No, no, no! He could not let this happen!

“Jonghyun, if you try to kiss me right now, I’m gonna kick you in the balls so hard, you’ll be tasting nuts for a week!”

The line startled Jonghyun just enough that Kibum could push past him and run out of the house and into the street. He turned and looked either way down the now dark road. Without really thinking about it, he began running. He heard a shout behind him, but he didn’t stop or look back. He needed to be away from that situation. He needed time to figure out what is going on with himself and he didn’t need his stupid body screwing anything up with his emotions right now. So he ran. All his cross-country track practice has gained him good endurance. Minho may be faster, but Kibum can out last him any day. He just kept running, going wherever he felt like. He wasn’t worried about getting lost. GPS was a thing, after all.

He finally tired himself out after 45 minutes. It was longer than he’d ever run without stopping, so he was actually pretty proud of himself. He stopped, leaning over and resting his hands on his knees to catch his breath. He seemed to be in a fairly nice neighborhood, and he saw a small playground with a jungle gym and monkey bars, so he walked over. He remembered times when he was a kid and would play on similar playgrounds with Minho. Always with Minho. All of his happy memories seem to involve his best friend. Sometimes he wondered if that’s a good or bad thing.

There were only a few lights around the monkey bars, so he decided to climb up and stargaze for a while before texting the others that he was okay. Minho might be annoyed, but he’ll understand… well, as far as Kibum will tell him right now. He took his phone out of his pocket and discovered happily that he had left a pair of earbuds in the pocket from the bus ride earlier. He chose a soft indie playlist to listen to and settled into a comfortable position to look at the sky.

Did he really almost kiss Jonghyun just now? He’d definitely been feeling some tension ever since he’d first noticed Jonghyun looking at his stomach. He just hadn’t realized what it was. He’d never been in a real relationship before, especially not in one that was as serious as this relationship had the potential to be. He thought about it and thought, maybe he liked that feeling. He’d liked that burning feeling he’d had where their arms had touched. He’d felt it burn all the way up his arm and into his stomach and it gave him goosebumps. He caught himself smiling slightly as he thought about it.

Kibum shook his head. ‘I shouldn’t let my mind get carried away,’ he thought. ‘This was the same guy who broke me. Yeah, he’d spent well over a month trying to make it up to me. It was a poor method, but considering the circumstance, I supposed it was the best Jonghyun could do.’ He thought about the idea of forgiving Jonghyun, but then he remembered the girl and the nightmares and he felt the bile rise up in his throat again. He swallowed hard and forced himself to think of other things.

His phone buzzed in his pocket a few times, Minho checking on him. He replied a short message: “I’m fine. I’ll be back in a bit. GPS.”

Time passed and Kibum continued soaking in the stars. His arms and neck started to ache a bit from the angle he was sitting at. He endured it. The sky was too pretty and he was enjoying being alone right now too much to change anything. The sky was clear and filled with stars. Kibum was amazed that he could see so much, even with the light pollution from the big city he lived in.

After a while, he felt a tap on his shoe. He looked down and was somewhat surprised to see Jonghyun standing below him, kicking softly at the rubber matting below the monkey bars. He pulled out an earbud.

“What?”

Jonghyun lifted his head in Kibum’s direction so Kibum could hear him, but avoided looking directly at him. “I’m sorry for what I said. I was wrong. You’re right, I don’t have any right to tell you how to act.” He glanced up at Kibum as he finished, seeing if Kibum reacted.

He did not. He simply put his earbud back in his ear and turned his face back towards the sky. Jonghyun was entirely right about being wrong. Even if they liked each other and weren’t fighting, or whatever this was, Kibum would never allow anyone to talk to him like that. He was not a possession. He was, and would always be, his own.

