CHAPTER 9
⤫ AEON : END OF AN ERAChapter 9
Music show days were always long days, and Seokmin felt absolutely beat. It was 11PM when they’d finished eating with the staff and when he’d dropped the guys off at their dorm, and he was off to his own.
Even this late there still managed to be some traffic. He just wanted to go home, but it’d be a while yet. He couldn’t afford much on his manager’s salary and, while the company did subsidize a little bit, Seokmin was stuck with a tiny apartment quite on the outskirts of the city.
He was glad the promotional period was over too, at least it would mean a bit of a break. They still had schedules, but he shared that task with the other managers and he didn’t think there were any full days planned for at least a week. Some schedules here and there, but no festivals or concerts until next week. He’d be able to catch up on some sleep in between office hours and small schedules.
He was glad to be away from Yoonha for a bit too. She was… something. It was weeks like these that he wondered what Ahyoung was doing, their old stylist. Ah, it was far too late for that.Yoonha kept asking him about the contract renewal, as if he knew what was going on with the guys. As if they told him anything anymore.
Ah well. He deserved that, didn’t he?
The standard samsung ringtone startled him out of his thoughts. He connected it to his headset. “Hello?”
“Hey Seokmin,” the cheerful voice on the other side belonged to Jung Miran, head of scheduling and unofficial assistant to the CEO. She’s the one who oversaw all the interconnected departments nowadays. “Sorry for checking in this late.”
“No problem, I’m still stuck in traffic,” Seokmin said. “To what do I owe this pleasure? Any news?”
“I was going to ask you the same thing. Any news about the boys’ contract inclinations?”
Seokmin sighed. Everyone was asking him the same thing. “I’ve got nothing, Miran, I told you everything I knew last meeting. Has the CEO said anything about my suggestions?”
“His priority is on getting Chanhee to stick around, of course,” she said. Seokmin held in a laugh, good luck with that. He was well aware that Chanhee didn’t think highly of Helix, and had advised them on that, but the CEO seemed to think that loyalty and a reminder of what they could do for him would be enough to cut through the hundreds of grudges Chanhee was holding against them. Did they ever listen to him? Of course not. “While we’re holding off on auditions, considering the uncertain nature of his renewal, the CEO wants to go ahead with some solo fansigns.”
Seokmin drummed his fingers on the wheel of the car. The first drops of rain were hitting his windshield in soft thuds. Helix was wasting their time and effort and he knew it. Still, he supposed they could get some money selling tickets for the fansign. “What about Seunghoon and Jinyoung?” he asked. They were the ones the had actually advised the CEO to arrange a fansign or concert for, they’re the ones who were salvageable. Seokmin knew that Seunghoon loved music above all else, a mini-concert would remind him of the audience for said music. It might not be enough to get him to stay, but it would be a good reminder of his solo efforts under Helix. The circumstances surrounding that solo might not have been perfect, but Helix had supported him and made it possible.
“The CEO doesn’t think it’s necessary to give Jinyoung much incentive, considering his standing in the industry,” Miran said. That was fair, though Seokmin had hoped they would at least try and give him some schedules. “And with the way he’s been acting, well, even if the tickets would end up selling, he might still manage to it up for everyone involved.”
“He just needs to get back up his feet. How do you expect him to do that if you’re not giving him any opportunities to redeem himself?” Seokmin wasn’t sure why he was defending Jinyoung.
“We’ve given him opportunities before, Seokmin,” Miran said gently. “He should be thankful Helix is willing to offer him an extended contract at all at this point.”
“So what you’re telling me is you’re listening to exactly zero of my suggestions?” The rain was coming down in earnest now, ticking against the car from every angle as the soft squeak of the window wipers joined in on the acoustic. A suitable miserable evening, he thought.
“We’re in talks with a venue for a mini-concert for Seunghoon,” Miran said. “A one-day affair, two shows. See? We listen to you sometimes. We should get confirmation tomorrow so we can set that into motion.”
“Let me know as soon as possible so I can tell him,” Seokmin said. At least they’d listened to him there. “Anything for the other three?”
“You told us that wouldn’t be necessary so we haven’t been expending the same effort,” Miran said. “Their anniversary events should serve as a reminder, so they’ve just got their regular gigs and everything else will go as usual.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Seokmin said unhappily. He didn’t like any of this at all, and he was well aware that he was essentially helping the company manipulate them into staying, but he was also well aware that it was necessary. “You still up for drinks, tuesday?”
She sighed. “Maybe. PR has their hands busy with Seoyeon’s newest controversy and you know how competent they are.” Boy did he. “Someone has to oversee them and make sure they don’t make things worse. Prism is already doing bad enough without their help. I’ll let you know.”
“Take care, Miran.”
“You too, Seokmin.”
It was so hard not to refresh the page obsessively. Jinyoung knew that it wouldn’t do any good. He knew that it wouldn’t make their number rise magically if he refreshed 10 seconds after the last time he checked, but he couldn’t help it.
287.
The hairdresser tapped his shoulder. “Chin up, please.”
“Sorry.” He tore his eyes from Seokmin’s phone and looked in the mirror while the hairdresser attacked his head with combs and hairspray.
Another comeback week, another visit to the same old hairdresser’s salon at the other side of the city. It was criminally out of the way, and added a total hour of travel time to their already packed schedule. Jinyoung suspected it was the cheapest one Helix could have found.
The place itself hadn’t changed a bit. The same pastel walls, the same chattering hair stylists, the same pop music playing in a weak attempt to make the morning feel less early for all of them.
The same girls from their debut were there again too, he actually remembered their group name this time, Sistar, though he had no idea which of the four these were. Seems like they were promoting as a duo now. One of them was quite pretty, the other kind of had a squashed face that plastic surgery had tried to mend. He hoped for her that she had a good voice.
Next to him Youngbae was softly snoring in his chair while a hairdresser tried to work around it. Jinyoung’s stylist started working on the back of his head and he quickly grabbed the manager’s phone from the mirror stand and refreshed the page.
Still 287.
The stylist tapped him again. “You’re done. Bring the next one.”
Love you too, he thought sourly, as he got up from the chair and walked back to where the other guys were waiting. There was no need for her to be so rude, it was early for them too, and her career wasn’t flopping. Or maybe it had, maybe that’s why she was here.
Seunghoon and Chanhee were the only two who still hadn’t gotten their hair done, and that choice was easy to make. “Hyung, she wants you,” he told Chanhee, and sat down next to Seunghoon in the chair Chanhee left behind.
“We’re still 287,” he said, eyes once again looking at that chart number.
“Huh?” Seunghoon looked up as if he’d only just realized Jinyoung was here. It was odd, he’d been out of it for the past few days. Kept zoning out and was a pain to engage in any kind of conversation.
“Our chart position,” Jinyoung repeated. “It’s still 287.”
“Oh,” Seunghoon said. “I mean- that .”
“It does!” It was worse even than Paradise had done. Jinyoung didn’t understand why Seunghoon wasn’t as upset about this as he was. It wasn’t a big surprise, all of them had been apprehensive about this comeback and everything attached, but it still ing .
Joowon just sighed a few chairs over and made the universal stop talking gesture. Jinyoung glanced at the handful of other low profile idols and musicians around them. Right, they shouldn’t talk about how much of a colossal failure they were in public. Best keep that under wraps, like they didn’t have access to the music charts themselves.
Suddenly the phone started vibrating in his hand. Seokmin sprung up from a few seats away. “Give it here, I have to take that.” Jinyoung handed the phone over like it was a hot potato. At least the manager had allowed him to use it to check the charts, no matter how briefly.
When he got back to his seat Seunghoon was far away again, staring at a tile on the floor. Jinyoung sighed. “What’s gotten into you lately?”
