It's only when you hear the sound of footsteps, that your eyes widen. Turning your head away from Youngjae, you take a quick look.

“Juyeon? Are you here?” It's Bambam. Undeniably. You have to go. You need to go.

Quickly, you throw Youngjae a last glance. His stoic face. His cigarette. He has a certain air of tragedy to him, like the heroine in an old movie, maybe even more like the sad anti-hero. With that thought, you give him an apologetic smile and hasten back to where you came from, right into Bambam. Bambam who's bright eyes are scanning the balcony, looking for you.

“Hey”, you say, your voice only amounting to a whisper. Coming closer to him you notice. His smile that isn't really a smile. The brightness that is his smile suddenly seems artificial. Fake. Not like his usual real smile. It is because he seems to be hiding, hiding something behind his smile.

Distress? Annoyance? You can't tell. And that realization hits you. Bambam, who you're so used to being a perspective person, a person who can pick up the slightest change of your expression, is himself hard to read at times. You frown at that thought.

But being unreadable doesn't mean that he won't reveal anything about himself, does it? He doesn't have to show his emotions on his face. You can just talk. Talk to each other. Share secrets. Confide in each other. Is that it? Could you do that?

“It was just something related to the company. I just had to make sure that Jinyoung had...”, Bambam hesitates for a second, looking for the right words. And his hesitation makes your frown increase. “...gotten a message”, Bambam then finishes, looking at the floor.

Gotten a message. You fiddle with your sleeve.

“Is it- Is it something bad?”, you then ask. Bambam lifts his head and stares at you. His eyes are full of adoration. Affection. Love. So unlike the mask he wore just seconds ago. You could never distrust him.

A smile appears on his face. He realizes that you've caught him. Seen it. Seen the momentary struggle that had been inside of him. Then he reaches for your hand. Again. It's warm and soft and so familiar. He assuages you with a calm voice.

“It's nothing bad. You don't have to worry about it.” He comes closer, so close that you can feel his warmth. Not even one step away. This moment, when you're so close. You don't want it to stop. Then he lifts his hand, reaches out and uses his finger to trace your eyebrow, eases away any evidence of a frown.

You shiver. Is it the simple gesture? His warm finger on your cold skin?

You don't know.

“Let's get inside.”

**

“So, have you already introduced them to each other? Your sister and Mark, I mean.”

Bambam's words tear your out of your reverie, out of your fantasy that you had had been residing in for the last few minutes. Like a fairy tale. Something once upon a time. His words make you nibble on your lip. Fiddle with your sleeve. Again.

His gaze rests on you with added expectation, anticipating an answer. And suddenly everything comes back. The anxiousness you felt before. The worries and woes regarding Mark. The weird feeling.

“I...” You've avoided it. You've avoided them. Guilt hits you. It doesn't come slowly, doesn't crawl up your spine. No. It just hits you, punches you. Makes you feel queasy and numb. You stare up at Bambam, feeling stupid. Stupid. Dumb. Silly. His eyes meet yours. They're dark but warm. Knowing but still asking. Waiting.

Is it wrong that you just want to give up? Drown in his hug? Fall asleep in his arms? Forever. Now. Forget about your sister and Mark and Jackson and everything else?

“Hey, are you ok? You don't look like you're ok. I mean you look pretty but-”

Bambam's words gush out of his mouth, a surge of worry and concern. Your eyes downcast, you play with a thread on your jeans.

“Bambam, I-”

I'm sorry. I'm a liar. A lie by omission is a lie too, isn't it?

You both stop walking, stand just in the middle of the room, the crowd of people around you. Loud. Young. Excited. Wasted. And that's when the sound of a pearly laughter cuts through all of the noise. A familiar laughter that knocks the air out of your lungs.

Suyeon's laughter.

You spin around immediately.

It's her.

Of course, it's her. Sitting on a sofa surrounded by a crowd of people with Mark next to her. Right next to her. Mark who is wearing a black button down and is focused on her. Mark who taught you in the library. Mark who is the center of your sister's attention. You recall Jackson's comment. His words.

He couldn't... He couldn't have meant you, could he?

You tremble at the thought, trepidation making your knees feel wobbly. Your sister seems to be smitten. Her eyes are glued onto Mark. You feel incredibly guilty. Guilty because you don't want to experience something similar to the Jb fiasco again. Never. But her laughter is so bright, almost comically loud and she seems to be so happy. So content just by basking in Mark's presence. Totally in her element.

You halt in your tracks, stop. It's not your turn. It's not the time. You shouldn't. It would seem as if you were trying to steal her thunder. Ruin her night. Rain on her parade. The arrogant, ignorant younger sister who ruins her sister's chances with every guy.

