(16)

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Jung Yunho smiled as he looked beside him, where his best friend - Kim Jaejoong was sleeping on his desk. And he let that opportunity to stare at his face. From his golden brown hair to his nose, down to his mouth. His favorite. Because whenever Jaejoong smile, he often find himself reflecting Jaejoong's smile.

After the class, Jaejoong came to him, borrowing his notes. When he hand him his notes, Jaejoong pinched his nose.

"Thanks. You're really the best best friend out there Ho,"

He only smiled. He wanted to tell him he don't want to be just friends. He wanted more than a friendship. But he couldn't say it. Because Jaejoong doesn't see him that way. He wanted to say 'I like you' but he don't want to lose him, so he just smiled.

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(21)

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They were in their second year in college when Jaejoong called him in the middle of the night. He asked why and Jaejoong muttered something that made him clutch his phone tighter.

"I'm finally going out with him, Ho. I'm so happy now."

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes, he could imagine Jaejoong's eyes now. His eyes must be so bright now, just like how bright the sun is.

"I wanted to tell you first. Can't hide anything from my best friend, right?"

He hummed on return. He wanted to tell him he don't want to be just friends. He wanted more than a friendship. But he couldn't say it. Because Jaejoong doesn't feel the same way. He wanted to say it but he don't want to lose him, so he just smiled.

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(22)

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A year later, his phone rang again. And when he answered it, Jaejoong's voice came, it only took a second for him to realize Jaejoong was crying.

"It didn't work out," Jaejoong said from the other line. He hummed, and Jaejoong cried for an hour, pouring his broken heart.

After comforting words were spoken, Jaejoong finally calmed down. Before hanging up, Jaejoong said, "Thank you, Jung Yunho. You're really a great friend."

He held the phone for a while, and sadly smiled. He wanted to tell him he don't want to be just friends. He wanted more than friendship. But he couldn't say it. Because Jaejoong only see him as a friend. He cursed to himself, because even at 22, he's so afraid he'll lose him so just like he would always do, he just smiled.

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(23)

On the day of their graduation party, Jaejoong reached for his hand. He asked why and Jaejoong winked, grabbing his hands. And he let him lead him to his world.

They danced in the middle, a sweet song from the background, and a ray of flashing lights illuminated their forms.

Perfect, he thought.

And at that one moment of perfection, as they held hands, he wanted to tell Kim Jaejoong he don't want to be just friends. He wanted to tell him he want more from him. But he bit his lips. Because Jaejoong doesn't see him that way. He couldn't say it, because he don't want to lose him, so he just smiled.

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(30)

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Few years later, he closed his eyes as soon as the wedding march began. He held his breath when he saw Kim Jaejoong walking down the aisle. He smiled, because even at 30, Jaejoong's still beautiful. Still shining in his eyes.

Jaejoong's smiled, reaching for his hand, tears visible on his eyes.

He sat down at the pews of the church, witnessing Kim Jaejoong's wedding with the man he always loved.

At the reception, Jaejoong came running to him.

"You came, I thought I'll be wedded without seeing my best friend," Jaejoong said, smiling at him.

"I'm glad I did. You're so wonderful today, Jae." he said, smiling back.

Jaejoong giggled, pinching his nose. Again, he wanted to tell him he don't want to be just friends. But he couldn't say. And he would never do. Because Jaejoong wasn't looking at him like that. And he was fourteen years too late. He wanted to say it, but he just smiled. Because now, he really couldn't.

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(36)

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At the funeral of Jaejoong's husband, Jaejoong tightly held his hands as he cried. Only after six years of marriage, Jaejoong became a widow. And he helped Jaejoong put back his life together.

"Thank you for always being there, Yunho," Jaejoong said one night, his eyes swollen from crying so much. He pulled him into a hug, and in that fleeting second, he wanted to tell him those unspoken words. But he shouldn't. So just like twenty years ago, he just smiled.

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(40)

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"How come you're living alone? You're wasting your life Yunho. You're forty and you're alone in this house." Jaejoong said one afternoon.

After his husband died, his visits became frequent.

"I'm fine this way," he replied, offering him a tea.

"Boring," Jaejoong said before taking a sip. "At this rate, you'll die alone. You don't like anyone to spend your life with?"

After that innocent question was spurred, he looked at Jaejoong, and Jaejoong looked back.

He opened his mouth. He wanted to tell him it was him. He wanted to tell him he don't want to be just his friend. He wanted to tell him he want something more from him. But before he could utter any word, he closed his mouth. He couldn't say it. Because Jaejoong never felt the same way about him. So he only shrugged the question off, and smiled.

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(51)

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Few years later, he find himself wishing he could turn back time. He find himself wishing he'd said he don't want to be just friends. He wished he didn't just smiled. He wished he had let out those words. He wished he wasn't too afraid to lose his friend. Because on that day, at his best friend's funeral service, his mother read his diary.

"I stared at Yunho's back, my best friend, and noticed how at 20, he grew up into a fine man. When he looked at me with a smile on his face, I wanted to tell him I don't want to be just friends, I wanted to tell him I want more than friendship. But I couldn't say it. I wish he could say it. But he didn't. Because he doesn't feel the same way. I wanted to tell him, but I don't want to lose him, so I just smiled."

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--

So-so for a comeback piece, aye?