Seunghoon blinked up again, apparently startled that Jinyoung was here even though he’d literally dropped into the seat five minutes ago. He smiled quickly. “Nothing,” he said. “I’m just tired, is all.”
Oh. Well that was alright, he supposed. It was 5AM after all, they were all tired. The fact that this was their first comeback stage and they’d been practicing for hours the day before wasn’t helping. Jinyoung dropped his voice close to a whisper. “Do you think this is gonna be it then? Our last comeback?”
“I don’t know,” Seunghoon said. “I think it’s too soon to tell. Aren’t there other options too? Would they drop us so quickly?”
Jinyoung raised his eyebrows. “The song debuted at 272 yesterday.”
“Then maybe yeah.” He sounded reluctant to talk. “I guess. Maybe this will be our last one”
That wasn’t what he’d wanted to hear either, that just made Jinyoung feel worse. And why was he so unresponsive about it all too? It was like Jinyoung had to pull the words out of him. Did he care nothing about their doom? Did he care nothing about the fact that their past 3 years together had been a waste of time for the both of them? It was Seunghoon’s career on the rocks too!
Fine then, if he didn’t want to talk then Jinyoung wouldn’t talk either. He leaned forward to lean his elbows on his legs, accidentally brushing Seunghoon’s arm in the progress. Seunghoon recoiled from the touch, looking alarmed at Jinyoung.
“Seunghoon, you’re up now,” Youngbae said, walking up to them unsteadily, still a little groggy from sleep.
A look of relief spread over his face as Seunghoon jumped up quickly and made his way to the stylist's chair.
What had just happened?
Youngbae just drifted right off to sleep next to him, head uselessly lolling forward. This left Jinyoung with only his thoughts for company. He wished he still had Seokmin’s phone, the constant checking of the charts at least provided something for him to do.
He kept hearing his dad’s voice in his head: In ten years you’ll regret having chosen this path. Mark my words, Jinyoung. In 10 years you look back and realize that you have wasted your life, and there will be nothing you can do about it.
He snorted, and Youngbae briefly stirred at the sound before drifting back to sleep. 10 years had been a generous estimate of his dad. Looked like it had only taken 4 years for his little pipe dream to implode and leave him with nothing.
He was still young, he supposed. He could still change career path, but what would he even do? He wasn’t good at anything except singing, he hadn’t even finished high school. He’d dropped it all to chase his dreams. No, he couldn’t give up, not after he put everything into this. He just had to succeed, one way or another.
God he was so tired. Maybe he should follow Youngbae’s example and just close his eyes for a little bit. Not sleep but just… rest them… there was nobody to talk to anyway. Just… for a moment...
“Hyung, wake up.”
Jinyoung startled awake to find Baekhyun gentle shaking him. “Huh?”
“Come on, we’re leaving.”
They were herded into the van again, this time with better hair than they’d come out of it, but equally sleepy faces. Jinyoung wasn’t sure when during the car ride he’d fallen asleep again, but when he opened his eyes again the M Countdown venue was coming into view and the sun was peeking out low between the buildings.
“I hope some of the fans show,” Youngbae said sleepily. “Maybe we’ll recognize some of them now.”
“It’s our first comeback stage,” Joowon said. “Some of them ought to have come out.”
“It’s a thursday morning, don’t they have school to go to?” Baekhyun wondered, looking at the throng of young girls and boys already gathering at the venue.
Jinyoung shrugged. “They skip, I guess.” He smiled at Baekhyun’s scandalized face, only the maknae would think it a big deal that some fans might be skipping school to see them. Baekhyun dropped out to pursue being an idol too, what was the big deal if others did the same thing to follow those idols?
“Come on, no dawdling,” Seokmin said. “You’re going to block the entrance of others.” Right, they couldn’t block any of the actual stars, that’d be rude now wouldn’t it? He shook his head. Stop this, he told himself. Just enjoy it.
He remembered when they’d just started, and the lack of response from the waiting fans was still something they could joke about. Only Chanhee still waved at the silent masses now, same old smile on his face..
287. That was bleak.
Everything else went as it usually went. Jinyoung noticed they were getting progressively tier waiting rooms, further and further from the stage.
Ahyoung was already waiting for them inside, busy unpacking her makeup and organizing the costumes. She smiled brightly when she saw them. “Good morning!” He noticed that she was really cute when she smiled. She was kind of tiny, and probably about Youngbae’s age, but nice. “Look at all of you looking smart already. I’ve got your costumes here, do you want to change into them now or wait until the rehearsals?”
“Change into them now,” Seokmin decided for them. “That way we can make a good and prepared impression on everyone. Remember you also have to visit your sunbaes and hand out CDs today. Don’t forget to sign them, and if you can write something personal then you’ll make an even better impression.”
“Who’s performing today?” Youngbae wondered.
Seokmin grabbed the schedule and took a look. “Sistar19, 4Minute, f(x), After School, Dal Shabet. Huh, lots of girl groups. U-KIss and Kim Tae Woo and Jay Park. Some others. Nobody all that important honestly, make a good impression on 4Minute and f(x) and Kim Tae Woo and that’s all who really matter. Stay away from Jay Park, we don’t want to be associated with him.”
“Hey, any press is any press at this point?” Chanhee offered. Seokmin just sighed and gave him a pointed look. Chanhee raised his hands. “Alright, alright, no Jay Park.”
“Do we get to do any segments today?” Baekhyun asked.
“Not that I can see on the schedule. Sistar19 gets to do the comeback interview and 4Minute gets a mission, but that’s it.”
So they were being passed up again, even for interviews. He could count on his hands the amount of times they’d been allowed to do a mission or be the comeback focus. Then again, how much attention could a group really expect to get when they came back at the same time as Big Bang or the debut of that other YG girl group everyone was hyping even though they were really ugly. Now even those Sistar nugus were higher on the list than they were.
At least 4Minute was around. He’d get to bask in his queens’ presence for a few minutes. Ugh, even that was soured by all of this, why would they even notice a group of a nobodies?
Ahyoung handed him a hanger of clothes engulfed in protective plastic. “I know you felt really uncomfortable during The Chaser promotions with your exposed chest, so I made sure that you only get full coverage this comeback.”
He bowed quickly. “Thank you noona.” He’d spent almost the entirety of their previous promotional cycle wearing different colored version of that same shirtless blazer and it had been awful. He tried his best to stay toned and to work hard during their mandatory gym sessions but he’d felt so uncomfortable actually having that exposed. It was stupid, it made him feel even more stupid for feeling that way (after all, why was he trying to get toned if he never actually showed it off?). What had been the point anyway, he’d still only had one fan of his own at the event. It wasn’t like his exposed chest had suddenly given him mountains of hormonal fangirls.
Ahyoung had worked well to give them each outfits that suited them. Youngbae had slightly looser pants since he ended up falling over trying to put on skinny jeans half the time. Jinyoung’s own chest was covered, passing the torch to Wonwoo who didn’t mind it anyway. They weren’t flashy, aside from Wonwoo’s sparkly vest… jacket… thing, but they were comfortable, and he liked the fact that, for the most part, they were slightly more color coded clothes they might have worn on a normal day. They didn’t stand out with awful fashion like with Wow, where he’d felt so embarrassed going around to greet other idols in their ridiculous getup. He could attempt to speak in the presence of his queens without also wanting to melt into the ground with embarrassment. Well… at least the minimum amount of wanting to melt into the groundnwtih embarrassment.
Though he supposed part of the normalcy of their outfits surely must have come from budget reasons on Ahyoung’s part. That realization soured the deal.
