When Yixing opened his eyes he was no longer in the field near the railway. He looked around and saw the familiar gray walls of his old bedroom at Doctor Kim’s. He tried to get up but almost immediately regretted it. He had a terrible headache. There was only one time he had a similar headache; when he and Luhan sold the old man’s watch and…

Luhan and he. The memories came back to him. Quickly and painfully. He sat back on the bad and held his head in his hands. He couldn’t think, he didn’t want to.

He tried again and this time managed to get up. He went to Doctor Ki… no uncle Minseok’s room where he knew he would find the old man. And he did, but he also found Jongdae’s dad sitting across him on the sofa. He entered the room slowly. The men who before his entering were discussing something in low whispers, quickly shut up and looked at him. Yixing kept his eyes low. He closed the door and lent his back on it.

“Is he dead?” asked Yixing in a low and steady voice.

“Yes,” replied Minseok carefully.

He was following Yixing’s every move, every breath; he was too scared of another breakdown.

Yixing didn’t say anything. He still kept his head downcast and all Minseok and Joonmyeon could see was his black hair. Soon, however they saw a teardrop on his cheek and the rest that followed. Minseok rushed to Yixing and tightly hugged him; resting the boy’s head on his board shoulders. Yixing clung unto Minseok and cried loudly. For the first time since leaving the airport he was crying.

xxx

It all happened too fast. Yixing run out just to make sure the windows weren’t deceiving him. Maybe they were screens and someone was making an awful joke. Yes it was all it was, a stupid prank, an illusion. But when he exited the airport hall, nothing changed. The plane was speedily crushing down. Yixing run towards the direction where the remains of the airplane were falling to, as if hoping he’d catch Jongdae. Maybe, just maybe Jongdae managed to get out of it. Maybe if he run fast enough he would be able to catch him. Maybe he was still alive. Yixing run and run until he missed a step and fell hard on his face. When he tried to get up again he heard the loud crush of the airplane. It landed. Now everything was gone. Jongdae was gone.

He sat on his knees as he begun crying. He fisted his hands and started to punch the hard ground on which he was sitting as if it could change anything. He kept punching and screaming. This wasn’t real. This couldn’t be real. His Jongdae couldn’t be dead. He kept screaming Jongdae’s name until his throat was aching and he could not make a sound.

Joonmyeon wasn’t in a better state. His only son, his only happiness in this world died and there was nothing he could do about it. He was chatting with Minseok about Jongdae’s very untimely flight to attend his grandma’s funeral when they saw people rushing to the windows. People sounded terrified and a few cries were heard. Joonmyeon and Minseok rushed to see what was wrong. And what they saw made them wish they could go blind on the spot. Joonmyeon felt his legs giving up on him and a few pair of hands dragging him to sit on a chair. “My Jongdae, my Jongdae” was all he could say as he wailed loudly.

Minseok was crying beside him, but then he remembered Yixing and begun looking for him. If he felt this bad – he, a person who was merely Jongdae’s father’s friend, how would Yixing feel? He composed himself and went looking for the boy. He had to be strong for them, he could grieve later.

He couldn’t find him in the crowd that was still standing around the windows. He tried asking people if they saw a short, black haired boy but none saw anything. Everyone was too focused on the accident. All of them lost someone in that flight and at that moment they didn’t really pay attention to anyone else. Minseok went out of the waiting hall hoping to find him outside. He heard a loud scream as soon as he exited the hall. Yixing. He ran towards the direction of the sound to find Yixing on his knees with his head on the ground. He wanted to help the boy but what could he do? What was there to do? He knew Yixing well enough to known that Yixing needed to go through it alone. If he approached him Yixing wouldn’t accept his help. So he stood there and watched as the boy who for the last 3 years was like a son to him cried and screamed. Then when Yixing could no longer scream he smashed his hand on the ground so hard a cracking sound was heard. At that Minseok run up to him. He crouched down next to the boy and caught his hand before it’d reach the ground again.

“Yixing stop! It won’t bring him back.”

The moment he saw the look in Yixing’s eyes he felt as if his heart was crushed into pieces. Yixing kept on crying while Minseok gently caressed his back. When the boy’s tears ended, Minseok made him stand up. Yixing seemed to be in daze. He quieted down and did everything Minseok told him to.

They went back to the waiting hall and found Joonmyeon on the same spot. Minseok lightly tapped on Joonmyeon’s shoulder to let him know he came back. Joonmyeon looked at him, but then he saw Yixing standing behind Minseok with red and tear-strained face. He quickly got up and hugged Yixing. His pain made him forget about his son’s fiancé. Yixing didn’t hug back. He was just standing there as if he wasn’t present. When Joonmyeon’s tears ended too, Minseok escorted them to his car and drove to his place. There was no way he’d let Yixing sleep in Jongdae and his house.

Yixing was sprawled on his old bad at uncle Minseok’s. He had been staring at the ceiling for a few hours now. He couldn’t sleep. There was something wrong with him. As he lay he kept thinking about Mr. Kim and uncle Minseok.  Joonmyeon hadn’t stopped crying and same was true about Minseok, but he was different. He couldn’t bring himself to cry. He didn’t feel like it. He didn’t feel anything.  He just stared at the ceiling and breathed. That’s what he did for two days.

On the third day was Jongdae’s burial. He was sitting in the room full of strangers and half-strangers and he couldn’t stop wondering what he was supposed to do. His expression was blank and so were his emotions. He looked to his right and saw Joonmyeon, who was shaking hands with an old woman. Both the woman and Joonmyeon were crying.  The woman gave her condolences and approached Yixing. When she told him how tragic Jongdae’s death was and how sorry she was, all Yixing did was nod. She was right. Jongdae was dead and it was bad. He simply agreed with the facts, except the woman seemed to think differently. She looked at him as if he had a second head. Minseok, who witnessed the whole scene, quickly approached the woman and explained to her that Yixing was still in denial and he was grieving in his won way. But Yixing wasn’t in denial. Jongdae was dead. He wasn’t denying anything. He wasn’t grieving either. He knew he was supposed to, but when he looked at the closed coffin he didn’t feel anything.

The funeral passed in similar fashion. That night as Yixing was falling asleep first time in three days he wondered if he was a robot, since he didn’t feel pain. Being a robot. It must be fun; no one to loose, nothing to feel. That night he fell asleep as Zhang Yixing and woke up as K9.