He felt the structure shake slightly and and glanced to his right. Jonghyun was attempting to climb up to where he was, but he was pretty unsteady. He started to tumble forward, and Kibum’s arm automatically reached toward him. Jonghyun grabbed his forearm and froze. Where he was touching him, Kibum felt his arm burning again. His palm was so warm and the heat spread slowly up and down the rest of his arm. Jonghyun quickly pulled his hand away, scrambling to adjust himself to sit a good three feet away from Kibum. The younger boy stared at the place where Jonghyun had touched him, and though he couldn’t see a mark, he could still feel the nice tingling sensation that was beginning to fade. He looked at Jonghyun. He was staring at his hand. The older boy looked off into the distance, avoiding looking at Kibum again, and rubbed his palm unconsciously across his chest.

Kibum shifted his gaze away, searching his brain as to why he physically felt like that when Jonghyun touched him. In all the soulmate stuff he’d read, he’d never heard of a physical reaction to just touching each other like that. Was it because of everything that had happened, or was it something else?

He turned back to the stars. Why was this so weird and complicated and why couldn’t they just be comfortable and talk to each other like Minho and Jinki could? Why did all this stuff have to happen? Kibum hadn’t been looking forward to the whole soulmate part of his life, but now that it was here, this was definitely not what he was expecting at all.

Jonghyun really was making an effort, Kibum could tell. And with the way he’d just reacted to touching Kibum, the latter knew that the older boy had to be feeling at least somewhat of a similar reaction to the moments they touched. Maybe he hadn’t realized what he was doing to Kibum before. Maybe there was a perfectly acceptable reason, at least in Jonghyun’s mind. It wasn’t okay. It was wrong and horrible, what Jonghyun had done, but that doesn’t mean that he was intentionally trying to hurt Kibum.

When Kibum had first told his parents that he’d met his soulmate, he’d hesitantly told them that it didn’t seem like his soulmate was excited to meet him, or that he liked him at all. Kibum’s mother had rubbed his shoulder comfortingly and given him a sad smile, telling him that it’d get better, and they just needed to get to know each other. Kibum’s father had been much more no-nonsense with it. He told Kibum that maybe Kibum just wasn’t what his soulmate had been expecting. He’d sternly said that some people still expect soulmates to be male and female and don’t like finding out that their perfect match is the same gender as them. He’d then gone into a long lecture about how Kibum should be glad that he had a soulmate at all and that some people are incredibly unfortunate to never to meet theirs in this life. While Kibum knew that his father was speaking the truth, it was still difficult to just be glad to have anything, when he felt like crap that his soulmate didn’t like him at all.

So, now, sitting on the monkey bars on some random playground, Kibum thought of his father’s words and thought ‘Maybe Dad was right. Maybe Jonghyun just didn’t expect me to be a boy. Maybe Jonghyun had grown up expecting to settle down with a woman and have lots of his own babies and live that perfect tv family life.’ It made Kibum a little sad for Jonghyun’s hypothetical situation. Honestly, Kibum had known he didn’t care about his partner’s gender, though he did have a bit of a preference, for a long time. He’d hoped it’d be in his favor, but he’d known it could go either way for a long time. He and Minho had had many late night conversations about it and it had been helpful. Maybe Jonghyun hadn’t done that, or hadn’t had the opportunity to.

Kibum pulled out an earbud and hesitantly offered it to the older boy. Jonghyun stared at it for a few seconds before accepting it. When he tried to place it in his ear, he discovered he was too far away, and was forced to scoot to within a foot from Kibum’s side. He sat there stiffly, staring at his knees as they listened to Kibum’s music together.

A song about stars came on. It sang about the beauty of the heavens and how the singer’s love for whoever the song was about was as endless as the stars. It gave Kibum an idea.

“He says his love is as endless as the stars… but most of the stars we can see are already dead, anyway.” He turned his head towards Jonghyun, who still sat quietly, staring at his own legs. “Do you know anything about the stars?”

Jonghyun didn’t say anything at first. He sat still for a minute, before slowly raising his face and gazing up at the vast sky above them. He stared up at them, while Kibum watched, both still quiet. Finally, he pointed to a spot in the sky.