The stylist went on to attack their faces with makeup one by one while the others waited. Jinyoung ended up sitting on the ground in the corner with Seunghoon since the changing room wasn’t quite big enough and most of the couch space was being taken up by discarded clothing or a sleeping Youngbae.
Jinyoung glanced over at his friend, not for the first time that day. Seunghoon seemed out of it again, staring at the ground between his feet and not paying any mind to the others. Jinyoung sighed, a little theatrically, and glanced over again to see if Seunghoon had noticed. No dice. He nudged him. “Hey. You okay?”
Seunghoon glanced over with wide (well, wide-ish) eyes. “Y-yeah,” he said quickly. “Why wouldn’t I be? I’m fine. I’m good. I’m okay.”
“Tired?”
“Yeah. Tired,” He smiled briefly before it disappeared again. “Exactly.”
Jinyoung sighed again as silence stretched on. He’d seen tired Hoonie before, but he’d still make time to talk and make all the waiting around more bearable. He honestly felt kind of abandoned. He looked around the room but there wasn’t really anyone he’d rather talk to. Joowon was alright, but usually busier keeping track of everything and doing leader things. Youngbae was an idiot, honestly. Chanhee was… not as bad as he used to be. Maybe he’d try to talk to Chanhee, at least Chanhee never dismissed his complaints.
“Hey Jin?”
For once Jinyoung was the one who was started. He hadn’t expected Seunghoon to say anything more. “Yeah?”
“If, ehm. If something was bothering you… you’d tell me… right?” Seunghoon had lowered his voice to nearly a whisper, glancing nervously around the rest of the room.
“Eh. Yeah. Of course.” Well, wouldn’t he? He hadn’t quite told Seunghoon everything about what his dad had said, but that was a personal thing. An embarrassing personal thing. Other than that, well, he thought so? Maybe? “Why? Is there something you want to tell me?”
“No!” He said quickly. “I mean, no. I just. I was just asking.” Seunghoon rubbed his hands on his pants. He was going to end up staining them like this, but Jinyoung didn’t think it was the time to admonish him.
More silence. Did Seunghoon think that Jinyoung was angry with him or something? Was that why he asked? Well, it wasn’t like nothing was bothering him, and he tried not to drag the others down with his constant worries, but he didn’t think it was a secret that he didn’t feel good about this comeback either. He’d talked to Seunghoon about it after all, so that couldn’t be it.
“Is there something I did?” He ended up asking, when he couldn’t handle the silence any more.
“No!” Seunghoon quickly shook his head, eyes wide again. “No, no, you’re great-” he stopped himself. “I mean. It’s nothing, it was just a stupid though is all.”
He wondered if he should just leave things alone. This whole exchange wasn’t helping his own nerves either. He was relieved when Ahyoung called him into the makeup seat. He patted Seunghoon’s knee. “That’s me.”
Seunghoon went stiff at Jinyoung’s casual pat on the knee. He breathed out slowly, relaxing just a wee bit. Why was he like this? Jinyoung was his friend. Nothing had changed. Nothing was different. It was just a touch. Relax, Hoon.
There he went, chasing away his only friend. Seunghoon watched Ahyoung working on Jinyoung’s makeup while he chatted with Chanhee. He felt like such a failure. He was trying to act like he did before, he was trying to stop thinking about everything just be himself, but he couldn’t stop thinking.
He felt… wrong. Bad. Chafing in his own skin. He wasn’t even sure. He rubbed his arms. He couldn’t stop thinking about the recording day, the… festival. Couldn’t stop thinking about that pull, that want…
No. Nope. Not going there. Not thinking that. Anything but that.
Wonwoo was giving him a questioning look. Seunghoon’s heart beat faster. He’d know, he was sure he could see. But what could he see? Nothing. Nothing at all. There is nothing to see. Nothing was wrong.
His hands were getting clammy again. He rubbed them on the checkered pants Ahyoung had given him. Streaks were already forming on the fabric. Stop it. Stop it. Stop thinking.
He felt so stifled. He just wanted to be alone right now, try to figure things out, but instead he was swept away in the familiar whirlwind of comeback promotions. Maybe it was for the better. He had no time to stop and think during comeback promotions. Just keep working, practicing, performing. Don’t think. Stop thinking.
“Come on Seunghoon,” Ahyoung called him over. “Let’s get some eyeliner on there, shall we?” He was glad for the excuse to stop thinking and got into the chair. Next to him Jinyoung and Chanhee were still talking. He tried to just focus on overhearing their conversation and not think too much.
“What do you mean you don’t really like Sohyun?” Jinyoung demanded, affronted.
“She seems nice enough but she’s not really my type,” Chanhee said. “I like someone with a bit more fire, you know?”
“She has fire!”
“Come on.”
“What about Jihyun then?”
“Jihyun’s cool I guess. I don’t know man, 4Minute isn’t really my cup of tea,” Chanhee shrugged. “I’d much prefer f(x), have you seen Victoria? Now that’s a noona who could probably fight someone. Their songs are catchier too.”
Jinyoung gasped. “What’s catchier than chingaling chingaling chingaling hai?!”
They continued like that for a while, going over various girl groups, with Jinyoung being noticeably more passionate about the subject than Chanhee was. Meanwhile Ahyoung caked his face in the usual products. Foundation, some other skin colored but not quite skin colored junk Seunghoon had no idea about, some eyeshadow, and finally eyeliner. It was like putting on a mask.
“And we’re done,” Ahyoung said, leaning back to admire her work. “That’s all of you for today. Please, Please don’t touch your face. And definitely don’t touch your face and then touch your clothes, Seunghoon I’m looking at you.”
“Sorry noona,” he muttered.
“And Joowon, I don’t care how cute you think someone is, do not rub their head.”
Joowon laughed and saluted. “Ma’am, yes ma’am!”
Seokmin started getting them ready to hand out CDs to their sunbaes, writing the name of each of them on a post-it note and handing them around the group to sign them. It was their comeback week so there were a lot of CDs to sign, Seunghoon let the methodical action of putting the pan to the cardboard over and over again take his mind away. Just focus on the pen. Focus on the cardboard.
It was all standard stuff, they didn’t know anyone well enough for a personal signing. Some familiar names came up. Sistar, 4Minute, f(x), and UKISS were those they’d exchanged with before. It wasn’t uncommon for names and faces to come by often, the industry wasn’t all that big after all, though none of them really bothered much with Aeon. He’d only really talked to a few of them for more than a minute. He was grateful for that now, it was hard enough to look fine around the others in the group.
“You should go as a group this time,” Seokmin said. “You’re all ready anyway. It will make a good impression. Here,” he handed out the CDs, including one or two spares in case they’d forgotten someone, or someone senior requested a second one and they couldn’t refuse.
Seunghoon tagged along quietly. He didn’t much feel like talking, so he stayed back and bowed when required, letting the rest of the group take the lead in the talking department. Chanhee goaded Jinyoung to tomato-status before the door to 4Minute’s domain, Youngbae made some small talk with Sistar19 who’d debuted on the same day, Joowon exchanged some jokes with Kim Tae Woo with enviable comfort. Seunghoon just let it all go past him.
He didn’t even notice when he’d lost them. Somewhere in the hallway filled with staff going to and fro and performers loitering and managers stressing, Seunghoon had lost the others.
He considered just going back to the change room instead of actively looking, but he thought Seokmin would be disappointed to find him back alone and he didn’t really want to be the cause of that disappointed face of his. So he kept going, trying to weave through the people and find the group.
Just as he walked past one of the doors opened. A guy looked out, obviously an idol by his light brown dyed hair, white pants, tight v-neck shirt, and ridiculously improbably cut brown coat. Definitely an idol. Seunghoon couldn’t help but notice how tight that shirt was, how well it defined the guy’s chest. He briefly felt envious, but then his heart caught in his throat. That wasn’t what that feeling was about, was it?
