"You're kidding, right?"

Bom sighs the kind of sigh she reserves for planned or unplanned exercise sessions. "I wish we were."

Chaerin's got her gobsmacked-but-won't-show-it look on, but Bom can tell it's about to crack into a...

Dara beats the leader to the punch. "Ha!" she explodes, then isn't able to speak for the next fifteen seconds. "You..." she points at Bom, then at Seunghyun standing statuesquely next to her, "... and him? Yaaaaah, that's madness," she sums up succinctly. "But I love it!"

She's insane, clearly.

And Bom's clearly not much better for wanting to break the news to the girls first. Soon enough they'll want to petition the PD's to make their appearances on the show extra-long and possibly as permanent fixtures. She's pretty sure the whole thing would involve Bom running between four white padded walls by the end.

"We should have gone to the Han river like you suggested," Bom stage-whispers at Seunghyun. Who shrugs as if to say, told you so. It had seemed like a good idea to come here at the time. She'd thought the girls would commiserate along with her while Bom would have bravely told them she'd suffer through this for the sake of the group. How noble, they would have said.

Some plans really do backfire on your , don't they.

Dara's twirling around the dorm like the nutcase she is, all but dragging a sleepy Minzy into her antics. Seunghyun's still quietly watching from the sidelines. Chaerin's still sleepily amused but gobsmacked. Then she turns to the camera ominously. "Do expect the unexpected. This is something I've learned from watching those two. I'm still not used to it."

All of a sudden there's a commotion outside the dorm as well, as the elevator doors slide open and the rest of BIGBANG barge out, clad in varying degrees of cute to pinstripe pajamas, all squinty-eyed and their hair rivaling that of scarecrows. It's been a while since Bom has seen Youngbae's hair look so scary.

"Yaaaaah, what's with all the squealing like dying hyenas so early in the morning?" Jiyong whines, his hair plastered to one side of his skull. Then he squint-spies the cameras. "What's with them?"

"We're married," Seunghyun sums up succinctly. "And it's past ten AM." As in, I can't believe you worked late-early again you zombie. Sometimes Bom wonders who the leader really is; Ji, TOP and Taeyang are equal parts father figure in their own ways.

It's obvious Jiyong is still half-asleep as nothing seems to light his bulb. "Come again?" he demands, blinking.

"We got married," Bom groans, a bit long-suffering, a bit punning the show's name.

"Oh," Jiyong says, then blinks a rapid one. "Oh!"

"Oooh!" Daesung exclaims, and Seunghyun needs to dart forward to hold him up as he laughs his head off, seeming to have forgotten how to stand in the process. "Hyung... hyuuuung," he says with feeling, "that's daebak. Daeeeeback!"

Pandemomium reigns for the next few minutes as the seven of them offer their expertise in affairs of... well, this, and them. "They're the same!" and "It's about time, to be honest" (urgh, Jiyong, urgh) are being bandied left and right, and then quite naturally the subject steers its own self in the direction of breakfast since is (late) morning, after all, and most of them (lazy slugs) haven't eaten yet.

Soon enough it's unanimously decided that Bom and TOP-TOP-TOP (Seunghyun the elder swats Seunghyun the younger's head with a presumably satisfying thunk) will be making breakfast for all of them while the young bloods sit at the extended table and catch up. Lazy bums.

"Have you ever cooked?" Bom asks him distractedly, already rummaging through the fridge and taking out ingredients to hand to him. When she glances up, she finds him eyeing them with a puzzled frown. "I'll take that as a no," she deduces.

Caught, Seunghyun's cheeks redden a tad. "Not really," he admits, "but I make a mean ramyun."

"Instant?"

"Yeah."

Bom cracks a smile to herself as she squats to rummage through the pots and pans cabinet. "Then you can go and cut the vegetables," she orders decisively, nodding at the cutting board.

Seunghyun wanders over, then hesitates. "Um, knife?"

"First drawer on your left."

She hears utensils clink, then the drawer shutting. He seems to pause, getting his bearings. "Bowls?"

Turning the dial on the stove top, Bom glances back. "Third cabinet... right there, yes."

The next few minutes are spent in relative silence, the sounds of water boiling and knives slicing peacefully permeating the kitchen amidst the light drone of pleasant conversation next door. Side-to-side, they prepare the ingredients, seemingly barely aware of the other's presence but for small remarks and pointers.

"Do you like cooking?" he asks suddenly after a moment, as he presides over the stew's stirring.

Pursing her lips in thought, Bom shrugs. "Yes and no," she edges. "I like trying new things or cooking for special occasions but I'm hardly the type to be dying to cook every night." She slice the meat she's prepared one more time before dropping it into the pot. "But it's nice..." she adds as an afterthought as she watches him slowly stir the pot's contents. "You get to make your food exactly the way you want it. To heck with those children!" she cries suddenly, extravagantly.

Seunghyun chuckles next to her, his shoulders shaking with mirth and with the effort to hold his laughter in. "Noona," he rumbles through it, "never change."

"Oh, shut up."

"No, I mean it."

"Right."

"Noona..."

Bom sighs, relenting at his tone, and turns to face him. "What."

He grins a quick one, like a toddler, teeth and eyesmile and all, then proceeds to completely change the subject. "Shall we put the rest in?"

Whuh? Bom blinks. "Eh?"

He nods his head at the bowls of cut vegetables over her shoulder, as though they'd been talking about them all this time and could she please get on with the program, helloooo.

"Oh. Oh! Sure," she says, not quite sure Seunghyun has got all his marbles.

