He meets Jung Jessica – no, Sooyeon – in 2001, when he is 15.

The first thing that crosses his mind is braces.

He was passing through the company’s corridors with some of the older trainees when he first spots her. She greets him and the other trainees out of formality, a stoic expression on her face, but when he mindlessly blurts out how pretty she is, she smiles at him shyly, giving him a full view of her braces.

It does nothing to mar her prettiness, he thinks to himself.

She quickly reverts back to her default icy façade the next time they met, much to his dismay.

“I’m Donghae.” he decides to introduce himself first.

“Jessica.” she replies in an American accent, glancing at him, then lets her eyes wander elsewhere.

“Je-ssi-ca.” he repeats slowly, feeling a bit embarrassed that he probably just mangled her name with his thick accent.

Her eyes crinkle with a hint of a smile and his face immediately flushes.

Way to go, Donghae. She probably thinks you’re an idiot that’s terrible at English.

“But…” she suddenly speaks up, piercing his eyes with an unexpectedly warm gaze. “You can call me Sooyeon.”

He lets out a breath that he didn’t realize he was holding, and grins at her.

He meets Kim Heechul in 2002, when he is 16.

Upon hearing that he has to go to Gangwon-do to get the new trainee, he groans at the thought of having to travel, and complains to Yunho, his fellow trainee also from Mokpo, during the whole trip. Once there, however, he immediately introduces himself to the older boy properly.

The new trainee’s first month passes by quickly, and Donghae can’t help but be curious about the admittedly weird hyung. At first he wanted to befriend him because he felt a bit of pity for the older boy who always seemed so alone – it reminded him a bit of his own first year at the company – but after a few failed attempts, he realizes he genuinely wanted to get to know the hyung who everyone tried their best to ignore. And so, he refuses to give up, slowly but surely building up a friendship with the boy with a wild fashion sense and an even wilder personality.

He meets Lee Donghae in 2002, when he is 19.

At first he is skeptical about the younger boy’s friendliness. He is fully aware of his own nonconventional personality and weird fashion sense, which is why he finds it hard to believe that the trainee with the boy-next-door personality would want to become friends with him when everyone else clearly doesn’t. Despite this, he slowly grows more comfortable with him, feeling an inexplicable sense of loyalty and protectiveness for the boy from Mokpo.

As the days pass and the two become closer, Heechul notices a trend in Donghae’s relationships. Young as he is, Donghae seems like the type to fall fast and hard, only for it to end up badly.

Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love with girl. Girl supposedly loves boy, but dumps him harshly in the end.

Repeat cycle.

He tries his best to convince himself that he doesn’t care about Donghae’s failed attempts at love.

He’s just a kid, anyway. It’s just puppy love. He’ll get over it.

Despite his attempts to ignore it, he never fails to notice the gleam in Donghae’s eyes become dimmer every time.

He meets Jung Jessica in 2002, when he is 19.

Donghae was in dance class, and he was stuck in the waiting room with some other trainees. He’s content to stay in his corner, paying the chatter of some girl trainees no mind, not even batting an eyelash when he hears his name come up numerous times.

He’s used to it.

After awhile he texts Donghae to just meet up with him later and is about to leave the room when one of the girls breaks apart from the group and approaches him.

“Oppa, did you come from Gangwon-do?”  she asks with a slight accent.

Her blunt question coupled with her cold, dark gaze catches him off guard. Absentmindedly, he thinks to himself that she looks quite mature, but he knows from the gossip of the other trainees that she is merely 13 years old. Although he doesn’t know her name, he has certainly heard the whispers of the other trainees about the prowess of the ice princess of SM, and how she’s supposedly set up to be the next BoA.

Which is precisely why he takes a quick glance around him, not entirely sure if she’s really addressing him.

“Yeah…” he responds, eyeing the frank, but admittedly pretty, girl warily.

Suddenly, she sticks out her hand. “I’m Jessica.”

An American name? Explains the accent. He muses. It could also be a personal preference, but who is he to judge?

“I’m Jessica.” she repeats, her hand still offered out to him for a handshake. “And you are?”

He stares at her for awhile longer and decides that no, this is not a dare from the other trainees or some complicated prank, and slowly grasps her hand.

“Heechul.”

“Nice to meet you, oppa.”

She flashes him a small smile and he catches a glimpse of her braces.

A few weeks pass, and his friendship with Jessica slowly starts to form. And so, he decides to introduce Jessica to Donghae. However, he soon finds out that he doesn’t have to.

As he and Jessica walk over to the cafeteria, Donghae spots them from the table he is sitting at.

“Sooyeon!” he calls out, waving gleefully.

Sooyeon?

 Heechul is confused until he sees Jessica waving back, albeit in a significantly more reserved manner.

As they near the table, it is only then that Donghae notices Heechul next to her.

“Oh, hyung, you two know each other?”

“Yeah… we met awhile back.” he replies, sitting down next to Donghae while Jessica (Sooyeon? He’s suddenly not quite sure what to call her anymore.) sits across from the two of them.

“Ah, really?  When was this? I’m usually attached to your hip these days.” Donghae jokes, earning a soft giggle from the girl sitting with them.

Heechul casts a suspicious glance at the two, noticing how Donghae’s entire expression seems to brighten up at the sound of Jessica’s tinkling laughter.