The guy noticed him staring and frowned. “Eh, hello? Are you alright?”
Seunghoon felt his face flush and panic build up. He bowed deeply to the guy, if only to hide his face. “I’m so sorry.” He didn’t know how quickly to turn around and walk away, anywhere at all. Anywhere but here. Oh god what had he- what? Why?
He had no idea where he was going. When he calmed down enough to actually pay attention to his surroundings, he found he was in a deserted corridor. Half of the ceiling lights were turned off, throwing the hallway into shadow.
At the very end of the hallway was a door, the light above it flickering ominously. A trickle of Smoke was coming from below the door. Hadn’t he seen something like this before? He approached, curious against better judgment, tense as a spring. The paper on the door said ‘Lim Eunha’, which sounded familiar but he just couldn’t place it.
He knocked on the door.
“Come in,” a slightly husky female voice answered him.
He opened the door. The movement displaced a wave of smoke that had been curling lazily on the floor of the dressing room. As if on cue, the smoke machine coughed out another puff of smoke.
Sitting on a worn couch was a woman dressed in all black, the only colour coming from her long, electric blue hair framed by a big black floppy hat. The blue was new, but Seunghoon recognized that face. Hadn’t he met her before?
“I know you,” she said. Apparently the feeling was mutual. “Aren’t you that kid who came to give me an album a year ago? Your group was something time-related…. Don’t tell me I’ll remember… Aeon, was it?”
Right! He remembered now, she had been as creepy then as she was now. Come to think of it, there had been a smoke machine then too. Did she just travel everywhere with a smoke machine? He bowed deeply. “I… eh…” did he have an album? Right he had an album! “I came to give you our latest album, sunbae. Wait, how do you know what Aeon means?” He sure hadn’t known what it meant until Seokmin had explained.
“I know my English,” she said. “So… Seunghoon was it?”
“Yes, noona.”
“Aren’t you going to give me your album?”
“Right!” Seunghoon remembered he was holding one. “Do you want me to make it personal?”
“If you don’t mind.”
Oh now he’d done it, he didn’t know the first thing about her, other than the fact that she was really intimidating, really liked black apparently, and had an affinity for smoke machines. Speaking of. “Is that machine supposed to go off?”
She laughed. “Heavens, no. It seems to be malfunctioning, my manager has gone to alert the staff.”
“D-does that happen to you often?” he couldn’t help asking, stalling.
She raised her eyebrows. “Are you asking me if smoke machines often malfunction around me?”
“No no! Well. Eh. Yes I guess.” now he’d done it. “I mean, it was like that when we met last time too. It just, you know, it’s kind of a weird coincidence.”
Eunha laughed softly. “Well I don’t go around shrouding myself in fake smoke for the effect, though come to think of it, that wouldn’t be a bad idea. Have you considered that it could be you? Maybe you trigger the smoke machine.”
Seunghoon laughed too. “I hadn’t thought of that! Maybe we should keep an eye out for smoke so we know when we’ll meet each other again.” He looked around for a place to lean the album while he wrote on it (thank god for Seokmin’s insistence on preparedness that he’d brought that sharpie).
She patted the seat on the sofa next to her. “Sit down, you don’t have to keep standing.”
“Oh. Okay.” Seunghoon wasn’t sure if he should be alone in the room with a female idol, or was she an artist? He wasn’t sure. Seokmin would probably give him an earful for this, but honestly he was kind of having a good time. A weird time, but kind of a good weird time. “What’s your song about this time?”
“It’s called Going Crazy,” she said, smiling cheekily. “This one isn’t about the idol industry either, but it still might as well be, don’t you think?”
Seunghoon snorted. “You could say that again.”
“Look at you! Last time I made that joke I remember you going white as a sheet! Not a rookie anymore, are you?”
“You can say that again. I like your hair, it looks good with all the black you wear.”
“Thank you, I like it too. Your hair looks much better than it did before either, you no longer look like someone attacked your head with a rusty shaver.”
She was so honest about it, Seunghoon could only laugh. “Thank you! I think it’s a big improvement too. Tell me about your song, noona.”
“It’s about domestic abuse,” she said. “My part is that of the abused, and my featuring rapper, Kim Namhoon, portrays the part of the obsessed abuser.”
“Woah! That’s really interesting!” That was such a cool topic to create a song about!
Eunha nodded sagely. “I’m very thankful for my company for letting me pursue this direction in my music. I try to write and sing about stories that should be heard, even if it doesn’t land me in the top 100.”
“We didn’t even land in the top 250,” Seunghoon said. “And we’re just doing love songs.” He hadn’t even thought of the possibility of using music to tell other stories than the usual pop song topics. “You’re already doing better than we are.”
She laughed. “Are you proposing a who’s-doing-the-worst competition?”
“Oh no, eh, that wasn’t what I intended at all-”
“It’s okay. Tell me about your song, Seunghoon.”
“It’s not very interesting,” he said. “Or all that good, really. It’s kind of y because our company has given up on us, I guess.” He made a face and slumped against the back of the sofa. “I don’t feel very good at the whole y routine honestly, and the others think the company’s going to drop us soon.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Eunha said. “It’s a dog eat dog industry, isn’t it? You either stand out, or you fade away.”
Seunghoon nodded. “It is.”
“Do you want to fade away?”
“I don’t know,” Seunghoon said. “It might make things easier, but it also means that I spent the last few years working for nothing, and I don’t even know what else I can do with my life. And I definitely do not want to go back home to my parents and the farm.”
“Ah, a farm boy huh?”
Seunghoon felt his face flush. “Eeeeh yeah, sorry, I didn’t mean to just unload like that.”
She laughed. “Don’t be so quick to apologize for having feelings, Seunghoon. I asked, didn’t I?”
“I’m so- eh…” he cleared his throat. “Will.. do?”
“Better. Now where is that idiot manager of mine? Or that idiot rapper.”
He knew he should get back to the group, they were probably wondering where he was, but he’d much rather stay here and talk to Lim Eunha some more. She wasn’t so scare after all. Still weird, just not scary.
Eunha glanced at him. “You should probably get back to your group, shouldn’t you?”
He sighed. “Yeah, I should. Let me sign your album.”
To Lim Eunha. I look forward to the next time the smoke machine malfunctions. -Kim Seunghoon
“Do you have an album as well?”
She shook her head. “It’s only a digital single. The company doesn’t have that much faith in me. If you give me your email, I’ll send you a copy.”
“Okay!” He turned to his page in the photo book and scribbled his email address at the bottom. “I’ll see if I can sneak backstage to listen to your song.”
“I’ll do the same,” She said with a kind smile. “Thank you for your album and the company, Seunghoon. Don’t be a stranger. If ever the smoke bellows from this room, come say hi won’t you?”
Seunghoon bowed. “Will do, noona.”
As he closed the room behind him, taking a new wave of smoke out with him, he saw a stressed-looking middle-aged man hurry up at the room giving him a weird look. Seunghoon just wordlessly bowed to what he assumed was the manager as he kept walking back.
Halfway to his room he met another hurrier, a tall guy with nerdy glasses and a combination of crumpled clothes he grabbed from the ground and clothes that Seunghoon imagined wouldn’t look out of place in a try hard hip hop MV. To top that off, he had an undercut that was permed to hell and back, so it looked like he had something of an afro mohawk. It was… an interesting sight. Seunghoon wagered the guy looked worse than he had done at debut, and that was a bold statement. “Oh, hey, eh hi!” The guy waved at Seunghoon to stop. “Do you know where Lim Eunha’s waiting room is? I’ve been running around in circles and nobody seems to know. Half of them don’t even know who she is, don’t they know what acts are performing?”
