PROLOGUE

Krystal likes her coffee black with a pinch of sugar and two ice cubes. Amber had always found it a strange preference and made no secret of it the first time they met at a local café, causing Krystal to raise an eyebrow, though her annoyance had quickly turned into an intrigued smirk as she eyed the tomboy up and down. 

“What's wrong with it?” Krystal had asked.

Amber didn't want to sound like a coffee snob or anything but it was clearly a weird combination. “Well, first of all, I just think it's best to cut through the darkness of the coffee with a touch of milk. Secondly, why do you bother adding in barely half a packet of sugar when it would hardly make a difference in the taste? And two ice cubes? That doesn't make iced coffee, it makes luke warm coffee.” Amber ended her brief critique with a sigh, and half-expected to look up and see irritation written all over the girl's face. Yet her eyes met with a pair of glimmering ones, slightly squinted as her smirk grew. She was amused.

Krystal never broke eye contact as she took a sip of the bitter, luke warm coffee. Strangely enough, Amber felt herself grow slightly nervous as she swallowed some lump that had formed in . Who was this enigma of a girl?

She didn't have to wonder for long, because somehow, they managed to cross paths again. They wound up in the same psychology class, across from one another. Krystal sat in front next to some faceless guy Amber couldn't remember (though he would come to be very relevant in the not so distant future), occassionally cocking her head to the side in a fake yawn that allowed her to shoot Amber suggestive glances that made her stomach flutter in anticipation (for what? She didn't know). Amber was seated next to Nicole, a girl she came to know as her only friend in a class of thousands - everyone was but a number except her and the auburn-haired girl in fishnet stockings.

They frequented the same bar. Amber liked to experiment with her cocktails whilst Krystal always came in with the 'usual' - pina colada with tequila instead of white rum, and far too much ice that practically diluted the alcohol. After making her usual order, she would look in Amber's direction, her cheek resting in the palm of her hand as if expecting another smartass critique. Even in the dim neon light of the sign above the counter, Krystal's face was undeniably gorgeous. The sign illuminated her slender legs wrapped up in her signature fishnet stockings. Amber felt herself growing nervous all over again, an unusual thing considering she was never one to be shy towards... anyone, really. 

“Why always pina colada?” she had mustered up the courage to ask.

“That's your question?” Krystal scoffed in response, “nothing about the tequila?”

“No,” Amber shook her head, “the pina colada is the question that keeps me up at night.”

Krystal laughed, and Amber thought it was the most oddly melodic sound she had ever heard. “I once went on vacation with my family to Cuba and nearly drowned in a pool. I saw my life flash before my eyes and thought I was going to die before I was rescued by a lifeguard after what felt like forever. I was in shock afterwards and they gave me non-alcoholic pina colada to calm me down. Now when I drink it, I think about how lucky I am to be alive.”

“Really?” Amber looked at her with wide eyes.

“No, I just really like pineapples and coconut. Sue me.” Krystal shrugged, taking another sip of her drink and watching Amber's lips curl into an amused smile. 

The conversation that followed after seemed to last forever, and it probably would have if they hadn't been kicked out at 3AM, only then realizing that they were totally screwed for classes the next day. But it didn't matter in the moment, as Amber discovered that she had never talked to anyone for the first time with such ease as she did Krystal. She found herself momentarily stuttering mid-sentence as Krystal would occassionally graze Amber's leg with her own, and Amber didn't know whether it was the heat radiating off of her or the silky material of the stockings that made her heart race and face burn with excitement. 

They met up countless times since that day, each time more intimate than the previous. Most people moved in relationships from base to base yet with them, it was a continuous sprint past home run. Sometimes Nicole would invite herself to join the party, much to Krystal's distaste. Nicole and Krystal were never truly at each other's throats, mostly because Krystal hated conflict and never vocalized her disapproval, but Amber could almost feel the negative tension when their eyes met. They say a drunk person is really just a person being themselves except much more honest and twice as . In Nicole's case, both factors quadrupled and within seconds, she would be on Amber's lap, muttering things akin to ‘just ditch her tonight and come home with me, I'm much better than she is.’ Amber would never bring herself to acknowledge it, but Nicole once confessed her feelings for her while drunk, and neither spoke of it the next day. She wanted to believe it was simply a momentary thing - too much alcohol in the system. 

Amber and Krystal often snuck out alone to see each other, whether it be at the usual bar, or a park at midnight, or in the compact SUV they once rented but rarely remembered to return - they yearned for each other's company. Amber couldn't remember a time when she had fallen into such a trance with anyone the way she did with this girl who was now running her hand up her inner thigh as her teeth nipped lightly at the base of her neck. They were in the backseat of the SUV, parked behind an Arby's that was just preparing to close up. With the engine turned off, it was nearly freezing cold, yet neither noticed as heat travelled through their bodies in waves as they melted into each other. 

Amber has never been very blunt, except maybe when it came to strange beverage choices, but in the heat of the moment, just as Krystal grasped the edges of the seat and began lowering herself between Amber's leg (a sight that made her practically shudder with the adrenaline), she uttered something that made Krystal still and look up. 

“I love you.”

The sounds of panting and sliding came to a halt as their eyes met in the darkness, yet even with the slight illumination from the moonlight, Amber could see that she had caught her off guard. Did she kill the mood? She swallowed hard with the silence that followed. She wasn't sure if Krystal's expression was unreadable or there wasn't enough light to properly interpret it. Only in her nervousness did she realize how cold the atmosphere had become, shivering slightly with the loss of her clothes. Yet to her relief, she saw a smirk on Krystal's face - the same one that had been enough to into embarrassment at the coffee shop - before she slid her hands up Amber's thighs and delve down. 

The feeling was indescribable as she had somehow managed to take her from utter nervousness to ecstasy within seconds. In the midst of it all, Amber swore she could hear her mutter “stupid,” just as she neared her end. 

Indeed, Krystal Jung was an enigma. 

APRIL 1

The decision to live together was an abrupt one, but one neither of them could think of reasons against. If they were going to see each other everyday anyway, it may as well be convenient. Amber almost laughed at how businesslike that sounded when Krystal brought it up, though it was a valid reason. 

“If we get a chance to move, I want to go back to Korea,” she mentions as they're lying in bed, Amber's head nuzzling into the softness of her tummy.

“What's wrong with LA?”

“What's wrong with LA?” Krystal repeats as if it's the most absurd thing she's ever heard, “has living in LA your entire life taught you nothing?”

“Yeah, the traffic is ty but it's not that bad. We have the best pubs and sandwiches. What more do you want?”

“It's always hot as . I already hate getting sweaty during , I don't need that intensified. And traffic isn't just bad, it's horrific. It took me over an hour to get to work last week when we live eight minutes away. And the smog, God,” she pauses to rub her temples. 

Amber chuckles, “I like it here, though. To be fair, I've never been anywhere else, but if you want us to move to Seoul, I wouldn't mind.” She really wouldn't, she thinks. As corny as it sounds, anywhere with Krystal feels like home. “What about your job?”

