Haru hasn’t decided yet if Jae’s timing is the best or the worst, but one thing’s for sure: whatever else happens tonight, she’s got Jae to blame. Or Jimin to thank. It depends on the outcome.

Sungjin has one hand on the wheel and the other on the gearshift, singing softly to some love song the radio. It’s a pity she didn’t hear them sing earlier tonight, but she prefers having him sing to himself. She rather likes the idea that he can sing to himself and not mind her in the same breathing space. For once in her life she feels truly welcome. She can listen to him sing all day and all night long.

Once more, her gaze lands on his hand loosely draped over the gearshift. She’s not one for public physical displays of affection either but they are alone, aren’t they? The worst that can happen is he rejects her attempt to hold his hand. And if that happens, she can disappear with her shame never to be seen again. After all, that’s what she’s good at. Running away. Leaving. Disappearing.

Maybe this time she can be bad at something and stay. At least until the sun rises to break her bubble.

This is what he does to her.

He makes her want to stay long enough to hold his hand.

You’re the worst, she thinks. If she were brave enough, she might even tell him to his face. But isn’t that what she’s learned through all this? She’s never brave enough. So she keeps her hand tightly balled on her lap, choking down the feelings bubbling deep inside her. Feelings she thought she’d never feel again. Feelings so intense they can’t be real, can they?

Resting her temple against the headrest, she imagines this must be what she’s been missing out on. For as far as she can remember, she’d held on to Jaebum so tightly, she had lost pieces of herself in the process. Navigating without him felt like going at it blind. But it’s just as Sungjin said, whatever she wants to do she’s free to do on her own.

Maybe here, in this car with a beautiful boy, is a good place to start.

“She said she didn’t love me anymore,” he says, pulling her out of her thoughts.

Deeper into the night, his accent seems thicker and his voice huskier. More than that, Haru recognizes that this isn’t a story routinely told. What he’s telling her now, it’s nothing like how she had told him about her dating misadventures. When she told him her story, it was meant to disgust him. Make him hate her. Instead he had looked at her like he truly saw inside her and that he didn’t mind what he saw.

“She said she started hating herself because we were still together and I wasn’t doing anything wrong but she was falling out of love with me anyway,” he continued. “I couldn’t even do anything. I mean, what was I supposed to do? I could only let her go.”

She reaches for his hand and their fingers knot together so naturally it feels like a dream. But he’s real, the warmth of his pulse and the roughness of his fingertips are proof that he’s real. “That’s not your fault. You know that’s not your fault, right?”

He inhales a shaky breath. “I couldn’t make her happy anymore. I kept thinking maybe I did something wrong, something so awful I wasn’t the guy she fell in love with anymore.”

“Some things just are. You can’t blame yourself for that.”

“I can’t blame her for not loving me the same way anymore either. That’s not her fault. It’s fine. I’m not angry about it. I think I should have been, at least at first. But I wasn’t. It never even occurred to me to hate her. But it hurt a lot. Eventually, I just accepted that some things just can’t be helped.”

Haru lifts their intertwined hands to her lips and kisses his knuckles. “I’m sorry, darling. Is there anything I can do?”

His laugh is clear and bright. “I’m fine now. Honestly, it feels so long ago. You don’t have to worry about me, darling.”

Yet he takes their hands to his eyes and wipes away a stray tear that dared appear. Inside, she’s trembling from a feeling there isn’t a name for. A perfect cake there is no recipe for. A taste there are no words for. For the first time, Haru feels her heart taking root in her chest. The way he called her darling, the sound of each letter pouring out like a song from his mouth, it drove her mad. When he’d done it earlier tonight, she’d ignored it. Easier to pretend it never happened than acknowledge the fact that she liked the endearment. She’s breaking into a million pieces in front of him when she’s supposed to be figuring out how to put him back together. She only had one night after all. The hours are counting down faster than she can keep up.

“Are you—”

“I’m not crying,” he interjects, “I’m really not. Who’s crying?”

Haru nods and sets their hands back on her lap. He’s too good for you, whispers that traitorous voice in her head. Maybe the voice is right.

“See, I’ve only ever dated Nayeon.” It comes out almost a murmur, Haru suspects she isn’t meant to hear it at all, but he glances at her for a moment before setting his eyes back on the road. “I gave so much, when she left I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Losing her felt like losing my smile.”

“Is it the end of the world?”

He turns to her, surprised and confused. Maybe a little annoyed.

“I hate to break it to you, but you don’t lose your smile when someone leaves. You just…let yourself be sad for a while. Then you go find a new reason to smile. Or maybe something...or someone…brings your smile back to you. Or both. Both is good.”

“Both, huh?”

“Speaking from experience,” she adds with a tentative smile. “Also this guy I met told me to look at it like you’re getting to reinvent yourself or something. Like a chance to try everything for the first time again. Overwrite the sad memories with new, happier, ones. Do the things you want because you don’t need another person with you, not really. That way you get to define who you are as a person. Or something. At least that’s how I understand it.”

“Sounds like a cool guy.”

She makes a noise from behind . “I don’t know about cool.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Pretty sure.”

They run out of road when Sungjin pulls into a narrow driveway b