3

            It was like watching from a huge screen like you’re the only person inside the theatre, unmoving and anticipating what was going next. The two didn’t share memories and it feels like you’re possessed once in a while and left in a daze, not knowing what has happened. Right now, she watches, her hands clenched into fists, shaking and trying to hold it in.

“You are an idiot, Joohyun! Such a stupid child!”

            Joohyun stayed mum, as she watches her mother in a fit of rage. Twelve-year old Joohyun was afraid of her-especially in times like this where her mother comes home, drunk, her clothes stained with alcohol and other liquids. Her mother would hit her for no apparent reason (there was, actually) other than the former blaming her child for her husband leaving them and falling into poverty.

‘It’s not my fault...I didn’t do anything.’

            Joohyun would have those thoughts as she would commonly hide under her bed inside her room. When her mother would not find her, she would lock Joohyun’s room where Joohyun was, and wouldn’t unlock it until the next day.

“This is for your own good, Joohyun. Don’t make mother angry.”

            Her mother went to the kitchen looking for something to hit her child, while Joohyun stayed in the bedroom, her body trembling in fear, her heart racing and her mind filled with repetitive thoughts, ‘Mother loves me. This is for my own good. I’ll be a good girl.’

There are monsters in real life. Some people are just too blind to see them.

…

            Irene stared at the light blue painted door, her eyes on the name plate besides the door. Room 74. LCP Wendy Son. Maybe she should turn back? She swallowed a lump in , as she wiped her sweating hands on her denim ripped jeans. What was she going to say? ‘Help me, I’m scared of my own self?’

It’s just for today, right? If she doesn’t like where it’s going, she can just dump all of this down the drain in memory lane.

“You can do this, Irene…” She mumbles to herself, raising her shaking hand to knock on the door.

…

            Wendy was staring blankly at the wall of the room, mindlessly stirring the spoon in her coffee mug. Bae Joohyun. Bae Irene. Did she…? She snapped out of her thoughts when a shy, but firm knock was heard on her door. She blinked and frowned. “Oh, she’s here.” Slowly, she got up and looked at her place. Everything was in place and it didn’t look like how a consultant room should look like. I hope it would be cozy enough for her. With a deep breath, she opens the door.

…

            “Welcome!” Irene stepped back slightly in surprise when the door swung open to reveal a woman who seems to be younger than her. She-Ms. Wendy-was wearing a white lab coat over her polo shirt and slacks and-

Olaf slippers?

            “U-Um…” Irene stuttered, her face flushed. Wendy grinned at her before stepping aside. “Ah, you must be shocked. I really like Olaf you see. Anyhow, won’t you come in and make yourself comfortable?”

“O-Okay.”

            Ms. Wendy’s office had one dominant color: Blue.

            The walls were painted with the deep blue of the ocean while the furniture was velvet blue. In the middle of the room were three chairs, one long sofa facing the two unoccupied chairs in the middle of the room. Between the three furniture was a small, round and glass table. There were bookshelves in one corner of the room, filled with books and under each shelf was a tag like what you’d see in a bookstore, one reading ‘FICTION,’ another, ‘FAVORITES’ and other shelves that don’t have a tag.  In another corner was a door that probably led to another room and besides the door was a long, light blue desk with a laptop placed in the middle and other stuff that must have been important filled the whole desk, neatly arranged.

Only the floors weren’t blue. Instead they were a dark, acre wood.

            Irene sat on the long sofa, feeling very awkward as she looked around, anywhere that is not Wendy. She wasn’t fond of the silence, so she spoke up. “You must…really like blue.” Her voice was hesitant and small, something she didn’t like. She hears Wendy’s chuckle and she looked at the woman in front of her who crossed her legs and seemed to be observing her. “I love the color. I had this renovated last week! You’re my first guest since then.”

Irene decided to ignore how Wendy used ‘guest’ instead of ‘patient’ or ‘client.’

“I-I see.”

            Wendy smiled at her comfortingly. “Do you drink coffee? Or would you prefer tea? I can make some for us.” Irene shook her head, a small smile on her lips. “I’m fine.” She glances at the clock hanging on the wall behind Wendy. Five minutes have already passed.

“Can we get right to it, Ms. Wendy?” Irene tried to sound not too rude.

            She expected this psychologist to drop all the friendly acts, but Wendy’s smile didn’t even waver. “Alright. But shall we get to know each other first?” She pointed to herself, “My name is Wendy, as you’ve already stated. Please drop the Ms. I’m Korean but I lived in Canada for most of my life until I came back here.”

“My name is Irene. I’m originally from Daegu and visited Seoul during summer but I moved here when I was nineteen.”