“That’s Sirius. It’s the dog star.” Kibum’s eyes followed Jonghyun’s finger, looking curiously up at the spot indicated. “It’s also part of the constellation Canis Major. It means “The Great Dog”. He’s one of Orion’s hunting dogs.”

Jonghyun stopped speaking. When Kibum looked at him, he wasn’t looking at the sky anymore, but rather down at his hands in his lap. His fingers on his right hand were wrapped around his left wrist and twisting back and forth slightly. He spoke quietly and slowly “Every time I’d talk about the stars or the moon, he’d twist my arm and give me friction burns…”

Kibum immediately reached over and grabbed Jonghyun’s fingers away from his wrist. This seemed to break Jonghyun out of his thoughts and he realized what he’d said. He quickly apologized.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that… he just… he wasn’t a nice guy.”

Kibum was unsure of what to say. Jonghyun had just randomly opened up to him about abuse in his past, and he actually felt worried for him, staring at his soulmate’s hand, that he was still holding, with concern.

Jonghyun was also looking at their hands. A slight smile appeared on his face as he continued. “Don’t worry. My mom left his a few months later and it’s been a lot better for us.” He pulled at his hand slightly, causing Kibum to release him.

“I’ve never really talked openly about space and the sky since then, though.” He shifted his weight, leaning back and gazing up at the sky, still smiling slightly. “I like to learn about it. I’ve read a few books on astronomy and astrology and stuff. My phone background is the night sky. It reminds me of endless possibilities, which is kinda inspiring to me, you know?”

He turned and looked curiously at Kibum. Kibum stared at him with his mouth slightly agape. He’d never had Jonghyun be this comfortable with him, or talk to him so openly or… nicely?

“I…” Kibum stumbled over his words, “I… only really know, like, the Big Dipper…”

Jonghyun chuckled, actually chuckled at him. He turned his body and balanced it so that he could face Kibum full on. He turned his face to the sky again, searching. When he found it, he leaned towards Kibum, who instinctively leaned away, his eyes locked on Jonghyun’s face, who was still looking at the sky, arm outstretched to point out something. When Jonghyun noticed Kibum’s reaction, he paused.

“I’m not going to do anything to you, I promise. I just want to show you something.”

He leaned in, again. Kibum sat frozen, still staring at his soulmate. He felt Jonghyun’s arm come to rest behind his back for balance. He only turned his face away when he realized that Jonghyun was genuinely going to lean all the way in. Their cheeks were less than an inch apart. Kibum’s heart was beating so hard, and he was pretty sure that if this fast breathing continued, he was going to fall off these monkey bars. He let his eyes travel up Jonghyun’s arm and towards the constellations.

“That’s the Big Dipper, right?” Jonghyun paused. Kibum nodded, seeing what Jonghyun was pointing at. “It’s actually part of a bigger constellation called Ursa Major.”

For the next ten or so minutes, Jonghyun would point out constellations and stars to Kibum and tell him information about them. Slowly, Kibum relaxed and was able to ask questions, instead of just nodding dumbly. He didn’t realize that the sky could so be interesting. Not just pretty to look at, but the actual mythology behind the stars was fascinating. Jonghyun was obviously passionate about it, and knew a lot. It was neat!

Kibum ran out of questions and his back was starting to ache. He stretched his arms forward, bumping lightly into the older boy as he did. Jonghyun carefully moved away. Kibum noticed him looking around, wondering what was coming next.

“Hey, do you want to go sit on the swings over there. It’s a little easier to sit over there.”

“Sure.”

Now on the swings, Kibum pushed himself lightly with is feet back and forwards, not really swinging much, but enough to give him a little movement. Jonghyun sat still, looking at nothing particular. Kibum wondered what he was thinking about now, but it didn’t take long for Jonghyun to speak.

“Were you and Minho ever in love?”

Kibum’s feet caught on the ground and he almost fell out of his swing, but he probably wouldn’t have noticed because he was laughing too hard at the question. Jonghyun was startled by his reaction and stared at him confused until Kibum was able to collect himself enough to talk.

“You think I’m in love with Minho???”

