara launched into her story of their bet and her memory of her grandfather, her audience of two listened attentively. She was excited when she was telling them about her sparring session, if it could be called that, with Jiyong. She was animated as she told them about how Jiyong and baited her until she finally snapped. Then her whole being softened when she started telling them about remembering her grandfather; how he cheered for her and hugged her; how she knew for sure that he loved her.

“I’m glad you remembered your grandfather.” Hyesun told her, touching her arm after Sandara finished her story. “I’m glad you’ve remembered being loved.”

“Me too. I wondered, you know? I wondered if I have a family and if they were missing me; or if I was left on the church steps one stormy night, like on that drama that Youngbae loves; or if my family just had enough of me and threw me out of the house. Remembering my grandfather, I don’t know how, but I’m one hundred percent certain that he wouldn’t have left me on the steps somewhere or told me to get out of his life. He loved me. I know that here.” Sandara touched her chest, where her heart is. “But is that normal though?” Sandara asked. “I mean, I must have been so young.. Maybe four or five years old. How could I remember something so vividly after forgetting for so long. What if my mind is giving me images of what I want to remember?”

“Childhood memories don’t disappear completely as we age.” Hyesun told her, understanding her fear. “We may forget some instances or details just like we sometimes forget what we ate for lunch two weeks ago or what we were doing two on this date two years ago.. But experiences that have left a strong impact on us tend to stay with us longer and with more detail. Maybe when you remember your first kiss, you’ll remember the boy; how he looked at you, what you wore and where it happened. Or maybe the memory is more sensory. How he held you, the wind on your face and how you felt when his lips touched yours. Or maybe it’s a combination of both.”

“Were you recalling your first kiss, my friend?” Heechul teased. Becoming serious, he turned to Sandara, “I vividly recall every program I watched growing up. Sure, I need to think about it but when I try to remember, the memory is there. I recall when I watched it, the current events at that time and other memories that I am able to associate with it. It’s become a sort of drinking game with my friends and so far I haven’t lost. My memory is impeccable and I am simply awesome.” They all shared a laugh as Heechul continued. “So it isn’t impossible that you remembered things so clearly.”

“I wish I could remember more.” Sandara confessed.

At her words, Heechul remembered his purpose. Showing them the folder in his hand he told them “I actually came her to talk to Hyesun.”

“Oh, you want me to leave?” Sandara asked and he could see that she wasn’t offended or even hurt.

“No. It would be better if you’re here.” Putting the folder on the table in front of him, he opened it. “This is your file. I wanted to ask Hyesun to come with me to see you so I can relay my initial findings. I thought you’d be more comfortable with a friend. Plus she could also help with the psychological side of things.”

“Okay.” A subdued Sandara answered. This was it. She will find out if she’s crazy or just plain stupid. “How bad?”

Heechul sighed. “I’m going to be honest with you, okay? I like you and I will help you anyway I could..”

“But?”

“But, this is only my initial assessment and we have more time to spend with each other. You still have that to remember the words I asked you to.” Sandara nodded and Heechul continued. “Okay, it’s pretty obvious that you have amnesia. Anyone who disagrees, raise your hand?” He paused as he pretended to give them time to think about it as the girls giggled despite the gravity of their topic. “No objections? Okay. Good. Moving on, Hyesun and I have discussed this before and I agree with her assessment. What we’re seeing is you have a combination of the different kinds.”

“There’s more than one kind?” Sandara asked. She thought when you have amnesia, that was it. It just means you don’t remember. She thought it was only either permanent or temporary but the condition was the same.

Hyesun nodded. “It seems like you have retrograde amnesia and dissociative amnesia. Retrograde amnesia is when you can’t recall your memories prior to the onset of amnesia. Dissociative amnesia is includes not being able to remember traumatic events.” Hyesun reached out to touch Sandara’s head, feeling for the small scar there. “We suspect that this possibly caused the physical trauma that resulted to retrograde amnesia while your experiences during captivity left you the dissociative amnesia.”

“So it’s physical and psychological?” Sandara asked. Great! Apparently, her amnesia decided to cover all bases to make sure she was screwed. Lucky her, she thought sarcastically.

“Don’t blame yourself.” Hyesun advised. “The dissociative amnesia is your brain’s way of protecting yourself from the trauma. You remember some things only to forget them soon afterwards, like about what happened to Tamtamie. I noticed that as the days passed, you seemed to remember the memory with less and less detail. You still know what happened but to me, it seemed like the details are become vaguer and vaguer. This isn’t a usual symptom but it isn’t completely unheard of. Do you remember how you felt when you first remembered Tamtamie?” When Sandara just shrugged, she continued. “You were understandably horrified and bordering on hysterical. You would cry everytime you see Dadoongie’s nose twitch because it reminded you too much of Tamtamie. Your brain is trying to help you cope with those intense emotions by blocking them. Although you remember the facts, the intensity of emotions have been dulled. I suspect that prior to coming here you wiped the bad memories away completely. But here, where you’re living a healthier lifestyle and thankfully, no events that could exacerbate your trauma you are able to retain some memory without the emotional reaction attached to it.”

