Jiyong’s hands trembled as they hovered above the keyboards. The website sitting open in front of him was one of those he never thought he would ever check. Was this acceptable? Would this be alright? Jiyong wasn’t sure.

                Seungri had just left to who-knows-where and where was him? Here he was; in front of his laptop opening a website! Jiyong really couldn’t believe himself.

                Yes, he’d done the same years back when he was a teenager; whether openly with s, or stealthily when he was given free nights. He was even the devil-reincarnation himself who had introduced Seungri to the world back when he was nothing but an innocent country bumpkin!

                The thing was; it had always been between hetero couples, never did they watch those performed by gay couples. Thus, Jiyong’s hand quivered incessantly, he even needed to take such a long breath to calm himself down.

                He exhaled. “Everything’s alright. You don’t do it for pleasure; you do it to confirm yourself. Once you see you’re not ing, all these will come clear,” Jiyong told himself as he steadied his breath. Okay, here we g—

                BANG!!!

                “Hyung! Pack your cl—THE ARE YOU DOING?!” Seungri’s shout blared like a thunder.

                Jiyong who panicked right away slammed his laptop shut, eyes widened as he knew he had been caught red-handed. “WHY ARE YOU SUDENLY HERE AND I CAN EXPLAIN!” Jiyong’s voice came out louder than expected.

                “HYUNG, YOU’RE SHOUTING,” Seungri announced, eyes too; wide. “And what is that you’re watching?” Now, his brow creased, voice already normal. “You’re not watching what I think you’re watching, right?” He asked, holding his breath as he slowly approached the elder. His gaze questioning and brows furrowed.

                “IT’S NOTHING!” Jiyong quickly hugged his laptop protectively, making sure Seungri couldn’t reach it. “I can explain to you!”—He started to rant—“It’s not what you think. I was surfing something else when it popped up, then I clicked. I mean I accidentally clicked it open and it opened. So, you see I didn’t open it in purpose like you know, I mean I wouldn’t have any interest opening it right? Like you know, why would I watch it? I mean, you see I’m straight, like, you know I’m. Yea, I’m straight that’s what I’m trying to say.  Don’t you too; think I’m straight?” He stopped; displaying his gummy smile that somehow seemed forced while waiting for the expected ‘yes’.

                Seungri only creased his brow farther. He kept his lips locked as he came face to face with his leader, watching silently as Jiyong seemed more and more uncomfortable behind his grinning mask.

                “Don’t you think I’m straight?” Jiyong’s pupils rolled as they turned worried. “I’m not gay, right, Ri? I’m straight, aren’t I?” the leader slowly walked toward the younger, reaching for him. “I, I used to date women. I even made a song for her. Kiko, Nana, I dated them. I love to go for one night stands with women.” He narrated.

                “I’m straight, right, Ri-ah? Why don’t you say anything?” He held onto Seungri, eyes fixated on the younger. His eyes were pleading and Seungri swore he felt a knife had just slashed his heart. He couldn’t stand watching Jiyong’s brown orbs quivered in such a pleading, sad, and doubting way; as if conveying their owner’s vulnerability.

                Seungri was weak against them.

                “You are. Yes, you are, Hyung,” Seungri helplessly gave in to Jiyong’s doubt as he pulled the elder into his embrace.  “You’re not gay.” He placed a soft peck on the crown of Jiyong’s head and patted his back, feeling the leader’s muscles moved as he clung onto him.

                “I don’t want to harm BIGBANG,” the leader stated, burying his face on the younger’s shoulder. “I’m straight, Ri-ah.”

                “You are.”

                “Sleep here and hug me tonight. I’m still scared of my mind, Ri.”

                “Mhm. I’ll sleep here,”

                 He would just talk about US tomorrow.

---

               Seungri woke up to a room that seemed to have been torn by a storm. He blinked his eyes and as his vision cleared, he was greeted by Ai which was singing her heart out. He got out of the bed and immediately searched for Jiyong who was nowhere to be seen. His hand scratched his back as he yawned.

                He was searching all over the apartment when he caught a tiny creak. He walked to the sound sorce and soon met Jiyong who was covered in dust. He let out a sigh before crouching down and asked, “What are you doing here, Hyung?” He couldn’t help that his eyes were still drooping.

              “Oh. Hey,” was all Jiyong could afford as his hand close the box before him. “Nothing, just searching for something.” He shrugged his shoulder. He rose up as he hummed a short melody, leaving for the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee.