“My sister has her own fashion company in Seoul. Sica would hire me in a heartbeat if I flew back.”

“And what would I do?” Amber didn't have a job yet as she decided to direct her studies towards a music career. She'd only done a few gigs, but it felt right enough to stick with. 

“Me.”

Amber bursts out laughing, the vibrations tickling Krystal's stomach, forcing her to join in the fit of giggles. 

APRIL 4

“Do you remember Kai?”

“Who?” Amber looks up from her phone to find Krystal sitting with her legs perched up on the coffee table. She had genuinely never heard the name before. 

“We went to school together. You know, the guy that sat next to me in psych?”

“Ah,” Amber says as she searches her memory. Faceless guy, she thinks. She never paid much attention to the guy, only remembering vague details about him. Black hair, very tall, often slid Krystal notes in the middle of lectures which she assumed were from previous classes that they missed out on because they skipped to 'hang out.' 

“He was just hired at my workplace.”

“Seriously?” she raises an eyebrow, “who would've guessed he was into fashion designing.”

“He's not, really,” Krystal shrugs, “he's a sales representative. He got the job to pay off university debt, but it was really fun seeing him again. I didn't think I'd get the chance to see him again, especially with how we left off.”

Amber sits up from her seat, suddenly intrigued. “Left off?”

“I was going to tell you but I sort of forgot, but... a while back, before we actually started dating, he confessed that he liked me, and because I felt bad about the fact that I depended on him to take notes for me, I sort of...”

“Sort of what?”

“...slept with him,” Krystal looks up at Amber's eyes to see her reaction. She didn't look mad - shocked, sure - as she looks down at the floor with furrowed brows as if trying to process this new information. 

After a moment, she looks up and asks, “what happened after?”

“I felt horrible. I knew I didn't like him at all but he kept sending me texts to meet up and so I did for a while, but then you happened,” she nips on her bottom lip out of nervousness, a reaction that Amber thought she'd never see from her, “and I broke it off with him immediately.”

“How did he react?”

“He wasn't mad, which was surprising because I didn't give him a proper reason for calling it off other than I wasn't feeling it anymore, not that I ever did. I expected him to stop sitting next to me for the rest of the year but he didn't. He stayed.”

“Do you know if he's over you?” Amber realizes the jealous vibes she's probably giving off with the way her tone goes slightly high as she continues pushing questions for reassurance. 

“The last time I saw him, I asked if we were okay. He said...” She's fiddling with the rings on her fingers now, no longer able to maintain eye contact, “that he still likes me but if it wasn't the right time, he wouldn't push it.”

Amber has a sinking feeling in her chest - a plethora of thoughts running through her mind. He wouldn't push it? Not the right time? More importantly, he happened to choose the job that he probably knew she worked at. The faceless guy that now had both a name and a story to him made Amber's stomach turn. She didn't want to act irrationally, not in front of Krystal who seems more nervous than she is. Before Amber could respond, she feels the weight of Krystal's body against her own as she straddles her lap. 

“Don't be mad,” she whispers into Amber's ear, the hotness of her breath sending a shiver down her spine. Amber's hands are instantly at her hips, pulling her closer to inhale her scent - black coffee and peppermint - before they slide to her legs that for the first time in a while, weren't protected by stockings. They're smooth and soft in the palm of her hands. Everything about her is intoxicating, from her smile, to her voice, to the quiet moans and gasps she breathes.

“I'm not,” Amber replies. At this point, she practically wonders Kai who?, as she sighs into Krystal's chest, letting the warmth engulf her. 

APRIL 9

Krystal is working late tonight but Amber doesn't let it bring her down, though it initially did when she saw the text, so she goes to the club anyway with a few friends from university. She tries to distract herself from her girlfriend's absence - a few drinks and a bit of gossip should do it. The night, however, doesn't go as she plans as they all eventually disperse to the dancefloor with their partners. She heaves an exhausted sigh, watching her friends from the bar as they drunkenly stumbled around amidst flashy colourful lights. They look ridiculous, but she really couldn't judge with the countless times she and Krystal had been in the exact situation. In the rare event that Krystal didn't completely dilute her drink, they would stagger onto the dancefloor and make a fool of themselves before Amber felt her clutching her wrist before dragging her off to the nearest restroom. The things that went on in there, gosh, the factor of being drunk increased tenfold.

After a while of staring blankly at the group of 20-something year olds grinding up on each other, she finally notices a pair of eyes staring straight at her from across the counter. “I thought you'd never notice,” the familiar raspy voice greets her. 

“Nicole,” Amber says with a smile.

As she gets closer, Amber notices the way Nicole is dressed - a very tight black dress that nearly rides up her thighs, exposing a birthmark. Her makeup is slightly ruined, and Amber wonders if it's because she's been getting it on with someone. 

“I haven't seen you in like, forever,” Nicole beams, quite loudly that Amber jumps a little. “How's life? How's you and that little... thing of yours.” She's talking about Krystal. 

Amber laughs awkwardly, trying to keep her eyes away from Nicole's legs that were getting more exposure with the more she moved. “We live together now.”

“Oh,” Nicole doesn't try to hide the disappointment in her tone. She looks down at her heels for a moment, gathering her thoughts, then looks up towards the bartender. “Two martinis, please.” 

Amber looks at her, evidently concerned as she's clearly very drunk already with the way she's swaying rather than turning.  “You should probably slow down, there.”

Nicole giggles in response. “One is for you, silly.” She slides the second glass over to her as soon as it's placed on the counter. Amber takes it without further questioning because she's sure if she didn't, Nicole would try to down them both. 

They talk through the rest of the night. The conversation is lackluster, partially because Nicole is incredibly wasted and mostly because they really didn't have much to talk about besides reminiscing about school. During one of the pauses in their talk, Amber notices a sudden change in Nicole's usually cheery expression as it fades into a bitter one.

“I don't know what you see in her,” she says softly.

“Who?” Amber knows the answer, but she gave her the doubt anyway because she really didn't want to be having that conversation. She hasn't been blind to Nicole's advances, secretly hoping they would be able to push this all behind them in the near future. But drunk Nicole is honest Nicole and she's having one of those moments again. 

“The Jung girl,” she mutters, and now that Amber thinks of it, Nicole had never referred to Krystal by her name. It was always that thing or that girl or it, and no matter how much it bothered her, she tried to pass it off as Nicole's natural dislike for Krystal, reassuring herself that they just didn't get along and didn't have to, quite frankly. But it was so much deeper than that, and Amber had tried not to acknowledge it. “She thinks she's better than everyone else. Can't stand her, Ber. I ing can't. I hate her. Why does she get to have you? She doesn't deserve you at all.”

Amber twitches slightly at her comments but remains silent. She's drunk blabbering again, she won't remember it in the morning even if Amber tried to yell at her in Krystal's defense. There's no point in causing drama in the middle of the club. Nicole is looking up at her now, breathing rapid and tears beginning to further smudge her mascara. It suddenly hits her that her ruined makeup may not have been because of someone else after all. 

