Our first kiss

Lee Jung suk: "where r u taking me....??? Are there many beautiful and y girls?? Or r u taking me to the bech...😍😍I would love to go there...!!!!!."

The guy :(with a faint smile)" we will be soon there just come with me.....😏"

"So where is this place I have never been here.... I like it but( suddenly he saw a person covered with blood ) (after being silent for a moment)W..h..o is he?? & Why is he covered in blood?? Shouldn't we take him to a hospital??!!"

"There is no need he is been like that for 18 years.."

" What!?!? Huh!! What is this place?? Am I dreaming?? Excuse me what is this place??"

"You shut up just stay quiet for a while..Son of a b*tch don't you know that I have been trying to think for a while....!!!! Just keep your mouth shut"

"Hey!!! What do you mean?? And what do you have to think?? You just have to show me the way how to get out from this werid world..I never told you to show me the way you b*stard... I don't need your your help I will find my own way..."

" Do you think after coming all the way with me I would just let you go like this..This is a world of dreams or I could say world of deads... I bought you here to become alive again!!!!"

"U are D..E..A..D?!"

"Yes but now I will be alive due to mistake of that stupid girl who brought u in hereand she doesn't even know that...!"

"Just go to hell I would never become a path for you to become alive...!!!!"

On the other hand Inha was trying to find the murderer unknown to the fact that she dragged a human in to the dream world.. Inha heard an evil sprit " I guess now he will be alive as a human is there in the world of deads...I shall also be able to get out from this hell.."

Inha asked Louis "Is there a human in the world of deads??"

"Yes..."

"You knew it??! Than why didn't you tell me?! How did that human enter the world of deads!!?!"

"It was your mistake that he came to the world of deads and nowhe's in great danger"

After hearing this Inha rushed back to the world of deads to save that human.... As she went she saw that he was controlled by that guy..

She didn't remember the way to bring him out of the control of that spirit nothing came to her mind but suddenly she kissed him...😘

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libianno #1 Jul 7, 2017 13:53:35

Chapter 3: I love the idea of this fic but there is just one thing that is bothering me. It reads like a surmised version of what needs to be a more detailed story. If you take each sentence and try to extend it by three-five more sentences, turning one sentence into a paragraph then your story will have more depth. Try to be as detailed as possible. So far we don't know what is happening around Inha, what this dream world looks like, sounds like, smells like, and feels like. You need to describe everything about everything so we can see it clearly like we'e there. You also need to describe what Inha looks like, Jongsuk and Kangchul too. They might have long dark hair or short dark hair, or even auburn hair, flaxen hair, oakre hair. It could be bristly hair or soft shiny hair, matte hair. There are so many words you could use to create this wonderful world you've come up with, so do your best to use them. Use the internet to search them and keep a dictionary by your side at all times. Use your words love.