A/N: hello there! so i'm finally back with the new chapter after so long. my finger is unfortunately still not healed and even tho the doctors said that the cast will be gone in a week they decided to leave me with it for ANOTHER THREE WEEKS THE . so yea, writing is really hard. i don't even write in school lol i just sit there without doing anything. it's honestly pain in the , not to mentin the fact that i can't play volleyball like this. but even tho i can't play, i went to see my grils' match yesterday. that's actually why i didn't update. the match was in a different town and i got home pretty late and didn't have the enrgy to write the last 1k or so words. sorry...

Anyway, about this chapter. it's actually all about pcy finally dealing with his inner conflicts and kinda being a jerk too. i'm sorry for the lack of actual chanbaek but i hope u can understand why a chapter like this was needed.

AND PLS READ THIS!!!!! - so, the next chapter will be technically the last one. it's gonna be quiet long and i will devide it into two parts, the first part updates in two weeks on saturday and the second part on sunday. the second part will have bonuses (meaning very ship in this fics gets around 1k-2k words), pus there will be the OFFICIAL ENDING OF THE FIC. wow, i really can't believe that it's already ending near. 

however, i will leave my rant for that next final chapter haha. for now, just be aware that i love u all and your support is what kept me going all this time! 

ALSO THANK UUUUUUUUU for supporting my other fic too :) i know that the neighbors plot is kinda basic but there is more to that (i hope at least lol)

ALSO DONT FORGET TO VOTE FOR EXO ON MAMA

 

---

 

Chanyeol lies in his bed, eyes glued to the white ceiling and lips pressed into a thin line as he clutches his phone in his hands. It's been thirty minutes since he has gotten home and those long minutes were spent with him wondering if he should call Baekhyun or not.

He knows he ed up badly and that going to see Baekhyun in his lover's flat would be quite a bad idea, the brunet clearly needing some time alone after what had happened today. Chanyeol completely respects that, but the urge to just give Baekhyun another dose of apologies for his lack of action tonight is extremely strong, and he can't seem to ignore it. That's why he wonders if he should call Baekhyun and apologize a few more times, letting his lover know that he is incredibly sorry for what had happened in the club, letting him know that despite what Baekhyun might be thinking at the moment, Chanyeol didn't take it easy when his companion started harassing his boyfriend, and he sure as hell wasn't okay with the prying hands on Baekhyun's body.

Now, Chanyeol is cursing himself for not doing anything, letting them make fun of Baekhyun and have all these stupid ual remarks, sometimes accompanied by slight touching - or more specifically - attempts of touching the brunet. True, he didn't want to be found out, especially not by the most important people for the company, but still... he should have done something. 

Chanyeol wants to excuse himself just the tiniest bit by reminding himself that he did try to stop them from behaving like teenagers upon seeing Baekhyun, trying to talk some sense into them when Baekhyun wasn't at their table and telling them that this can become a scandal if someone let it into news, but his companion didn't listen at all. And to be honest? When Chanyeol looks back at it, he wonders how could he be so stupid to think that they will stop just because he asks them to. 

Baekhyun being a person with more or less strong personality, Chanyeol believed that the brunet would tell them to themselves the very first time they dared to touch him. However, what he forgot then was the fact that Baekhyun was a waiter and he was taught to be always nice to a customer, no matter what. So of course Baekhyun was always throwing glances at Chanyeol whenever some nasty remark was thrown at him or some daring hands reached out to touch him - now Chanyeol understands. 

But back at the club he somehow failed to see Baekhyun's pleading eyes, too blinded by his own fear of being found out. Instead of helping out his boyfriend, Chanyeol chose to ignore what was happening and sipped his drink, clutching the glass in his hand so hard that he was afraid it would break any second. To block out the scenes in front of him completely, he even decided to just look away and forbid himself to look at Baekhyun. 

However, when the man on Baekhyun's right - son of the CEO of a modeling agency - pulled Baekhyun down on his lap and started dirty-talking to the brunet, Chanyeol couldn't hold himself back anymore. It was too much. Hearing Baekhyun's small voice as he asked the man to let him ago, and another nasty comment he got in return made Chanyeol too fired up, and he couldn't help the protest escaping his mouth. 

That was too late, though. 

If he wasn't busy fearing for their relationship to be found out, he could have helped Baekhyun out of the uncomfortable situation, save Baekhyun from the harassment. But Chanyeol being stupid is only realizing these things now, when everything is already done and the relationship with Baekhyun is broken and falling apart faster than Chanyeol would have expected. Chanyeol can only think of how much he would like to turn back time, this time helping Baekhyun instead of doing nothing until it's too late. 

Sighing, Chanyeol dials Baekhyun's number while the courage to talk to the brunet is still here, even though he most likely won't pick up. Chanyeol can still home, though.

But after Baekhyun doesn't pick up after the fifth try, Chanyeol loses all the hope. Is Baekhyun ignoring him completely? He can't blame his lover though, Chanyeol screwed up royally. If he was Baekhyun, he wouldn't pick up either. 

And so, Chanyeol decides to leave a message in the voice mail after Baekhyun doesn't answer his call for the fifth time. However, he doesn't know what he wants to say exactly besides thousands of sorry-s, and when the voice mail starts recording, his mouth just hangs open without any words coming out for a few seconds. When he finally starts talking though, it's a complete mess.

"Hi, Baekhyun," he starts. "I know that you are angry and that the last person you want to talk to is me - which is clear from you not picking up my calls. But Baekhyun, I'm really, really sorry. I was so stupid but I was afraid that somebody would find out, and if my father- , this is not what I wanted to say at all, this doesn't excuse me, not really," Chanyeol curses and runs a hand through his hair in frustration, not knowing how to form sentences. He doesn't want to give Baekhyun excuses, he wants to apologize. As properly as he can through a voice message. 

And so, he takes another inhale before continuing, "I love you, and I am so ing sorry that I didn't do anything about it, but please don't think that I didn't care at all," he sighs. "Honestly, when they first flirted with you I wanted to kill them on spot, and then when that er touched you, I-... I am just so sorry. I feel terrible for not doing anything, I was just-... I don't know. I can't even imagine what you had to go through, and I stupidly just sat there and watched. I must have disappointed you, right?" Chanyeol lets out a humorless laugh. But then, his voice gets quieter, and he whispers, "You must hate me so much..."

It pains Chanyeol to think about Baekhyun hating him, but what pains him more is realizing that while all he wanted was to protect Baekhyun from the cruel world, he was the one who hurt the brunet. He was the one who made Baekhyun cry and he was the one who failed to protect his lover. He could have done something, but he was a coward. How could he let those s harass Baekhyun like that? What kind of boyfriend would do that?

"I know that I'm the tiest boyfriend you could ever imagine, but Baekhyun, I truly love you so ing much, even though I failed to prove it. Still, please believe me when I say you are the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I can't imagine losing you," his voice breaks at the end of the sentence when he realizes that his lack of action tonight can cost him his precious boyfriend, his precious boyfriend. 

A few days ago, it all seemed so perfect to Chanyeol, especially when they spent the weekend at the holiday house. The morning kisses, the cuddling, the lovemaking... but mostly importantly, Baekhyun's mere presence. His adorable smiles and loving touches, the slender fingers that caressed his skin and ruffled his hair. His sweet voice and warm embrace, stupid jokes and feisty attitude. 

No, Chanyeol doesn't want to think about losing Baekhyun. He can't lose him.  

"I don't have any right to ask for forgiveness, but please don't leave me Baekhyun. I care about you so damn much," Chanyeol closes his eyes, letting out the breath he didn't realize he was holding. "I'll make it right somehow, just- just trust me and wait a little bit longer. I love you so much, I'm not letting you go. Don't give up on me yet, please," Chanyeol has never imagined that he would be begging someone not to leave him, nor that he will love someone so much, not being able to imagine his life without them. But then Baekhyun barges into his life and everything changes. "Remember that I love you, okay? I might be a disappointing boyfriend, but I still love you... Goodnight."

With that, Chanyeol ends the voice message and lets go of his phone, putting it on bed beside him. Will Baekhyun even listen to the message? Or will he delete it immediately? Baekhyun said that he isn't angry at him per se, but this doesn't mean he would be in a mood to listen to Chanyeol's pathetic self apologizing over and over again. 