“I love you.”

“You're drunk.”

“Doesn't matter.”

“We've been through this before. You won't remember it.”

“But I do. I always do,”

“I'll call you an uber.”

“Amber-”

“I love someone else, please. Just... don't.”

“Please, just... let me kiss you, at least.” She looks so miserable, and Amber wonders why that makes her feel guilty. Is it the knowledge that she's the cause of this? She thinks of her girlfriend, working late tonight, and suddenly the memory of what she had told her days ago briefly lingers in her mind. I slept with him. She remembers the chill that had gone down her spine at the thought. Was he with her right now? What did he mean when he said it wasn't the right time? Why did he have to choose the job that her girlfriend worked at?

Amber doesn't know what comes over her next, because before she knows it, she finds herself nodding slowly. Nicole wastes no time at all, clinging to her, nearly gasping as she presses their lips together. Amber isn't nearly as drunk as she'd like to be right now, because the instant discomfort that washes over causes her to tense up and jerk backwards. Nicole only strengthens her grip on Amber's jacket, trying to pull her closer, but she's clearly had enough. When Amber pushes her away just a little too hard, the back of her knee hits a stool, but Amber catches her wrist before she can tumble over it.

“I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry,” Amber frantically says, “I shouldn't have done that. I really shouldn't have. God, what have I done? That was wrong. I'm sorry. Oh God,” she rubs her eyes with her fists and shakes her head as if trying to wipe away what's been done.

“It's okay, you did nothing wrong—”

“Everything about that was wrong.” She's done it, she thinks, she's messed up big time. Her eyes scan the length of the club but no one seems to have noticed what just took place as they were too wrapped up in their own conversations and heck, other people were making out as well. She finds some (though little) relief knowing that nobody saw but that still isn't enough to quell the turning in her stomach. She needs to get out of there. “I have to go home. I'm sorry, I'll call you an uber. Please don't try to drive, and get home safe.”

APRIL 10

Amber wakes up in a panic when she realizes that the right side of the bed is empty and memories of last night start flooding her mind. She remembers coming home to Krystal already asleep so she gently crawled into bed with her, wrapping an arm around her waist and snuggling into the embrace she'd been missing all night. Her plan had been to tell her right away what had happened at the bar because the guilt after what had conspired coupled with raging drunkenness was overwhelming. 

She sighs, relieved, when Krystal walks into the room in a white dress shirt and leather pants. “Morning, stupid,” she greets, smiling affectionately at her girlfriend who looks beyond dazed, though she assumes it's due to a hangover. “How was pub night? Did you have fun without me?”

“Of course not, Krys,” Amber replies, slipping out of bed and hugging her from behind. “I tried, but it's not the same without you.”

As Amber nuzzles into her neck, she inhales the scent of shampoo, coffee and home. The smile on Krystal's face somehow still makes her stomach flutter with excitement no matter how many times she's seen it. She needs to tell her, no matter how much it hurt. Being honest with her is one thing, not knowing how she would react is another. Quite frankly, Amber thinks she doesn't know Krystal as much as she wants to despite living together. She remembers the total enigma Krystal had been when they first met, how the unpredictability always wracked her with nervousness but it was an exhilirating kind that made the start of their relationship all the more worth looking forward to. Yet this is different in so many ways, because part of her doesn't want to know. Part of her is terrified to discover that Krystal isn't one for second chances.

“What's wrong?” Krystal asks when she feels Amber's body suddenly tense up.

Amber had had a discussion with herself last night on the drive back home, in which she formulated a series of ways to explain what happened, but in this moment, the words are tangled together in an incomprehensible web that she couldn't possibly communicate. “Nothing. Just tired,” is all she manages to say, tightening her embrace around Krystal's waist. She's scared to let go.

“You should probably get some rest then. I left you a cup of coffee on the table so drink that - it'll make you feel better,” she suggests, combing Amber's hair out of her eyes before kissing her. The feeling of lips against her own is way to reminiscent of last night. She almost flinches at the contact.

Amber gives a small nod. Though she's hesitant to let go of her waist, she does anyway and crawls back into bed, watching Krystal wave goodbye before heading off to work. She isn't aware of the throbbing in her head until Krystal's gone, and she's left alone with the aching feeling that hasn't subsided since last night. She doesn't leave the bed for what feels like hours, letting the events of last night replay over and over, sending a pang of guilt through her. Is telling Krystal even worth it? she thinks. Nobody had seen what happened last night and Nicole was drunk out of her mind so the chances she'd blab about it to anyone was minimal. “But I do, I always do.” her voice replays in Amber's mind. 

“She's full of ,” Amber finds herself saying, though part of her hangs onto the bit of doubt. In the end, she settles for letting it go. It was nothing and it means nothing. She mentally reminds herself never to go back to that bar again nor take Krystal back before pulling the blankets over herself. 

APRIL 14

“Morning, Krys.”

Krystal looks up to see Kai leaning over her desk again, smiling at her with bright eyes, and suddenly it feels like they're back in psych when he would always enthusiastically hand her the notes she missed. She smiles back, “morning, Kai.”

“It's been raining really bad, huh?” he says, looking out at the windows being pelted with rain, sliding down in rivulets.

“Yeah, the weather's been really ty to commute in,” she says with a sigh, resting her chin in her palm. She's always hated spring, but then again it's LA and she thinks it's uncomfortable no matter the weather. 

“I find the rain rather relaxing. I get a lot of work done during this weather.”

“It's nice to fall asleep to,” she comments almost dreamily, thinking back to all the cold rainy nights she's spent with Amber, snuggled up in bed, making love through the storms. Perhaps she doesn't hate rain as much as she thought. 

When she looks up again, Kai hasn't moved, still looking up at her face like it's the most interesting thing he's ever seen. Then again he does work at a fashion company, and not many things here interest him. He had told her once that he wanted to be a dancer, but family pressures forced him into menial positions and mountains of debt. As much as she hates working with people who had no passion for the field, she sympathizes with him. 

“Do you want to go out for coffee after work? This new place just opened up down the street, I heard they have really bomb pastries.” He's at it again with the subtle advances, Krystal thinks, and then it suddenly occurs to her how weird it is that he still acts like a high school boy in love despite the fact that they had slept together before. The only noticeable change in him since then is the way he's much more forward. “I know you're busy a lot of the time but we can maybe just grab a quick bite to eat and talk a little?”

There's a glimmer in his eyes as he speaks to her, and she knows now that she would feel bad if she turned him down. She sees no harm in indulging him for a coffee and gives a small nod before shooing him off to do his job. 

APRIL 15

Kai offers (or rather, does anyway) to pay for Krystal's coffee and blueberry muffin again despite her insistence on letting her pay for herself because she's concerned about his debt. She sighs defeatedly, watching him pay for her order, handing her the cup and paper bag with a triumphant smile. They sit at a booth near the window to watch the rain coating the roads in dark greys and forming puddles along the sidewalk. Krystal thinks she's picked the wrong day to be wearing heels instead of sneakers and how much of a pain in the it's going to be to get to her car. 