“She’s at the end of the hall, the last door on the right,” Seunghoon said. “Look for the smoke.”
“The… smoke?”
He smiled. “You’ll know it when you see it. Trust me.”
“Thank you!” The guy bowed again and smiled, deep dimples marking his cheeks and Seunghoon’s heart skipped a beat. “Sunbae?”
“I have to go,” Seunghoon said, smile slipping off his face like wax. “Good luck,” he managed to mumble before bolting. He didn’t know how quickly to turn his back on the guy and get back to the waiting room. Just like that, the band-aid fell off and he was right back where he started.
It was already their last week of promotions for Standing Still. Wonwoo was kind of glad that the music show performances would be over now. He liked performing well enough, but Standing Still was far from his favorite. The dance was even more repetitive and kind of boring than any of the other songs they’d practiced, and he wasn’t that fond of his styling either. So, the end of the promotional period was a welcome thing.
He knew others didn’t quite agree. Well, it was more complicated than that. They were tired, he was pretty sure all of them were tired. Promotional periods were exhausting as it was, with the constant getting up at the crack of dawn and getting home past dusk. It didn’t matter that the ways were mostly filled with waiting, that didn’t make all of this less taxing. Then there were the days filled with practice to perfect the dance, the days in the week when they didn’t have recordings. He supposed those days were supposed to be filled with promotions, so they honestly had much less to do than regular idols. He wondered how they managed, Wonwoo was exhausted as it was.
The rooms had become quieter and quieter too. Wonwoo noticed how their moods had dropped throughout the weeks. Youngbae was less animated, he mostly just slept a lot, or otherwise talked to Baekhyun with much less of that usual spark. Joowon argued more with Seokmin by the day. Seunghoon had been off and quiet since promotions started. Jinyoung was more irritated and easily set off into bouts of moodiness. Chanhee just complained a lot, mostly about the company’s incompetence, what Wonwoo suspected was the only punching bag that he dared hit over and over, as long as they were out of range of the actual company. Baekhyun was the only one who was trying to keep positive, but there was only so much one could tug on a rope attached a stubborn rock formation.
As for Wonwoo himself? He wasn’t sure. He was mostly just tired. So yeah, he was okay with the upcoming end of the promotions, even if he knew that if it were up to Joowon or Chanhee or Jinyoung they’d keep throwing those sticky rubber kids toys at the ceiling hoping one would become a permanent fixture. To Wonwoo that just seemed like a waste of energy that could be spent on other things.
He hadn’t had any modelling gigs for a while either. He hoped they hadn’t already forgotten about him, he liked doing those.
At least today’s rehearsals had gone quickly. He was happy about that, though Joowon had argued with Seokmin about it. He thought that they were getting shafted, that the camera crew was hardly putting any effort into telegraphing their shots. Wonwoo figured it wouldn’t matter much in the end anyway. People would have to be watching for bad camera work to be noticeable.
Huh. Maybe Chanhee or Jinyoung was rubbing off on him.
The door opened and the head of a very familiar 13 year old girl poked around the corner. "Nice, I found it!"
“Youngji?!” Wonwoo almost fell of the sofa. “What are you doing here?!”
“If my dumb brother won’t visit me, well, I’ll have to visit him don’t I?” She waved at the others, most of whom were staring at her with mouth agape. “Hiya.”
Wonwoo sighed. “Everyone, this is my little sister Youngji.”
To his relief, she actually bowed, albeit quickly. “No need to introduce yourselves,” she said. “I know who you are.”
Seokmin’s mouth opened and closed before he shook his head. “How did you even get in here?”
She shrugged. “I climbed in through a window.”
“Youngji!”
“They really need to tighten up security around here,” she said with a devilish smile. “It’s really lax. What if someone unsavory got in?”
“Youngji, you can’t just break into buildings.” He couldn’t believe this was an actual thing that was happening right now. “Even when I’m here, that’s still illegal.”
“I haven’t seen or heard from you in weeks, the only indication that you’re alive has been music shows,” she argued. “And honestly, those get kind of boring to watch. It’s always the same and the music is so noisy.”
“What about ours?” Joowon asked. “Do you think ours is noisy too?”
“Well yeah I mean you’re still making pop music.” She made a face. “The girls in my class love it though. Hey do you think I could get an autograph from B2ST? I’d be set for life, and at least their song is kinda nice. I like the version with the classical instruments.”
Wonwoo sighed. “No we’re not going to go get an autograph from B2ST sunbaes.”
“You’re no fun.”
“Why don’t you take our autographed album?”
“Come on, I love you oppa but that won’t get me anywhere with the cliques.”
True, but ouch. “You’re going home right now.”
“What? No! Do you know how long it took to climb through that window? Come on, let me stay for a bit. I’ve never seen any kind of backstage stuff ever!”
Wonwoo glanced at Seokmin with what he hoped was a pleading expression, though he wasn’t sure if he was pleading for Seokmin to back him up or for him to let her stay. The manager sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fine. Fine. She can stay, but only for an hour, okay?”
“Does that mean I get to see the recording?” She sat up eagerly.
“No, we’re performing live today,” Wonwoo said.
“We might be able to get her a spot in the audience,” Joowon said. “As our fan.” He looked at Seokmin. “Hyung, could you make that happen?”
“You want me to talk to the fanclub representative?” Seokmin asked, looking like he’d rather eat his own hand. “I’m not even sure if you have one.”
“We do!” Youngbae interjected. “The president came to the fansign, though she said it was a very small club. She was nice if slightly creepy.”
“I doubt our audience slots sell out,” Chanhee said. “But if they do then you can just offer someone our autographs if she can sneak into the line.”
Seokmin sighed a defeated man. “I suppose I can do that for you. Wait here and do not leave the room, okay?”
Chanhee grinned as soon as Seokmin had left, and turned to Youngji. “You wanna watch some of that awful music live?”
“Hell yes! But I’ll cheer for B2ST the entire time.”
Chanhee grasped his heart. “You wound me!”
“Come on Wonwoo,” Ahyoung beckoned him to the chair and started attacking his face with makeup while Youngji chatted with Chanhee and Baekhyun. She looked like she’d grown in only the few months since he’d seen her for the holidays. It was hard to remember, sometimes, that she was was only 13. Especially when she was acting like this. Still, surprisingly, she fit right in. Even Jinyoung was scooching closer to talk, all three of them hanging onto her every word as she lightheartedly talked about some childish middleschool drama she didn’t have time.
“Man, life would be so much easier if we all just accepted each other as equals,” Youngji said. “Instead of excluding and bullying whenever they need to feel powerful. I’ve been trying to help but I can’t really do much on my own.”
“Do you want us to come and intimidate them?” Chanhee offered. “We could come over and bust some moves and Wonwoo and Youngbae hyung could flex their bicepts. Foolproof.”
Youngji laughed. “I doubt that would impress anyone.”
“I don’t know,” Wonwoo added from his chair. “Have you see hyung’s arms?” Youngbae did a demonstrative flex on cue.
“Yes, but have you seen a vicious pack of teenage girls?” Youngji offered in return.
Youngbae stopped flexing immediately. “Teenage girls are terrifying.”
Youngji nodded sagely. “They are.”
“What you really have to tell someone who’s being bullied,” Chanhee started. “Is to fight the system from within. Fight malice with success, find a way into the fold and grow better than they are.”
“That’s easier said than done, though.”
“It is, but it’s the only way to survive the middle school jungle. You gotta be better than them and learn to let whatever they say roll right off of you.”
“But if everyone is busy being better than everyone else, when will they have time to actually be people. That sounds awful, as if kids need to acclimatize to corporate culture even sooner.”