He is tired as hell, his eyes closing on their own, but he doesn't think he will be able to fall asleep. Not when he doesn't know if Baekhyun actually broke up with him today or if this is just I-need-some-time-and-space thing. Honestly, Chanyeol knows that he deserves it if Baekhyun truly breaks up with him, seeing how ty Chanyeol is as a boyfriend. It wouldn't even be surprising at all, yet Chanyeol doesn't want to think about Baekhyun deciding to walk out of Chanyeol's life after what happened today. 

Please, Baekhyun. Don't leave me. 

Just as his eyes start to water at the thought of Baekhyun leaving him for real, a message notification catches his attention. Immediately, he reaches for his phone again, wishfully thinking that it could be Baekhyun. 

And it actually is Baekhyun.

Chanyeol's eyes widen because while he wished for the message to be from his lover, his heart wasn't ready for it. His hands start trembling as he quickly types in the password and unlocks his iPhone, his finger hovering above the messages notification. Yes, Baekhyun sent him a message, but what if he is just telling him to leave him alone in the message. Is Chanyeol ready to see such message? To read something like this coming from Baekhyun?

Suddenly, he feels conflicted. But on the other hand, Baekhyun didn't choose to ignore him completely, and Chanyeol should be grateful for that. Baekhyun could ignore him easily, and he would have every right to do so, but the brunet didn't. Even if the message is about Baekhyun not wanting to be with Chanyeol anymore, he should be glad that Baekhyun at least decide to say something back. 

And so, after taking a deep breath, he opens the message. His heart skips a beat. 

 

--From: Baekhyun
01:13
i love you too. goodnight. --

 

There is no emoji to it like always which indicates that Baekhyun isn't in a mood - or rather, is in a bad mood - but still... the message is more than enough for Chanyeol. This must be an answer to his voice message, and Chanyeol can't even describe how happy is to know that Baekhyun not only listened to it but even replied to it, even with just something so short. However, these few words are more than enough to make Chanyeol think that he can save his relationship with Baekhyun somehow. 

Feeling incredibly relieved, the corners of Chanyeol's lips are tugged upwards in a bittersweet smile, and for a moment he just stares at the phone screen, reading the words over and over again. I love you too, it feels unbelievable to get a message like that from Baekhyun after what happen in the club tonight. How can Baekhyun love him even when he was such a coward, afraid to protect his own lover even after swearing to never let any harm come to him. 

Baekhyun is too good for him. And while many people would think I should leave him and let him find someone better, Chanyeol thinks something entirely different. 

I will become a better person for him. 

 

--

 

The first thing that welcomes him after coming to work on Monday is Minseok's ugly glare as Chanyeol walks past him on a way to his office. He greets the receptionist politely but the man doesn't greet him back, only continuing to glare at Chanyeol. Normally, he would question him about it, but today Chanyeol isn't in the mood to talk more than necessary, his mind only occupied with Baekhyun. 

Letting Minseok's behavior be, Chanyeol walks into his office and throws his work bag on the couch, dragging his legs as he makes his way to the leather armchair and flops himself down on it. The dark circles under his eyes aren't that prominent but they are surely there, even his skin is paler than usual. There is no glint in his eyes, gone the happy expression he seemed to be wearing when everything was okay between him and Baekhyun. 

After the text message Baekhyun sent him as an answer to the message Chanyeol left in the voice mail after his -up, Chanyeol thought that maybe they can work this out somehow, he had hope. But the Sunday came and his idealistic thoughts were thrown out of the window as Baekhyun picked up Chanyeol's call only to tell him that until Chanyeol makes up his mind and figures out what he truly wants, Baekhyun doesn't - and won't - talk to him. 

Chanyeol tried to save the situation with telling Baekhyun that they can work this out together, but the brunet's reply was that Chanyeol has to do this on his own, that Baekhyun can't make the decisions for him. His lover sounded so dejected, so ing sad and miserable, but he stood his ground and refused to talk to Chanyeol until the CEO has a clear vision of what he wants to do about their relationship. Chanyeol didn't want to ask Baekhyun if they can stay in secret for just a little bit longer, already knowing the answer - Baekhyun made his answer clear on Saturday in the club, after all, being clear and loud while telling Chanyeol that he can't go on like this anymore. 

But Chanyeol... doesn't know what to do yet. He doesn't want to lose Baekhyun, definitely not... but what about the company? He has worked so hard for it, it would devastate him if it was taken away from him after things go badly. And there is a big possibility that it would end up badly if he came out about his relationship with Baekhyun. Choosing between Baekhyun and the company isn't easy at all, and while his heart is screaming Baekhyun's name extremely loudly, Chanyeol's brain arguments with what if you break up in the future and you will lose him AND the company? What then? 

He knows he is a coward, and an idiot. He knows it. But it's really hard to make a big decision like this. It's not only about him, after all. If the company goes down, tons of people that work here would have to look for a new employment. What if those people are tight on money and need this job? And with Chanyeol's -up, they will get into financial trouble? Chanyeol isn't only responsible for his life, he is responsible for the life of his employees too.  

Sighing, he lowers his head and bumps it against the wooden table, letting out an exhausted exhale. He doesn't know how can he work today, his mind being such a hug mess. How can Chanyeol even focus on work when Baekhyun is all he can think about?

At that moment, door to his office opens and a person walks in, not bothering with knocking. Chanyeol doesn't even have to look up to know who entered the room. "Jongdae, I told you to knock," he says, or more like murmurs as his head is still buried in the surface of the wooden table. He waits for some sarcastic retort from his friend, but it doesn't come. Which is weird. Jongdae never gives up on an opportunity to with him. 

Just as he raises his head to look at his friend, Jongdae throws a bunch of papers on his table, barely missing Chanyeol's face with it. His face seems to be clear of any emotion, but Chanyeol being good at reading people - and also being good at reading his best friend - knows that instead of Jongdae's expression being blank, he is beyond angry and furious, ready to kill. His silence is speaking for itself. 

"Did some happen?" Chanyeol asks. Yes, his mind is full of Baekhyun, but if his best friend needs help because he is in some kind of deep or has an emotional breakdown, Chanyeol is here for him, just as Jongdae is there for Chanyeol. 

Chanyeol expected many things, one of them being for example Jongdae snapping and telling him all about the thing that troubles him, but the sharp glare sent his way isn't on the list of things he had expected. The glare is too similar to the one Minseok was giving him today just a few minutes ago, but this coming from Jongdae has much more meaning. 

"You happened," Jongdae hisses, but doesn't give any more explanation as he turns around and starts walking toward the office door just as quickly as he came in, not sparing Chanyeol a glance in the process. What the ? 

Immediately, Chanyeol is on his feet and rushes to Jongdae, stopping his friend with blocking the door with his body, standing in front of them like a guard, keen on not letting Jongdae leave after throwing the bomb just like that. "What do you mean?" he asks, voice confused. Did he do something to Jongdae? Or did he do something to Minseok, which caused Jongdae to get angry? But he doesn't remember anything like that. 

"It surprises me that you even dare to ask," Jongdae lets out an humorless laugh and tries to push Chanyeol out of the way, but the CEO stands his ground and doesn't move an inch. Seeing that there is no way to escape the office unless he personally gets Chanyeol out of the way, Jongdae lets out an annoyed huff and steps back, continuing to glare at Chanyeol as if his life depended on it. Clear that Chanyeol wants Jongdae to say more, the shorter frowns deeply before he says, "I'm not in the mood to speak with you."

"What have I done to you? What the is wrong with you and Minseok today?" Chanyeol questions. He doesn't get it. He truly doesn't. 

Jongdae's expression darkens as Chanyeol continues to seem completely confused by what's going on. It pisses Jongdae off to an incredible extent, seeing that Chanyeol doesn't have a clue about the situation. The anger gets better of him and instead of answering Chanyeol's question and telling him why he's so frustrated, Jongdae's mouth opens for a whole different reason. That reason being cursing Chanyeol to hell and back. 

