You Love Her

4/?

20th July 2015, 18:57pm

Yoona stirred mindlessly at the finely seasoned food simmering in the pot before her. She stirred and stirred, and maybe it was the smell of homecooked food, or using her mother’s old recipes, or maybe it was Jessica’s impending arrival, but some element of it all took her back to the year 2004, when she was a freshly turned fourteen-year-old and love (or infatuation) had taken hold of her entirely for the first time.

Summer vacation was on the brink of commencing, and the summer heat was high and hot in the air. Yoona was working her usual Saturday shift in her parents’ restaurant like she always did, and just as she was jotting down someone’s order, something bright caused her eyes to automatically flicker upward and – that’s when she saw her. Han Jinah. Singlehandedly the most beautiful girl Yoona had ever set eyes on.

She smiled a little to herself, adding a pinch of salt to the pot, recalling her awkward, gangly, prepubescent self gawping at Jinah from across the room. Jinah was older than Yoona, four years to be exact, newly returned from her first year at some fancy university in the city – a true fascination for country-bumpkin Yoona who had barely seen a building with more than three floors before.

She wore brightly colored crop tops and distressed jean shorts, and smiled with pearly teeth, and had skin that glistened healthy and tanned under the sun’s rays and really, all in all, was the embodiment of everything a pretty first crush should be. Yoona sighed dreamily, turning the gas a little higher on the stove.

“Are you Mrs. Im’s daughter?” Yoona still shivered a little thinking about the first time Jinah had spoken to her, clutching a CV to her well-endowed chest.

She had nodded dumbly under Jinah’s awaiting gaze.

“Great. Could you give this to her? I’m in dire need of a summer job.” Jinah’s eyes were bright, friendly.

Yoona had stammered out a shaky “Y-yeah.” And watched, gawking internally, as Jinah walked away. She spent the following week hovering anxiously over her mother’s shoulder, wondering nervously if Jinah stood a chance of employment in their small family business.

“Yoona,” Mrs. Im whipped around in annoyance one afternoon, a wad of chopsticks gripped in her fist. “I swear to the Lord Almighty, if you don’t stop pestering me, I’m going to have to fire you.” She prodded her daughter in the shoulder before stuffing some menus underneath the counter. Yoona had known her mother’s threat had been an empty one. “It’s like you’re obsessed with that girl or something.”

“Me? Obsessed? Never.” Yoona was quick to scoff – maybe just a little too quick. “I’m just, you know, curious about who I’ll be working with. Is that such a crime?” She turned to the cash register, her heart thrumming horribly heavy in her chest.

“You just focus on what needs to be done.” Her mother grumbled, pushing a tablecloth to Yoona’s chest. “Go clear up table 4.”

“Yoona?”

Her eyes refocused. “!” She scrambled to turn the heat down on the pot that was now bubbling over with an angry-looking froth atop its surface. As the boiling calmed to a more gentle simmer, she looked over her shoulder to find Jessica standing in the doorway of the kitchen, wide-eyed.

“I thought you said you know your way around the kitchen?” Jessica smiled teasingly, coming down from her initial shock.

Yoona drank the sight of her in. A tight-fitted, black t-shirt dress, long, smooth legs, elegant curves, all accented with a pretty gold necklace. Too pretty, too perfect.

She caught her breath and composed herself. “Don’t worry, I do. That was just a little technical difficulty as all.”

“I hope you know that I have pretty high expectations.” Jessica responded, stepping, slowly, into the kitchen.

“I guessed as much.”

Jessica laughed lightly and walked to Yoona, where they then hugged. She relished in the comfort of Jessica’s body heat. “I hope you don’t mind I let myself in.” They pulled away from their embrace. “I rang the doorbell a couple of times but there was no answer. I tried the door and it was open, and I came to find you standing, staring at your stove - like a weirdo.”

Yoona scratched at her head, embarrassed. “Yeah, sorry about that. I was lost in a daydream.”

The look Jessica gave her was something along the lines of fond, but Yoona could never really be sure what any look Jessica ever gave her really meant.

* * *

“Well?” Yoona grinned from across the small dining table. “Did I exceed expectations?”

Jessica wiped delicately with a napkin, thinking. “I mean, for food that was nearly charred to death – it was pretty good.”

“Pretty good?” Yoona spluttered in disbelief. “Are your taste buds, like, retarded or something?”

Jessica upturned her nose in an attempt at faux haughtiness. “Can’t handle criticism very well, can we?”