“Plus, you were being given a regular dose of heroin for who knows how long.” Heechul commented. “I also note from the files that Big Bang uncovered that you were given a whole cocktail of other drugs while there. Unfortunately, we can’t tell the amount of damage this caused you.”

“When you first came, you also mentioned being tased.. That -”

Sandara cut Hyesun off. “Let me guess. That also caused my brain to go wonky. So what are you saying?” Sandara asked, worry and fear making her body go cold. “That I’m never going to remember again? Never going to find out who I am or why I was taken.”

“You’re Sandara Park.” Hyesun told her firmly. “You’re funny, kind, beautiful and brave. So brave. You smile and try to make others feel better when I know for a fact that you are overwhelmed or scared. So many things have happened to you, so much more that we don’t know and yet you face each day with a strength that amazes me. You find joy in the simplest things and you share that joy with everyone around you. That’s who you are. Don’t question that.”

“Hyesun-ah.” Sandara sniffed as tears ran down her face, partly because of the news but mostly because Hyesun’s words touched her soul. “Thank you.”

“You’re my friend.” Hyesun added. “You will always be my friend no matter what you remember. I’ll help you.”

“We’ll help you.” Heechul corrected. “Don’t lose hope. We have several things to do ahead of us. We’re not entirely out of options. We’ll continue with your cognitive therapy. It’s also a good idea to keep trying new things to see if it will trigger something, like what you and Jiyong talked about. And..” At this point, he hesitated.

“What?” Sandara asked. “Just tell me, please.”

Heechul nodded and seemed to pull an envelope out of nowhere. He opened it and pulled out the results of her MRI. “This and this,” he pointed out to Sandara. “These are your hippocampi.”

Sandara squinted as she tried to identify the grey blobs he pointed out. She tilted her head to the side as if that would make her see or understand better.

“The hippocampus has been linked to response inhibition, memory, and spatial cognition.” Heechul explained. “Generally, you can live normally if only one is damaged since you have one hippocampus in each brain hemisphere.” Seeing that Sandara was following as best she could he continued, “This eensy weensy dot right here, is what we think is the chip that was implanted in your brain.”

“It’s on my hippocampi- campus?” she asked, unsure of the correct word to use.

“One hippocampus.” Heechul nodded, raising the appropriate number of fingers as he spoke. “Two hippocampi.”

“So the physical trauma could be from the operation?” She asked again.

“It’s possible.” Heechul answered.

“If you remove the chip, would that fix me?” Recalling Jiyong’s words, she amended her own. “Would it help with my memory?”

“I don’t know.” Heechul admitted. “The chip is so tiny, it was a challenge seeing it even with the MRI.”

“That’s why we missed it the first time.” Hyesun added.

“Also, the material is unusual.” Heechul pointed at the scans again. “See how it almost blends into your brain? If Hyesun and Bom didn’t tell me it was a chip, I would have thought it was some sort of tumor.”

“Do we know for sure it isn’t?”

“Yep. It only seems like an organic part of your brain, but upon closer inspection, it’s obvious that it isn’t supposed to be there. See how the sharp edges..” Heechul frowned at the glazed look in Sandara’s eyes. “Okay. You totally don’t see it, but trust me. The edges are too sharp for it to be anything but a foreign object.”

“So what do we do?” Sandara asked. Something in her was telling her that Heechul wouldn’t have brought it up if he didn’t have a plan.

“It’s risky.” Heechul cautioned.

“I’ve got nothing to lose.” Sandara countered.

“Yes, you do.” Heechul disagreed. “You’ve got people who love you, memories you’ve regained and new friends, ehem ehem I’m talking about me, of course, that you still need to get to know better.”

“Then just tell me..”

“If I could take a closer look..”

“You want to open up my head?” Sandara asked, realizing what he was saying; her hand automatically going to her hair. “They shaved my head here. Will you shave it all off?”

“Not necessarily.” Heechul answered. “I want you to think about it. Seriously think about it. Any surgery has its own set of risks and this is definitely risky. I’m talking about potential paralysis, coma, complete memory loss, loss of cognitive function or death. Yes, I’m saying that to scare you because I want you to think about this carefully; but remember that along with the risks, there’s fact that I’m a very very very good doctor and that tips the scales into your favor. Plus, we’re not sure if I’ll be able to do anything once we do operate. This will be more of an exploratory surgery than anything.”

“What if the chip explodes or something?” Sandara whispered.

Heechul paused and looked at Hyesun in question. “Is that something you think will happen?” He asked gently.

“I don’t know.” Sandara answered. “I mean.. They shaved my head.. But apparently they had to stop.. Why didn’t they take it out then? What if..”

“This is why you need to think about it.” Heechul repeated. “I can’t tell you what happens but I can assure you that I will do my very best to help you.”

“Well, you are the best..” Sandara said with a small smile.

“That I am.” Heechul concurred. “And I am promising you that if we do this, I will be the most prepared, most focused doctor you’ll ever see. I will be in my best condition to help ensure that everything goes well.”

“I trust you.” Sandara told him.