"Yaaaaah, where's the food!" a voice suddenly cuts in from right behind them, holy crap on a toothpick, making them both jump and the soup splash all over the stove. "We're hungry!"

"Jiyong," Seunghyun, who recovers the fastest, sticks his hand in his friend's face before marching him out, "get lost."

"Oo loonngg mm phhss!"

Them's fighting words... Bom thinks. "What did he say?" she asks when Seunghyun's slammed the kitchen door in Ji's face. After all, if he can understand Jiyong's incessant drunken ramblings then he can certainly understand anything.

"You're ruining my face!" Seunghyun mimicks on the spot, complete with horror face and subsequent fainting.

He doesn't move for a full minute, sprawled out like a sloth all over her kitchen floor - he occupies quite a bit of real estate, the giant, and if it was funny initially it isn't anymore because he's in the way and she needs to get some bowls because the soup's finished cooking.

"Yah." Nudge. "Tabi." Nudge. She waits. "Helloooo... anyone home?" She waits some more, but he's just lounging on the floor grinning up like an idiot. "Oh, fine," she huffs. And so that's enough; she steps on him, ignoring his "Oof!" and the way he jacknifes straight up into the fantastic world of the living.

"That hurt!" he whines.

It's only when she's gathered a small pile of bowls to be brought to the table and turns around that she allows herself to turn back around. And there she lays it on thick, shrill falsetto and clutching face and all.

"Oh my God he's alive!"

TOP-TOP-TOP is painfully unimpressed, but Bom doesn't care. Hey, he had it coming.

#

They all gather a lot together in their infrequent free times - to eat, to hang out, stuff like that... They're all usually people she loves to be with - some not alone with (read: one Choi Seunghyun) - but this time she really wishes she were somewhere else since everyone's favourite subject this morning seems to be her and one previously-mentioned Choi Seunghyun.

"He talks about you, you know," Seungri suddenly imparts generously, all teeth.

Jiyong scoffs simultaneously with Seunghyun, but not for the same reason. "Oh please, he doesn't just talk."

Tom and Jerry share a knowing smirk. Seunghyun's muffled squawk of protest gets ignored as Jiyong happily pays Seunghyun back for sticking his hand in his face before. The additional "hmphing" all over the place seems to delight vicious Jiyong.

"Please tell!" the girls minus Bom gush. Bom is just... well she doesn't know what the hell she's thinking, but she's kind of... curious, too. It's all kinds of weird.

"Well..." Seungri leans in conspiratorially, kindly encouraged to go on by proud leader-shi, and does indeed tell. "You know how Mnet sends sajangnim the 2NE1 tv footage that's going to air in advance and how sajangnim puts it on the company server for everyone to watch?" The girls' eyes glitter and grow to wildly interested saucers. Dara even nods excitedly. They've forgotten all about the delicious food on the table; Bom steals a meatball from Minzy.

Jiyong belatedly leans in, fighting a demon for a best friend, and stage-whispers, "He watches them all before anyone else and rages if the footage doesn't come in like clockwork every week. He's even dragged Youngbae into watching one of Bommie noona's cuts because he couldn't stop laughing his off and saying how cute she is and blah blah blah."

"It wasn't that funny," Youngbae supplies sullenly.

"Oh, right," Chaerin snaps her fingers in recognition, "they filmed that bit for the program. The time she ate corn in the middle of the night?"

Youngbae nods.

Finally managing to tear himself away from his (former?) best friend, Seunghyun immediately attemps to fix the situation. "I do not watch it before everyone else and I don't go all diva if the footage's late. And I certainly don't watch her cuts only."

"Oh dear."

"Awww!"

"Pfft."

"Liar, liar, pants on fire."

"You're so full of , bro."

"And you're so dead, asswipe."

"Come and get me, loverbo - Oww!"

While the pair forcibly adjoin to the living to everyone's utterly amused disinterest, the rest of them resume their late breakfast, to the sounds of laughing gargles and something like a battlecry.

Dara, ever the 2NE1 tv anchorwoman - Bom would have to remind her that this was her show, darn it - turns joyfully to the camera and grabs her bottle of water like a microphone. "And this, dear viewers, is life as we know it over at YG Dorm Central. Insanity. Except, dun dun duuuuuun... suspense and revelations, oh my. What's true? What's fabrication? Will our couple be able to handle the... ahem... tension? I suppose - Oof!"

Bom calmly takes the bottle. "This ahjumma is bonkers. That is all."

Off in the distance, Seunghyun finally manages to immobilise Jiyong on the living room floor, his friend's face eating carpet. "And so is he!"

Jiyong's reply is muffled but distinct enough. And more of what got him stuck between a rock and a hard place in the first place.

Author's note:

Pure crack! I started writing this with no idea where the two would lead me, but it looks like they're wreaking havoc! lol I toyed with whether I should include the YG family or not but they butted in left and right so whatever. Anyway, here are some clarifications. Cheers!

I don't know whether 2NE1 and BIGBANG still share the same dorm building... I know TOP's got his own place, and I think Bom as well (?). In the end I decided to screw it and assume they're still co-habitating on different floors.

It's been a while since she's seen Youngbae's hair look so scary: Seriously, have you seen BIGBANG's pre-debut documentary? Taeyang had a black birdnest standing in for hair, lol.

father figure: I don't think TOP would have made a good leader -- GD's really more intense and focused whereas TOP is more laidback and cool. That said, I think he really does take his hyung role seriously, and tries to take care of the younger ones a bit like a (raving mad) dad. The boys keep saying Taeyang is the father figure in the group, but the three eldest each have their own father personality in their own ways. Just felt like extrapolating on that bit ;)