Yoona narrowed her eyes, but chuckled nonetheless. “You’re only saying that because you don’t want to admit just how mind-blowingly ic my cooking is.”

“Yeah, whatever.” She gave a nonchalant shrug. “I had to deduct some points for that nasty, cheap beer.”

“My cheap beer is nasty?” The thought was laughable to Yoona as she stood and began to clear the table. “The wine you gave me literally tasted like musty .”

Jessica gasped, laughing in disbelief, before delivering the taller woman with a well deserved shove to the arm. “Are you always this rude to your guests?”

They entered the kitchen and deposited the dishes onto the counter. “Only to the really pretty ones.” Yoona smiled wide, baring her neat rows of teeth.

“Nice try.” Jessica gave Yoona one last push, albeit slightly gentler this time.

The fun of their bickering continued on throughout the dishwashing process. Yoona had insisted that Jessica go and relax in the living room, and that guests shouldn’t do dishes, but, alas, Jessica was just adamant. No matter what Yoona said, Jessica stood firm in her spot with a dishcloth, wiping down the various pieces of crockery and cutlery.

“Didn’t know you were so stubborn.” Yoona muttered.

“Likewise.” Jessica smirked in return.

Drying her hands on a nearby towel, Yoona somehow felt as though she were facing a challenge. Jessica was witty, intelligent, moved with a kind of refined elegance, but laughed with a childlike glee at jokes about . Maybe it wasn’t even a challenge, she realized, watching Jessica tuck some of her lovely hair behind her ear. Maybe, and it was totally plausible, Jessica was totally out of her reach, and this challenging essence was in actual fact a foreshadowing of failure. Belonging to a wealthy unit of a family who threw fancy housewarming parties, drank fancy wine as if it were water, had a breed of stability that Yoona could only dream of; it seemed that Jessica had volumes of everything that Yoona had been lacking her entire life.

The sound of light chuckling halted Yoona’s musings. “You’re staring.”

“You’re nice to look at. Sue me.”

Jessica drew a soft line down Yoona’s forearm. “Good save.”

“It wasn’t a save, it was honesty.” Yoona found herself responding genuinely. She cleared , having gazed into Jessica’s eyes for a little too long. “Now, how about you make your way to the living area, get yourself comfy, and I’ll bring you a bottle of my finest brew.”

“Sounds like a dream.” She closed the proximity and pressed her lips to Yoona’s cheek in a chaste kiss.

Yoona found herself leaning on the counter for support after Jessica had retired to the living room - her insides in various kinds of extreme acrobatic motion. She breathed in deep, trying to get her mind together. Feelings are irrational things, do not let them get you carried away.

She wiped down the countertops to distract herself. Yoona did not want to get too tangled up with a woman who was essentially betrothed to another. But then again, there was something, she wasn’t sure what, but something was spurring her on. While her mind was sending bright, blood red warning signals, her gut told her to keep moving forward – to kiss the girl.

* * *

“You know,” Jessica said, surveying her beer bottle with slightly less distaste than before. “the more I drink this stuff, the less I taste it.”

“I’m gonna take that as: you’re beginning to like it.” Yoona responded, taking a swig from her own bottle.

“Like is a very strong word.” The shorter woman grimaced slightly after taking another sip. “But I suppose it’s growing on me…a little.”

“Mission success.” Yoona smiled.

There was a moment of quiet as they regarded each other, drinking their respective beers leisurely. It was nice, Yoona thought, to just be in the company of one another, regardless of any feelings circulating beneath the surface.

“I didn’t get to apologize for my Dad essentially dragging you into the housewarming party last week. So, I’m sorry.” Jessica voiced after a moment.

“Don’t apologize”. Yoona shook her head. “He was just being polite.”

“He wasn’t being polite, trust me. You piqued his interest, which meant he wanted to question you more, and have his stupid business cronies ogle at you.” Jessica said scornfully, picking at the label on her bottle.

“I’m not gonna lie,” she shifted her beer bottle from one hand to the other, “being surrounded by a bunch of people decked out in Balenciaga and Ralph Lauren, gawping at me like they’d never seen a woman in greased up overalls before was…a little strange to say the least.”

“But you handled it great.” Jessica complimented, briefly grazing her fingers down Yoona’s wrist. “I don’t think I could’ve done it.”

Yoona shrugged, watching as Jessica’s fingers fell away back into her lap. “It was nothing. I guess I’m just good at talking my way through awkward situations.”

