It is a few day later when Bambam calls you, inviting you to a party on Friday at Jinyoung's. He sounds both excited and nervous, talking into the speaker a bit too loudly.

“Last time, you asked me where we like to hang out, do you remember?”

You can almost hear his grin through the phone, his positive energy. For a moment, your heart constricts in your chest, painfully. He's is such a positive person, unlike you. You look down at your organized desk, at the neon highlighters and sharpened pencils, then at the white paper in front of you. You haven't written anything down.

“I remember”, you say, because you do. Somehow, every moment that you shared with Bambam, be it short or insignificant, is seared into your memory, ingrained in your heart like a permanent tattoo. It's nothing that you asked for, it's just something that happened.

“So, do you wanna go? Everyone is gonna be there.” His voice sounds promising. The promise of fun times hangs in the air, a promise that is still daunting to you, despite your recent adventures. At your core, you're still you, reserved, a homebody. You take your pencil between two fingers, taking the sharpener with your other hand.  Shedding your hermit-like nature doesn't seem to be getting any easier, no matter how many parties you attend. Bambam's soft voice cuts through your thoughts.

“I'm gonna be there.”

His teasing, yet slightly embarrassed voice hints at fun. Dancing. Shared glances. Intertwined hands. Rosy cheeks. It's just a few words, a single invitation, yet it seems to hold more meaning than that.  Does this invitation extend to more than just the party? For a second, you allow your mind to wander to imaginary places. A time in the future where you stand next to a certain boy with icy blond hair. A time when what ties you together is more than just a few dates.  Yet the question is: Do you want that? Do you want to take this path? Do you want to go somewhere you haven't been before?  You glance at the phone in your hands, in a matter of split seconds, you make a decision. A decision that might cost you your neck.

“I would love to go there with you.” You finally answer, trying hard to sound casual. Your head starts spinning as soon as the words leave your mouth. Everyone is going to be there. Everyone.  You think back to the last party. Jaebum. Your sister. Everyone is going to be at this party, right?  Without even wanting it, a crazy idea starts forming in your head.  An idea that you would have rejected as crazy, demolished as having arisen from delirious daydreams if it came from someone else. You would have done that, if it wasn't for the heavy burden and the guilt that still simmered in the back of your mind.  You fidget, a sudden stream of nervous excitement surging through you. Be it crazy or not. You have to do it. You have to make things right.

“I would love to go there with you”, you repeat quickly and more firmly this time. There is a white noise in your ears.

You hear Bambam rejoicing.  He starts talking about something else, but you can't bother listening closely anymore and so while Bambam is recounting exciting things that happened to him, you just throw in an occasional absentminded comment, until Bambam has to hang up, having to take care of some stuff.  When the line is dead, you look at your hands again, the lead of the pencil has broken. You didn't even hear the crack, without cleaning up, you stand up from your chair and go to your bed, falling onto it with a loud thud.

“Everyone is gonna be there”, you repeat his words first slowly over and over again, almost like a chant. “Everyone.” You jump up from your comfortable bed and run down the stairs.

“Suyeon? Suyeon?” Your voice is uncharacteristically loud, bouncing against the walls, amplified by your excitement.

“What?” She yells back from the kitchen, heading in her direction with a few quick steps. She is pouring milk into a bowl of cereals, not looking at you, ever since your confrontation, you still feel like there's a rift between you, a chasm that you haven’t dared to cross until now.

“Are you busy on Friday?” you ask, slightly out of breath, a glimmer of hope present in your voice showing that you’re enthusiastic. Thanks to Bambam, you have a chance to make it up to her. To right your wrongs, to atone for your sins in a way and to lay the first brick of a future foundation of sisterhood. Your heart swells at the thought.
“I'm busy.”

Busy?  Your heart deflates at her cold word, deflates like a balloon that someone poked with a sharp needle. Suyeon turns around and glances at you for a millisecond before she takes the bowl into her hands and carries it to the dining room.

“You- you're busy?” you repeat, following her. You feel dejected, your plans – shattered.

“Yeah, I'm busy. I'm...” she stops for a second, searching for words. “I'm studying... with Seulgi.” You can tell that she's annoyed, she doesn’t even bother hiding her annoyance, but there's something else, too.  Almost like she isn't telling you something, you gulp instead of following the thought. Your sister, although you aren't on good terms or ever been particularly close, wouldn't lie to you.  Would she?

“Oh.” You finally falter. Your expression turns grey and you fidget with your hands. If she's studying that's good, too, isn't it? You should stay positive. Maybe it won't work this time, but... surely there will be a next time right?  Disappoint still lingers, making you frown. Your sister still has her back to you, unable to see your frown. You let out a last sigh and finally put on a tight smile.