"You ing idiot," he starts, hissing the words into Chanyeol's face, not giving the CEO a chance to say something back before he continues. "I told you to stay away from Baekhyun at the very beginning, I ing told you. But you, being completely stupid and stubborn, didn't listen. You made him fall in love you, gave him the illusion that everything will be alright if you two just stay together... and for what? So you can dump him in the end if things get too complicated?" 

By now, Chanyeol knows that they are talking about Baekhyun. Somehow, Jongdae and Minseok must have found out about what happen on Saturday. Was it Baekhyun who talked to them about it? If Jongdae knows, who else does? Jongin, Kyungsoo and Sehun too? Most likely. If not all of them, then at least Jongin, being Baekhyun's best friend. 

But how all of them got the information - or if they got it - is Chanyeol's smallest concern as Jongdae doesn't stop spitting words at him, his eyes having a dangerous glint to them and his body radiating with a black, dark aura. Jongdae could kill a man in this state without feeling the tiniest bit guilty about it, and Chanyeol doesn't feel exactly happy about being on the receiving end of Jongdae's anger. His friend gets really angry just once in a while, but when he does.. well...

"Jongdae, let me explain," Chanyeol tries, his voice having the same tone as the one that parents use when they are trying to calm down their child when it starts crying loudly in the middle of the crowded street in order to reduce people staring at them disapprovingly. Maybe it works on these kids, but with Jongdae, is sure as hell doesn't work. It seems that his tone even angered Jongdae even more, and Chanyeol wants to run for his life. 

"I know exactly what happened, I don't need you to explain anything to me," Jongdae hisses, pointing his finger at Chanyeol accusingly before resuming his talking. "How could you let Baekhyun in the mercy of those ers? You know damn well that they get as when they get drunk, and you didn't do anything when they started to harass your boyfriend? Are you out of your mind? You know what Baekhyun has been through, you ing know it! And yet you still chose to just sit on your stupid, bony bum without doing anything to stop them... Did you enjoy the show? Did you enjoy Baekhyun being manhandled like this, right in front of you?"

"No! Stop saying nonsense!" Chanyeol yells, taking a step toward Jongdae. He is much taller than his friend, and maybe that's why he expects Jongdae to back off - his height usually scares people. But Jongdae doesn't give a if Chanyeol is towering over him or not, completely overlooking it.

"Nonsense? This is what it looks like to me!" he raises his voice too, pushing Chanyeol's chest strongly. "I actually believed you that you love him, that you will protect him and won't hurt him. But I'm so ing disappointed in you. I thought that my best friend is different." 

"I do love him," Chanyeol frowns. "Of course I do."

"Then why? Why didn't you do anything?" Jongdae questions, fight still not leaving him. And Chanyeol didn't even expect Jongdae to calm down so quickly, his friend's moods being long when he has them. The only difference is that this is not just a mood Jongdae has from time to time - his friend's anger is understandable, very much so. Before Chanyeol can answer Jongdae's question, Jongdae answers instead of him. "Don't even try to tell me that it's because you were such a coward and was afraid that someone will find out about you. Because I swear Chanyeol, if this was your reason-"

"So what if it was?!" Chanyeol interrupts his friend loudly. "Yes, I am a coward and yes, I was afraid that someone could find out about us! I know this isn't an excuse, I'm just coming true. And you don't have any right to judge me for being coward because you have no idea how hard it was for me."

"You selfish prick," Jongdae hisses, and it's so weird for Jongdae to curse at him - and be mean to him in general - if it's not just for fun. Jongdae was always on his side, tried to help Chanyeol if he got into some trouble, but looking at Jongdae now, his best friend doesn't seem to have even the smallest ounce of sympathy in him when it comes to this situation. Not like Chanyeol can blame him. "You think it wasn't hard for Baekhyun? You don't have any idea, in the slightest. And I get that you want to protect your company, but you should want to protect your boyfriend as well if you love him as much as you say you do."

"And how can I do that?" Chanyeol asks, exasperated. "It's not as easy as you think."

"I know it's not, believe me, I know better than anyone," Jongdae chuckles humorlessly, and Chanyeol feels like a for momentarily forgetting that Jongdae's situation with Minseok isn't the brightest either. "But what you were doing - keeping Baekhyun as a secret so the company isn't at any risk - was stupid. You are smart, you must have known that something will go wrong. Either with the company or with Baekhyun. Or did you seriously think that you can have both?"

Honestly? Chanyeol did. He remembers thinking that keeping Baekhyun as a secret as his father wanted is going to be fine, the best choice actually. After all, they couldn't show affection in public before too, so it was understandable that Chanyeol thought that not being able to kiss or hold his boyfriend's hand won't be that different. Baekhyun being his secret meant that he will have a relationship with the person he loves and gets to keep the company he loves also. 

Yes, Chanyeol was selfish, but he really thought that it would work. Was it really that bad to wish for the best?

"You don't even have to answer, it's written all over your face," Jongdae says, and Chanyeol looks down at the ground, lips in a tight line. He can hear the judgement in his friend's voice, but he doesn't feel aggrieved. The judgement and disappointment isn't out of place. "Make a choice. What do you really want?" again with the choice. Chanyeol is starting to hate the word for real, feeling more pressured than during any meeting he had in past. "I'm you best friend, and I'm here for you, but-" Jongdae stops for a moment to let out a quiet sigh. "-but first decide what's more important for you. I'm not saying I won't be disappointed in you if you choose to let Baekhyun go, but I'll still be there for you."

With that said, Jongdae walks up to him and moves Chanyeol aside, leaving the office without another word. Chanyeol just stands at the same spot even after Jongdae is already gone, his brain processing what his best friend said. He knows that Jongdae wants what's best for him, but it's not that easy to choose. He is not ready to lose the company or Baekhyun, but it looks like there is nothing else to do other than make the hard decision, choose what he loves more and what is worth fighting for more. 

Chanyeol wonders if his love for Baekhyun is really that strong if he has trouble making the decision, since he heard that people are out there sacrificing themselves for their loved ones while Chanyeol doesn't even want to sacrifice his company for Baekhyun. 

However, the strong - almost physical - pain in his chest is telling him that he indeed loves Baekhyun too much to let him go easily. 

What the hell is he supposed to do?

--

 

One day later, Chanyeol decides that he needs to talk to Baekhyun after spending the night sleepless. The talk with Jongdae has really done something to him, and he has been thinking about his best friend's words the whole night, unable to sleep for more than a few hours before waking up and staying up for long minutes afterwards, torturing his mind with questions. 

The thing is, Chanyeol can't seem to make the choice. 

He goes over the possible scenarios thousand of times, both being in a rather negative mood, his way of thinking turns out neative too. He doesn't want to be optimistic because well, let's take a look into what his optimism has gotten Chanyeol. However, even though not all scenarios turn out too bad, Chanyeol still isn't happy about them.

He needs more time, that's for sure. But he also needs Baekhyun to be here when he makes the decision. Chanyeol is being selfish again but he truly can't help it. He doesn't want Baekhyun to move on while Chanyeol is in the phase of choosing, no matter how bad it sounds - and Chanyeol himself knows very well that it sounds terrible. And he feels terrible for it as well, hating himself for even thinking of letting Baekhyun go after all they have been through, after Chanyeol has fallen so deeply in love that it hurts. 

Talking to Baekhyun face to face and explaining that he needs time is the best thing Chanyeol can do right now, in his opinion. He is done with lying to Baekhyun and even lying to himself, saying that everything is going to be alright. He knows that it will most likely hurt Baekhyun, but he wants to be honest with him. That's the least Baekhyun deserves for tolerating Chanyeol's for so long.

And that's why he is standing in front of Baekhyun's front door, knocking on its wooden surface and ringing the bell also. He knows where to find a key to Baekhyun's flat, of course he knows, but Chanyeol feels like it's too rude to barge in when their relationship... has changed quite a lot in the past days.

Baekhyun doesn't answer the door, and Chanyeol would think that Baekhyun is purposely ignoring him but the complete quietness on the other side of the door is completely quiet, and the light isn't either. Baekhyun is a light sleeper, so there is no way he wouldn't wake up in this situation. Thinking that Baekhyun isn't home yet, Chanyeol sighs and is ready to sit on the ground and wait for Baekhyun to come home, determined to talk to the brunet today. The sooner the better, right?