“It did seem like you had experience.” Jessica laughed. “I think you charmed the pants off just about everyone.”

“What about you?” Yoona asked, eyeing Jessica with a purpose, finally having found an opening. “Did I charm your pants off?”

Jessica bit down on her lip, smiling. “Well, I wasn’t wearing pants that day.”

“But say you were wearing pants…” she continued, reaching out, slowly entwining Jessica’s dainty fingers with her own. “…would they have been off?”

“Why do I get the feeling that you want to see me with my pants off?”

She ran her thumb over Jessica’s warm skin. “There’s not many who wouldn’t.”

“Where does that confidence come from?” Jessica questioned, her playfulness fading into a soft curiosity. Yoona wet her lips, feeling as though a knot was tying itself in because – the question - the way in which Jessica’s eyes would not leave her, unwavering, was unlike anything Yoona had seen.

“What do you mean?” Yoona decided to ask, unsure of what else to say.

Jessica’s head tilted to the side, “I mean the way you talk and the way you flirt. It just looks so natural on you.”

Yoona found herself backing up a bit, her fingers still linked with Jessica’s, but extending the space between them ever so slightly. She tried to shrug as nonchalantly as possible. “Guess I was born with it.”

“I don’t buy that.”

Yoona raised a brow, surprised at the older woman’s sure and prompt reply. “Are you psychoanalyzing me or something?”

A small laugh drew softly from Jessica’s lips. “I don’t think I’m qualified enough to psychoanalyze anyone.” She looked down at their entangled hands. “I just want to know what exactly I’m getting involved with.”

Yoona wet her lips and smiled. “You’ve never done this before, have you?”

“Never done what?”

Yoona hummed. “My guess is: you’ve never been with a woman, or you’ve never engaged in a…” she trailed off for a moment, trying to find the best euphemism for ‘cheated on your significant other’, “…engaged in a surreptitious relation with someone before. Or both.”

Jessica’s mouth upturned gently as she downed the last of her beer bottle and clinked it down onto the coffee table. “You’re both right and wrong.” She admitted timidly, as if a memory reel was running behind her eyes; a memory reel that maybe Jessica often had to stop herself from playing. Yoona watched her carefully. “I’ve never done this before.” She said, gesturing between them. “But, I have been with a woman before.”

Yoona nodded slowly, appreciating Jessica’s honesty. “Just one?”

“Just one.” Jessica confirmed with a single nod, pressing her lips into a line. “A long time ago. Back when I was in university.”

“Ah.” Yoona gave a knowing look. “The classic college girlfriend. I had a fair few in my time.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. I can imagine you being popular.”

Yoona lifted her shoulders and let them fall again. “I guess it depends on how you define popular.”

“You know what I mean.” Jessica nudged her gently. Her eyes held smiles – Yoona could just about see them through the lamplight.

“I…” She opened and closed it again. “I don’t want you getting the wrong impression of me.”

“And what might that be?”

“That I’m some addict or serial dater or…or I don’t know, something like that.” Yoona shook her head. “I…I’m not like that.” She cleared . Her face felt hot. The things she usually kept concealed so well were revealing themselves willingly. She averted eyes for a moment, waiting for Jessica to make a funny or a witty comeback, but it never came.

“I never thought that for a second.” The grip on her hand tightened. Yoona lifted her head to find the woman gazing at her with what looked like a tinge of adoration, of understanding. “You know what?”

Yoona found herself relaxing again, melting back into the sofa and closing in on Jessica once more. “What?”

“Kind of like your disgusting beer: the more time I spend with you, the more I realise how much I like spending time with you.”

Yoona laughed a little. “Strange way to put it but, likewise.” Slowly, ever so slowly, their faces drifted closer to one another until they were a mere eyelash apart. Yoona could feel Jessica’s breath washing just underneath her nose. “I really wanna kiss you right now. Is that cool?”

Jessica giggled. “I didn’t think you were the asking type.”

“I’m not, but for you, I want to make it special.”

“Permission granted, then.” And it was so.

Different from their first kiss, and their second kiss. It was slow and unhurried as each of them took their sweet, precious time discovering every hiding place the other held in their mouth. Yoona slowly raked her hand up the impossibly smooth skin of Jessica’s slim thighs, savoring the sensation, as if she would never know it again. She could feel it, a gentle, soft glowing ember of affection, of lust and want, burning warm inside her. Jessica bit down on her lower lip, ever so teasingly, and Yoona wondered if she had the same feeling burning inside her too.