Joowon whistled. “Big words for a little girl, I approve.”
“I had a spelling test a few days ago.”
“Well it worked for me,” Chanhee said, and Wonwoo could swear he detected something approaching a pout, if only for a millisecond.
“How about you?” Youngji scooched closer to Jinyoung. “How did you survive middle school?”
“I found something I was good at,” Jinyoung said with a shrug. “Better than anyone else at the school. I focused on that.”
“What was that?”
“Singing.” He smiled. “And now here we are.”
“I had Jin- eeeeeh-” Youngbae grew beet red. “A friend.”
“Hey don’t look at me,” Joowon said, when Youngji’s questioning gaze found him. “I joined the military as soon as I graduated high school. Middle school is a war zone. Music helped though.”
Youngji’s gaze next went to Baekhyun. “Middle school was fine for me,” he said. “I had a lot of friends, it was fun.”
She squinted at him. “That bothers me even more than the others. Nobody thinks middle school is fun.”
Wonwoo saw her trying to initiate any kind of eye contact with Seunghoon, like a pokemon trainer waiting to issue a challenge, but the guy was completely out of it. “What about you?” Youngji finally said, giving up on the non-verbal communication.
Chanhee nudged Seunghoon, who seemed to come back to reality. “Huh, what?”
“How did you survive middle school?”
Seunghoon looked even more confused for a moment before the question registered. “Oh. Eh. I just kind of waited for it to be over and didn’t pay much attention,” he said. “It was a really small school and kind of boring.”
Youngji sighed. “So what you’re saying is: all of you were a mess. Man, how did you survive to adulthood?”
“Youngji,” Wonwoo warned. Her cheek was all good and well around him, but he didn’t want her to insult his friends within an hour of meeting them.
“It’s alright,” Joowon said. “So how are you going to help your friend?”
Youngji leaned her chin on her hand and sighed deeply. “I don’t know, I’ll figure something out. Maybe get the school involved in an anti-bullying program? That could work.”
Seokmin got back to the room. “I got you a spot in the recording, but the fanclub president has to write a number on your hand and she would not let me do it. I swear, she’s harder to work with than the CEO. Do you know how to get to the entrance from here?”
“Not really,” Youngji said. “I mean I came in through a bathroom window.”
Wonwoo choked on his own spit and burst out coughing. “It was a bathroom window?!” He managed to croak out.
Youngbae laughed. “That’s impressive! Aren’t those tiny?”
Youngji twirled and smiled sweetly. “So am I.”
“Come on, I’ll take you to the entrance.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Seokmin asked. “Do you really want to go out where those girls are? There’s only about 15 but they still creep me out.”
“Shouldn’t you be the one who says what’s a good idea and what not?” Youngji said. “Authority figure and all.”
Wonwoo all but pushed Youngji out of the room. “I’ll be fine, be back soon!”
“So what do I have to do to get the B2ST album you must have received from them?”
Wonwoo sighed. “Youngji, you know I appreciate your honesty, but you need to filter yourself.”
She made a face. “You sound like mom and dad.”
“Sometimes they’re right.”
“They’re good influences, you know.”
It took Wonwoo a moment to realize what she meant. “What makes you think that?”
“You seem, I don’t know, better,” she said. “Better than how it used to be.”
“How vague.” Wonwoo frowned, what did she mean better than how he was before? That begged questions about what she really thought of him before. Why didn’t he have a normal younger sister again? One who loved her oppa and maybe did aegyo and talk about what new boygroup she was obsessed with, instead of this creature who dreamt of anti-bullying militias, told his friends they were a bunch of messes, and looked through him like he was made of cellophane.
“It’s the best I can do.”
“Well. Thanks anyway.” He hadn’t thought about changing. He supposed that wasn’t really something someone thought about themselves without outside encouragement. “I think I agree.”
It was way too soon when they rounded the corner and ran until legions of fangirls and boys. In front of the entrance to the broadcasting station were all manner of fans waiting, some with banners, others with clipboards. They were lined up and looked about ready to march into the building and claim their seats. Collective breaths were held at the sight of someone so obviously in performance clothes and makeup, and Wonwoo felt very aware at the deep V of his blazer, but then the breaths were released in disappointed sighs when they realized he wasn’t anyone they were waiting for.
It took some searching to find the handful of fans who had turned up for Aeon, but when they did Wonwoo knew immediately why Seokmin had been so reluctant to return. It was a stocky girl, a few years older than Youngji but probably not out of high school yet, and in her eyes was a look of singular determination and devotion. Wonwoo could feel the energy burning behind those eyes, like she was ready to prove that she was three times more devoted to make up for the size of the fanbase.
He bowed to her. “Hello I’m Aeon’s Primo,” he said, a well-rehearsed line. He could see the eyes of her and the handful of fans go wide. “This here is my little sister, Cha Youngji. Please take care of her and let her watch the recording with you.”
“M-may I take a photo with you? A-and could you sign my album?” the girl asked. And Wonwoo reluctantly agreed, which of course spiralled into every single one of the fans present requesting a photo opportunity while the various fans of others groups watched on with looks of jealousy.
It took half an hour to take a photo with every single one of the fans present, but Wonwoo actually hadn’t minded it much. It was kind of nice to see the fans up close and thank them for coming. He didn’t think he was supposed to do this, and he’d seen security look at him unsure if they should do something about it, but he didn’t care. He’d seen Youngji’s look of amusement too while he made the umpteenth (well, more like fifteenth) v-sign at a phone camera, or grabbed another album to quickly sign with a few nice words, but it was still nice.
He bowed to them again when he was done. “I’m sorry, I have to go inside and get ready for the performance,” he said. “Thank you all for coming here to see us and standing outside for so long just to support us. We appreciate all of you so much. We’ll try to host a fansign soon so we can see you all again!” He was met with squeals from the girls. “I have to go now, take care and wait for our performance!
“Oppa, are you sure you don’t have time for one more photo?” Youngji asked innocently.
“Bye Youngji!”
He laughed to himself while he retreated back inside the building. She’d been laughing at him getting overwhelmed by the fans, but he’d be the one who’d laugh last. See if she could have a moment of quiet now that they knew she was his sister. Revenge was sweet.
But hey, even if there were only 15 of their fans now, even if that number had shrunk with every performance, it had still been nice to see them. Put a face to them. Wonwoo found that he was grinning by the time he re-joined the others.
The cafe’s bell chimed as he threw open the door. “Good morning!” Chanhee was in an excellent mood this morning. It was the monday after promotions ended, he’d got to sleep a decent amount of hours for the first time in over a month, and he finally had time to visit the usual cafe again.
Hyeran was behind the counter brewing some coffee. She was wearing her usual apron over simple clothes and had her long hair twisted into a hair clip, though strands were already escaping it and framing her face with messy perfection. In other worse, stunning as usual. She only spared a glance his way. “Oh it’s you. I thought you’d finally moved somewhere far away.”
Chanhee grinned and leaned on the counter. “No such luck I’m afraid.”
“Look who finally learned how to obey opening hours though. I’m almost proud of you.”
“Almost?”
“I would be prouder if it wasn’t basic human decency. The usual?” She held the coffee can up and his stomach growled in answer. “And some toast?”
Should he? Well why not? Comeback period was over, he had nothing to lose! “Hit me up with some toast, you wicked temptress.”
“It’s not the most balanced of breakfast,” she said while grabbing some bread that would soon become the infused with honey and sugar and so much goodness. “What happened to that diet of yours?”
Chanhee leaned his chin on his hand and smurked. “Aaaw, you do care, Hyeran. I’m flattered!”
“You’re one of our only customers,” she said, a cheeky smile tugging at her lips. “Can’t afford to lose your money. And you will be paying, you freeloader.”
