A/N: Completely unedited and not proofread. Forgive me for errors.

Before anything else, THIS IS CALLED "FANFICTION" FOR A REASON. 

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Taeyeon have lost count of times when she still see her in everything - from the scent of her morning coffee that she used to hate drinking, to the coldness of her sheets that seeps through every inch of her at night. Taeyeon have lost track of trying to find reasons why she now find solitude rather comforting than distorting from the first time she left. Taeyeon have lost grasp of herself from the moment she started to live in her time, denying the immutable reality of her absence. At some point, Taeyeon thought that maybe they are just specks of stars in the deep abyss of a substantial galaxy that are meant to meet but never meant to collide and maybe that’s why Taeyeon is still missing her, because barring the beauty of her cosmos, she fell in love with the idea of her.

It has been almost 3 years since Jung Sooyeon left but vestiges of the ice princess are still boring holes inside Kim Taeyeon, South Korea’s top female vocalist and leader of the nation’s girl group – Girls’ Generation. Taeyeon loved Jessica dearly and she believed that the girl loved her as well until she left them, until Jessica left her.

The raven-haired singer feels melancholic as she listens to the title track of her recently released album, reminiscing the bittersweet memories she had with the main muse of the album’s entirety. Though Taeyeon had promised herself to avoid thoughts about Jessica – the only way she thinks she can move on –, she nonchalantly let her mind wander into the girl’s abstract. Just this once – she makes an excuse.

The pang of woe is still present as Taeyeon emerges from their van into the open glass doors of the airport filled with flashing lights from the crowd’s cameras. She doesn’t fail to give her passionate fans a smile, an inaccurate display of what she truly feels inside.  Gratefulness cannot even begin to describe the amount of love she has been receiving from her fans for the past 10 years but she cannot deny the emptiness she still feels no matter how much she tries to fill it with work.

Taeyeon swiftly makes her way through the crammed airport and sighs as she enters the first gate that separates her from the thick crowd after checking in. Just as the glass gates closes, she hears a bustle of screams from the other side of the door but ignores it, choosing to continue walking towards the check-in gates. She cues for the final inspection, her earphones blasting with her latest title track that she had set on repeat earlier, as she thoughtlessly stares the back of her manager. Taeyeon’s not really one to listen to her own song constantly but then again, she makes an excuse, making this day an exception since she’s feeling sentimental towards the person who’s the main inspiration of her song.

When one day, one month, one year passes

Will we be living different lives?

A sad smirk forms on Taeyeon’s lips as she listens to her own voice singing those lines and she turns to look at her side as a figure catches her peripheral vision.

Time stops as Taeyeon’s breath gets caught in , her heart aches like it’s being crushed. The face she has not seen for almost 3 years is now right in front of her within arm’s reach. The face she has tried hard to forget for the past 3 years is now just breaths in front of her. The girl who left them – her – is now just inches from her, looking so beautiful as ever, just as how Taeyeon remembers her.  Have you been fine, Sica-yah? Taeyeon thinks.

Not me, it won’t be easy for me

Still, you fill up my days

Not yet, I tell myself like a fool

I can’t swallow the words that linger in my mouth

It’s not fine

It’s not fine

The music from her earphones continues to roll but it doesn’t bother Taeyeon as her mind starts to go haywire when Jessica turns to look at her with round eyes, brows raised and mouth slightly gaped.  Clearly, the blonde woman didn’t expect this meeting just as much as Taeyeon didn’t.

With an impassive face and eyes never leaving Jessica’s own glistening pair, Taeyeon takes off her earphones. Jessica’s name is starting to roll at the tip of Taeyeon’s tongue but before she could even mumble it, a touch on the small of her back urged her to move forward and stopped her from muttering the name she hasn’t uttered for years. 

“Get moving, Taeyeon-ah. Let’s avoid articles about you and Jessica.” The voice behind her says but Taeyeon remains rooted on the floor.

She keeps looking at Jessica who also still has her eyes on her – both not caring about the hushed whispers around them – but Taeyeon couldn’t bring herself to say anything. On top of the welling tears, time stops and Jessica flows in again. Memories that were happy because they were together, Taeyeon has been erasing all of it, but when she tries to forget, tears well up. With the same appearance, Jessica keeps making her cry.

Taeyeon opens the doors of longing and memories of Jessica comes flooding in to find her. Again and again, Taeyeon’s heart gets torn. 