A little something in her head told her to stop, for at some point this would have to end, and what a messy ending it would surely be. But she pressed deeper into Jessica’s heat and breathed in deeper Jessica’s addictive scent and conceded to the fact that she’d kissed Jessica’s lips one too many times now. And she didn’t ever want to stop.

She pulled back slightly, realizing her hand had traversed to a sinfully high place upon the shorter woman’s leg. “I’d really love to show you my bedroom.” Yoona husked.

Jessica laughed lightly in response, eyes cloudy. “Then, please, show me.”

Yoona grinned, pushing her conscious, her rational thoughts, to the side and helped Jessica from the couch. She took the older woman’s hand and led her up the stairs, both giddy and maybe a little shy, like a pair of lovebird teenagers.

Mouths, tongues, antsy hands on clothed flesh collided once atop the stairs. Yoona kicked the door of her bedroom closed clumsily. They toppled softly onto the bed and suddenly it fell quiet.

She opened her eyes and was met with the sight of a beautiful woman bathed in blue-silver moonlight straddled atop her. Her breath shallowed as the air began to feel heavy and weighted. Jessica gazed down at her with a sudden seriousness, a sudden sadness flecked in her brown eyes.

She reached out and grazed feather-like fingertips down the side of Yoona’s face and leaned down, engaging in a short, warm kiss.

“Let’s go slow.” Jessica whispered against Yoona’s lips, eyes fluttered closed.

“Anything you want.”

The moon doused them in it’s light as they stripped off their clothes and neglected to think of the days, years and consequences to come.

* * *

29th October 2016, 11:42am (Present)

Yoona rubs at her eyes, ensuring that what she’s just seen isn’t an illusion. Her hangover is not helping anything. “Just…” she blinks slowly, waiting for her brain to catch up. “…what is going on here?” She looks between her two friends expectantly, waiting for an answer.

Hyuna shrugs helplessly. “We were gonna tell you - eventually.”

Yoona looks to Sooyoung who is unusually quiet. Her eyes are to the floor and her jaw is set tightly in a way that is so un-Sooyoung-like that it has Yoona worried. “Soo?”

Said woman’s eyes finally flicker upward. The manner in which she stares at Yoona is not dissimilar to the reproachful look a parent would give their child. “What?”

“What do you mean ‘what’?” She presses. Everything this morning has been doubly confusing. She gestures a hand at Hyuna, her eyes still firmly focused on Sooyoung. “You’ve been dating a girl for the past 4 months and you somehow managed to neglect telling me that it’s Hyuna?”

“What does it matter anyway?” Sooyoung snaps harshly, taking Yoona aback. “It’s not like you let me in on what’s going on in your life.”

“Okay. I don’t know what the is going on.” Yoona shakes her head, blinking, as her mind tries, feverishly, to keep up with the situation at hand. “All I know is that I went out last night, got faced and woke up here to find you two exchanging saliva. I’m not even sure where I am.”

“We’re in Soo’s apartment.” Hyuna answers softly from the sidelines.

“The one I moved into a month ago.” Sooyoung adds on, just to smite Yoona once more. “Not that you even bothered to visit.”

Yoona finds herself frowning. She can feel her annoyance building under Sooyoung’s piercing, judging gaze. Her temper rises considerably and quickly. “What is wrong with you?” Her voice has an unmissable edge to it, wanting to damage.

“Yoona.” Hyuna warns.

“Don’t ‘Yoona’ me.” She finds herself saying with indignation. “Yeah, okay, I probably inconvenienced you guys last night, which I am sorry about, but that’s still no reason to keep throwing all this malicious at me. You’re acting like I’ve never had to pick your drunk up before.”

“But it’s wasn’t just last night, was it?” Comes Sooyoung’s icy rebuttal as she takes a step forward. “It’s all the ing time with you. The whole span of our friendship is you making a mess and me being left to pick up all the pieces.”

Yoona tries to scoff, “You don’t know what you’re ing talking about.” But she knows. She knows all too well that Sooyoung knows exactly what she’s talking about.

“Don’t I?” Sooyoung questions, defensive at Yoona’s patronization. “It was me who helped you get over your parents. It was me who stayed by your side every single second after your Uncle died. It was me who got you that job, that apartment. Even after you ran away, who was waiting right there for you to come back?” Sooyoung stares at her vehemently in the heavy, momentary quietness between them. “It was me.”