Chanhee gasped. “Freeloader? Me?”
“Now now Hyeran,” Coffee ahjumma came from the little office. “Chanhee doesn’t have to pay, he’s practically family!”
Hyeran rolled her eyes. “He’s a repeat customer.”
Soonah winked at Chanhee. “For now.”
“Mooom,” Hyeran whined. “Please leave oh my god!”
Soonah ignored her daughter and focused on Chanhee. “How are you doing dear? Are you eating well? You got so skinny again, they have to feed you more.”
Chanhee nodded at the toast being toasted. “I will soon don’t worry. Hyeran is taking care of it.”
Soonah nodded her approval at Hyeran and turned to the toast. Hyeran glared at Chanhee. Chanhee just smiled at her and wiggled his eyebrows. Man he’d missed this.
One finished honey toast later, and a Coffee Ahjumma safely back in the little office, and Chanhee turned to Hyeran. She was trying very hard to pretend he wasn’t there. “So you’re really not going back to university are you?”
She looked at him like he was crazy. “I’m not. What’s it to you?”
“Nothing, I was just curious, meant no offense,” he said between bites of toast. “So then what are you plans for the future?”
“Help my parents out with the cafe until they want to retire, then it’ll be mine,” she said. “Probably won’t take too long, what with my mother’s daily complaints, and my dad’s already at home most of the time. I already do all of the finances and man the place,” she glanced back at the little office and laughed. “I don’t even know what mom’s doing back here half the time, honestly.”
“Do you think the cafe will hold on that long?”
“Oh, don’t worry, I have plans for it. I’m just waiting for the old ones to leave it alone before I can work on turning this cafe into the most popular cafe in mapo-gu.” She had a far-away look in her eyes for a moment before she seemed to snap back to reality and frowned. “Why are you asking?”
“No reason,” he said. “It’s curious that you don’t seem to have a lot of ambition, but maybe I was wrong there.” He’d been thinking a lot about his own future himself, what with, well, everything that could go wrong going wrong for the group. He wondered if he could ever be satisfied just being a cafe owner the rest of his life. It seemed like a boring and bleak existence. He supposed for every national superstar there had to be dull owners of coffee shops.
“What about you, then? If you’re so ambitious, what do you want in life?”
Chanhee grinned and wiggled his eyebrows some more. “Oh I want everything it has to offer.” He wondered, briefly, how many wiggles it would take for him to be able to sign off on his daily exercise.
“Ugh.” She made a face. “You’re the worst.”
“Always eager to please,” Chanhee joked. “Anyway, I’ll take just one coffee to go this time, the others can it.” He was going straight back to the dorm to do some cleaning (nobody cleaned in the weeks of comeback promotions, it was kind of a disgusting mess). He’d volunteered to do it, the hour or two of solitude would be nice after being cooped up with those idiots 24/7. He wasn’t saying he’d walked the half hour here just for the toast but….
He accepted the coffee and slipped her the money. “Keep the change, someone has to keep this place up and running.”
“You are literally the worst human being on this planet.”
“See you tomorrow!” He waved and stepped out of the shop back into the clear may day. Even the sun was shining on this wonderful day.
He took his sweet sweet time walking back to the dorm, sipping on his coffee as he went. The longer he could stretch this cleaning job, the later he could justify joining them for more useless practice. Helix wasn’t even given them singing or dancing lessons anymore, it was really just going through the paces for the sake of it all. Chanhee much rather just took it easy until they’d get their next song and dance. Then he’d put in the work again.
The coffee was, regrettably, finished by the time he got back to the dorm. He tossed it in the bin outside and got into the house. Man it was bad, dust everywhere, takeout boxes and empty instant noodle cups piling up next to the overflowing trash can. God, they were animals.
First thing’s first, everything had to air out. He didn’t remember the last time they’d just opened the windows for longer than it took a Youngbae-style failed cooking adventure to stop stinking up the place, like that time the ‘leader’ had managed to somehow burn microwaveable noodles. Chanhee sometimes considered volunteering Youngbae for a scientific study on idiocy and the miraculous ability to mess up the simplest of tasks.
Wait. What was that sound? There wasn’t supposed to be anyone left in the house, that had been the deal. He’d clean the whole house if they’d just leave him alone to it, damnit. He approached the closed door to Wonwoo, Baekhyun, Jinyoung, and Seunghoon’s room. Wait were those… sniffles?
Knock or just open? He knocked on the door (he was way too good for this world). “Who’s in there?” There, that was enough polite privacy. He pushed the door open to see Seunghoon, sitting on the floor in the back of the room, leaning against one of the bedframes, quickly stuffing something under the bed. He was a mess, tears were streaming down his face (a good bit of snot too), he looked completely disheveled, and almost… scared.
“Hoonie?” Chanhee frowned. , he didn’t know how to deal with this. “Are you, eh, okay?” Dumb question, of course he wasn’t okay. “What’s wrong?” Better.
Seunghoon rubbed the tears of his face. “I-I’m fine,” he said, not very convincingly. “I’m okay. P-please leave.”
Like there wasn’t a chance in hell Chanhee was going to leave right now. He approached Seunghoon, who was trying hard - and failing - to stop crying. He wasn’t really sure what to do, (when we the last time he’d had to deal with crying people? A long time ago.) but he knew doing nothing was unacceptable.
“Hey hey hey,” he said softly, approaching the sobber. Seunghoon cringed but didn’t move away, so Chanhee sat down on the bed opposite him, not sure if he was or wasn’t supposed to give him a shoulder to lean on.. “What’s going on? Is it because we’re flopping? Or because of the fans being to you? Look, ehm, for what it’s worth I think you’re perfectly handsome and have a really good voice.”
That just seemed to make matters worse. “Please just leave,” Seunghoon pleaded in between sobs.
“I’m not going to just leave you like this dude,” Chanhee said. “Wait, eh, I’m going to leave for a second, okay? I’ll be right back.” He got up and went to the kitchen to grab some tissues. Nothing had changed when he got back, Seunghoon was still sitting with his legs drawn up, sobbing, trying to disappear into the wall. Chanhee handed him the handful of tissues and sat down next to him. He put his arm round the guy and rubbed his shoulder gently, like he’d seen people do in dramas. It felt awkward. “Just cry it all out, okay? It’ll be okay, I’m here.”
Seunghoon went stiff the moment Chanhee touched him and moved away. What was up with him? Chanhee was just trying to help. The guy was upset so Chanhee tried not to feel offended by the rebuttal. “Hey, I know I can be kind of an sometimes, but you can talk to me about anything, okay? I’m here for you.”
Seunghoon kept his eyes trained on the floor while he wiped his face with the tissues. At least he seemed to be calming down somewhat.
“But also, you realize I’m not going to leave until you tell me, right?” Chanhee nudged him with his foot. “Come on, it’s not good to keep bad stuff bottled up.”
No response. Hah, he was going to regret that, he had no idea how annoying and persistent Woo Chanhee of Aeon fame could be. “Alright, you leave me no choice. I’m not going to leave until you tell me, and you’ll have to deal with me until then. Honestly, it’s in your best interest to talk, but if you’re gonna be stubborn about it then so be it.” He waited for Seunghoon to say something, gave him an honest choice to come clean and avoid the monologue, but no such luck.
“Okay so, since I’m trying to get you to open up, I guess it’s only fair that I do so as well,” he started. “An eye for an eye. Honesty for honesty. That sort of thing. Oh man this is a huge secret, earth shattering and world changing, but when they first added me to the group I did not want to be here.”
Seunghoon chuckled, a soft pathetic little thing, but it was a win! “What a shocker.”