“I could carry you to your car,” Kai shrugs.

“That's alright, I'll live.”

“But you'll ruin such nice shoes.”

Krystal scoffs, “I thought you didn't care for fashion.”

“I care for money. I saw you buy those for more than my rent costs.”

She laughs in agreement - they were a tough bargain. Though Krystal has a hard time believing Kai didn't care for looks at all considering how nicely dressed he is in a button up denim shirt without a noticeable crease and black loafers. He smelled really nice too, and Krystal wonders if he started dressing this way on purpose because of her. She eventually brushes the thought off in the midst of their conversation that gains momentum faster than she expected, with Kai bringing up intriguing topics that brought life to their talk. Sports, personal life, humour - she doesn't remember him ever being this talkative though she has no complaints. 

She doesn't realize how much time has eluded her, partially because the weather is horrendous and dark therefore unchanging with time, but mostly because of how unexpectedly enveloped she had become in the conversation, until she glances down at Kai's watch, spotting the hour hand way past the time she usually got home. 

“,” she curses loud enough to make Kai twitch a little in surprise as she interrupts him mid-sentence, “sorry, I have to go home. It's really late.”

Kai looks down at his watch with furrowed brows, “it's 6PM. I get how that's late on a school night but-”

“I know, but I don't get much time at home to spend with-” 

“Who?” he blinks curiously when she goes silent for a moment, “do you have a boyfriend?”

“I- sort of. Yeah.”

He slumps back in his seat, arms crossed with a look of surprise on his face. “Since when?”

She shrugs. “A while.”

“After us?”

She simply nods and he does as well, processing it all. The mood shifted surprisingly quickly. From what she sees, he doesn't look mad, just a little taken aback by the information. Had he wanted to start things again? It would be a lie to say she didn't have suspicions after everything that's happened. For a moment, she just sits there, staring at him, trying to find any indication of what he could be feeling. And then, he speaks, “I know you hate hearing corny things but... you know, I never stopped liking you.”

“I know.”

“And the more I tried to make you fall for me, the more I ended up liking you. And now that I know you're taken, it's a little...” he rubs the back of his neck.

“Embarrassing?”

“Soul crushing is a better word, but yeah.”

“Is this it for us then?” She tries not to look disappointed, but the frown finds its way to her face anyway. As much as she didn't like Kai, she enjoyed his quirks and his company. 

“Of course not,” he almost reaches out to cup her hands but thinks better of it, “I'm a little sad, sure, but I'll get over it like the first time.” He tries to force a good hearted smile but she can still see the dejection in his eyes, “I'm always going to be here. Even if you don't want- no, that sounds bad - I mean, even if you're not interested in a relationship, I'll always be here if you need to talk- , that was lame-”

Krystal laughs at his sudden awkwardness. “Thanks.”

APRIL 16

Krystal finds herself awake at one in the morning due to the loud crashing sounds from the thunderstorm outside. To her left, Amber is sound asleep, undisturbed, with the blankets resting at her torso, exposing her chest. Concerned she might catch a cold, she gently tugs the blanket up to her neck before slowly getting out of bed. She takes her phone with her to the kitchen, using it's light to find the switch. A cold drink is what she craves right now - she didn't have much time last night to grab a glass when Amber greeted her halfway into the living room, eagerly pulling her to the bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes haphazardly tossed on the ground. It was exactly what she needed to remind her why she turned Kai down. Nothing could excite and satisfy her the way Amber did. 

Unlocking her phone, she squints at the light for a moment before checking her texts. Several from Kai, three from Amber, and two from an old high school friend. Odd, considering they haven't talked for a while. 

She opens Kai's first.

Kai [7:00pm]: Hey! I feel really awkward about what I said today. I know it's too late to take it back but I don't think I should because it's true. 

Kai [7:00pm]: I had a lot of fun today. I knew I liked you but today made me like you more. I didn't know we had so much in common. :)

Kai [7:01pm]: We should do this again. Maybe Tuesday after work? My treat. 

Kai [7:01pm]: I love you.

Kai [7:01pm]: I'm also a little drunk so don't take it too personally haha. 

Kai [7:21pm]: I wish it would've worked out between us...

Kai [7:21pm]: Was it my fault?

Kai [7:22pm]: I'm sorry, I shouldn't be bothering you this much. You've had a long day, you should get some sleep. 

Kai [7:23pm]: Goodnight.

Kai [8:00pm]: I love you.

She doesn't know whether to laugh or cry at the way his emotions seem to bleed through his words. She feels bad, almost, for leaving him hanging the moment she got home, when Amber's lips were all she could think about. She can't deny that she had a good time yesterday but it still couldn't change the fact that she felt nothing for him in the slightest but pure amusement and admiration for the effort he put in to improve himself. 

She opens the second set of messages.

Amber [6:02pm]: Babe, you're late. Where are you? I'm lonely watching Moulin Rouge by myself. Also some of these scenes are getting me a little antsy ahh. And the bed smells too much like you, I need to move to the living room before I go crazy.

Amber [6:30pm]: I know traffic is ty here but it's been a while. Are you okay? Call me if you need anything. Love you. <3

Amber [6:35pm]: I know I sound clingy but I miss youuu. Come home quickly. It's been too many hours since I last touched you. Don't be alarmed when I pounce on you at the door, LOL. ;)

She's struggling to keep in the laugh that's threatening to spill at the dorkiness of Amber's impatient texts. It explains a lot, actually. The way Krystal had opened the door to their place, immediately locking eyes with a pair of excited, sparkling ones before she was giggling as Amber lifted her up over her shoulder, kicking the door closed behind her. She loves the way Amber never fails to turn an exhausting, work-occupied day into a calm, euphoric night, in which Krystal forgets every stress that's been weighing her down. Coming home is the best part of the day. Coming home to Amber is the best part of life.  

It takes a moment before she realizes she's been grinning to herself, swaying idly in the middle of the kitchen. She almost forgets to check the last set of messages. Luna. That's a name she hasn't seen in a while. They'd been friends since high school, though they ran in different circles, only occassionally crossing paths to discuss current events. Luna was a huge gossip, and lucky for her, Krystal was nosy. The last time they ran into each other was at an ice rink, one of Krystal's few passions outside of fashion, in which Luna became the only friend from high school that got to meet Amber. They hit it off quite well, Krystal thinks, which isn't surprising considering Amber was always down to meeting new people. 

She opens the text.

Luna [6:30pm]: Oh my god, Krys, you NEED to check Facebook. Like right now. 

Luna [6:31pm]: I couldn't believe it when I saw it. Check NOW. 

Her brows are furrowed in confusion. What on earth is she going on about? Last time Krystal checked, Luna made a big deal out of many things. scandals were one of her biggest penchants in high school. She initially wants to assume it's about one of their old classmates who accidentally got pregnant, planning to close her phone and go back to bed, perhaps bringing it up as an interesting point of discussion in the morning when Amber wakes up. Yet curiosity is egging her on.