Yoona blinks back the sudden tears glazing her eyes, throat tight. She shakes her head weakly. “I don’t want to talk about this.” She whispers.

“What about when I needed someone?” Sooyoung continues. “Were you ever there?”

“I said I don’t want to ing talk about this!” The anger in her voice rings out through the large apartment, shocking Hyuna and Sooyoung into a bout of silence. “You’re standing there and digging up all this bull about me and how I’m a terrible friend, but what about you, Soo?” She throws an outraged hand, her heart beating terribly hard in her chest. “You’re the one who lied to me about Hyuna-“

“I didn’t lie-“

“Oh but omitting the truth is just as ing bad!” Her breathing has become labored, heavy. “I don’t know why this has been me all of a sudden but it’s not ing fair. I’m not at fault here.”

Sooyoung stares at her, something similar to disgust in her eyes. It makes Yoona feel small, worthless, as if she was back sitting in front of her mum and dad all over again. “Do you even remember what happened last night?”

Yoona swallows thickly and shakes her head.

“Of course you don’t.” Sooyoung’s chuckle is somewhat sad. “Of course you don’t remember, because if you did, you’d know that you showed up at my door last night with none other than Jessica.”

Yoona’s face, stomach – everything - falls.

“Yes, Yoong, the same Jessica you’ve been having an affair with for how long? Over a year?” Sooyoung shakes her head, a hurt smile twisting at her lips. “Funny how you never thought to mention it to me – your supposed best friend. Even ing Hyuna knew about it!”

“Soo, I’m-“

“And you know what the ing icing on the cake is, Yoong?” Sooyoung cuts in loudly, bordering on hysteric. She reaches behind her and pulls out two sheets of paper from her back pocket. Yoona doesn’t even have to look to know what they are. “You were gonna just off again? Like last time?” Sooyoung scoffs at Yoona’s lack of response, flinging the aeroplane tickets down to land at Yoona’s feet. “I don’t know why I’m surprised, honestly. I should’ve known that you wouldn’t be able to stay put for much longer.”

Yoona inhales and exhales unsteadily, guilt and shame and upset weighing heavy on every inch of her being. Sooyoung is right. Sooyoung will always be right. Yoona is a terrible, self-absorbed friend who does not know how to face her problems, who lies to those she loves, who lies to herself, who runs when things get difficult.

“I’m done.” Sooyoung says, as if any fight left in her had dissipated into thin air. “I’m so ing done with you. I’m done waiting around for you to actually step up and be a friend to me, I’m done waiting for you to get your together, I’m done doing you favors, getting you jobs, getting drunk with you and always being left in the dark. I’m done.” She storms over to the kitchen counter and grabs a set of car keys. “By the time I get back, I want you out of my ing apartment.”

Sooyoung slams the front door so hard that she’s surprised it stays on its hinges. Sooyoung slams the door so hard that Yoona is afraid that she’s just lost her best friend.

* * *

“You’re kind of an , you know?”

Yoona groans, “I know.” She massages her temples tiredly in an attempt to remedy her increasingly aching head.

“But, luckily, you’re an I can tolerate.”

She smiles weakly as Hyuna hands her two painkillers and a glass of water. “You’re a saint.”

Hyuna settles down on the couch beside her, cradling her chin as she watches Yoona wash down the pills in silence.

“I doubt just two will do away with the hangover completely.” Hyuna says, “You were completely out of your mind last night when you showed up here.”

Yoona places the glass down onto the coffee table carefully. “How bad?”

“The worst I’ve ever seen you. You were basically paralytic.”

She averts her gaze, unable to look Hyuna in the eyes. As the morning wears on, her heart becomes more and more heavy, filled with more and more hurt. “I’m sorry for making you deal with this mess.”

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.” Hyuna chides gently.

“I know. I just-…” She clears and wrings out her hands. “Things haven’t been this bad in a long time. I’ve never seen her so angry.”

“Can you blame her though?”

“No.” With a huff she leans back on the sofa and covers her face with her hands. Part of her needs to cry, but she knows that if she starts crying she might never stop. “I can’t.”

“You want me to tell you what happened last night?”

Yoona lowers her hands slowly. She peeps through the gaps in her fingers to find Hyuna looking at her expectantly. She nods hesitantly.