            Irene fiddled with her thumbs, an uncomfortable feeling forming inside her chest. Wendy didn’t leave her hanging though. “Oh, yes. Irene, Seohyun unnie has mentioned you.” Irene looked up, puzzled. “Unnie?”

“Oh, yes. I’m twenty-four you see.”

“Ah…Then I’m older.”

“Shall I call you, ‘Unnie’ as well, then?” Wendy grinned.

This psychologist is really friendly.

That amused Irene.

“I think that’s a bit too fast.”

“Hm…Is Irene your English name?”

            Irene winced at that. She averted her gaze from Wendy, which of course, didn’t go unnoticed. “I-no…But I prefer people call me that.” “I see. It’s a beautiful name.” Wendy’s voice became soft and Irene sighed in relief as the psychologist didn’t pry any further. “So would you like to tell me what you’re feeling right now?”

There was no use in lying if Irene wanted to get help and Seohyun had already paid for the session.

“I’m…I’m feeling unwell these past few days.” Irene admitted.

“Under the weather?” Irene didn’t know why Wendy’s voice seemed to be comforting.

“Y-Yes. I mean, I’ve been dreaming of events that I’d rather not remember…”

            Wendy hummed in response, staying silent if Irene decides to continue. When she didn’t, Wendy asked, “Was there any specific cause to why you suddenly started remembering those events?”

“I…I don’t know. I have no one to consult a-about this and so I j-just paint them down.”

“Oh, do you love arts?” Wendy asked casually as if they were in a blind date.

“I…Well, no. I have a friend who taught me basics because it helped her calm down so I asked her to.”

“I see. How did the paintings turn out?”

            Irene didn’t want to answer that question. She shut her eyes and took a deep breath. She was starting to get emotional as the paintings she had created flashed in her mind and suddenly her heart clenched as she shut her eyes tightly, letting out a whimper.

This is crap.

What is this?

Red eyes. Evil smiles.

Mocking. They were mocking.

…

            Wendy observed Irene who stayed silent after that question. They probably didn’t turn out well, judging from her behavior. Irene was pretty, no, she was beautiful and Wendy couldn’t deny that. Her voice was also high and clear.

“It’s okay to cry, Irene-sshi.” Wendy’s voice was soft.

            It seems like Irene was holding her feelings in for so long. Irene shook her head, but her hands were already trembling. Wendy contemplated whether to approach her or stay silent and wait. Direct or indirect?

“By saying that you don’t have anyone to turn to…do you not have many friends or do you not trust them?"

Indirect it is.

Joohyun bit her bottom lip and shook her head furiously. “N-No! Not like that! I mean, I have friends and a boyfriend as well b-but th-they told me to see a psychologist as-as if something’s wrong with me…”

With each and every word, her voice started getting smaller.

…

            Irene felt suffocated.

            Her friends probably mean well for suggesting, but it still hurt her how she couldn’t get through this by herself. She felt her walls breaking and she closes her eyes, only to open them again to look at Wendy. I don’t cry. I don’t. But she was always a crybaby. She bit her lower lip before feeling the tears fall.

            Wendy got up, leaving the sobbing girl in silence as she went to make a cup of coffee, making a black one for Irene. But while doing so, she spoke up.

“Going to a psychologist doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you, Irene-sshi.” The psychologist pulled out a purple coffee mug and a box of coffee powder as she hears Irene sniffling behind her, probably wiping her tears.

And Wendy continues, “There are certain times in life that we feel so many things. Some claimed to be depressed; others, stressed, and a lot of them don’t think that anyone can help them. That’s why they don’t seek help-because it’s either they think no one can help them and they’re all alone, going through this, or, they think they can get through by themselves.”

            She pours the lukewarm water into the mug, carefully as she pauses, “It’s not wrong to seek help. It’s not wrong to think that you need help. No man is an island. Both of us should know,” As a psychologist myself, “that not everyone wants to be helped and saved. But you know what?”

            Wendy stirs the black coffee as she turns around to see Irene timidly staring at the wooden floor. The shorter woman approaches her slowly before placing the purple mug on the glass table. She crouches down and smiles at Irene who glanced at her.

“It’s okay. You came here even though you hesitated. It’s okay that you want to be helped. It’s okay not to be okay.”

            Irene’s red, puffy eyes looked up at Wendy, who grinned and held her gaze. “It’s okay if you want to help someone, which happens to be you yourself.”

I’m only here to help you find your way.

It was silent for a moment, until Wendy noticed a slight change in Irene’s facial expression, from timid to dark and blank. Her ears perked up when she heard Irene’s voice change into a low, sultry and airy voice.

“I don’t think that’s true.”

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A/N: I'm sorry if this is a short update. :( These two weeks, I've been going to the doctor. xD Personal and painful reasons. Y'know, check-ups, therapy and stuff.

I'll try harder when I'm feeling physically better.

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