You should do the right thing. You could do the right thing. You could tell her right now. But you can't-

That's when the lights go out. In a flash, it's dark. No source of light. Just noises. Curious hooting. Excitement. Excitement because no one knows what's going on. You don't know what's going on. Confused, you reach for Bambam's hand. Stability. Your anchor.

“What- What is happening?”, you whisper, squeezing closer to him, any thoughts regarding Mark and your sister leaving your brain just as fast as the light had been flicked off. Squeezing closer to his body that emits warmth, the only familiar thing in this strange darkness, you frown. His breath reaches your skin, your head, your shoulder. Makes you shudder.

Suddenly, a single light goes on. There's Jinyoung, walking tall and undisturbed in front of a girl. She's pushing a cart with a gigantic cake on it. It isn't just gigantic. It's enormous. Several layers, colorful marbled icing, font that forms words you can't decipher. Dozens of candles. A cake so pompous and extravagant that the amount of money spent on it must have been exorbitant.

Everyone starts cheering and that's when you finally get it. When you finally understand the reason behind all this. The original reason for this party. As you feel Bambam squeezing your hand, you see Jackson stepping up. He's beaming. A bright, blinding smile on his face.

All of a sudden, there are poppers and Jackson leans down to blow out the candles. As the flame flickers and then disappears, everyone cheers, claps, shouts 'Welcome back Jackson!'. For a split second there's a thought in your head. How many of them actually know Jackson? How many of them are just like you: here as guests? Invited by someone else? Essentially just using this party? And... does Jackson mind?

His wide grin makes it seem like he doesn't. Yet you can't help feeling guilty. He seems like a good natured person, seemingly not bothered by any negativity.

The lights turn on again. The clapping gets louder again and to your surprise, your hand leaves Bambam's and joins in. Is it courtesy? Pity?

But nonetheless, you clap. Then, a flash. It's brightness almost blinding. Another one. And one more. And more after that, so many that you stop paying attention to them, treat the cameras they come from only like a distant thunderstorm far away. Your eyes glide over the crowd as you take a step back, back into the warm embrace of Bambam whose arms find your shoulders to hold you closer against himself.

Then you see him. Wearing dark demin pants and a striped jumper, he stands tall against the rest of the crowd. There's a smile on his face, a smile that seems so uncharacteristic for him that you look again, just to make sure. Make sure that it's real. A real smile that makes you feel almost warm for a second. And that's when he notices.

Yugyeom's eyes meet yours and in a matter of split seconds, his smile disappears as if it hadn't even been there. Your heart shrinks in your chest, shrivels, cowers in fear. Yugyeom's eyes are frozen. Icy. Cold. Before he can roll his eyes, you avert your gaze, look somewhere else. Sheepishly, your eyes find the ground, staring at your worn out sneakers.

Bambam's hand, you notice, feels warm and too noticeable against your skin. You frown. It's not his fault that you're feeling uncomfortable all of a sudden. You bite your lip as he starts drawing a pattern on your skin, a number maybe, a letter perhaps. All that you know is that it leaves a tingling sensation. Makes you feel less self conscious.

“Are you really feeling ok? I know I asked earlier, but I just want to make sure that you're feeling comfortable...”

His words are still full of worry. They make you feel guilty. Guilty because he worries about you. You, who is so naive and immature. You, who probably doesn't even deserve his concern.

“Can you take me home later?”

**

“Look, there's this photo of you two in Instagram.”

Your classmate's words make your head snap up. And really, there in her hands, on her phone, in the picture in the rights corner, not even meant to show you, but still showing you, there's you. You and Bambam. Pressed against each other. Close. Too close to just be friends in a friendly embrace. You stifle a sigh that threatens to leave your mouth and shake your head.

Your classmate, a pretty and enthusiastic girl, a girl who likes to know the juiciest and newest rumors about everyone, insists, “Are you sure you're not dating him? You two look awfully close. I heard he's from Thailand and his father owns a pretty big corporation, theoretically he could have any girl yet he's at a party with you...”

As she goes on, she doesn't realize that you stopped listening. Her words hurt. Make you feel insecure. Insignificant. But it's true. Bambam could have any girl he wanted. He has a good personality. Wealth. Good looks.

And you? Your personality is lackluster at best, you're not particularly rich and your looks aren't really outstanding either. What is it even that Bambam likes about you?

Right after that thought flashes in your mind, you shake your head. You shouldn't. You shouldn't be so negative. Insecure. You shouldn't doubt yourself, shouldn't doubt others.

You look at your classmate once again. She's still rattling on about something. You smile apologetically and interject.

“Sorry, I- I really don't know what you're talking about.”

And with that, you put your head down into your arms, effectively ignoring her.

**

When you head to the library after school, you're still deep in thought. Thinking about the photo that coincidentally captured you and Bambam. Strangely enough, it doesn't bother you too much that someone took that photo, but it's your insecurities that have been revealed once more, doubts that make your little self-esteem shrink and shrivel up.