“ it,” she sighs, opening the Facebook app for the first time in what feels like forever since she started working. 

Sure enough, the first thing she sees when she taps the notification bubble is Luna's name, highlighted multiple times as she's tagged Krystal in several comments. It's a photo posted by a name she isn't familiar with. When she finally taps the notification, it takes a moment for it to load, but when it finally comes into focus Krystal feels her chest tighten and breathing coming to a still. 

“No...” she whispers. She recognizes the outline of the face, hair and body of one of the figures in the photo - the same one she had curled up with in bed that night - while the other one she's only seen a handful of times yet the sight of it makes her stomach turn with anger and disgust. Memories of all the time that woman has tried to snake her hands near Amber, disguising her movements as innocent gestures. And now she was pressed up against her, lips locked, hands groping at her chest while Amber had her arms wrapped around her waist - on the one night Krystal wasn't there. Her eyes scan every detail of the photo, her mind refusing to acknowledge it's existence while her heart is thrumming so hard it hurts, and all she can think about is how much she wants it to disappear. Part of her wants to rationalize her thoughts, consider the possibility that alcohol is responsible for a mishap, yet the other part is screaming at her to wake Amber up and demand to know why she hasn't breathed a word of what happened when she had an entire week to do so.

She's sitting on the cold tiles of the floor, breathing unsteadily. Her mind is rapidly trying to piece together possibilities that, frustratingly, could only be assumptions. Perhaps Nicole forced herself on Amber that night. But Amber's arms were wrapped around her. She was really drunk. She clearly wasn't that drunk when she came home. It was all an accident, and Amber would explain it if she asks. It happened a week ago and she hasn't said a word. Maybe she doesn't remember. She was acting strange when she woke up the next morning. What are the chances they slept together? Amber wouldn't do that.

Then again, Krystal thinks she doesn't quite know Amber that well at all.

She takes one glance at the door to the bedroom where Amber is still sound asleep. She can't go back there now, not with the knot forming in her stomach and the buzzing of her mind. The cracking thunder outside is nearly drowned by her relentless thoughts. She knows if she goes back to bed now, she'll be staring at Amber's face all night, puzzling over what had happened that night. So she decides to sit by the window for the remainder of the night, watching the rain pound against the glass and the momentary flashes of lightening in the dark clouds.

The weather doesn't let up at all, even hours past sunrise. The sky is still grey with opaque clouds, though the rain has gotten lighter, the only evidence of the sun is in the slight brightness far off in the distance, and Krystal doesn't realize she's been up all night until she hears Amber faintly calling to her from their bedroom. She shudders at the sound of her voice. 

“Krystal?” Amber says groggily, her voice clearer now that she's making her way to the living room where Krystal is facing the window. “Why are you up so early? Work doesn't start for another three hours.”

“I-” She barely notices how tired she is now that Amber, the person she's been agonizing over all night, is standing three feet from her, completely oblivious and dazed from just waking up. The only emotion that's rising from the pit of her stomach now is hurt - even though she spent all night attempting to give her the benefit of the doubt, she's burning up inside. “I couldn't sleep.”

Amber's eyes widen, “because of me? Was I moving too much? I'm sorry, I do that sometimes-”

“It wasn't that.”

“What was it, then?” she tries to move closer, but she swears she can see Krystal flinch, “are you sick?”

“No,” Krystal shakes her head. She remembers being up all night thinking of how she would approach Amber first thing in the morning to extract answers, to find out the truth, but the confidence that had existed last night has dissipated into uncertainty. Did she want to know? What would she do when she did? They've worked so hard to get here, and this moment right now could undo all of it in the blink of an eye. She wants, needs, to escape this nightmare of a situation. “Sorry, I'll just go back to bed.”

Amber's hands are at her wrists before she can slip past her, pulling them around her waist and securing them there so she couldn't move. She's trying to smile but the way Krystal is looking at her with downturned eyes has her nervous. “Babe, please don't hide things from me.” Krystal feels her jaw tighten at that. I should be saying the same. “Is it something at work? You've been really stressed over that lately,” she says in a whisper, breath fanning out against her neck before her lips are placing gentle, loving kisses at the base. “I can help if it's that.”

Her fists are clenched at Amber's sides but she can't keep herself from sighing at the feeling of those intoxicating lips working their way towards her collarbones. Yet when she closes her eyes, all she can see is that photo of her and her body is suddenly stiffening with every touch because she's envisioning them together and where these hands that are travelling up her sides have been. Her breathing is shallow - something Amber mistakens as a good sign - heat travels to her face as her fists are clenched almost as tightly as her eyes and she feels as though she might explode. Before Amber could progress any further, Krystal separates them, leaving Amber bewildered. 

“I have to go to work early today, I'm sorry. I can't - I can't do this right now,” is as good of an explanation as she can offer right now with her mind all fogged up and senses tingling from what just happened. She's gone before Amber can make further efforts to weed out an answer. 

Krystal is dressed and out the door without a word from her girlfriend, who watches her silently from the doorway as she slips on a pair of combat boots before grabbing an umbrella and practically jumping outside. Whatever is up with her, Amber knows it's something she didn't want probed at. She heaves an exasperated sigh, kicking the door closed with her foot.

As she walks back into the kitchen, she hears the loud buzzing of Krystal's phone vibrating on the counter. She forgot her phone, Amber thinks, and then makes a mental note to drop by at her workplace today to give it back and maybe take her out afterwards to calm the nerves that have evidently taken a toll on her. She walks over to the counter, about to pick up the phone to put in her pocket when she sees a familiar name - Kai.

She opens the text without a second thought, not giving her mind a chance to race.

Kai [6:01AM]: Morning, beautiful. I have a surprise for you at work today, so be ready, haha.

A surprise? Amber scrolls up through their conversation history, heart pounding harder and eyes growing wider with every text. 

I had a lot of fun today.
I wish it would've worked out between us...
I love you. 
Goodnight. 
I love you.

“he likes me but if it wasn't the right time, he wouldn't push it.”

Amber mouths the words as they pass through her memory. 

Kai is hovering over her again, pretending to look intrigued by whatever she's doing on her laptop- really, just arranging her notes on a spreadsheet - waiting for her to give him the cue.

“Morning,” she finally says.

“Morning,” he smiles, “did you get my text?”

“I forgot my phone at home, so no. Was it urgent?”

“Not really. I wanted to let you know...” he leans in closer so that their eyes were on level with each other, “that I got you a surprise.”

“What is it?”

“I'll tell you if you come with me during our lunch break.”

“You're such a little kid,” she rolls her eyes.

“You like that.” She wants to wipe that annoying smirk off his face but he isn't wrong. His presence is refreshing, she can't deny that. “I'll leave you to work, then. See you at lunch, Jung.” Then he's off, hands shoved into his trouser pockets as he walks away with a slight jump in his step.

“What a strange kid,” she mutters to herself when he's out of sight. She wonders whether it's wise to be regularly hanging out with someone who's made it apparent that he still has feelings for her despite being in a relationship - if it can even be called that anymore. The image of her and that woman is still etched in her mind, vivid and distracting.