“Ok, then.”

**
When Friday abruptly arrives like a sudden summer drizzle, it's unexpected and cold. You're standing on the curb in front of your house wearing a thin jacket over a black skirt and a blouse, your usual go-to combo for everything, but today isn't like every other day.  You hadn't really thought about the party after your sister said that she couldn't come. When Bambam texted you today, saying that he would pick you up at eight, you were a bit flabbergasted. Surprised, because you had pushed every other thought out of your mind, every thought about your sister and about the party.  It's colder than expected, so you pull your jacket closer, nestling into the comforting warmth of the cotton material, when a familiar car pulls up.  You recognize the driver immediately, his blond hair glistening, even under the dim light of the lantern and his lips curled into his signature smile.  Bambam stops the car and before he can do something absurdly chivalrous like getting out to open your door, you open the door and hop into the passenger seat next to him. You recognize the trendy idol tune playing in the background.

“Hey”, you say nervously, putting on your seatbelt.

“Hey...”

Then you turn to the front and Bambam starts the car again.  Even though it's already a bit dark, you can see the way his bright eyes twinkle. You inhale slightly, his lips are pink, glistening under a coat of Chap Stick, making your cheeks feel warm.

“How are you?” Bambam's softly asks.

“I'm fine...” You fidget with your hands, not knowing what to say. It's still feels awkward.

It gets better when you talk for a while, you think. It's when you get lost in his sweet words and jokes, that your awkwardness slowly begins to melt away like snow when the sun comes out on a warm early spring day. Yet even right now, you still feel your shyness. You still feel your lack of social interaction that always shows in these kinds of situations, especially when you have to talk to someone. When there's just you and someone else. You and Bambam. Just the two of you. Alone.  You stare at the road before you, the dark tarmac and the yellow lights. It's completely quiet.

“Are you cold?” Bambam suddenly asks with a hint of worry, breaking though the awkward silence. “It is a bit cold in here, isn't it?”

You notice him glancing at your thin blouse for a second. Goosebumps appear on your skin, but it's not due to the temperature.

“O- Oh, no. It's fine.” Your voice comes out in an embarrassing stutter as you stare down at your hands bashfully. Has Bambam always been this perceptive?

“It's probably because I'm so cool”, he suddenly jokes.

A giggle escapes your mouth at his comment and your heart leaps in your chest, “Did you really just say that?” Your eyes crinkle with amusement.
“Hey, it was a good pun!” Bambam defends his bad joke before he breaks out into a grin, too. A grin that is almost mesmerizing, pulling you in, no drawing you in, not letting you go.

You find yourself staring at him. Again. His bright eyes with long and dark lashes. His eyes that are so focused on the road before you. His eyes that are so warm whenever he's looking at you. Your gaze slowly wanders down his nose until they land on his pink lips. Your fingers twitch in your lap like they want to reach out to touch his soft skin.

“But really, if it's too cold, just tell me. I'll turn on the heating.”

Bambam points to the small temperature controller. “You can even do it yourself, if you want.”

You nod obediently before you open your mouth. “It's fine... really.” You fiddle with the hem of your skirt. “We don't have to drive that long anyways, do we?”

“Ah, about that...” Bambam runs his hand through his icy blond hair.

“Is it okay for you if we pick up Yugyeom first?” Bambam throws you a glance, asking for your approval. Without wanting it, you furrow your brows, you heart starts thumping in your chest even faster than before.

“Yugyeom?” you repeat.

The name leaves your mouth with a bitter taste. You quickly try to hide your reaction by putting on a small smile, but you know that it doesn't look convincing.   It's not that you hate Yugyeom, no way, but after the dance lesson, it just seemed like he had a problem with you.  You weren't aware of any missteps you had done and his cold behavior, he honestly left you wondering what the cause of his animosity towards you. Bambam must have noticed your expression, because he turns to you.
“Are you okay with him? Did anything happen last time when I wasn't there?”  He sounds concerned and you can only imagine what he must think.

“Ah- no”, you quickly say, trying to put his mind at ease. “I just... I couldn't- recall who Yugyeom was?”

You can't lie. That's a fact and now, because you lied, your cheeks are set ablaze, turning hot. So hot, in fact, that you're reminded of a TV report on the scorching heat of Australian bushfires that you've seen a few weeks ago. You just hope that the light in the car is dim enough, so that Bambam can't see your fiery red cheeks.

Bambam chuckles lightly. “He's my roommate. You met him last time.”

“Ah, yeah...”

Bambam focuses on the car in front of you that is taking a left turn. “He can seem a bit rude at first”, he says. “But underneath that he's nice.”