Just as his touches the tiles, a lady's voice interrupts his thinking process, "Are you perhaps waiting for Baekhyun?" she asks, and Chanyeol looks up at her, scanning her face before greeting her and nodding. The old lady lets out a hum before saying, "I think he won't be coming home today."

"Why?" Chanyeol questions curiously, but his tone is polite. He even stands up as he asks his question, not wanting to seem like a man without manners.

"I met him maybe an hour ago in the elevator. Asked him where he's going, and he said that he's sleeping over at a friend's house today," the lady answers easily, and then her face turns into something similar to fodness. "Baekhyun seemed rather sad when I last saw him, so I hope he is going to enjoy the night with his friend. He is a good boy, he deserves the best." 

"He does..." Chanyeol trsils off, a sad smile on his lips. He was the one who was supposed to give Baekhyun everything he deserves, but he failed. 

"Go home, boy. And be careful on the way home," she says as a goodbye and unlocks her door that are right across the hall from Baekhyun's, giving Chanyeol a warm smile before disappearing inside of her apartment.

Chanyeol continues to stand there for a moment, trying to push the incredible amount of guilt to the back of his mind. The lady said that Baekhyun seemed sad the last time they saw each other, and Chanyeol is hundred percent sure that it's his fault. It hurts, knowing that he is the reason Baekhyun is sad.

However, after telling himself that he's had enough of the self-hating session, Chanyeol remembers that Baekhyun's kind neighbour said that the brunet is sleeping over at a friend's place. The first name that comes to his mind is Jongin, the second Sehun, and even though he is quite scared to come face to face with either of them, Chanyeol decides that talking to Baekhyun is more important than his stupid fear.

And so, Chanyeol makes his way out of Baekhyun's apartment complex, heading to his car and driving to Jongin's and Kyungsoo's flat, hoping to find Baekhyun there. 

 

Minutes later he is standing in front of the couple's door, knocking three times and stepping away from the door afterwards so the one who opens the door won't hit him in the face. He doesn't have to wait long, just a few seconds before the door opens, Kyungsoo's head peeking out through the gap. The man's hair is disheveled and he's wearing only a long comfy shirt, most likely stolen from his boyfriend. If he didn't know Kyungsoo and wasn't aware of the fact that the guy can kill him on the spot, he would even say that he looks rather cute. Objectively speaking only because if he had to go with the personal opinion, nobody can ever be as cute as Baekhyun. 

When Kyungsoo's eyes fall upon the tall man in front of him, his eyes darkens and his whole expression changes, and Chanyeol suddenly fears for his life. He remembers the first threat that was thrown at him months ago very clearly, the day when Baekhyun fainted at the restaurant and Kyungsoo said that he will cut off his manhood, cook it  and serve it to him afterwards still resonating in his head. And now more than ever before, since Kyungsoo looks ready to murder him and cover it up so good that nobody would ever find out. 

"What are you doing here?" Kyungsoo asks, tone everything but friendly. He isn't frowning, not really. Kyungsoo's face is blank, but his eyes speak loudly of how he feels upon seeing Chanyeol on his doorstep. Clearly, he is not happy to see the CEO. Chanyeol can understand.

"I'm looking for Baekhyun," Chanyeol answers, keeping his voice steady and seemingly calm even though he is freaking out on the inside. Kyungsoo can be very scary when he wants to, and at the moment he is more than just scary. He looks like the devil himself, and he isn't even doing anything. No matter how many people Chanyeol has met in his life, Kyungsoo is definitely the one who scared him the most. 

"He's not here," says Kyungsoo, boring holes into Chanyeol with his piercing eyes. "And even if he was, I wouldn't let you talk to him."

"Is he at Sehun's then?" ignoring the last sentence, Chanyeol asks instead. He expected something like this coming out of Kyungsoo's mouth, and he isn't the least bit surprised by the cook's hostility. After hurting Baekhyun, Chanyeol knows very well that he is on Kyungsoo's death list, and he isn't all that happy about it. When Baekhyun's and his friendship was just starting, the one who was the most doubtful about the idea of Chanyeol and Baekhyun being friends was Kyungsoo. It was hell to make Kyungsoo warm up to him even a little, and he guesses that after what happened, all his effort has vanished into thin air. 

"Why do you care?" Kyungsoo raises his brows, rather mockingly. "You didn't care about him when he was being harassed by your friends, so why now?" 

Chanyeol feels a painful pang in his chest upon hearing the words, being reminded just how much of a bad boyfriend he is, just how badly he ed up. He thought that after hearing it from Jongdae and knowing about the fact that he screwed up terribly himself, it will hurt less to hearing it once again, but he was mistaken. It hurts just as much, if not more. Chanyeol swears that no matter if things with Baekhyun turn out good or bad, he will forever hate himself for letting his companion manhandle Baekhyun right in front of him, not stopping them when he could. 

"I care about Baekhyun, a lot," Chanyeol clarifies, but when Kyungsoo just rolls his eyes he knows that the cook doesn't believe him at all, not even bothering to search for the truth in Chanyeol's eyes. "I need to talk to him, so I can-"

"Kyungsoo, what's taking you so long? The bed feels uncomfortable without you in it," a third voice interrupts Chanyeol, effectively cutting him off. Chanyeol immediately knows that the owner of the voice is Jongin - who else - and he feels himself going tense as he hears footsteps approaching. Dealing with Kyungsoo is one thing, but dealing with Kyungsoo and Jongin? Impossible. 

But before he can flee like the coward he is, planning to go to Sehun's flat next seeing that Baekhyun isn't here, Jongin stops right next to Kyungsoo, circling his long arms around the cook's body. Ignoring Chanyeol completely, Jongin nuzzles into Kyungsoo's neck, breathing in the scent of his lover. Chanyeol doesn't want to admit it, but he is jealous. He wants to hold Baekhyun like that again too, breathe in the sweet almond scent of his boyfriend and nuzzling his head into the crook of Baekhyun' neck. 

Oh, how much he wishes for things to go back to how they were before. 

When Jongin finally looks up and starts paying attention to the person standing in front of him, a dangerous glint flashes in those otherwise gentle and loving eyes, the expression changing immediately. He holds intense eye-contact with Chanyeol for a while, but after a few seconds he slowly lets go of Kyungsoo, straightening himself up. Instinctively, Chanyeol stands up straighter too, trying to tell himself that he is not in danger and that his height might seem intimidating for Jongin. 

However, his height can be damned, because it doesn't stop Jongin from throwing an incredibly powerful punch at Chanyeol, the dancer's first colliding with Chanyeol's cheek in full force. It happens in a second, and Chanyeol truly doesn't even register it until he feels his cheek throbbing painfully, his whole head hurting. But before he can get a grip and focus his blurry vision, there is another punch aimed at him, this time Jongin's fist hitting just millimeters lower than before. The pain is so intense that Chanyeol staggers and has to lean his back against the wall so he won't fall. 

"You ing piece of ," Jongin hisses at him, getting a hold of Chanyeol's shirt and shaking with the CEO. Chanyeol doesn't know if he isn't defending himself because he has failed to gain full consciousness or if it's because he knows that he deserves the punches. Probably both. "How could you?! Baekhyun trusted you, has been through so much because of you, and you let some ers give him offers and touch him inappropriately as if he wasn't worth more than a street ?! Right in front of you, while you're doing completely nothing? What kind of lover even are you?" 

Chanyeol lets himself be handled by Jongin, not doing anything as the dancer punches him one more time. He knows that his face will be bruised after this and that the clients he has to meet tomorrow won't be very pleased to see the CEO looking like some street fighter, but Chanyeol doesn't really care. He doesn't even think about the pain of his throbbing face because the mental pain that comes with being reminded of how much he screwed up his role of a boyfriend is much worse.

Jongin is ready to throw another punch, but all it takes for him to stop is Kyungsoo's hand on his shoulder and a single word uttered from the short man's mouth. "Enough," Kyungsoo says, and his voice carries out finality that even Jongin doesn't argue with, his fist stopping just millimeters away from Chanyeol's face, hovering over Chanyeol's already bruising cheek. "Violence won't solve anything."