Today's shift feels ten times longer than usual. Krystal feigns a headache to account for her lagging behind. She feels like a hot air balloon, filled beyond her limit but resisting the temptation to burst. She watches the clock tick down until lunch time when she's finally able to escape the confines of the stuffy store that smelled of musky cologne and fabrics. As expected, Kai is already outside waiting for her. 

“Are you alright?” he asks when she walks out. 

“Yeah, why?”

“You looked really out of it today. You're not losing your touch, are you, Jung?”

“I...” Usually, she would have given him a clever rebuttal, but she's too burned out. She's exhausted, hurt, and drained. A drop of rain hits the pavement beneath them, followed by several drops, until a drizzle quickly sets in. The balloon pops, and before she knows it, she's trembling, tears streaming down her face.

“Krystal? Hey, what's wrong? Don't cry - I'm here.” Kai is quick to bring her into his arms, shielding her from the rain. She digs her nails into his shoulders and he winces at the stinging of her nails through his shirt but never loosens his embrace. They stand in the middle of the oncoming storm, as water glides down in small waves, whisking across the street. The wind causes the trees to shake violently, twisting off branches that snap in two as they fly off into the air. It's far from the saccharine of romance movies, it's horrendous and brutal, and not where Krystal ever imagined she'd end up at all.

They stumble into the nearest gas station, soaked and dripping on the rug at the front door but the attendant doesn't make a fuss about it, taking pity on them due to the endless storm still raging on outside. Instead, he offers them towels to dry off and seats at the back of the store to relax until the storm blows over. Kai mumbles a 'thank you so much' before following behind Krystal to the seats by the fridges. 

“I'm sorry... about this,” she says with her head down when they're alone together.

“I don't know what you're sorry for.” A pause, then he asks, “I didn't want to bother you about it before but, is it okay if I ask what that was about?”

“It's just...” She thinks it's fair enough to give him an honest answer after what she's put him through. “Some issues with my partner.”

“Ah,” he nods, “I'm sorry.”

“It's not your fault.”

“I think it is, a little. Sometimes I forget that you have someone and I take it a little too far with my... fondness of you.”

Fondness. The word reminds her of Amber more than anything. She's always been socially inclined, even in situations that made Krystal uncomfortable with her overt fondness of other people. She always thought the fault was with her for being overly protective but after last night... “No, it's fine. This is my problem, I shouldn't have dragged you into it.”

She expects him to argue with her but he simply nods in silent agreement because he doesn't want to cause her distress. They both turn to look at the rain beating down on the windows of the station, the skies completely dark, grey, and as depressing as they both feel at the moment. 

“What was the surprise?”

“Right,” Kai slings his bag over his shoulder to pull a square object wrapped in styrofoam out of the front pocket. “The other day, you said you really wanted a vinyl of the 'Come Fly With Me' album but didn't know where to get one. My cousin happened to have one that he never listens to anymore so I got it for you. I hope this isn't too much.” He smiles sheepishly at her.

“Oh my God, Kai. I- thank you. You really didn't have to-”

“I just happened to find it and thought of you.” That's a lie, of course. He spent nearly two hours bargaining with his cousin for his prized possession that is one of his favourite Frank Sinatra albums. But the thought of the smile that would appear on Krystal's face once she saw what he had obtained for her was enough to push him to throw away his pride and beg him for it. She's smiling, though just a faint one, but he can't blame her after what she's been through, he would find it hard to smile too.

“I love it. Thank you.”

“No problem.” He clears his throat, pauses for a moment, then says, “I'm sensing that things are really bad with you and... whoever this person is. I don't know if this is crossing a line but you're welcome to stay with me if you're not comfortable going home.”

She's surprised at the boldness of his offer, but doesn't seem repulsed by it. She's no fool, therefore she suspects an ulterior motive. But he isn't wrong - she's been thinking all day about how much she dreaded coming home to the face she once thought held no secrets from her. She's afraid of what will happen once the tension becomes too much and gives way to God knows what. She looks at Kai now and feels exactly what she felt the day she turned him down despite how much he's tried to change himself for her. She feels guilty but not quite. 

She sees that her silence as she contemplates is clearly making him nervous, with the way he's fumbling with the zipper of his jacket and trying to read the expression on her face, so she simply nods her answer and watches the boyish smile appear on his face again.

APRIL 18

Krystal's been gone for two days and Amber feels like her heart is going to burst. Her phone is exactly where she left it - on the kitchen counter, vibrating with messages from people Amber doesn't give a damn about because it's not her and she has no idea where she could be right now. She's checked her workplace several times, and each time the manager would tell her that Krystal's been taking sick days off and they have no idea where she could be.

She's lying, Amber thinks, though not really. She looked pretty sick before she left, and Amber only now realizes that sickness was anger. She realizes that what occurred that night at the bar finally reached the one target Amber didn't believe it would ever find and now that it has, she's run off with—

Amber cringes at the memory of the words she read on Krystal's phone two days ago. I love you. The hell does he think he is? Krystal hasn't said it back, but she doubts it'll be long now that they're alone together. As much as she wants to be hurt, an emotion far easier to deal with, she's angry - fuming. She's mad at herself for being dazed enough to let Nicole touch her that night. She's mad at whatever idiot - probably a friend of Nicole's - snapped that photo. She's angry at herself for being stupid enough to think Krystal would never find out. She wants to rip Kai to shreds until there's nothing left of him for Krystal to run to because somehow, this faceless man that she's never met in her life, seems to be the catalyst in the destruction of her life. 

APRIL 20

“I need to go home,” Krystal finally musters up the courage to say. She feels almost guilty for making a safe haven of Kai's small apartment, but he hasn't complained in the days she's been there, most of the time requesting to be alone in his living room to sort out her thoughts. He told her she could stay as long as she needed to, and if she wanted to leave, he wouldn't stop her, as long as he knew she would be come back if things went wrong. 

“I'll get your things,” he says casually.

“Kai.”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

He smiles, “I'll call you an uber.”

As he's leaving to get her bag from the guest room, she looks out the large window overlooking his living room. It seems like an endless rain that hasn't stopped since the day they got drenched outside. She dreads going home, but she knows she can't hide forever. 

Even on the short walk from the uber to the house had her soaked from head to toe - the rain beating down from the sky is merciless. She fumbles with her keys for a moment before she can finally slip the wet metal through the keyhole and unlock the door. Part of her wished that Amber wouldn't be home, just to give her a little more time to figure out what she would say when their eyes met, but the light from the living room tells her otherwise.

When their eyes meet, the tension is undeniable. Instead of the warm, concerned ones that tried to console her the morning she left, she's met with cold, distant, bloodshot ones that have spent sleepless nights pondering over her whereabouts and crying over the unbearable loneliness that engulfed her. Neither say a word because nothing could be said — they both know exactly what this is, and how this happened, yet both have entirely different stories on their minds. 