Jonghyun just nodded once.

“Why???”
“Well…” Jonghyun thought about his words before piecing his sentence together. “Maybe not now. I mean… just in the past.”

“No. No. Never ever ever ever ever evereverever.”

Jonghyun shifted his eyes around, blinking as he took in the information. “You just seem… really really close.”

“I’m 3 months older than Minho, and I’ve known him since I was 6 months old. We’ve lived next door to each other since then. Our parents are best friends. We’re best friends. That’s it.”

Jonghyun nodded slowly, obviously not convinced.

“You don’t believe me.”

“I mean… well… you’re reallyreallyclose….”

Kibum shifted in his seat, lacing his arms around the swing’s chains so that he could lean forward towards Jonghyun. “I don’t really owe you an explanation, you know,” he said quietly. He cocked an eyebrow at the older boy, who immediately shook his head.

“No, no, I know you don’t. I was just curious. I shouldn’t have pried.”

Kibum looked at him smugly and began swinging again. Jonghyun still sat in his swing, just staring at the ground and thinking.

“I met Jinki last year. We’re roommates at university.” As he spoke, Kibum kept swinging lightly. None of this needed comments from him. Jonghyun continued. “He was always studying. Like, if he wasn’t sitting at his desk in the room studying, he was in class, or in the library studying. It was kinda weird. I mean, I get wanting to do well, but he was doing it almost as if it were his sole purpose in life. He wasn’t eating very well, or sleeping much. We’re in different majors, so we don’t have the same stuff going on, but still. So, I just kind of forced him to come out with me and do normal things. He hated it at first.”

Jonghyun stopped to smile at the memory. “He’d complain that he was busy and he didn’t have time to make friends. I’m more stubborn than him, though. If he was studying in our room, I was right next to him doing something, as well. If he was in the library, I was sitting at the table with him. He got so annoyed. But I wore him down. I finally got him to admit to me that he felt like he needed to study and do really well because he had people depending on him. He felt like he had to be the best, but I think it was his own pressure, not from, like parents or anything like that. I think I managed to convince him that if he didn’t calm down, he’d have a real break down and then he really wouldn’t succeed. I found all these studies that said if you don’t give your mind a break, then you can’t study as well anyway. After that we became really close. He can’t argue with facts.”

Jonghyun’s grin began to fade as he continued. “I was pretty sure I was in love with him. I mean, I knew I wasn’t supposed to be, the whole countdown thing and all.” He gestured lightly at his forearm where the mark used to be. “But… there’s just something about Jinki to me. He’s really loyal and he’s always there for me exactly when I need him. He knows exactly what to say to me. He’s the one I go to.”

“He’s your Minho. He’s one of your soulmates.” Kibum spoke quietly, watching Jonghyun’s face. The older boy turned and gave him an outrageous look, which made Kibum snort with laughter. He searched for the right words before continuing. “I’ve always thought this whole soulmate thing was… stupid. I don’t think there’s a single person who is everything you need. I think you can have more than one soulmate, more than one person who knows you inside and out, who is a piece of yourself that you wouldn’t know what to do without. Minho is a piece of me. Taemin is a piece of me. And… you are, too, apparently. But, it will never be solely you. So, I think Jinki is one of your soulmates.”

Jonghyun’s incredulous look morphed into something almost hopeful. “You… you think I have more than one soulmate? And that Jinki is one of them?”

Kibum smiled and nodded. “He’s a piece of you.”

Jonghyun looked so small and actually happy, as if this had never crossed his mind. Kibum wasn’t surprised. Most people didn’t believe something like that anyway, but Kibum was convinced it was true.

Suddenly, the pleasant atmosphere was shattered by a crash behind them. They quickly turned around to see Taemin sprawled over a fallen trash can, with Jinki trying to pull him up while smacking him on the shoulder. Minho could barely be seen, as he was stood behind bush, but it was obvious he was trying, and failing miserably, to discreetly pull both Taemin and Jinki back behind the bush with him. Kibum smiled. He loved his stupid friends.