“Move, Taeyeon-ah.” The voice behind her says again as a pair of hands on her shoulders pushed her forwards, making her walk, breaking her eye contact with the brunette. That’s when she realizes the eyes looking at her – at them. Taeyeon silently curses of how reckless she was for letting her feelings get the better of her. Now, she’s expecting a lecture from her manager later.  

Taeyeon submits herself for final inspection and uses every ounce of will power she has not to look at the person beside her who is also getting checked.  She keeps her face straight throughout the deal, acting so unaffected and nonchalant as possible.

Jessica finishes ahead of her and through the corner of her eye, Taeyeon sees the girl walking ahead without sparing a glance back at her, like nothing happened, like they didn’t just meet after a long time. Taeyeon even thought that she might just have imagined that stare down she had with the Jessica earlier.

She chuckles, of course, all goodbyes are like this. Taeyeon softly shakes her head as she swallows the bitterness down .

Goodbye, Sooyeon-ah. Please be well.

Taeyeon walks towards her check-in gate, not knowing that across the vast hall in the sea of people, a certain brunette is watching her fleeting back.

= = = = =

Almost three years have passed and it still feels like yesterday when Jessica was still under the belt of the South Korea’s nation’s girl group. As a kid, she had always dreamed of becoming one of the best singers in the world and happiness is understatement of when she was finally able to realize that dream when she debuted as Girls’ Generation.

It weren’t just fame, career and money that she gained from being a singer. Apart from all the luxuries in life, she gained 8 other sisters who had been with her through every rough and smooth path in the industry. The Girls’ Generation members loved and protected her all the way for as much as they can, that’s why until now, it still pains Jessica when she remembers the gloom on their faces when she told them she’s leaving. Jessica can never forget the face of distraught on her members, particularly Taeyeon.

Jessica was once closest to Taeyeon and she loved her just as much as she loved singing. But her love for singing wasn’t enough to surpass her growing interest for fashion and just like other people, she started to dream once again. This time, a dream that she and her 8 other sisters didn’t share, and that’s when she realized that she had to leave.

Taeyeon loved her too, or maybe even more – that much she knows – and that just adds to the burden of guilt that Jessica has been carrying for years.

Jessica is so lost in her thoughts that she doesn’t even realize that the plane has already started moving if it isn’t for the flight stewardess showing the safety precautions in aisle.

The brunette singer reaches for her seatbelt and tries to put it on. After few failed attempts, she calls for the attendant’s attention.

“Yes, Miss Jessica? How may I help you?” asks the flight attendant.

“My seatbelt doesn’t seem to be working. I have tried locking it for a few times but it just won’t really work.” Jessica explains the situation.

Her manager notices the matter and turns to look at them, “I can change seats with you, Jessica-ssi” the kind man offers as he tries to unbuckle his own seatbelt.

“Please just remain seated and buckled up, Sir, because the plane’s already moving at the moment.” The flight attendant kindly smiles. “We would be taking off soon and it wouldn’t be safe for you to sit on Miss Jessica’s seat with a broken seatbelt.”

“Oh, o-okay.”

“It’s okay, Oppa, just remain on your seat.” Jessica tells her manager.

The lady then turns her attention back to Jessica, “If you may, Miss Jessica, we can transfer you to another vacant seat. It will still be here in the business class but just in the front row and middle aisle. I’m afraid you’ll have to sit next to someone since you won’t be occupying a seat next to the window. Will that be okay?”

“Sure, I don’t mind.” Jessica answers, trying not to make a big deal out of the current situation since she’s already feeling a little gloomy with her thoughts earlier.

“Thank you, Miss.” The lady smiles again, “May you please follow me quickly as we’re about to take off soon?”

“Of course.” She quickly gets on her feet and shoulders her bag. “I’ll be fine, Oppa, it will just be a short ride.” Jessica smiles at her manager who seems to be worrying at the matter before she follows the FA walking ahead of her.

Reaching the front seat rows, Jessica greets her old stylist sitting by the window who will seem to be her plane neighbor for the next few hours. She exchanges short pleasantries with the old colleague while the attending stewardess is still explaining the current situation to her new seat neighbor whose face she couldn’t see because of the black hooded pull over.

I guess this won’t be so bad after all. The young CEO softly sighs in relief as the FA turns to face her and gestures for her to take her seat.

“Thank you for your understanding, Miss Jessica. Please buckle up now.” The attendant sm