✽ ✽ ✽

Taeyeon felt okay.

Not amazing, not meh. Okay, all right, fair. Alive. Able to tackle everyday problems with humble aplomb.

Which was, in itself, a victory.

No wonder the anti-depression industry boomed, Taeyeon thought while punching a ‘3’ to Jessica’s apartment floor. The elevator doors closed, blurrily reflecting her meticulously crafted outfit of the day: pleated shorts, breezy oxford blouse, navy ribbons in her pigtails, and her trusty Keds. She’d been shelving effort into her appearance for a couple of weeks, since the radically uncomfortable movie night.

After that evening of doing everything Jessica’s way, she warned Taeyeon about dating, a change that could strain their dear Thursday nights. A gracious move, on her part.

Seriously, Lennon’s owner was a sophisticated, sociable career woman with a kickass future ahead of her. Relationships tended to be the inevitable next phase. And where would that place Kim Taeyeon, a weepy nobody, for (assumedly) a revolving door of eligible men? It eluded her how she’d buried a nook into Jessica’s weekly schedule, but weirder things have happened.

Silver lining: the playdate invites endured. Recently, twice a week—without any more forced coffee shop detours or heart-stopping thrillers. Jessica withdrew to what Taeyeon believed to be the less stressful option: an indifferent, text-y chaperone who tapped her casually pricey shoes impatiently.

Taeyeon’s money went into two presents. In one hand, a packaged Nylabone. In the other, a red replacement for the yellow ball Lennon finally defeated. Taeyeon chuckled, recalling his confused look (head tilt and all) when it hissed to a lemon-y heap.

He wasn’t Diglett. But damnit, close enough.

She’d chosen the mature route, Taeyeon reminded herself. To not burden Jessica into thinking them obligated to explore their friendship. That way, Taeyeon’s off-work hours could revolve around her bat-eared charmer again and Jessica could build a life with a worthwhile lover. For marriage, baby-making, mortgages—all the Taeyeon once dreamt of for herself.

Dimly, she accepted a touch of...butthurtedness over some douchey, equally attractive businessman making Jessica his plus-one to top-dollar luncheons, politician friends’ weddings—Taeyeon propped her forehead on the coolness of the apartment door, envisioning more fancy events—and schmoozey cocktail hours with private jet collectors. Such a provider suited women like Jessica Jung. Not Kim Taeyeon, an underpaid desk jockey who rolled in dirt.

The red toy contracted within her grasp like a stress ball.

“Let Jessica move on,” Taeyeon whispered, barely past lipping the statement. “She’s too good for you. And straight.”

“Door’s unlocked!” called a chipper voice after her first knock. Taeyeon examined the tuck of her blouse and decided to toe out her shoes in advance. Jessica’s house had a maid-grade sparkle; one wouldn’t assume any living organism resided there, save a rambunctious Corgi mix. So, since her Keds were non-negotiable, she dressed nicely. It symbolized gratitude for hijacking the dog every few days.

Also, she grew used to Jessica admiring her clothes. Might as well keep it chic.

Lennon welcomed Taeyeon at the door in hind-legged hops, but the pungent aroma of tomato, basil, and various spices tracked her nose to the kitchen. There, Jessica rinsed the last of her dishes before turning around to smile. “Hey, Taeyeon. How are you spoiling Lens this evening?”

She’d almost forgotten the doggy items in her hands. “Chew bone. Ball.”

Jessica extracted her hands from rubber gloves, quickly applying moisturizer afterward.

Taeyeon remembered holding those hands.

“You’re cooking,” she stated the obvious, nodding to the oven. “What’s the occasion?”

“A date,” Jessica answered. Too matter-of-factly. As if she’d recited her birthday or a mildly interesting anecdote from work.

Taeyeon deposited the new ball in Jessica’s bowl of knick-knacks and leaned onto the kitchen counter, elbows out. “Oh yeah?”

She copied Taeyeon’s position on the other side. Eyes holding challenge, if Taeyeon wasn’t imagining things. “Mmhm. Our third.”

“Date three already.” Of ing course Jessica moved on faster than she’d predicted. Everyone moved faster than Taeyeon; her ex certainly reminded her. Disturbed that her ex-girlfriend sprung into mind, she asked, “It’s getting serious, then?”

“We’re having fun.”

Fun? What in the hell was fun? Shows? Make outs? ? “And that entails?”

“I thought we could relax here instead of a restaurant,” Jessica muttered, twisting and untwisting the moisturizer cap. “My sister sent two bottles of Zinfandel that’d go perfectly with our meal. We’ll eat well, drink all we want, and let whatever happens...happen.” Her gaze flicked up to meet Taeyeon’s. “You’re turning red. Are you a prude?”

“N-no. No.” Taeyeon slammed the Nylabone to the counter as an exclamation point. “Curious, is all.”

“That’s a relief.”

“How’d you two meet?”

“Same office, different departments,” Jessica rattled off as if she’d told the story to a million busybodies prior. “Seohyun’s one of those y, relentless financial sharks. When she sets a goal...”

Taeyeon never had an out-of-body experience. Until now.

The rest of this explanation no longer mattered. Every other word in their collective lexicons no longer mattered. Because Jessica said, ‘she’.

She.

She.

Jessica went on dates and presumably had with women. Female women!

Why was her pulse accelerating as if this were a game changer?

Aware of natural reflexes, Taeyeon schooled her facial tics during the tail end of the spiel. Something about team-building meetings. “When’s she coming over?”

“Eight-fifteen—Oh!” Jessica jumped into order, eyeing a loose silver wristwatch in the knick-knack bowl. “I’ll need every minute to beautify myself. Do you mind taking Lennon out on your own?”

This would’ve sounded like paradise twenty minutes ago. Taeyeon vacantly nodded, reaching for the ball to stress-squeeze out of Jessica’s sight. “You trust me that much?”

“Of course. I doubt you’re crazy enough to steal or eat him.”

Taeyeon feigned a chuckle. Her stomach tossed mercilessly, to go from so high to so low in such a short period. “It’d be my pleasure.”

“Be back by eight o’clock?”

In a daze, she attached the leash to a jumpy Lennon’s collar. Under her breath, she growled, “Wouldn’t want to bump into your little fix of the night.”

But, Jessica didn’t hear. She’d already vanished into her bedroom.

...

Uninhibited time alone with Lennon put an uptick to Taeyeon’s mood. Just a tick or two. Cotton-y clouds decorated a blue, blue sky and the heat didn’t swelter. An idyllic afternoon, theoretically.

Lennon’s enthusiasm eclipsed the energy Taeyeon put into a dozen half-hearted tosses. His wiggling , fervent yelps, and spin-cycle antics earned proper laughs. At least, she pretended they sounded sincere. She couldn’t let some dumb date botch her day.

Taeyeon pumped more energy into her throws. Almost to the point of dislodging her shoulder from its socket, which would do no-one any favors. These activities should’ve freed her brain of petty jealousy and phantoms of the past.

It didn’t.

After some portable dish hydration and a