However, Jongin looks like he would like to argue with that fact because the more he shakes and curses Chanyeol, the better he seems to be dealing with the anger that comes with seeing the one who hurt his best friend. Chanyeol can see the urge to hit him at least once more in the dancer's fierce eyes, but in the end Jongin lowers his fist, listening to his boyfriend's words. When Jongin lowers his fist begrudgingly, Chanyeol whispers, "I'm sorry, I really am."

"Is this all you've got to say?" Jongin asks. "What are you even sorry for? Are you sorry because you've hurt Baekhyun, or are you sorry because it has all escalated to this extent?"  

Chanyeol averts his eyes as he thinks about the answer, and that seems to be enough for Jongin. The dancer scoffs at him and then lets out a humorless chuckle, letting go of Chanyeol's shirt but not getting up completely, still stradling Chanyeol's hips and staring the taller man down. "I'm sorry for everything," Chanyeol says in the end, but the moment it leaves his mouth he knows that it's not the answer Jongin wanted to hear.

"Don't you get it, for real?" the dancer questions, eyebrows furrowed. He's probably wondering if Chanyeol is truly that stupid or if he is just playing dumb today. However, the CEO looks honestly clueless, not knowing what more Jongin wants to hear other than an apology. Understanding that Chanyeol must be dumb when it comes to these thing in general, he tries to open the man's eyes with his next words. "It's not only about what happened in the club - even though that was honestly too much. It's about the whole hiding thing, and how you're hurting Baekhyun with it."

"I'm doing this so we can be together," Chanyeol says defensively. "There are so many bad outcomes that could possibly come true if someone found out about me and Baekhyun. I'm a CEO and I-"

"See? You are doing this for yourself, not for you and Baekhyun, nor for Baekhyun only. Baekhyun doesn't have anything to lose, but you do. Don't think I haven't figure it all out," Jongin snarls. "You are one selfish bastard, wanting to keep Baekhyun while not creating a scandal that could cost you your company," the shock appearing on Chanyeol's face is enough of a proof that the theory in Jongin's head was true. And as if it wasn't enough, Chanyeol is already opening his mouth to defend himself. Not like Jongin is going to let him talk right now. "Baekhyun has told me all about the perfect deal you've made with your father a few days ago, and while he doesn't see anything behind it, I do. I ing do."

"You don't understand-"

"So you're telling me that you aren't keeping the relationship with Baekhyun in secret because you aren't sure about actually wanting to be with him? Because you aren't sure what is more important to you, your work or him?" 

The lack of response is a clear answer, and all Chanyeol is able to do under Jongin's angry and judging gaze is to avert his eyes away from the dancer, looking into distance instead. Jongin basically said all that's on Chanyeol's mind, but it sounds rather bad when he hears it instead of just thinking it. It makes him realize what an he is - and not only for the thing that happened in the club, but also for being so ufair to Baekhyun.

Honestly, he can't believe that he didn't realize how bad his way of thinking was until Jongin voiced his thoughts for him. Just now Chanyeol finally stops to think about how Baekhyun must feel about the whole arrangement, not even knowing if Chanyeol is serious about him or not thanks to all the hiding and secrecy. 

Somehow, Baekhyun's recent clinginess and offers to stay the night every day make a lot more sense, same as his sad smiles and and lack of eye-contact in public. Chanyeol had been overlooking it for so long, using his own sadness from not being able to be open about his relationship with Baekhyun as an excuse, not even bothering to ask Baekhyun about his opinion. When Chanyeol looks back at it, Baekhyun wasn't half as happy as him when the CEO told him about the deal with his father but still went along with it, agreeing to be Chanyeol's dirty little secret, probably thinking that it's just temporary while Chanyeol thought about keeping their relationship this way. Chanyeol was selfish, thinking that it can go on like that because it was good for him, completely disregarding Baekhyun's feelings in the process.

As it all comes crushing down on him, Chanyeol also comes to realize why the thing that happened in the club was such a big deal - it was the last straw for Baekhyun. The brunet was probably trying to act like everything is okay while wondering if Chanyeol actually wanted to stay with him or if he was just a temporary thing in the CEO's life, and Chanyeol not standing up for him must have looked like he doesn't care about Baekhyun enough to interject, since he won't be keeping him around for long. 

But that's complete bull. Chanyeol might have been wrong in thinking that their relationship can continue like this, but he sure as hell doesn't think of Baekhyun as a temporary lover. Just because he can't come to terms with what he really wants doesn't mean that he keeps Baekhyun just for the fun of it, using the brunet as a distraction or whatever. He loves Baekhyun, very much so, he would never think about him as someone temporary in his life.

However, does Baekhyun know that? Chanyeol wasn't very vocal about it, when he thinks about it. Of course, he showered Baekhyun with hugs, kisses, compliments and thousands of I love you-s, but he doesn't remember saying anything about wanting to spend his life with Baekhyun. He might have been thinking it, but he doesn't remember saying it, especially not to Baekhyun. 

Did he really make Baekhyun think that what they have is just for now and that Chanyeol won't be the least bit sorry when he gets tired of Baekhyun and breaks up with him?

As if that would ever happen, Chanyeol thinks. 

"I want to be with him, I'm not planning to let him go," Chanyeol says, looking back into Jongin's eyes so the dancer can see how serious Chanyeol is about it. "I ed up, I get it. But I don't plan on leaving him any time soon. I just need-... I just need some time to figure this all out."

While thinking about what to do these past days, Chanyeol thought about the possible outcomes if he decided to leave Baekhyun. However, he could never finish the thought because imagining his life without Baekhyun hurt too much, and he always dropped whatever idea came to his head if it involved letting go of Baekhyun. And now after spending some time away from Baekhyun, no contact between them besides a goodnight and a good-morning text, Chanyeol is hundred percent sure that breaking up with Baekhyun is not an option, wasn't an option from the very beginning. It was actually the time he had to spent apart from Baekhyun that made him realize that he can't live without the brunet coloring his days brightly with beautiful smiles, loving words and gentle touches. 

"And how much time do you need?" it's Kyungsoo who speaks up this time, glaring at Chanyeol dangerously. Honestly, Kyungsoo's glare is making him more scared than Jongin's fist that's very ready to hit him again. Chanyeol guesses that the only reason he hasn't received another punch yet is because Kyungsoo's hand is still resting on Jongin's shoulder, as if keeping his boyfriend on leash. "A day, two? Or a year, maybe five?" Kyungsoo continues, and now his voice sounds all shades of annoyed. "You say that you need time, that's nice, but even you can't specify how much. Do you plan on keeping Baekhyun hanging while you finally decide what to do?"

The more Kyungsoo talks, the worse Chanyeol feels. Yes, he knows that he is selfish and thinks only of himself, but he really is unable to Baekhyun go. He loves him too much for that. Still, it's not only about deciding what to do, it's also about the consequences his actions can bring. He needs to prepare for them as well, he can't be reckless again. If Chanyeol doesn't think of everything carefully this time, he will only hurt the people he loves again.

"I don't have energy to deal with him," Jongin's voice is full of frustration as he says that before standing up an finally letting go of Chanyeol. Maybe Jongin doesn't have energy to deal with Chanyeol, as he kindly pointed out, but he has enough energy left to glare at Chanyeol one last time before spitting the words, "ing man up already," and disappearing in his apartment right after. When Jongin leaves them, Chanyeol slowly gets up from the ground and brushes the dust off of his clothes, the hall of the apartment complex not being exactly the cleanest. 

"Do you want to say anything else?" Chanyeol asks in a whisper when he feels Kyungsoo's gaze boring into him too intensely to be ignored. "Or do you want to punch me too?"

There is silence between the two men for a few seconds, Chanyeol using it to collect himself as he leans against the wall, hand coming up to touch his throbbing cheek. Jongin hit him three times, two punches aimed at his cheek and the last one further down, close to his mouth. He must have a split lip too because he feels the disgusting taste on his tongue when he over his lips. 