“At 3am this morning, Sooyoung got a call from who she thought was you. When she answered, though, it was Jessica on the line saying that you were totally hammered and that you’d phoned her to come get you.”

Yoona grimaces, not having the slightest recollection of such events.

“Jessica said she didn’t want to leave you in your house alone in case you choked on your own vomit or something, so she decided to call Soo instead. Obviously, Soo was very confused, not knowing who Jessica was, so I had to tell her everything. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Yoona shakes her head. “I should’ve told her sooner.”

Hyuna nods, “Anyway, Soo gave Jessica the ok to bring you over here. And, let me tell you, she definitely did not look happy to see me.”

“Really?”

“I’m sure Jessica is a sweet girl, but she’s not very good at hiding her distaste.” Hyuna offers Yoona a wry smile. “She didn’t say much to either of us. But she stayed a while. After the three of us carried you to the guest room, she sat with you for at least an hour, until you fell asleep.”

Yoona’s eyes drift elsewhere, trying to grasp the remnants from last night, but ultimately unable to. Her stomach is churning and acidic and she wonders why she can never do the safe thing, the right thing or the smart thing. It’s always the emotional thing or the I-want-to-self-destruct thing. She supposes she shouldn’t be surprised at how this has all blown up in her face.

“I know that look.” Hyuna says. Yoona looks back to her and in her eyes she finds a gentle kind of concern, maybe even pity, but it’s so gentle that she doesn’t feel suffocated. “That’s a look of heartbreak.”

“You’re not wrong.”

“As far as I knew, things with you and Jessica were sound. But, obviously, we haven’t spoken in a while.”

“She’s getting married.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Hyuna sighs softly into the silence between them. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t be.” Yoona mutters, staring down at her clasped fingers. “I don’t even want to think about her right now. I’m more concerned about the fact that Soo might never speak to me again.”

“She will.” The other woman responds with a sureness that makes Yoona raise a brow. “Yeah, she was really ing angry and upset, but I don’t think there’s anything that you could do to ever make her walk away from you forever.” Hyuna shifts closer, placing a measured hand upon Yoona’s forearm. “She told me that even though her parents disowned her, you’re the only family she needs.”

Yoona in a shaky breath. Because it’s true. Sooyoung and Yoona at 18 years old, fresh from being disowned by both their families, had and needed nothing but each other. She closes her eyes and holds back the tears building beneath her lids and thinks that maybe nothing has changed. A Yoona without Sooyoung is simply not Yoona.

* * *

21st July 2015, 09:53am

The expression that Jessica wore as she slept was one that intrigued Yoona to no end. She could probably stare at it until her lungs gave out, and there were not many things Yoona wanted to do until her lungs gave out.

She brushed a strand of loose hair away from Jessica’s face as carefully as possible and considered the events that had transpired the previous evening.

Jessica and the way she smiled. That kiss which led to a long night of soft, warm, slow . Yoona bit down on her lip at the memory. But all this fun and pleasure had to come at a price, didn’t it?

Yoona had nothing to lose- well, she thought she had nothing to lose. But Jessica – Jessica had everything to lose; her whole family, her seemingly perfect boyfriend, her societal status, her family’s reputation, her life as a whole – all things that Yoona had never had or had already lost.

She rolled herself silently out of bed and tiptoed to the bathroom, thinking that there were probably many reasons that one might cheat on their boyfriend or risk banishment from her loved ones. She stared at herself, long and hard, in the mirror and realized that she’d done the latter herself.

Jessica was blinking sleep from her eyes as she reentered the bedroom. “There you are.” Her voice was thick and husky with sleep.

“Nipped to the bathroom.” Yoona explained, sliding back underneath the covers. They laid face to face, neither woman speaking a word.

Jessica yawned after a moment, a sight that Yoona couldn’t help but squeal at internally because, damn, was this woman endearing. “Sorry.” She said, covering .

“If you’re still tired, go back to sleep.”

“I would but,” Jessica twisted her neck round to inspect the alarm clock sitting on the nightstand. “I need to get going soon-ish.”

Yoona propped her head up on her hand. “You want breakfast?”

“Depends. What you got?”

“Depends. What do you want?” Yoona laughed as Jessica rolled her eyes at the mimicry.

“I’m not hungry yet, anyway. .”

“Is that how you talk to someone offering you breakfast?”

“No. That’s how I talk to s.”