Nice. Was that really what Yugyeom would be like beneath his cold and stoic demeanor? Your thoughts go back to his change in personality during the dance lesson whenever he turned to you.  His changing eyes that seemed to turn icy cold when looking at you.  You shake your head lightly to get rid of the thoughts before putting on another smile, this time it's not just to put Bambam at ease, but also to put yourself at ease.

“I'm sure he is.”

**

You look out of the window, looking at the wide parking lot of the university. It's almost empty, there are only a few cars and a few lost souls trickling out of the buildings. For a second, you wonder if you would ever go there, to this university, enroll, and become a student. Yet before your imagination can carry you away, you shake your head.

“Wait a second, Yugyeom just texted me.” Bambam glances at his phone.

You had arrived a few moments ago and although Bambam had thought that Yugyeom would already be standing in the parking lot, waiting for you, there was no sign of said boy.

“He said he's going to be here in a few minutes.”

Bambam turns to you, gauging your reaction. “That's fine, right? You don't mind being in the car with me for a few minutes more?” He laughs lightly, teasingly and then his eyes meet yours.

A shiver runs down your spine and you force out your next words, “It's fine.” It is fine, isn't it?

“Really? It's fine?”

Bambam's hand finds yours, slowly and yet suddenly, like a matter of fact. His long fingers cover yours, warm and soft.  You meet his gaze, his eyes that are still so bright, even in the dark. You drink in his features, his handsome face, and those pink lips. Bambam's gazing at you so intently, observing your every reaction. You don't even dare breathe with your mind turning into a hazy mess of jumbled thoughts.
Slowly, Bambam moves his head, coming closer to you and you freeze in your seat, your heart thumping in your chest. Your heart thumps so loudly, you notice, so loud that Bambam must have heard it. Suddenly, he looks up and the moment the two of you just shared stops and breaks into thousand little pieces.  Bambam was staring at the window behind you now, it wasn't your heart that was thumping loudly, it was actually someone knocking on the door of Bambam's car.  Startled, you turn around, just in time to see Yugyeom entering. His dark eyes look deep, almost bottomless, but most of all, inscrutable. Only by the downward curl of his mouth can you tell that he is annoyed. You follow his eyes, slowly and carefully, and see that he's staring at Bambam's hand on top of yours.  Immediately, you jerk back in your seat, tearing your hand away from Bambam's.

“Sorry. I'm late.” Yugyeom sounds friendly, speaking to his friend, personable, very polite. Yet how is it whenever Yugyeom directs his attention to you, his face turns grim and dark? You bury your hands under your thighs, way too nervous for your own good.

“It's no problem, really”, Bambam says. From your peripheral, you can see his red cheeks. “We were just waiting here.”

Waiting? Was he as affected by this as you are, you wonder for a split second. He probably is, right?

Well, for one, you are definitely affected by this, your mind is still foggy and you are sure if you were standing right now, your knees would buckle.

“Waiting...” Like an echo of your thoughts, you hear Yugyeom repeating the word and then scoffing in the back, with the distant click of the seat belt follows.  You try to focus on everything but him while Bambam starts the car, yet somehow, you're sure that you can feel Yugyeom's cold glare on you, making you burn up, making your heart flutter in your chest.

“Were you working overtime again?” Bambam suddenly asks. Even you, as an outsider to their friendship, can detect the slight hint of worry in his voice, making you shuffle in your seat.

“No. I just helped Namjoon with the register.”

Bambam starts the car and looks back. “Didn't he start working a month ago? I thought at this point he would be a bit better with that thing.”

Bambam laughs and leans over to you, like he's sharing a secret, and speaks. “Yugyeom got Namjoon the job. He's a bit older than us, but really clumsy. He even broke his sunglasses once when trying to put them on. They were pretty expensive, too.”

You smile at his attempt to include you in the conversation. “Namjoon?” you say sincerely. “I haven't met him befor-”

“Can you turn down the radio?” Yugyeom suddenly asks from the backseat, cutting you off. “It's a bit noisy in here.”

Feeling his cold eyes on you, you have to gulp. Noisy, you knew he meant you. He definitely meant you. Although, you had always perceived yourself as the type of person who is a bit too sensitive, a bit too defensive, but there is no way that Yugyeom's word weren't a jab at you.  You lower your head and stare down at your skirt, you knew he definitely has a problem with you, yet you still don't know why.  When Bambam finally maneuvers out of the parking lot, he's speaking softly, talking more about his university life and friends. Yugyeom is talking too, you notice, yet all you do is nod absent-mindedly. Maybe, you should've stayed at home tonight.