It’s 3 AM, and Bobby is still up, when he should be sleeping hours ago. They have to wake up and prepare for practice at 6 AM and he just can’t force himself to sleep, not when the reason why he’s still up is just on the other side of the room. He has his arm slung over his eyes, willing his mind not to think of him, his pretty eyes, his soft smiling face, his cute nose, his Jinhwan.

Realizing that’s it’s a futile attempt and accepting the fact that he won’t get any sleep today, he lied to his side and faced Jinhwan. Which is bad if you would ask him, because Jinhwan looks absolutely peaceful, defenseless, and fragile when he sleeps and it takes Bobby all the willpower not to cross the room, lie beside him and hold him tight. He observes Jinhwan as puffs of breath escapes his o-shaped mouth, drool dribbling at the side of his face, as his chest heaves up and down rhythmically. If it’s any other member, he’ll think that the sight is disgusting, but since its Jinhwan, the human embodiment of the word adorable, it’s cute.

“You are so whipped.”, his mind reminds him and he groans softly. As if he himself is not aware that he is absolutely and completely head over heels for their eldest hyung. He turns to lie on his back and stares at the ceiling instead. His mind unknowingly drifts off to his and Jinhwan’s first meeting years ago. Reminiscing the memory unconsciously brought a smile on his tired face.

Bobby left his home in America for his dream. He auditioned in YG through his rapping and thankfully, he got in. He was 16 then, too young and naïve to travel and live alone in a foreign country, but he’s strong enough to withstand anything- or so he thought. He’s young and foolish back then, when he met Jinhwan and instantly fell for him.

They were about the same height, this guy and Bobby. Hanbin, or what he introduced himself as B.I, a rapper and the leader, was a little shorter than the two and was too uptight for his age. The other guy, which he learned was named as Kim Jinhwan, introduced himself as a vocal, 94-liner. Jinhwan must have had noticed his surprised reaction then, so Bobby quickly reassured that it’s nothing and it’s just that he looked a bit younger than his actual age. Jinhwan answered him with a nod and then no one tried to say a word again.

After the introductions, the man that brought Bobby in the practice room left already and he was feeling a little awkward. Hanbin immediately went to his laptop and sheets, leaving Jinhwan and Bobby standing alone at the door. After a minute or so of silence which consisted of Bobby darting his eyes around at anything but Jinhwan, and Jinhwan staring at his soul, a small cough was made to capture his attention and he attentively looked at the elder. Suddenly, a small smile peeked at the corners of Jinhwan’s lips.

“Let’s go practice?”

“Sure. Um, h-hyung?”

He was looking down, when a warm, small hand wrapped around his wrist. He must have had looked funny, with his eyes so wide and his mouth agape. The small smile that was on Jinhwan’s lips blossomed into a full-grown smile that made his small eyes even smaller and, was it the lighting or Jinhwan’s face has always been this bright?

He knew he was staring but , he can’t help it.

A little tug on his wrist brought him back to reality. Jinhwan was laughing by now, for some reason Bobby didn’t know. Maybe he’s laughing at him or at something else, but he honestly didn’t care, not when Jinhwan’s hearty laugh sounds so ing magical.

Half a year passed after their first meeting and he almost forgot about his little crush on Jinhwan. Almost, since there were times when Jinhwan’s face was a little too close to his and he would instantly feel his ears burning. It took him a month or two to familiarize himself with Jinhwan’s touchy tendencies, 3-4 months trying not to blush or wince every time they touch, and now, he could easily swing his arms around Jinhwan naturally. He’s gotten so used to skinship with his teammates and in return, he would always attack Hanbin and Jinhwan with it, hugging them and squeezing them so much that the latter started to complain sometimes.

A year since he joined YG and they already passed numerous monthly evaluations with flying colors, trainees and staffs in YG started to call their little group as the golden Triple Kim. He was determined than ever, praises encouraging him to write more verses, and dance harder. He could also see that his teammates, Jinhwan and Hanbin were as determined as he is. “After years of practicing, it feels like we were getting closer and closer to our goal”, Hanbin said one night. He nods slowly, Jinhwan doing the same, because that’s exactly what he’s thinking right now. And so, he worked harder.

He tried to block out any thoughts that would possibly distract him, his silly crush on Jinhwan, online games and even his family. He would usually call his parents once or twice a week, and then it became scarcer, until he can’t even call them once a month. He was way too busy with everything and he can’ t afford to waste time talking on the phone. There were also no playful episodes on their break, or if they would have any break at all. They were too tired to even joke around, blinded with their want to perform better. Voices were too hoarse from practicing to utter a word; small tired smiles were used instead to acknowledge each other’s presence.

For the next months, they continuously received praises about their great teamwork, until one particular monthly evaluation.

“You are so robotic now, you guys are starting to lose your touch”, “You all looked too tired”, “All your performance so far showed aggression, at first it’s entertaining, but now it’s getting boring”, “Are you even happy from doing this? Because it doesn’t look like it”

These comments caught them off-guard since they have been doing well for the past months, and they never slacked off during practices. Those were just the few criticisms that he could remember from all the judges after their monthly assessment. The judges continued to scold them, and after an hour, finally let them off the hook, but not without threatening them of breaking their little team if no improvement was showed in the next evaluations. No words were exchanged from the team on their way back, each one seemingly lost in their own thoughts. Since it’s a small dorm, there isn’t any private space for them so Hanbin just changed his clothes and went outside after, probably going back to his small studio to think. Jinhwan and Bobby were both left on the sofa sitting side by side. A few minutes passed until Jinhwan stood up, went to change his clothes and grabbed a scarf and some heat packs.

“It’s almost winter now,” Jinhwan quietly says, “I’m going to follow Hanbin in the studio. He’s not wearing anything thick to cover him from the cold. Who knows what will happen to us if our leader gets sick.”. Jinhwan offered him a smile by the end of his sentence to lighten up the mood, but even on his eyes, it looked sad.

He heard their door closed with a soft thud. Now, he’s all alone. Words from before kept ringing on his mind. He doesn’t want to think about it. He tried to stay positive since they could always work harder. He opened the television to fill the silence on their small dorm. He’s not really watching, but he’s comforted with the soft murmurs from the TV.

“Maybe the judges were right,” he thought, “maybe we are all too tired.”

Bobby woke up sometime later and it’s already dark. He fell asleep at an awkward position and now his neck was stiff. He rolled his neck for a few times until his eyes caught a glimpse of the clock that was hanging on their wall. It’s already midnight. He slept for about six hours.

He stood up to check if Hanbin and Jinhwan were home already, but no pairs of shoes were present in the doorway. He went back to sit at the sofa, and turned off the TV that was still on. He wondered what they were doing back in the studio—he wanted to be jealous since Hanbin had Jinhwan with him. But then again, they were together even before he came to join them, so it's only natural that Jinhwan would come to him. For Jinhwan, Hanbin would always come first. "I had no one", he thought, and it made his heart bleed even more.

This time though, he let his mind wander over the previou