“I know right!” Chanhee said, with all the conviction he could muster. “I’ll give you a moment to get over your shock! I mean I really don’t care that much about music, I just wanted to be an actor, honestly, so this whole thing was kind of a curveball. Of course I know why they did it, you guys all desperately need me.” Seunghoon snorted, another win! He was pretty sure some snot flew out though, gross. The things he put up with for a friend. “But it still , you know? Especially when we weren’t doing well because dumb decisions being made for us. That really pisses me off, that they aren’t even our dumb decisions! You feel me?”
Seunghoon nodded weakly. Okay that was a response. “So I took it out on you guys, which was a move but hey, not even I am perfect, something I’m sure you’ll be very surprised to hear too.” He grinned and nudged Seunghoon. “You can laugh at me. I’m laughing at me too. But here we are, all of us are in the same steaming pile of aren’t we? We’re all in this together now. That’s why we have to support each other. No one else is sure as hell going to do it. And how are we going to support each other when we don’t know what’s going on in each other’s lives, hm?”
“What about now?” Seunghoon asked, voice hoarse from crying. “Do you not mind being in the group anymore?”
“Oh don’t get me wrong, I’d much rather be doing auditions and trying to get into acting right now, but I made the choice to accept this idol deal, and I’ve grown rather fond of you idiots, so it’s more like… if I had to be in an idol group, at least let it be with you guys.” He nudged Hoon again and adopted a look of utmost seriousness. “But tell anyone else this and I will have to kill you. That does not leave this room.”
“What happened to supporting and sharing?”
Chanhee grinned. “I only share with my favorites. Now come on. What’s got you so upset? If anyone hurt you, I swear to god I will fight them. You think I’m kidding. I’m not kidding.”
The smile dropped from Seunghoon’s face as quickly as it had appeared. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”
“What? After I so bravely shared my story with you?” Chanhee mocked utmost offense, using all of his acting chops. “No but seriously, you can talk to me.”
Something caught his eye then, something laying under the bed. A snippet of bright paper. He reached out to grab it. “No don’t!” Seunghoon reached out to stop him, scooping the rest of the colorful torn pieces of paper, but Chanhee had been able to grab one of them.
“What is this?” There was a bit of text on it something about… wait… Chanhee frowned. This was the pamphlet he’d given him. “Why did you rip up the pamphlet?” Was this a homophobic thing? Seunghoon had been acting weird throughout the festival. He’d also lied about seeing the festival earlier, but Chanhee had just attributed it to embarrassment and let it go, with the persuasion of coffee. He hadn’t felt like getting into it then and forgotten about it.
Seunghoon was clutching the rest of the fragments to his chest, looking every bit like he was going to burst out into tears again. There was such a look of raw fear and shame in his eyes.
Oh.
Oh no.
Oh .
“Seunghoon,” Chanhee started. He inched away from him before he could stop himself and Seunghoon winced as if he’d threatened to hit him. “You’re not... are you?” Please just let him be a homophobe. That would be easier.
“I don’t know what to do,” Seunghoon said as the dam broke and tears flowed again.
Oh no. Oh no this was bad.
Chanhee scooched back next to him. He briefly hesitated before putting his arm around Seunghoon. That was stupid, hesitating had been stupid. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay we’ll figure it out.”
“I don’t know what to do! I keep feeling and- and thinking- and I don’t know why- I don’t know why-” Seunghoon rambled between sobs. Chanhee just kept rubbing his arm gently, the only thing he knew to do. “Why am I like this?”
That sentence. That’s the one that broke Chanhee’s heart. “Shhht it’s okay.”
“It’s not okay! Nothing is okay!” Seunghoon curled even more in on himself. “Why do I feel these things? I can’t- I shouldn’t- It’s unnatural- I’m a f-freak! I don’t want any of this. What’s wrong with me? Why is this happening? Why am I like this?!”
“There’s nothing wrong with being gay,” Chanhee said. Man he felt for the guy, it couldn’t be easy to go from a country bumpkin who didn’t even know homouality existed to the realization that he was gay within a month. No wonder he’d been so quiet this entire time, Chanhee had just thought that he was bummed about another flop. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”
Seunghoon was all but a ball now, curled up around his knees, while Chanhee continued to rub his back in an effort to be comforting. He wasn’t sure if Seunghoon had heard a word he had just said. Honestly, Chanhee felt way out of his league with this one, what was he even supposed to say to this? that you’re gay and can never tell this to anyone ever, and are a walking talking risk to everyone’s career involved, Chanhee’s included. And it was all so stupid too! He’d fight all of Korea if he could. It was so unfair that Seunghoon felt so ashamed and miserable over something he couldn’t do anything about and wasn’t harming anyone!
After a time Seunghoon looked up at him and rubbed the tears from his eyes with the palm of his hand.. “What do I do?”
“I- I don’t know, Hoonie,” Chanhee said honestly. “I don’t think there’s anything to do.”
“Please don’t tell anyone,” Seunghoon pleaded when most of the sobs had subsided again.
“Of course not!” Chanhee knew that he was an outlier in his liberal outlook, a little present from the international school with students from all parts of the world. Hong Kong had been a hub of cultures, at least in their circles, South Korea itself not so much. “Come on, let’s get out of this stuffy bedroom and I’ll make us some tea, okay?”
Chanhee made two mugs of tea and brought them to the little table in the living room where Seunghoon was sitting. He looked a lot better now, he hadn’t burst out crying for at least ten minutes. Chanhee put the mugs down and sat opposite him. “Feeling better?”
Seunghoon nodded weakly. “Yes. Thanks you. I’m sorry… about all of this.”
“Hey, don’t apologize for having feelings you ,” Chanhee quickly admonished him. That kind of attitude wouldn’t do. “I’m serious, you can always talk to me about anything.”
So much for his nice, simple cleaning day filled with blissful solitude and manual labor. To say that this day had taken a turn for the unexpected was understatement of the year.
Being gay in this environment wouldn’t be easy for the guy. As an idol that would not fly at all. At least here was another reason for Chanhee to be glad he was put into this team, what would Seunghoon have done without him?
“Come on, get up,” Chanhee ordered when they were both finished with their tea. He used the universal gesture for get off your .
“What? Now?” Seunghoon stared at him with disbelief.
“Help me clean. The house is still disgusting, and now that you’re here and have so rudely interrupted my alone time, you might as well help out. No excuses, up up.” Chanhee gave him a quick grin and tossed him the broom. “Let’s go make this dump livable again. You sweep, I'll scrub."
Chanhee grabbed a CD from the haphazard pile of signed CDs they’d received, stuffed it into the pathetically small and old CD player in the dorm, and started blasting some 4Minute. They spent the next three hours turning the house upside down in the most epic of spring cleanings. He saw parts of the house he could’ve lived his whole life not seeing, saw enough dirty underwear to last him a lifetime. He saw Things, but he also sang along to catchy pop music, attacked Seunghoon with bubbles from the dishwashing soap, and got splashed in the face with the shower spray as revenge, so he’d call that a pretty successful afternoon.
He was absolutely exhausted when they finally tossed the last of the soap water out and sat on the porch waiting for the floor to dry. “I’m so tired,” Seunghoon complained. “Why did you drag me into this?!”
Chanhee hesitated a second, shook his head, and draped his arm over Seunghoon’s shoulders. Just treat him like you always have, he told himself. Nothing has changed. “You’re my favorite now, to be you. I’ll drag you into all of my cleaning sprees.”
“Can I still return you? Is there warranty?”
“You wound me! How long do you think before they’ll make it gross again?”
“15 minutes?”
“A generous estimate.”
“I’ll cry if Youngbae forgets to take his shoes off again.”
“He will not live to tell the tale if he does.”
cameo disclaimer: namhoon is from the fic three six five
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