"Don't go anywhere," Kyungsoo says eventually, and when Chanyeol looks up he only catches Kyungsoo's small frame disappearing into the apartment. A fleeting thought that Kyungsoo is going for a knife and is actually going to fulfill his promise about chopping Chanyeol's manhood off comes to his mind, but it disappears soon when the cook comes back with a pack of tissues and a small plastic back filled with ice-cubes., throwing them at Chanyeol. Chanyeol catches them with surprise, his eyes going wide at the realization that Kyungsoo actually wants to help him with this small gesture. 

"Thanks," with the words of gratefulness, Chanyeol opens the pack and pulls out a single tissue, wrapping the plastic bag in it and putting the ice on his throbbing cheek, wincing slightly at the contact. 

Chanyeol expects Kyungsoo to just leave after that, but the cook doesn't. For a while he just stares at Chanyeol with some emotion Chanyeol isn't able to decipher, but then he speaks up, catching the CEO's attention once again. "I know you love Baekhyun," he says, and Chanyeol is more than shocked to hear Kyungsoo say that. "But sometimes simply loving someone is not enough. You have to prove your love somehow, and you're honestly doing anything but," Chanyeol looks down in shape upon hearing the words, but he takes them to heart even though he is not happy about them. "I know you have work responsibilities as the CEO, but Baekhyun is also your responsibility as your lover. So until you sort out your thoughts, it's better if you don't talk to him - personally, I mean. I don't think he is ready to see you. However, hurry up with making your decision, or it can be too late when you finally come to your senses."

With that, Kyungsoo is also gone, and Chanyeol is left standing in the hall all by himself.

 

--

 

It's Friday when he meets Lu Han along with Sehun an Jongin, all three of them attending the celebration event after Lu Han's successful comeback. After spending one month in Korea and promoting the album on many shows and attending bunch of concerts and fansigns, the time when Lu Han goes back to China is quickly approaching. Chanyeol didn't have much time to talk to the singer, but from his manager Chanyeol knows that Lu Han is flying back to Korea in only three days, ready to promote the new album there too and grabbing all kinds of awards. 

Honestly, he will miss Lu Han. Chanyeol wasn't meeting up with the singer that much, mostly because of the both men's tight schedule, but Chanyeol truly enjoyed the moments when the whole group of their friends could get together from time to time. 

However, Chanyeol is harshly reminded that he can't call himself a part of 'their group of friends' anymore as Sehun shoots him a glare from across the hall when their eyes meet, and Jongin who is right next to Sehun just stares at him judgingly before dragging Sehun away, muttering something Chanyeol is unable to hear because of the distance between them. He can only guess that it's not anything good, judging by the situation and also from the expressions of his now-ex friends. 

Holding the glass with champagne tighter in his hand, Chanyeol turns away and goes to the table with food instead, wanting to eat his sadness away. It never works, but at least he is full and sad, not hungry and sad. It's not exactly something to be happy about but Chanyeol is desperate enough to count it as a small win. Usually he would share the food with his dearest friend, but sadly, his friend is too busy today. Not really, but Jongdae's parents that decided to come to the event are making sure to keep him busy - so he won't spend too much time with that low-life receptionist guy, they said. 

Even the food doesn't taste good anymore, Chanyeol realizes after he eats third peace of his favorite small chocolate dessert that's regularly served on every event organized by the company. If the food he likes the best doesn't taste as perfect as before, it's only a sign that how things are right now is completely wrong. What other reason could there be that would cause Chanyeol to scrunch his face in distaste at his favorite dessert? 

When Chanyeol thinks that his mood can't be worse at this point, he is proven wrong. Everything can get worse, it doesn't even matter how bad it is already, and Chanyeol is reminded of the fact when a tall man with a never-leaving smirk approaches him, placing a small piece of a snack in his mouth while asking, "Did you enjoy Saturday's night? I saw you the waiter-boy leaving, and the next second you were out of the club too. Had fun with him?"

"Baekhyun," Chanyeol says through gritted teeth, not liking the tone the man used while addressing Baekhyun as a waiter-boy. It doesn't matter if he is a son of the company's biggest sponsors, Chanyeol won't let him use this tone when talking about Baekhyun. "His name is Baekhyun."

"Yeah, I know," he replies with a shrug, scanning the table for something else to eat. He doesn't spare Chanyeol a glance, too busy with the task of finding something that would make his stomach happy. "Of course I know. You and him are always all over the celebrity news. These days not that much, but still."

"You didn't seem to remember him at the club if I'm not mistaken," Chanyeol tries to sound casually, but he can't hide the malice in his voice as good as before. Donghyun seems to catch the hostility from Chanyeol's tone too, but he doesn't seem affected in a bad way. He even seems to be enjoying himself. Chanyeol's wonders what the hell is wrong with the guy.

"Thanks for pointing that out. It's something I know very well how to do - hiding things well, I mean," Donghyun seems way to pleased with himself, putting up a fake-friendly cover. It's just a second later that this pretended friendliness crumbles down though, and a sly smirk that doesn't have anything to do with friendliness replaces the previously kind expression. "Unlike you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Chanyeol questions immediately, getting defensive right away. A frown appears on the CEO's face just a second later, and he glares at Donghyun without hiding his frustration that comes with the man's remark.

"You know very well," the side-look Donghyun gives him is enough to make Chanyeol understand what is the man talking about. As if it wasn't already clear from the remark uttered just seconds ago. 

"That's-"

"Don't even try, I know you two are together. It's pretty obvious, even more after Saturday," that being said, Chanyeol is only able to gape at Donghyun, a lump creating in his throat. The son of their biggest sponsor knows about his relationship with Baekhyun. He isn't bluffing or playing around, it's clear from the look in his eyes and his expression, but Chanyeol truly wishes it was just a joke. This can ruin him if Donghyun decides to tell about it to anybody else. What if he already has?  Chanyeol wonders, and his stomach twists in panic. "I was actually looking forward to see you beating up every single person that touched your pretty boyfriend on Saturday, but it was so disappointing to just watch you sit there, doing nothing. Unlike you though, Byun Baekhyun surprised me quite a lot when he threatened Joonhae. It was very entertaining."

"Can you just shut up?" Chanyeol moves closer to Donghyun, hissing the words into the man's face. "This isn't your business."

"I'm just saying," Donghyun starts. "I was curious about how will you deal with everything, if you actually find the courage to be open about your relationship with the guy or not. Everyone talks about how brave you are, but I guess it was just that - a talk," he reaches  for a piece of a cream puff at the other side of the table, putting it into his mouth and liking his fingers before he adds, "Anyway, if you're not keeping him let me know. I would love to have some fun with him."

"Don't you ever say that again," Chanyeol warns the man, but Donghyun only laughs whole-heartedly and tuns to leave.

Before he does though, he utters one more sentence, "Isn't it a little too late for this kind of behavior?" and then he's gone, mingling between the people and getting lost in the huge crowd faster than anyone could. It's almost as if he even wasn't there just a second ago, talking to Chanyeol with that stupid smirk on his lips. 

However, what Donghyun has said made its way not only to his heart but also to his brain, and he swear that the ever-growing guilt is here again, eating him up from inside more than before. The words Donghyun said cut deep into Chanyeol's already bleeding heart and the ache in his chest is making it hard to breathe, especially when there are so many people everyone around him, the chatter from all around ringing in his ears being suddenly too loud. 

He needs some fresh air, and with that in mind he quickly leaves the grand room with long strides, making his way to the balcony on the right side of the building. He won't even care if he isn't alone there, he just needs to breathe without feeling like there are million pairs of eyes watching him after the conversation he had with Donghyun. 

Chanyeol is more than happy to find the balcony unoccupied when he gets there, and he throws himself on the railing with a deep sigh. He closes his eyes as he tries to relax a little, the summer breeze ghosting over his skin. It was really getting too suffocating in there.

He doesn't have time to relax for too long though, someone interruptig his new-found peace. That someone being Lu Han, his Chinese accent unmistakeable. 

"Are you alright?" the singer asks as he joins Chanyeol, eyes worried when he looks over at the CEO. "I saw you leaving, you seemed stressed." 