“Touché.” Yoona couldn’t fight back her lips as they decided to upturn into an easy smile. The kind of smile she didn’t often find herself expressing. Jessica smiled along with her and as Yoona looked ever so intently into her eyes, never having been so close before, she thought that maybe if this was her everyday life her chest would always feel this light, her smile would always come this easy, and waking up happy like this, with a sleepy, bedhead Jessica by her side would be a given.

But she reeled herself back, watching as Jessica shifted underneath the sheets. Because romanticized day dreams of a domesticated, Jessica-filled life were dangerous, stupid little things that could lead Yoona down a windy, prickly path that she wanted so badly to avoid.

“Earth to Yoona.” A delicate hand was suddenly being waved in front of her eyes. She blinks and finds Jessica gazing at her with interest. “You were totally spacing out again.”

“Sorry. I do that a lot.”

“So, I noticed.” She rested her head down on the pillow. “What were you thinking about?”

“I was thinking about how this is nice.” She answered, biting the inside of her cheek at the half-truth. “I was also thinking about whether or not you want this to happen again?”

“Hmm.” Jessica hummed softly, propped herself up on her elbow and made herself eyelevel with Yoona, a certain gleam in her dark brown eyes. Without prompt, the older woman leaned forward and kissed Yoona gently on the lips. “Does that answer your question.”

“I believe it does.” Yoona responded, wondering why she suddenly felt so relieved.

“I’m surprised that you asked.” Jessica intoned, tugging Yoona to lie back down. “I thought I made it pretty clear how felt about you.”

“I don’t know what goes on in your head.” Yoona found herself shrugging. “You might’ve woken up this morning and regretted everything and never wanted to speak to me again. Because, really, your life seems pretty nice.” Jessica raised a brow. “Nice house, nice boyfriend, rich family, good job. Being here with me is essentially social suicide – if anyone ever found out.”

“I know.” Jessica let out a large sigh that seemed to have been weighing heavy in her chest. “But it’s not as perfect as it seems. One could have the nicest boyfriend, the nicest house, the richest family and still not be happy.”

Yoona could find no rebuttal to that. But she did, however, want to know what it was in Jessica’s life that was making her unhappy. What had driven her to Yoona’s bed? But before she could even breathe a single syllable of her curiosities, Jessica’s phone began blaring a catchy pop tune from her handbag on the floor.

“, it’s Theo.” Jessica muttered, hanging off the side of the bed.

Yoona slung an arm over her eyes and laid back, her morning officially ruined. She groaned internally as Jessica answered the call in a register much too cheery for this time of morning.

“Hey, honey.” Jessica casted a quick glance at Yoona. “You’re home? Already?” Her tone raised a pitch and she suddenly got off the bed and began hunting for her articles of clothing on the floor. “Me? I’m, uh, I’m at Yoona’s house. Oh, I know it’s kind of early, but we were just having breakfast.” Yoona peeked out from under her arm and watched in amusement as Jessica haphazardly tried to get dressed with only one free hand. “Okay, babe, I’m on my way home right now. Love you. Bye.”

With a click, the call ended and Yoona realized that Jessica could very well rival her in the acting department. She wondered if it hurt to lie to her boyfriend that she supposedly loved. But you don’t cheat on someone you love, do you? Yoona couldn’t be sure – she’d never really loved anyone before.

“I have to go.” Jessica announced unnecessarily, stuffing her phone back into her bag and quickly fixing her hair in the mirror. “Theo’s back from his trip early.”

“I thought as much.”

Jessica leaned over and kissed Yoona deeply, prying her lips open with her tongue and giving a light moan. Yoona was left a little lightheaded as she pulled away.

“You, uh, want me to walk you out?”

“No, no, it’s fine. I’ll show myself out.” She said, scurrying to the door. She turned back and gave Yoona the prettiest, gentlest of smiles. “I’ll call you.” And with whiff of sweet perfume and the clattering of a front door, she was gone and Yoona was left thinking of nothing but her.

* * *

29th October 2016, 12:58am (Present)

She trails her finger through the crumbs on her plate in silence as Hyuna busies herself around the kitchen. She’s humming an old song to herself, that Yoona just about recognizes, while she stacks some plates into a cupboard.

“Finished?” Hyuna turns to her, halting the bread crumb collecting and the half-hearted music making.

Yoona nods and nudges the plate over to her. “Thanks.”

“Always a pleasure.” She singsongs, opening the dishwasher. The humming commences once more but stops just as suddenly. Yoona looks up to find Hyuna’s light colored