Amber finds it surprising that she hasn't a single word to say, even though she's had days to run scenarios over in her head. Now that she's finally here, staring at her, looking nearly as drained as she does, she can't even find the joy in her heart to welcome her home because all she can think about is how these past few days she's been with him. She opens to ask about it, so many questions flooding her mind, yet all that comes out is, “I'm going to bed,” and before she knows it, she's up and going to their (really her) bedroom. 

Krystal doesn't try to stop her, no matter how much she wants to. She's hurt that Amber doesn't comment on her absence, or even yell at her, though she hardly got angry, because she thinks she deserves it for disappearing without notice. Then she thinks perhaps Amber's unresponsiveness could be because she knows she's guilty of what she did that night. Perhaps she felt glad when Krystal walked through that door because she came home in spite of everything that happened.

Krystal doesn't come to bed, and Amber doesn't come out to get her. Instead, she stares out the window, watching the endless storm until her lids grow heavy, and she falls asleep on the warmth of the couch, where Amber had been for the previous nights. 

APRIL 24

They haven't slept together, eaten together, or even looked at one another beyond several glances when they happened to be in the same room momentarily until one of them, usually Amber, got up to leave before either could feel the growing tension. Yet the tension doesn't disappear when Amber is out of the room, it keeps growing, heating up in Krystal's subconscious as she watches her should-be-not-really girlfriend avoid her again. It doesn't feel like a relationship anymore. It feels like living with a stranger, or an exchange student that forced to live with her because they didn't have much of a choice. 

What hurt her most was when she quietly made her way to their bedroom late at night, and heard the quiet, muffled sobs that came from behind the door. It broke her heart, made her want to break the door down, climb into bed and have her in her arms again. But she couldn't, not after all of this. She's torn between yearning and anger. 

When she comes home from work, she sees her again, sitting at the dining table. When their eyes lock, Amber looks away, and Krystal knows exactly what she's going to do next.

“Stop.”

Amber freezes in her seat, legs slightly shifted from being about to get up. 

“Talk to me, Amber.” The desperation in her voice makes Amber tremble. 

“I don't know what to say.”

“You've had more than a goddamned week to figure that out.”

Krystal's face reddens with anger when she doesn't get a response. Her fists are clenched by her sides, and she feels that balloon filling again, and this time it's with fire instead of hot air. Without thinking, she picks up a vase from the kitchen counter and tosses it, missing Amber's head by an inch, before it hits the wall, shattering into large, sharp pieces. Amber finally looks at her, eyes wide and breathing laboured from shock.

Outside, the rain is pouring down heavily again, lightening striking in loud, white flashes against the dark sky. Yet the loudness of the storm is nearly muted by the screams that follow.  

“What are we?!” Amber shouts, causing Krystal to stumble back a few steps. “I don't even know what you are to me anymore. You just decide to get up and leave one day and not say a ing word to me. You could have been dead for all I knew!” She huffs a sigh. “But I knew you weren't. You were with Kai, weren't you?”

“Yeah, I was. What's your point? That I can't keep secrets from you? That rule didn't seem that damn convenient when you were ing that .”

“I didn't her.”

“Wow,” she steps back, hand on her chest as she lets out an exasperated chuckle, “I am so relieved. She can stick her tongue down your throat but ing is crossing the line, right? I'm so goddamn lucky to have such a faithful girlfriend.”

“That's the exact reason I didn't her. I didn't even want to kiss her. I was drunk!”

“What? So you're saying she forced you to kiss her? Are you saying that you said no and she went for it anyway?”

“I-”

“You can't even deny it,” she scoffs.

“God, it didn't even mean anything. It lasted like two seconds and then I pushed her away because I couldn't get you out of my ing head. You think it didn't drive me crazy these past few days thinking at the exact moment that I was agonizing over what I did, you and him weren't...”

“What? You thought that I was ing him? I had the courage to tell you about him once and you got so worked up that you decided to run to Nicole and have her get you off? Is this your idea of revenge or some ? I can't even-”

“It's not!” Amber is up now, taking small but firm steps towards her. “Krys, I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want any of this to happen. I wanted to tell you the moment I got home but I was afraid of losing you and I panicked.”

As they stood staring at each other, their breaths coming out in uneven pants. Krystal's eyes are burning with the tears that are on the edge of spilling but she refuses to let Amber see how much she's ruined her. Krystal seemed unbreakable when she first met her - glowing with unfathomable confidence, mischief dancing behind those eyes that she fell in love with. Now Amber realizes that mystery in a relationship like this is bound to lead to chaos, exactly where they are now. 

She takes another step forward, and Krystal takes one back. “Let's start over,” she whispers.

Her heart sinks when Krystal slowly shakes her head, eyes clenched tightly shut. “I can't. I can't do it anymore.”

“You can,” her voice nearly cracks, her hands inching closer to Krystal's slender, delicate ones that she's missed so dearly. “It's us, Krys. We can't give up on this.” She doesn't give it a second thought before she's wrapping her arms around her, planting gentle, desperate kisses on her forehead.

The anger that's been building up inside her suddenly dissipates at the warmth of her embrace and the feeling of her lips. She hates how much it affects her. She hates it even more that despite that, it doesn't lessen the pain of knowing that for a moment, Amber wanted someone else. She doesn't try to pull away when Amber's lips meet her's. She surprises even herself when she leans forward into the kiss, running her fingers through the dark locks of Amber's hair, tugging at the strands the way she always liked to do. Except this time it's much rougher, causing Amber to inhale sharply, but she doesn't move away. There's a sort of anger in the push and pull of their lips, and the way their hands clawed at each other's clothes, and it almost feels as if the outburst they had just a minute ago never happened at all.

Amber pushes the jacket off Krystal's shoulders, letting it fall to the floor with the clink of her zipper. When their lips meet again, it's needy, forceful, and dominating at both ends. Yet as usual, it's Krystal who leads, dragging them both to the bedroom that they haven't shared in a long time. The room has completely lost the smell of Krystal's perfumes and mints. It feels almost foreign to her now, and much colder than she remembers. 

As they stumble into bed, peeling off clothes, desperate to feel each other once again, neither notice the rain outside coming to a soft drizzle. 

APRIL 25

For a second, Amber thinks last night was a dream as she wakes up the right side of the bed empty again. But the warmth of the bedsheets under her fingertips tells her otherwise. The room is no longer cold, but humid - she wonders if it's from the rain or the heat of last night. Last night almost feels like a blur although she can remember every detail as her mind forced her to hold onto the memories, and rightfully so. She's gone again, except she's left a note on the fridge. 

Amber, 

I want to say that I'm sorry about everything that's happened... but part of me feels like I shouldn't be. Part of me is still torn about what you did... about what I did, or rather didn't do. I should have left last night - I made up my mind to do so because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle seeing you anymore. It just hurts too much, Amber. When you asked me to start over with you, you have no idea how much my body was just screaming at me to let you in again. But I couldn't. It just won't be the same ever again because every time I look at you, I'm reminded of how much you've ruined me. I know we've both made mistakes but the one you made just makes it impossible for me to trust you ever again. 