"I'm fine," is Chanyeol's reply, but it's clear that it's a lie. Lu Han can easily tell that Chanyeol is anything but. "Why do you even care, anyway?" comes next, and it sound harsher than Chanyeol intended. Immediately, the CEO feels apologetic for his tone. Lu Han doesn't deserve his anger, especially not after being kind enough to go check on him. "I mean, everyone hates me now. You surely know what for."

"I know, but I also know that you didn't do it on purpose. Your intentions were good, in a way," well, that's a surprise. Chanyeol expected Lu Han to lash out on him, or at least throw some curses at him for being an and an incompetent boyfriend. He certainly didnt expect Lu Han to be understanding. 

So really, nobody can blame him for letting out a shocked, "What?" 

"Well, you ed up big time but I'm sure you didn't plan everything to end like this. Besides, I understand that you have the company's future in your hands, that's not a small matter. It's not easy to decide what to do, to choose between the one you love and your work that you put so much into, that you also love," Lu Han says, and there is something in his voice that is indicating that Lu Han isn't simply trying to be understanding of Chanyeol's situation. He sounds as if he knew these kind of problems very well, as if he had them too.

"Speaking from experience?" Chanyeol asks softly, grateful to find someone that can understand him. "How are you and Sehun?"

Chanyeol is truly curious. After all, from what he's heard Sehun declined the offer to travel to China as Lu Han's back-up dancer, same as Jongin, meaning that while Lu Han is leaving in a few days, Sehun is staying here. Are they goin to break up? Or decide for a long distance relationship? Long distance relationship with a person like Lu Han, who has such busy schedule, would be incredibly hard.

"We are good. We came to an angreement a few days ago," Lu Han answers, a bittersweet yet very fond smile adoring his face. It makes Chanyeol even more curious "I will go back to China and he stays here. Long distance relationship is going to be difficult, but it will be only for a year."

"For a year? Will you have another comeback here after a year?" it's not polite to pry, but Lu Han doesn't seem to mind. He even seems to be glad to finally talk about it with someone.

"No," he says, levaing Chanyeol momentarily confused before continuing. "My contract ends in a year, and I won't re-sign it. So, when I'm free from the contract I will come back here, to Sehun."

"Really?" is it rude to sound so shocked, so in disbelief? After all, Lu Han is one of the most famous idols, and Chanyeol is sure that he would be very wanted after re-signing the contract and continuing his career. Is he really going to throw it all away for Sehun?

"I actually wanted to come clean with my relationship with Sehun, since I hate lying to my fans, but Sehun stopped me, telling me it's reckless. And so we decided to wait a year, until my contract officialy ends. Still, I want to be honest with my fans, it's so frustrating," Lu Han lets out an annoyed puff of air that only represents his words, and Chanyeol can't help but smile upon seeing how seriously upet the singer is. The shock from before is long gone, Chanyeol only feeling envious while being sincerely happy for Sehun and Lu Han. They have it all figured out, while Chanyeol only knows that he wants to be with Baekhyun. However, that's not enough, as Kyungsoo said.

"What should I do?" he asks, desperate for the answer. Maybe Lu Han can help him, give him some advice. He needs it from a person that understands his problem better than anyone. 

"I can't tell you exactly. It's still your decision to make, but think about it carefully. Besides, it was you who said that you make it work some time ago, right? Sehun told me about everything. For me it's clear that you love him, and that you care for him a lot. You have to ask yourself if there is a chance you will find someone like him in the future if you let him go. And if you want to be with him, keeping your relationship a secret won't do, believe me. Besides, not everything is as black as you seem to think. If you tell the world about you and Baekhyun, there is  possibility that the company will get hurt in the process, but not necessarily. It isn't the company versus Baekhyun, so don't look at it like that. You might lose some clients and sponsors, but there will be new ones for sure," Lu Han pauses or a while, regaining his breath after going all out with his thoughts. Then, he says something that makes Chanyeol think for real. "Honestly, can you live without Baekhyun? Because if you don't make up your mind quickly you will have to."

 

--

Eight days. It's been eight days, and he hasn't spoken more than a few words with Baekhyun. It's driving him crazy, the absence of his feisty boyfriend in his life. Chanyeol sees his days as more or less dull, without anything to actually look forward to. After befriending Baekhyun months ago, he had always something to look forward to, something to feel happy about - mostly because he knew that he will be meeting Baekhyun after work. 

Now when Baekhyun isn't keeping him company anymore, Chanyeol doesn't feel happy about ending work - he actually doesn't want to end his day at work because it means that the only thing waiting for him is his big bed in which he feels even more lonely and sad. He misses Baekhyun so much that it hurts, and even though the brunet wasn't very keen on spending their free time at Chanyeol's place because he felt somewhat uncomfortable here - which Chanyeol can easily relate to - everything in the house reminded him of Baekhyun, the few memories from when Baekhyun visited engraved in his mind. 

In these eight days, Chanyeol has been falling asleep with a hole in his heart which is throbbing painfully even now as he's looking through his gallery, a bittersweet smile on his lips when his eyes fall on Baekhyun who is grinning widely into the camera, happy and full of life. Chanyeol has a lot of photos of Baekhyun, same as of Baekhyun and himself. On some photos Baekhyun is smiling, on some he is sleeping, and on some he is just doing ordinary every day things but Chanyeol couldn't help himself and captured the moments because he thought that Baekhyun is simply too pretty, too ethereal and it would be a sin not to snap a photo of his beautiful lover. 

Chanyeol wonders if he could be with Baekhyun right now, the brunet lying in his arms and resting after a day at work, if he wasn't a complete idiot back at the club that night and didn't ruin their relationship with his stupidity and fear. It makes him want to cry when he imagines that if he wasn't a jerk and wasn't afraid to stand up for Baekhyun, at this moment they could be cuddling in Baekhyun small bad, their bodies pressed close and their lips meeting every second for a chaste kiss. However, now he realizes that it's not only about the thing that happened in the club, it's about his behavior as a whole. His stupid, cowardly behavior.

Just as he is about the play a video he recorded back in the holiday house, the one where Baekhyun is singing Moon of Seoul and playing the piano beautifully, his phone starts ringing in his hand, caller's ID spelling out Sehun's name. Chanyeol's breathing hitches and his finger hovers over the green button, unsure. What would Sehun want for him? Is he going to curse at him through the phone instead of face to face? If yes, Chanyeol really doesn't feel like picking up. On the other side, maybe Sehun is calling him because something happened to Baekhyun, and if there is even a smallest possibility of this being the real reason, Chanyeol would hate himself forever if he missed this call.

That's why he quickly answers it with a rather quiet, "Yes?"

"-what if he doesn't, though?" Chanyeol truly doesn't expect Baekhyun's voice to bless his ears, and his eyes go wide in surprise. The voice is definitely his lover's, but it sounds far away, echoing in the spear as if he was on a complete different place than the phone is. His tone is casual, but Chanyeol can hear the sadness in it.

"I'm sure he does," this time it's Sehun speaking, and his voice is clear, the man being definitely closer to the phone than Baekhyun. However, it's clear that Sehun is not talking to him, and Chanyeol is starting to think that the dancer dialed his number accidentally. "Chanyeol loves you a lot."

At this, Chanyeol's heart skips a beat. Instead of cursing Chanyeol, Sehun believes him with his love for Baekhyun. It makes him happy and rather shocked too because the last time he saw Sehun on Friday at the party he seemed to hate Chanyeol's guts, wanting to throw the CEO into a tub full of sharks. However, what catches Chanyeol's attention is Baekhyun saying what if he doesn't tough because if he gets together everything he has heard in these few short seconds, Baekhyun is doubting that Chanyeol is in love with him. It makes his heart hurt. Does Baekhyun really feel like this? Does he feel like he isn't loved?

"He is ashamed of me," Baekhyun says, and Chanyeol unconsciously balls his other hand in fist, gripping the bed sheets. Chanyeol isn't ashamed of Baekhyun, he truly isn't. He honestly wants to show Baekhyun to everyone because Baekhyun is a living perfection, not only his his looks being mesmerizing but his personality too. Baekhyun is just... so, so damn beautiful in every aspect. There is no way Chanyeol would be ashamed of his lover. Chanyeol was hiding their relationship for an entirely different reason. 

