"..I've done something so terrible and I'm terrified to speak.."

It's been days since the day I left..

It's been weeks since the last time I saw him..

I didn't know this would affect me this much. I couldn't sleep nor could I even relax with the different thoughts that filled my head. I don't know if I did the right thing. If I was right leaving him behind believing that it was all his fault, that he was the reason I left.

But for all I know, he's not even the one to blame..

I left because I was stupid.

I left because I had no ing idea on what I should really do with these emotions, these unfamiliar feelings that I know would just cause both of us harm. This warmth that I felt whenever he was around. This happiness that I could never explain whenever he would just simply smile at me.

Is this what they called love?

Because if it is, I'd curse cupid a dozen, no, a thousand times.

I was so certain back then that I would never believe in such stupidity, I was certain that I would never feel this unexplained emotion. This tenderness, fondeness, and attachment towards another person. I was so certain that I wasn't denying something because I thought, I clearly thought that I never felt the same.

The same way he felt towards me..

He would always show me how much he cared. He would always show me how special I was to him. He would always show me, even with little gestures, how much he loved me. How much he loves me.

Yes, I knew..

All along, I knew he was searching around looking for me. I knew how much time he wasted trying to find something that would lead him back to me. Something that would show him where I was.

But also, I did everything I could so he could never find me. Even if it led to people lying just for his sake, because I never wanted him to find me.

I thought I was done with all of this. I thought that the moment I left, I wouldn't be any further burden to him. That he would just completely forget about me and I would do the same. I would just simply forget about him.

But how come I couldn't?

I knew I would suffer with my decision. I knew that I deserved every bit of pain, every bit of agony that I felt each passing day he isn't around, but I couldn't let him end up feeling the same way.

So I decided to leave, I decided to leave and go as far away as I could from him. That I was going to write my final words for him, deliver it and never face him again.

Jungkook,

             There's a lot of things I want to say, a lot of things I wanted to tell you personally, but I am too much of a coward to face you. I don't know if we would ever see each other again or if you would ever want to face me again but I don't want you to suffer any further Jungkook. I know everything, I know that you have been wasting your time, looking for someone that's really not worth your time and I want to tell you that you should stop.

Forgive yourself Jungkook.

You did nothing wrong. Actually, you did everything right. You did everything so perfectly for someone who doesn't really deserve it.

You showed me how it is to love someone unconditionally. You showed me how perfect everything could be with just the right person. You showed me what happiness truly is, you showed me how special I could be. And I deeply thank you for that. I thank you for a lot of things Jungkook.

But of course, not everything lasts.

You have to accept that I am never coming back. I left for a reason Jungkook. I had done something terrible to you and I am frightened to even speak to you about it. And as the person I know you are, you'd expect me to tell you everything.

I just can't do that Jungkook.. I am not strong enough..

So I'm leaving for good. I don't want you to look for me, I don't want you to find me..

I want you to live your life even if it meant I am no longer a part of it. I want you to find someone new. Someone who would love you the same way you would love them. Someone who will cherish you that way you had cherised me. Someone who will--

Then I stopped..

My hand kept shaking and I could no longer write further. My breathe heavy as if I just had run a marathon. Droplets of water kept appearing on the paper I was writing on.

And then I noticed, I was crying. Tears kept streaming down my cheeks and I couldn't do anything to stop them. I sniffled and sobbed, just letting it all out. Because the thought of Jungkook finding someone new, the thought of Jungkook loving another person other than me, the thought of Jungkook actually replacing me..

It pained me..

I couldn't take it and I just had to stop..

I realized that I couldn't live on without him by my side. He was everything to me just like I was everything to him. If I was still everything to him..

I crumpled the piece of paper and grabbed my blue cardigan..

It was time for me to be the one to look for him, it was time for me to be the one giving everything I can to be with him. It was time for me to return everything thing he had offered to me.

It was time to let him know how I truly feel..

And I ran..

I ran towards the place where everything began. I ran towards the place that was familiar to both of us. I ran to the place where I knew he was out to find me.

The moment I arrived, I looked around. Trying to find where he was.

Was I too late? Had he already given up?

With no sight of him, I was losing hope as I stood in the middle of the crowd.

Maybe he had already gone home. Maybe he had already realized that I wasn't worth it, that I wasn't that important anymore. That he no longer loved me.

Should I give up?

I shook my head at the thought and continued to look around. If Jungkook didn't give up on me for such a long time, shouldn't I do the same and pursue what I really want?

And what I wanted was to be with in the warmth of him arms around me, making me feel loved and secured as he always did.

I don't know if it was just coincidence or fate was on our side, but then and there, our eyes met and I couldn't thank the heavens any further.

There he stood, with his usual get up. Wearing the blue sweater I actually gave him with his backpack slung over his shoulder. His hair tousled as if he had been running his fingers through his hair in frustration which I knew he normally did back then.

I wanted to wait for him to walk towards me but I couldn't wait any longer.

I just wanted to be with him..

And as I stopped right in front of him, I smiled lightly at his dazed expression before my breath hitched as I heard his familiar deep voice..

"Jimin.." he whispered