Happy Mino's day ~

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Shadow

He is tired. Tired of been tired, tired to have to wait for something that still feels so far away from his reach, something that is more like a dream to him. 

They say that he is an Idol, but he has to disagree, he doesn't feel like one, not in a million years. There is nothing that he can do; he is not good at writing lyrics or composing melodies, or even creating a choreography. Those are his dongsaeng talents, they are the true idols. He has none. He is just a face that drowns into the crowd, nothing more than a shadow, unless, talentless, a waste. 

Sometimes he wonders why he is part of Winner. Why they don't get rid of him? He can even be a proper hyung to them; in the end they are always the ones who take care of him. There is nothing he can do properly, there is nothing left for him to do or to be. 

He should give up, stop his impossible dreams and go. Find something else, something real because he is just failing, again and again, and he will let them down; s, his friends. He can't tolerated it. He has to end it, his stubbornness about been a singer because he would never be one. He has tasted it, but now is time to wake up and be responsible. Not just for him but for them. He is sure that the hiatus is for his fault, for his lackiness, for him to realize that he has to leave.

While Seungyoon and Seunghoon are working hard preparing their comeback, he is just waiting for them at home; while Mino is filming or promoting, the only thing he can do is to cheer him, watch him on the screen. 

He had tried and he had failed and he is tired of trying, of been left behind, of not been able to get better, to improve, to shine. 

He would never be like them, he would never has a name. He would be just a random face, a bitter memory, a hollow space.

He is a shadow and he doesn't care anymore. He is done, with himself, with YG Entertainment, with all the people that he loves. He is going to leave and star anew. Far away from them, so he won't be a burden. 

They will keep going, they don't need him, that sorrow hyung that can't do anything by himself, that is always depending on them. They will be free, no more worries, no more delaying on pursuing their goals and ambitions; their shared dream of become Winner.

And, if they falter, at least they have other projects, others ways of living, not like him. He just have the music, and he isn't even good at it. Seungyoon has Flowercrew and his guitar, his unlimited supply of songs and chords. Seunghoon is a dancing machine, he can dance in his sleep and Mino... He shines, always bright like a star. He can succeed in everything because he is full of talent. No wonder why people love him so much. No wonder why he loves him even more. Mino is amazing and incredible, funny, caring, gentle and handsome. He has everything and he had work very hard to achieve it. Jinwoo has witnessed it, his wins and his loses, his ups and downs, his happiness and his crying nights all alone. He can not be more proud of him; that he is receiving the love and respect that he deserves. 

When they tell him about their comeback - as something guaranteed - he can't belive that he is having another opportunity, another chance. He is going to leave his skin and body onto it. He is going to work harder than before, beyond exhaustion. He is not going to give up. Not yet. 

But his euphoric moment doesn't last, because, again, there is nothing that he can't do, apart of practice and more practice. His words are meaningless, his boss has told it, that he has born without that skill and that he shouldn't try again to compose "It's a waste of time". Jinwoo has to agree. 

Mino is back and, even when he feels so down and grim, he gingerly put a smile on his face, feiging his happiness, covering with laught all his tears. And Mino believes him. Maybe he would be a good actor after all. 

They are filming on VLive and he tries very hard to be himself, to not let the shadows take away the fake grim covering his image. So he smiles and messes and acts as if he is not been eating inside with fears and sorrows, winced with the height of those responsibilities that he has to bear, all the hard work he has to do just to see, again, how his dreams are smashed. 

Mino looks at him with concern. He stares at him and he is getting anxious, nervous. What if...? There are too many already in his mind, he doesn't want Mino to be another one, he doesn't want Mino to be in his mind, it's bad enough having him in his heart. But he keeps doing it, as if he is expecting something from him, something he should know and do. But he doesn't, and Mino seems to become sullen and sulk every second that passes. 

He is in his room when Mino knocks and enters. He sits with him, on his bed,  and he acts like always around him. But there is something different, he can sense it, coming from Mino, who is avoiding his eyes and speaks in a fuzz. His voices is low and a little shaky, as if he is lacking in confidence, something that Mino has enough, but not at this moment. 

"Why did you kiss Seungyoon?"

More like what is it all about, Song Mino? He wants to say, but he waits politely, because, heck, the kiss was an accident and an excuse to joke and do something for their fans. Not on purpose but, still, something to repay their love. 

Mino keeps peeping, slurring his words as if he is very worried about it. And then he kind of confess. Because he is jealous, he is dissapointed because he wasn't been clingy with him and avoiding him when he was crawling for his attention. He is so cute, Jinwoo thoughts, even when he pouts and narks. Just a glimpse at him and Jinwoo feels his heart at ease, all his worries disappearing, leaving just the love he has always feel for him. 

And maybe... Maybe this time would be, maybe Mino would love him. Maybe it must be. 

He smiles, a genuine one, while closing the space between their lips, caressing gentle the soft and warm skin. It's sweet and slow and Mino purrs his name, enjoying the moment as if he wanted it too. 

And maybe he is a shadow because Mino is shining over him. And, if that's the case, he wouldn't mind at all.