I want you to know that I never loved Kai. I've never loved anyone the way I loved you... love you. No one's ever made me feel the way you do and... no one's ever hurt me like that either. We just couldn't be honest with each other. 

There's been too much on my mind lately. I think we both need a break from each other for a while. I do. I need time to put myself back together. I didn't expect for things to turn out the way they did last night. I expected you to be angry, and you were, but I never thought it would lead to that. I don't regret it. I never will. I think this is the way it should end. A memory to take with me. 

I'm staying over at Tiffany's for a while, to give you some time to adjust (though I think you've already had some time to do that). I'll be back to get my things in a few days. I'm moving back to Seoul with my sister. To be honest, I always imagined that we'd be going together. But that's okay, you've always liked LA better anyway. 

Please, don't take this too hard. And please don't blame yourself for any of this. I think, at some point, we both knew we were destined for tragedy at the start. But I hope you find happiness somewhere else and fulfill that dream.

Love, Krystal

The page becomes damp with tears in her trembling hands, carefully reading every word of the letter like she might miss some detail that could imply she isn't leaving. But it's clear as day that it's over, and there's nothing she could do about it. All she can do is breathe out a shaky sigh as she prepares for the day ahead. Looking out the window, she sees the sky begin to lighten a tad, a small ray of light giving a spotlight to the half-empty glass on the counter top. 

She looks at it, a bittersweet smile slowly appearing on her face. Black coffee with two, partially melted ice cubes floating to the top. 

APRIL 26

“The weather's been nice,” Kai comments, looking dreamily out the window at the dark clouds slowly retreating.

Krystal only nods in response, nibbling on the croissant that again, he insisted on paying for. She stares blankly at the warm cup of coffee in front of her - two sugars, two creams - the standard. Not for her, of course. She didn't want to seem picky, so she takes a sip before following Kai's gaze outside. “Kai.”

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you a favour?”

“Anything,” he beams, a smile already forming. Sometimes it makes her a little guilty at how keen he is about everything she asks of him. 

“I'm moving to Seoul at the end of this month, and I need to pack and move my things.”

“Ah?” his jaw drops, eyes widening, “you're leaving? Like for vacation or-”

“I don't know right now. I just want to go back for a while, to see my family again.”

“I see.” She can tell that he's trying to hide his disappointment through his bright smile that's lost just a bit of it's enthusiasm. “Wait, what about your- uh- boyfriend? Are you two going together or are you doing long distance?”

The reminder of Amber makes her bite her lip, making Kai almost regret asking. “No. We sort of... broke up- er- on a break. I don't-”

“No, it's alright. You don't have to explain. Sorry, I know it's none of my business. I just got curious,” he forces a laugh. “When do you want me to come over?”

“Friday afternoon?”

“Works for me.”

APRIL 30

Amber hasn't tried to contact her since she left. Part of her feels sad while the other is grateful that she's trying to move on. As she packs her clothes and belongings into suitcases and boxes, Amber sits in the living room, staring at the ceiling. She heaves a sigh, listening to the sound of boxes being shuffled around and suitcase wheels rolling back and forth. When Krystal stepped through the door, Amber had offered to help pack, but she insisted she could do it on her own - and those were the last words they had said to each other. It's hard to believe how awkward things have become when just days ago they had been glued to each other, exchanging kisses and body heat.

There's a knock on the door. Apparently Krystal doesn't hear it through the rumbling of suitcases being pushed back and forth, so Amber answers it. 

“Oh, hi.” There's a tall, slightly tanned guy standing at their front door, dressed in a white tank top and jeans. Amber's nose crinkles at the smell of strong cologne radiating off of him. “Is uh- Krystal here?”

“Yeah, in our- ... her room. Who are you?”

“Kai, I'm her friend. She asked me to come move stuff with her.”

Amber nearly chokes at the sound of his name, but coughs to cover it up. So finally there's a face to the name. He's not quite the way Amber had imagined him, then again no guy who flirts with Krystal is ever the way she imagines them - it's usually a lot worse. There's an inexplicible distrust that she innately feels just looking up at his face. She tries to attribute this feeling to jealousy but struggles to see it that way. She almost wants to send him away, but steps aside for him. He nods and mutters a thanks, steps in, and she kicks the door closed behind them. 

“So, are you like, her roommate or something?” he asks.

“I- sort of, yeah.”

“I thought she lived with her boyfriend.”

She tenses a bit, their eyes momentarily meeting before his mouth slightly opens at the realization, and Amber hears a quiet oh come out of him. He doesn't say another word, just walks into the bedroom, calling out to Krystal. 

They're done within half an hour. Amber helps carry out some of the luggage despite Krystal's protests and loads them into the van Kai had rented for the move. She can't help but notice the way Kai would occassionally smile at Krystal as he takes boxes out of her hands and carries them himself, and the way she would shoot him back a small, slightly annoyed one but lets him do it anyway. She finds that she isn't quite angry, just very drained, and a little overwhelmed at how much has happened in a month.

“Ready?” Kai looks at her, already in the driver's seat. 

“In a bit. I need to go talk to my roommate.” 

Kai gives her a thumbs up before she leaves. Amber is sitting in the living room, feet perched up on the coffee table when Krystal walks in. “You're not leaving, yet?”

“Do you want me to leave that bad?”

“You know that's not what I meant.”

“I know,” she gives her a bittersweet smile, sitting down next to her on the couch. “I just wanted to make sure that things are alright with us.”

“We're fine. I'm...fine.”

“You don't sound too sure.”

“You don't either.” She's looking into her eyes now, and Krystal feels like she's going to melt again. Even after taking time away from each other, being this close sends a pang of sadness through her heart. She doesn't know how she'll ever get over those gentle dark eyes, the warm hands that could always make her feel better. They just sit there in silence for a moment, staring wantingly at one another.

“I love you,” Krystal can't help but say.

“I love you, too,” she replies without a hitch. 

She knows it'll hurt if she kisses her now. Her eyes flicker between Amber's eyes and her lips, but when Amber leans forward, she immediately stands up. “Bye,” is all she's able to say without losing her composure before making her way to the door, gently slamming it behind her on the way out.

It's only when she's gone that Amber feels the stinging of tears welling up in her eyes again, and her chest tightening. “Don't go,” her voice cracks through the whisper, as she brings her knees up to her chin, shaking with every sob.

“Whoa, are you okay?” Kai asks with wide eyes when Krystal climbs into the seat next to him, face red and body trembling as if she's just seen a ghost. She inhales a stuttery breath, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket.

“I'm fine, let's just go.”

Kai nods, not wanting to push the matter any further, and puts the van into drive. As the vehicle turns to depart from the little house, Krystal closes her eyes, afraid that if she catches on glance of Amber in the window, she'd jump out and run back to her. So she doesn't look - not even after they've made it a few miles from the house. This month felt like a dream, she thinks to herself, and oh how she wishes she could wake from it.