Uhmm... Actually, it's a good story~ :))
But I think the plot is too rushing .__. If you could make it longer and add the more details, I'm sure it will be better! :))
And I think, you should be more careful with the space of each sentences~ :))
Sorry if I offended you with my critics in any way! >__<
I just want to help you improve~ :)) hehehe...
Good job! ^^
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