It's only when you see Mark sitting at the familiar place next to the window, that you break out of your reverie.

Mark with his neatly organized study materials. Mark who you're suddenly not sure about. Is him being shy just a facade or...? You don't even want to think about the other possibility. What Jackson said at the party. Those words. It can't be true. It cannot.

Deliberately, you steer away from Mark acting almost as if there's a magnetic force pushing you away. Because that's the way it is, isn't it? Opposites attract, but when you have the same thing twice, two north poles for example, they would just repel one another.

Maybe, it should be that way for you and Mark, too. Starting from now.

But then he looks up and for what feels like the first time in forever, your eyes meet. His pupil, his iris. Though you know they are brown, they seem almost iridescent in the warm light of the sun. Iridescent but blank. Like a white canvas that has yet to be painted on.Showing no emotions.

But at that moment you know. As you stare at the boy you've been studying with for the last few weeks, you just know. Know that the girl Jackson mentioned is you.

You're the girl Mark likes.

He's not a cheater, nor a two timer. He's not despicable. No. He's just unlucky to have fallen for the wrong person.

You walk over to him carefully, feeling his eyes on you. Your eyelids flutter close for a second before you reach his table and you let out a shaky breath.

“I'm sorry.”

I'm sorry for what?

But, he understands. Mark understands that you can't return his feelings. That you don't feel the same way. At least you think he does. Does he?

And then you want to give him an explanation. You open your mouth while you're holding onto your right hand to stop it from fiddling around.

“I'm sorry for leading you on. I- I know it doesn't make it better but I didn't mean for it to happen. I wanted to tell you earlier but then there wasn't the right timing...”

At your words, he lets out a laugh. White and pearly, it silently shatters through the quiet of the library. You couldn't tell by looking at his eyes, but you can tell by hearing his laugh. He's hurt. But then he opens his mouth.

“It's no big deal.”

Confused, you stare at him with wide eyes, when you suddenly hear a familiar voice, cutting through the silence.

“Juyeon?” You turn around.

It's your sister. Your older sister, who despises studying and dislikes books, has appeared in the library. At the sight of you, she raises her eyebrows, clicking her tongue.

“What are you doing here?”, she asks, sounding suspicious. Her eyes glide over to Mark, a dreamy expression taking over. She smiles as she greets him.

That's when you decide to come clean. Come clean with her and tell her the truth.

“I- I know Mark. He's the guy I wanted to introduce to you.” You don't dare look at Mark, feeling ashamed all of a sudden. You were just trying to use him, you realize. As a rebound for your sister. Without considering his feelings.

You don't dare look at Mark after that realization. A realization that you should've come to earlier. Instead, you take in your sister who seems content just staring at Mark. It's as if her eyes are sparkling, glistening.

“It must be fate then”, she finally says.

You're dumbstruck. Fate. What a conclusion. If it's fate, then whatever deity there is, must be playing with you. Must be laughing at the fact that your sister who before wouldn't even touch books with a ten feet pole before on an ordinary day, is suddenly standing in the library as if studying is her favourite way of spending her leisure time just because of a boy. A boy who apparently likes you.

Suyeon plops down opposite Mark, the smile still plastered onto her face. It looks like a grin a model in a toothpaste commercial would wear. She gets out her books deliberately and then turns to you.

“Anything else?”, she asks, clicking her tongue once. When she has your attention, she squints at you, nodding at Mark who seems immersed in his book. You get the signal, understand what she is trying to say. She's telling you to leave them alone, so they can have a bit of privacy. No awkward third-wheeling sister. Just the two of them.

But you can't leave your sister with him. You did once, but you can't do it again. Not after what Jackson told you. No after realizing that it must be true.

You just can't.

You open your mouth, ready to come out with the truth, to confess. You have to before it is too late. Before your sister really falls for Mark. Before something like the Jb fiasco occurs again.

Your heart constricts in your chest. Painfully.

“Suyeon, I...”

At the sound of your strained voice, Mark lifts his head. Stares at you. And then he shakes his head. In a gesture that is almost imperceptible, yet still there. Still there for you to see and stop your words.

He doesn't want you to say anything.

And because of that you become a coward again. You shrivel up, blinking at your sister who is eyeing you with unconcealed curiosity.

And then, instead of being a good sister. Instead of doing what you're supposed to be doing. Instead of doing the right thing, you bow out.

“I- I have to go home now.”

And then you leave your sister and Mark behind. Behind in a library all by themselves. Mark and your sister, your sister who already seems to be smitten with him.

You're a coward.

A/N: Hey, I'm working on the plot for my Got7 fantasy/suspense story! Are you guys excited? I will tell you guys more as soon as I actually finish a chapter LOL