"How could he?" Sehun scoffs, and Chanyeol lets out a quiet that's right. Sehun knows.

"So are you telling me that Chanyeol isn't the least bit ashamed of me, really? He hides me from the world as if his life depended on it, puts so much effort in it," Baekhyun sighs, and his voice is getting closer as if Baekhyun too was moving closer to the phone. Chanyeol just sits and listens to it all, finally knowing how Baekhyun truly feels underneath the pretense. He asked many times how Baekhyun feels about hiding their relationship, and Baekhyun said that it was fine because they get to be together. Now, Chanyeol knows it was all a lie, Baekhyun pretending to be okay with it in order to stay with Chanyeol, and it pains him so much. He is disappointed in himself for not seeing the truth and believing the lie. "He doesn't love me, Sehun. He maybe thinks he does, but he doesn't."

You are wrong, Chanyeol thinks. I'm really in love with you. Stop doubting me. But Chanyeol can't really blame him, after everything. Baekhyun has every right to feel like this, and it's all Chanyeol's fault for making the brunet doubt him. 

"He does love you, everyone can see that. He's just a coward," Sehun opposes Baekhyun again, and Chanyeol is torn between wanting to thanks Sehun endlessly or be grumpy about the dancer calling him a coward. Again, it's not like Sehun is lying. Chanyeol already knows about himself being a coward, so his grumpiness would be highly unreasonable. However, it's Sehun's next sentence that shocks him more than everything. "But I still think you should break up with him."

"What?!" Chanyeol yelps before quickly covering his mouth, remembering that he is kind of eavesdropping on the conversation and there is a possibility of Sehun and Baekhyun being completely unaware that he is listening. 

"Did you hear something? I think-"

"No, I didn't," the way Sehun says it, denying it even before Baekhyun can finish his question is enough to let Chanyeol know that Sehun knows about him being on the line. The man must have dialed him exactly or this - so Chanyeol can hear this conversation, so he can finally understand it completely, since Baekhyun wasn't going to be honest about it. Sehun is one sly , Chanyeol thinks, but he is also kind of grateful to be able to hear all this. 

"Okay.." Baekhyun's tone is sceptical and Chanyeol can imagine his lover's expression right now, one eyebrows raised and a suspicion in his pretty eyes as he look at Sehun. 

Ignoring Baekhyun's suspicion, Sehun continues, "He loves you and is not ashamed of you, but I'm still not okay with him hiding you like some dirty secret, whatever the reason or intention is. It's not fair for you at all."

"He was doing it because-"

"No," Sehun interrupts Baekhyun, his tone frustrated. It's clear that he isn't angry at Baekhyun but at Chanyeol. "I don't care about it, it's still wrong. Do you really want to live like this? With Chanyeol completely ignoring you in public?" after letting out a sigh, Sehun adds, "you deserve much more than that."

Baekhyun is quiet for a while before quietly asking, "Do I?" a scoff follows and Chanyeol feels his heart falling into a deep black abyss. These two short words are enough to make him forget how to breathe because the only thing that's worse in Chanyeol's eyes than Baekhyun leaving him is Baekhyun going back to his insecurities. And Chanyeol knows very well that he is the cause. How is he different from those who hurt Baekhyun, made him feel like he isn't enough, when he is doing exactly the same? 

"Baekhyun. Stop," Sehun says, and Chanyeol is glad that Sehun is there to help Baekhyun get rid of his insecurities while Chanyeol isn't. "You do. You deserve the world," that's right, Chanyeol thinks for the second time this evening, agreeing with Sehun whole-heartedly. "But I think Chanyeol isn't going to give you what you deserve."

"I'm not breaking up with him," Baekhyun says with finality in his voice, and Chanyeol lets out a relieved breath he didn't know he was holding. For quite some time, Chanyeol was only thinking about what if I let Baekhyun go, but then after the talk with Kyungsoo and Lu Han he realized that it's not only about him. Baekhyun can be the one to make the decision for him too. What if he chose to leave Chanyeol, instead of Chanyeol deciding to leave Baekhyun? "I love him too much, I can't- I can't leave him."

Baekhyun's voice breaks, and Chanyeol's heart break along with it. He hates himself for being the cause of Baekhyun's sadness, hates causing pain to the person he loves so damn much. Why is he such a lousy boyfriend? How can Chanyeol even call himself Baekhyun's lover?

"So what are you gonna do? Wait until he remembers that he can't treat you like trash?" Sehun questions, tone harsh. Chanyeol knows very well that Sehun isn't angry at Baekhuyn, the dancer only getting frustrated because his friend is getting deeply hurt by Chanyeol's stupid self. Still, Chanyeol can only imagine how those few words have hurt Baekhyun, the brunet already being emotionally down to begin with. Chanyeol wants to be angry at Sehun for hurting Baekhyun but then he realizes he doesn't have any right, being the one who is hurting Baekhyun the most right now. "What if he isn't coming back? What he if decides to leave you?"

"He will not!" Baekhyun screams, so loud that Chanyeol gets startled by it. Only a second later, Baekhyun's voice gets quieter, the brunet probably realizing he is being too loud for a night hour like this. "You said Chanyeol loves me for sure, right? He won't leave me... If he loves me, he won't," it breaks Chanyeol's already shattered heart even more when he hears Baekhyun sounding so unsure about it all, his voice trembling while he's trying to make himself believe the words he's saying. The last straw for Chanyeol is hearing the incredibly quiet whisper of, "Right?"

Before Chanyeol knows it, he can hear Baekhyun crying through the speaker. And it's him who made him cry like this, on top of that. While Chanyeol was trying so hard to protect Baekhyun from everything bad, he was the one who was hurting him the most, is hurting him the most. It's him making his precious boyfriend cry, making him feel not loved and un-cared for. 

Chanyeol feels his eyes watering as well as he listens to Baekhyun's muffled sobs, his whole body hurting in a weird way as his ears are filled with the sound of his love crying because of his stupidity.

"If he loves you, he will not," and then the call ends abruptly. However, Chanyeol doesn't make a move to pull it away from his ear. He just motionlessly lies in bed as if he was frozen, staring into the while ceiling above him as his fist clenches and unclenches again. Honestly, he wants to hit himself for being such a ing failure of a boyfriend.

The thing that makes him move is a message notification that is too loud in his ear, but it doesn't really make Chanyeol flinch. Chanyeol just blinks, as if waking up from a weird tranz, and he slowly pulls the phone away from his ear and opens the message. It's from Sehun. 

 

-- From: Sehun

23:14
so? do you love him? --

 

It's just five words, but five words are all it takes the tears in Chanyeol's eyes to finally roll down his cheek. He doesn't remember the last time he cried, but it was quite a way back into past. There were many times where his eyes watered, but he never actually cried. The hot tears on his cheeks feel foreign, the salty taste too as the wetness travels to his lips. Chanyeol doesn't do anything, letting the tears fall freely down his cheeks. The grip on his mobile is loose, Chanyeol not even having enough energy to let his frustration out with gripping the phone more tightly. 

Chanyeol loves Baekhyun. He loves him a lot. He can't imagine his life without Baekhyun, and honestly he doesn't even want to. After spending his days without Baekhyun this past week and having a taste of what his life would become without his boyfriend, Chanyeol decides that he doesn't want a life like that. He doesn't want to live like that, definitely not. Not when Baekhyun feels more like a home than the house he's been living in all his life.

His legs seem to be moving on their own after he gets up from the bed. It's been years since he had done this, but right now Chanyeol doesn't see any other choice. He needs advice from a person close to him, more closer than Jongdae even. And there is only one person like that beside Baekhyun.

Chanyeol has to say that pulling the door handle down and opening the door has never been so hard as it is now. However, he finds the courage to do it after taking a few deep breaths, trying to calm the fast beating of his heart. With the back of his hand he wipes his cheeks to get rid of the wetness left by the tears, and with one last final intake of breath Chanyeol opens the door.

"Mom," he says into the quietness of the room, the woman looking up from her documents to look at the intruder. Her eyes go wide when she sees Chanyeol standing in the doorway with puffy eyes and red cheeks. "I need help."