                Seungri nodded a ‘thank’ as he took the mug Jiyong handed. “You must have searched for something. I can help you, you know.” He sipped his hot drink.

                “Nah, it’s nothing.” Jiyong walked to the living room and Seungri trailed behind him. He sat down and the television. “I’ve found it, anyway,” Jiyong announced proudly as he pulled a dusty book out. He opened the book for him and Seungri to see, unknowingly catching the younger off guard as he flipped through it. It was an album of his and Kiko’s photo!

                 “Hyung—“

                “See this, Ri? I’m so happy here, aren’t I? I clearly loved her. Look at that stare—“ Jiyong pointed at a photo. He opened another pages, “Look at that, and that, and also that one. Even the first thing I notice is her s and her waist. If I am gay, I won’t notice all of these, right? Right, Ri-ah?!” his gaze pierced Seungri. He wasn’t questioning; he was demanding.

                Seungri lost all his words right at that point. His forehead wrinkled as he took in the sight of the entirely new Kwon Jiyong in front of him. Who was this man sitting beside him? Seungri… didn’t recognize him.

                 He hesitantly pulled Jiyong’s hand, staring at his unbelievably blood shot eyes that had started to glisten with held up tears. “Hyung,” he tried to start as carefully as he could muster.

                “What if I really was gay, Ri-ah?” Jiyong looked up and reciprocated his gaze.

                “Let’s go to the US, ‘kay? We’ll see doctors that’ll know you better than I do, okay?” Seungri tried to maintain his voice low and clear. “’kay?” It was hard for him to ignore Jiyong’s shock expression.

                Everything was really slow, as if time had been frozen. But, Seungri was aware of how slow Jiyong’s hand was slipping from his grasp, realized how Jiyong pulled his hand to himself and how hurt his eyes were; it was as if they were accusing Seungri for betrayal and at the same time unable to proceed that information. Seungri wanted to shout out a loud ‘No’ right there and that moment. He wouldn’t ever have the heart to do so.  But, Jiyong’s state was in nowhere possible for him to understand that fact.

                 It was just the past months all over again.

                “Are you… finally giving up on me?” Jiyong slowly curled on the couch, voice barely a whisper. He had started to lift his legs and brought it to his chest, building the invisible wall between them as his last defense.

              Seeing this and listening at his choice of words instantly made Seungri felt awful. How could he see himself that low? Seungri really wanted to hold him, but he knew better not to. Instead he spoke up, “Listen carefully to what I about to say, okay, Hyung?” He took a pause, trying to give Jiyong time to be prepared for the thing he about to bring.

                 Once he’s sure, he restarted, “First, I’m not giving up on you. Not now, not tomorrow, not anytime. I will never give up on you; not me, not Dae Hyung, not Seunghyun Hyung, nor Bae Hyung. No one will ever give up on you because you worth too much to be given up on. So, stop looking down and blame yourself, okay?” He sought for a comprehension in Jiyong’s eyes, but instead he found doubt. The latter didn’t even seem to have caught what he’d said!

                “Hyung!” He tried to grasp him, to shake him and summon him back to reality, but the latter dodged it. Seungri truly never knew he had such a bad pain tolerance.

                “I’m worried about you, Hyung. The internet said you’re facing SO-OCD, how do you expect me to believe it, Hyung?! Yo—you’re just bad, but not that bad, aren’t you? But, I can’t keep hiding you without making you better!  I want the old you back, Hyung! I’m scared, really scared you could never be the old you! I want the confident you back, the music genius back, I don’t like seeing you so helpless!”

                At this point, Seungri thought he had reached his limit. He couldn’t face anymore pressure or he’d just break down. This Kwon Jiyong is not his Kwon Jiyong. So, he stood up and shoved the elder his cold shoulder. “I don’t care if you’ll hate me. If you can’t bring back the leader I admire, then I; will be the one who will personally bring him back. We’re leaving to US. All you have to do is follow me and everything else will be left on me. Got it?”

                Jiyong who was curling on the couch only nodded, eyes clearly emphasizing his fright.

                Too bad, people got numb once they’re hurt too much, didn’t they? Thus, Seungri could finally careless when he saw the leader’s claws dag in his own flesh. He coldheartedly turned around and left.

                He didn’t care. He would do everything in his power to bring Jiyong back, even if it meant having to hurt the present Jiyong. He’d no longer cared. He kept his ground and confined himself; booking tickets and all. Jiyong condition was not that bad.

                Jiyong would be fine.

---

                And, so, they boarded their plane to the awaiting USA.