There he was, just a couple of steps away. He smiled so I smiled too, but this beautiful one wasn’t because of me, it will never be because of me, not in this way.

The first time I saw his charming lips curved upwards and those beautiful crinkles by his eyes, I knew this couldn’t be the last time I would see them I wouldn’t let it be the last time. The first time for me was also the first time for her, their first date.

What he didn’t know was that I was with them for their whole journey. Their first date was in the small cafe that I worked in after school and it became their regular and they became my regulars.

He didn’t know either that we both majored in literature, we were both always there, never aware of each other. At least that is what he thinks because I sat quietly and did everything that I was told to do. But he never managed to understand that Park Jinyoung is a hard man not to be aware of. The perks with being quiet is that you can quietly watch, observe.

I knew I was in love with him, I knew it since the beginning. He didn’t know and that’s what kept my walls where they belonged, where they didn’t cause any discomfort for him.

He found a girl and I’m happy for him, not the happiest but I can put a brave smile on my face because he’s happy. I’m happy that I got to see all of his happy smiles at the cafe. I’ll forever be grateful for the cafe, in there, in my own little bubble I could get closer to him.

When we became friends he started to show his laughter to me too but it was never as loud than with her. Still, I treasure even the smallest of things, because I know that’s all I’ll ever get. That cafe and the cage around my heart that kept the feelings inside is how I managed to get an invitation to this small ceremony, I got to see the joy radiating off from his face when it was official that he would be spending the rest of his life with his true love. I guess I also hopefully wished that, just maybe, I could get some kind of closure to my heart. 

“Oh Mark hyung, don’t cry, I’ll cry too.”

Her brother brother said it. Her brother who just like she herself and everything she did was so kind and with pure heart no wonder that’s where Jinyoung wanted be, who he wanted to be with.

“I can’t help it, all this beauty is making me emotional.”

Jokes were what I was good with, not with confessions, feelings. Feelings for him, jokes about him, his beauty, all of him.

All the feelings inside me were directed to the one and only in this church, the most beautiful one of them all without him knowing at all.

If only did he know.

If he knew anything at all.