“A couple of weeks ago…” he responds slowly, still trying to figure out the meaning behind Donghae’s gaze towards Jessica. “ That day when you were at dance class. This girl here suddenly decided to come over and talk to me.”

“This girl?” Donghae repeats, chuckling a bit. “Yah, hyung, you should show respect to your seniors. Don’t you know? She’s our sunbae!”

Heechul merely raises an eyebrow at Jessica, who shrugs her shoulders nonchalantly.

“Well, I’m her senior in age by about six years – that has to count for something.”

“Oppa does have a point.” Jessica interjects.

“Oppa?” Donghae raises his voice in disbelief. “Jung Sooyeon! You know this guy for how many weeks and you already call him oppa?”

“So what?”

“What about me?” Donghae whines childishly. “I’ve known you for almost a year now and you don’t even call me oppa.”

Heechul notices the gleam in Donghae’s eyes as he continues his banter with Jessica, and feels a sense of dread rising up in him.

He confronts Donghae about it the next day.

“Are you dating Jessica?”

Donghae freezes in his steps. His face flashes with bewilderment but he quickly covers it up with a nervous laugh.

“Sooyeon and I are just friends. What gave you that idea?” he says, a funny expression on his face.

Heechul, undeterred, plows on.

“Donghae…Do you like Jessica?”

The younger boy lightly punches his arm in jest.

“Yah, hyung, what’s with the sudden questions?”

Heechul rolls his eyes, suddenly finding himself annoyed with Donghae’s attempts to brush him off.

“…I just don’t want to see you get hurt again.” he replies, walking away from the younger boy, leaving him with his thoughts.

Once Heechul is gone, Donghae plops down on a nearby bench, his head in a whirl.

Do you like Jessica?

The question sticks with him, haunting him as he eventually goes to the company for training after school, as he meets up with Jessica later that day, as he commutes home, up until he is about to sleep, leaving Donghae struck with a mind-jarring realization.

He realizes that he has feelings for Sooyeon in 2002, when he is 16.

Months pass and the three train their hearts out, becoming closer along the way.

Donghae likes to believe that he’s grown more discreet, and Heechul never brings up the issue ever again. Instead, Heechul decides to silently support Donghae from the sidelines. Jessica remains none the wiser.

One day, Donghae decides to stay behind to train some more, leaving Jessica and Heechul to go out and eat dinner together.

The two settle down at a quaint food stall and make idle conversation while waiting for their food. Their rolls finally arrive and the two hastily dig in, famished from the day of harsh training.

“Ugh, cucumbers!” Jessica squeals, making a disgusted face after quickly spitting out the roll she just ate. She glares at the food as if it had committed a grave sin against her.

Heechul laughs, finding her immense disgust with a mere vegetable endearing. Quickly, he gets his chopsticks and picks out the cucumbers from the rolls on her plate and eats them for her.

“There. Isn’t that better, my dear Cucumber Sik?”

“Yah! Don’t call me that!” she immediately retorts. “…But thank you.”

“See, it’s not so hard to thank your oppa, now is it?”

Jessica sticks her tongue out at him and goes back to eating her rolls.

Once they finish, Heechul notes that it’s become quite dark outside and decides to walk her back to her house.

“I’ll be fine, oppa.” she stubbornly insists.

“Yah! Listen to your oppa! It’s dark outside. Donghae will kill me if I don’t get you home in one piece.”

Jessica huffs and glares at him, opening to retort, only to be cut off by the older boy.

“Jung Jessica! Don’t you dare become Glare Sik right now. Stop arguing, and let’s go.” he says, frustrated with her. He grabs her wrist and walks out with her, practically dragging the petite girl out from the stall.

“Okay! Okay! You win.” she whines. “Let go of my wrist now.”

Heechul drops her wrist from his grasp and smirks in victory.

“And wipe that smug smirk off your face. It’s creepy.”

The two chat noisily as they walk back to Jessica’s house. Heechul subtly moves closer to her as they walk, glaring at those who dare to stare at the duo for too long. Soon enough, they reach her front door.

“Thanks, oppa.” she says, then immediately walks into the house and shuts the door behind her.

He stares at the door contemplatively, then spins around and walks towards the bus station. Checking his wallet, he curses at the lack of contents.

Just my luck. That girl makes me pay for her dinner, and now I have no money to take the bus home.

Despite this, he realizes he isn’t angry at her at all. He doesn’t care, so long as he is able to see her home safely.

Oh no…

That night, the realization hits him like a strike of lightning.

Donghae-ah… mianhe…

He realizes that he has feelings for Jessica in 2003, when he is 20.

The next day, he bumps into Donghae and feels guilty, as if he’s betrayed the younger boy.

“Hey hyung! How was dinner with Sooyeon?” Donghae asks him.

“Ah, hey Donghae.” he responds, avoiding Donghae’s question, pointedly avoiding his gaze.

Donghae looks at him oddly. “…Hyung? Did something happen?”

“No, nothing.”

An awkward silence hangs between the two.

“I have vocal practice.” Heechul says stiffly, walking past Donghae in a hurry.

“Heechul hyung…?” Donghae murmurs, staring at the back of his hyung, wondering what could be wrong with the older boy.